Sera Ch. 32

Being the kind of social whore she was, Staci's parents had probably met quite a few 'boyfriends'. Naturally assuming I wouldn't be the last, why wouldn't they be dismissive towards me? I had quite a little laugh over this, the silent kind of belly laugh one has over such things, before I took another gulp, capping the bottle afterward and tossing it back into the car through the open window behind me.

The truth was, I'd been thinking of Staci quite a lot during the trip out west to fix the Gina situation. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I was only revisiting that time in my mind, comparing that conceited little twat to what I had in Kitten. A part of me, though I knew it was a bad idea given my past there, was really tempted to continue on to Vancouver to take out some revenge on her for dumping me the way she had, for hurting me. After my little realization surrounding her parents' attitude towards me that evening, I no longer felt that was necessary.

I was still smiling about that, about to laugh again and somewhat less nervous about meeting my Kitten's dad when the familiar red Corvette pulled into the driveway, stopping a few feet behind the Caprice.

For her comfort, if that was possible, I was wearing a pair of black tinted sunglasses, the kind my mother calls 'Corey Harts'. Obviously prepared, she was wearing a similar style, staring at me from behind the windshield without turning her car off, as though considering backing out and making a run for it. Realistically, I couldn't blame her if that's what she was thinking, but that wouldn't help her any more than it would Kitten and I. Apparently realizing this herself, she finally turned the engine off, slowly opened the door and got out. She was wearing a very smart, dark gray business suit with a knee length skirt that her hips looked deadly in. Her satin, teal blouse was buttoned right to her neck, and I wondered if she was really as uptight as Kitten had described, or had her stay at the estate brought that about in her? In any case, it made me want to fuck the daylights out of her.

She stood by the side of her car for another long moment, daring herself to approach it seemed, before she did, a valise clutched in her left hand. When she finally stopped just out of arm's reach, she looked at me, a small sticker still on the corner of one of her lenses that alluded to the strong possibility that she'd bought them on her way home. Smart woman.

"Hi, Gina."

She didn't reply, but I could see her shivering a little, like it was twenty-eight below rather than above. Noting her beautiful, jet black hair, I cleared my throat and got to it.

"Yeah, so I take it you spoke to Alger?"

She stiffly nodded her affirmative of this assumption.

"Well, what he told you is true. We don't mean any harm. I wouldn't let Kitten do any harm. Back at the estate, I knew from the beginning you were in trouble, but I couldn't just... tell you. I wanted to, but it wasn't that simple. I tried to warn you, but..."

"Inconvenient truths and swimming with sharks," she toned.

"Yeah," I said, looking at her feet before adding, "I didn't want you to get hurt. I helped you, or tried to, in ways that you can't remember. Mum also wanted you safely out of our influence. She really likes you and- please don't tell Kitten this- but she was the one who came to me about actually getting you outta there. Even Ashleigh really likes you, but she has a different... way of seeing stuff, and we had to do it behind her back because-"

"You weren't supposed to be here," she interrupted. I even told her to stay away, but here you are, actually hypnotizing a cop to get me here. You were supposed to stay away."

Her voice was rising and I had to say something to de-escalate her emotions, so I told her the truth.

"I know, but... Gina, fuck... I did what I did the way I did it because I thought it was best, but Kitten is very upset about what happened. She's not the same person that... that attacked you in the corridor the day you left. I've spoken to her and she understands the wrong she's done, and she's full of guilt about it. In addition, here's you, still afraid and feeling what you're feeling for the same reason, that being that I fucked up. I did what I thought was best to ensure that you and this household would be safe from her, but I didn't realize how... Christ, look at you. You can't go on like this and neither can Kitten. I know you still love her, and she loves you too. She knows she can't live here anymore, that she belongs with me at the estate, but she has to have closure on what happened, and so do you. Gina, your family is safe, but there has to be a better understanding between you and Kitten for both your sakes."

"You did things to me," she accused, her voice now more accusatory but still frightened.

"Gina... Yes, I admi-"

"You all did. I don't remember what all, but I know you did... things."

I sighed, unable to deny, or even defend against that, but replied, "Yeah, look... we're not like normal people. I'm not gonna get into just how or why, but we're not. If you'd been some ugly fuckin' toad of a woman, you'd have had a chance, but look at you. I'm sorry, but you were like the fatted cow paraded in front of a group of men who hadn't eaten for a week."

"How flattering," she commented without a trace of humour, adding, "You think that excuses you?"

"No, but... Imagine the injustice a cow would feel if it could understand that it was being slaughtered because you like beef and you have to eat. Should you be held accountable because you like cheeseburgers? Would you stop eating them for the cow's sensitivities?"

As soon as it was out of my mouth, I knew it was a really shit analogy.

"That's a really shit analogy," she spat at me, her tone becoming still less frightened, more righteously angry, and I couldn't help but admire her for it, wanting to fuck her all the more.

"Yeah, well it's not like it's an easy thing to explain. Imagine how I felt trying to sort all this shit out for myself when I first realized that something was wrong with Mum. You can't imagine-"

"So, I'm supposed to feel sorry for you and your god-damned family now? Fuck off."

" ... No, I didn't mean... I'm just trying to tell you... I was trying. Trying to save you from us, but-"

"Well, thanks for trying, but I'm afraid you really fucked that up, didn't you? Maybe you should have seen to it that both Kitten and I were put out of that house before she got screwed up by you and your freakish family's drunken values and-"

"Shut up!" I snarled, suddenly angry, pushing away from the car to step closer to her. Startled, she moved back, raising her valise to hold between me and herself as I told her a thing or two about my freakish family.

"You have no fuckin' idea what you're even talking about! No idea how lucky you really are! You think you've suffered? You think you're little life has been fucked up!? Others have ended up having their lives totally ruined on account of us! One person has been actually killed on account of us!" To her horrified expression that her sunglasses couldn't hide, I replied, "Yeah, threw herself off a fuckin' bridge because my grandmother told her to! And ya know what happened to that crazy old bat! Huh!?"

Frightened again, she barely had time to shake her head before I told her.

"My mother killed her! Climbed into her head and took her to a hell that she created in her own mind! She literally died of an extreme terror that I don't even wanna try to imagine! The look on her face was bad enough, but Mum did it to protect others from her! So nobody else could get hurt or killed by her! As for how Mum and Sheila grew up, being raised by something like that, well that's something else you can't imagine! Finally, Kitten is facing the total loss of her family! She's up there right now trying to fix things so they'll understand some nice, cleaned up reason as to why she won't be living here anymore and, no matter what you think, she has a right to have contact with them! You know her better than I do, Imagine what it'll do to her if she can't! She didn't ask to be born what she was any more than anyone else in the family did, so, get the fuck over yourself and, if you do love her, help me fix things once and for all!"

It wasn't what I'd planned but, after a few moments of absorption, she maintained in a high, frightened voice, "She can't be here."

"She won't be," I assured, getting hold of my own temper, "And she well knows now why she can't be but, again, imagine what it'll do to her if she can't even visit once in a while, can't even call up to say hi to her father. And, as far as that goes, imagine what it'll do to him if she can't. What do you think you can tell him to make that alright?"

And, once again, this time without the help of Sera, I'd given Gina religion. I could tell before she nodded her final understanding. Slowly, her valise dropped back to her side and she actually leaned against the car and started to cry a little. I wanted to put my arm around her, to comfort her, but I knew I couldn't, knew I couldn't even say anything.

Kitten

Walking out to the railing and looking over, I saw her down there, leaning her back against the side of the Caprice, looking at the ground as Stevie did the same. She looked great in her business suit and, as scared and nervous as I was about the confrontation I was about to have with her, I was also happy to see her. I loved her so.

"Stevie..."

They both looked up, but I only looked at Gina. Understanding what I required of him, he took a short look at my old friend as though to make sure she'd stay upright, then walked to the foot of the stairs to begin the ascent. I kept looking down at her, she up at me with an unreadable expression behind her shades until he reached the veranda. I moved away from the railing and took his hand, leading him to the door while giving him a questioning look. He nodded, clearing his throat and removing his shades to put them in his pocket before following me inside.

Daddy and Auntie Peggy were standing beside the table when we entered. I was as nervous as I knew Stevie was.

"Daddy, this is Stevie Burchell. Stevie, this is Daddy."

They both looked at me with a bit of a funny expression, and I didn't get it until Stevie offered his hand to Daddy and amended with a smile, "Steven."

Daddy took it, smiled as well and said, "John Hale. Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise," my Stevie said while I felt totally stupid.

"Sorry," I offered them both with a smile. "I'm... just nervous. I've never brought a guy home like this before, so..."

They both told me it was alright and then Daddy introduced Auntie Peggy before he offered Stevie a seat at the table. I would have loved to join them but, as much as I also hated to leave Stevie alone in this situation, there was something outside that I had to face up to.

"Um, please excuse me," I said, "but I gotta go talk to Gina."

Daddy, with an understanding nod, excused me and I turned to go, his offer of a beer to my Stevie the last thing I heard before I went out the door.

She was still leaning against the car. I went slowly down the stairs, even more slowly from the foot of the staircase to the car, carefully leaning against it beside her, taking my turn to stare at the dirt at our feet. I didn't look at her, the fact that I didn't want to scare her away almost shrouding the additional reason that I found it hard to call up that kind of nerve after the things I'd done to her. Almost a minute of silence went by, broken only by the occasional car passing out on the road before I finally spoke.

"Gina... Jeez, I had all this rehearsed, but... If I could take back the things I did... I'm so ashamed. I don't know..."

She didn't reply, look at me or even move. I sighed and somehow found it within me to turn and face her before going on.

"Smutty, I acted inexcusably, but you should know that it wasn't just about how things were at the estate. I was unhappy here. I was, and I think you know that. I'm not trying to make excuses and the last thing I'm doing is trying to blame anyone but myself for the things I did to you there but, were it not for how I felt about myself and my life here, a lot of that wouldn't have happened. I resented you and what I saw as yours, Daddy's and Peggy's control in my life, and I took it out on you when I had the home turf advantage. I can never apologize enough for that and the horrible ways I took advantage of you, but... realizing this makes me see that you were right. I can't live here anymore. I can't... I need to be there with my family, the one that understands me for what I am. They know this too, that I can't stay here. Auntie Ashleigh knew it from the start and, actually, it's true of all of us. We were called there to stay there for both our good and the good of other people, especially people like you and Daddy and Peggy and Parker. I couldn't see that... Stevie tried to tell me, but I... I was so..."

She still wouldn't so much as look at me, but was it out of fear, or hatred? Both? I had no way of knowing, but it was starting to break me up. I had to have some reaction, even if it was a negative one, but I needed some acknowledgement from her.

"I-I'm trying to say that I'm gonna stay away like you want me to. But I had to... I love Daddy and Auntie, and I love you too. I had to come to say goodbye and make sure things were... Gina, please don't let what all happened at the estate make you think I don't care for you so much? If I could do it all over again, if I could take it all back... Gina, please...? I'm so sorry. I- I..."

And then I was crying again, hating myself for it, but also knowing I deserved to feel this way and worse. Before I knew it, I, the one who was running her by her own mind at the estate, was begging her.

"Gina, please, I do love you! I know I fucked up, and I know I don't deserve forgiveness, but I was- I-"

I shut up with a startled, tear sodden snort as she suddenly turned to face me, her shaded eyes raising to look at my face for the first time. Her expression was one of hurt and anger despite the tears that ran down each cheek from under the black lenses of her sunglasses. In spite of her expression, my hopes rose as I thought she was going to say something but, instead, she hauled off and punched me right in the face.

I never even saw it coming and the force of the blow knocked me backward, staggering against the side of the car before I fell right on my bum in the dirt. After the initial shock, I totally broke down, sitting there with blood suddenly dripping from my badly smarting nose, pattering in the dirt as I cried like a baby. I couldn't even look up at her, could only sit there bawling uncontrollably in pain and humiliation that my Gina had done this to me and the knowledge that I so deserved it.

But she surprised me again. After half a minute or so, she squatted in front of me. She was still crying as well, though not bawling like I was. Most surprisingly, she wasn't wearing her sunglasses any longer. Holding out a Kleenex, her now somewhat conciliatory expression offered me some hope along with the tissue that I accepted. I held it to my nose and we both cried it out. Thankfully, she was the next one to speak.

"Slutty, you're right. You weren't happy here and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why. There I was, a mother with a budding career in real estate, and there you were, forever your father's daughter with no chance for anything else. It doesn't excuse whatever happened to me, but... (sigh) I have to forgive you. Since I met you, you were different. I always loved you for that innocence and sincerity. Even when you were conniving, you did it with that same endearing, if destructive, innocence that made me love you so much."

I looked up at her, between her eyes so I wouldn't catch her in my influence and, surprisingly, she did the same. With a smile, she dug in her valise, grabbed a fresh Kleenex for herself and two for me before helping me to my feet to explain further.

"At first, that's how I saw you, this sweet little morsel of trusting and vulnerable sexuality that I couldn't resist. Later on, both your father and I found out that you were a little more than that once we realized just how vulnerable, but also calculating you were. We did what we thought was best for you and the family, keeping you curtailed and with a limited access to an outside world that we knew would either destroy you in your innocence, or you would use to eventually destroy yourself in your conniving naiveté. Even Peggy saw this, maybe better than either your father or I, considering that her connection to you has never been what ours is, and that's why it was so easily verified in our minds that our control of you was warranted and necessary.

"We knew that you weren't like other people and we knew you'd never live like other people, but we never stopped to understand exactly what that would mean for you, how unfair it would be for you. Yes, you were unhappy here, how could you be anything else? We were treating you like a child because that's how we saw you. ... Slutty, we just didn't know what else to do with you. Even now, I see it as the right decision, but only because there was nothing else we could have done. That still doesn't change the fact that it shortchanged you like it did. As much as I hate to say it, that invitation was the best thing that ever could have happened to you. You don't belong here because you can't be happy here and we can't control you any longer, and that's why you would eventually destroy this family. I do know you love me, as well as I know that I've lost you, and it... it kills me inside to know that. Since I got back here, I've tried to put on a brave face for your father and Peggy, but I cry whenever I'm alone, not just because of the things that happened at the estate, but because I lost you. I love you so much... I'm also afraid of you but, somehow, that doesn't stop me from loving you.

"But, regardless of how your father and Peggy and I love you, if you were to stay, you would ultimately destroy us and even yourself out of simple and completely understandable resentment of our control over your life and your future, no matter how well intentioned our control over you would be. No matter how much we all love you, will always love you, you can never live here again. For your own sake as well as ours. Steven tells me you know this now and I know you've said it yourself, but you need to hear it from me. Call, write, even drop by once every year or two, but don't ever stay."

I nodded, replying with a sniffling, "I know, Gina. I really do. Stevie got through to me."

"Yeah. He mentioned..."

It was by no means a happy conversation, but I was just glad that we were at least speaking despite the underlying fear and mistrust of me that Sera could detect, even if she hadn't admitted to it. And I knew these feelings about me, along with her love for me, would always exist within her. I rested in a sort of relief over our precarious understanding, looking down at the ground while dabbing at my nose until she tentatively broke the silence between us.

"So, ummm... Steven's doing the meet and greet with your dad?"

"Yeah."

She nodded, looking me over and remarking, "You do seem different, you know. I think he's been good for you."

I shrugged, replying, "He sees me differently than anybody else could 'cause we share... what we are. He respects me and says.... Well, he's younger than me and he says all the time how he thinks it's cool that I'm older."