All Comments on 'Sex With True Lover'

You need to at least use a spell checker. Please read some of the other stories on this site before submitting another. Its way to short and lacks any real storyline.

It's better than your first effort.

I would suggest writing something longer and more detailed and giving to a Volunteer Editor. But it's good to see you are improving. Hopefully the next piece will be longer and more substantial. Read some of rubysen's work to get a feel of how sensuous Indian erotica can be.

10 inches is bad enough, but 2 and a half inches in girth? Another silly story.

Trying to be helpful.....5 th pagagraph....".deem" s/b dim. Perhaps a slow read through would have caught the error.

if your going to write a story in english, (obviously not you native tongue) I would agree with others that you take advantage of the english editing help available to you.

Cheating on her husband several times, should make having sex with her son a little easier, since she doesn't have any discomfort in fucking around on her husband.

This would be an opportunity for her to train a man to make love to her, just the way she wants .

I hope to see the next chapter soon, thanks

Knowing American language is mostly backwards in quite a few languages, this is not a bad start. I'm not going to pile on comments that have already been made. Keep working at it and you will get a story nailed down.

RS

Thank you all for your valuable comments. I had never been a story writer and never had any such intention. With my knowledge of complicated human characters (a privilege of a psychiatrist) I was looking for some author who could find rich material for his/her stories. Then a friend suggested this site and asked me to try for myself. The responses I've received after writing only two badly composed stories(?), have really overwhelmed me and I've now confidence that I could at least be a story writer if not a good one and at least magnanimous readers like you would read my stories and assist me through valuable feed backs. Thanks for pointing out the silly mistake (deem). Henceforth I won't write stories on line. Write them in some word file, revise and paste here. I'm thirty-five and single. Apsara (celestial dancer) Urvasi

I have always had fantasies about these women, since college anyway. This story is like one up for me. Great story, I hope it continues.

"Vast piston" about 10 inches in length. Stopped reading there. Kinda like the stories of women with absurdly large breasts, 42 HH. Does anyone thing absurdly exaggerated body parts are sexy? Seriously

The writing style is remnicent of Malgudy Days narrative.

The English language is the hardest, by far, to learn, because so many of our words have more than one meaning . The word 'orgy' however is not one of these words. It means more than two people engaged in sex. Also, many English words sound alike but are not spelled the same, such as ; bare and bear. One means naked or unadorned ( bare ) and the other ( bear ) means to endure something OR a big furry animal.

Having said all of that , English may also be the best for writing erotica, which is a fucking of the mind. It's meant to excite the mind and consequently, bring about sexual arousal. Let's face it , erotica and therefore the stories on Literotica are for this purpose.

Look up the meaning of "hyperbole"and learn to use what you find. Hyperbole is a useful tool in writing in the English language. I'll give you just one example here - They fucked. She came hard and her son came inside her. Using hyperbolic enhancement along with some provocative embellishment this could have stirred some sexual arousal , like this; Her son drove his cock into her over and over, pounding into her with the fury of a boy possessed. He seemed to want to push his hard cock all the way through her to the other side, his passion was so evident. She wanted him to cum inside her and said "Baby , please fill mommy with your cum" "I've needed this for so long , FUCK ME!" Just then her pussy clenched, her breathing became so ragged and raspy that she feared she might pass out. "Oh.....yesss, baby , yessss , YESSSS! Momma's cumming" He redoubled his effort , driving into her as hard as he could , punishing her pussy , making it his! His balls were roiling , his breathing almost non-existant as it caught in his throat . Then , it hit him fill force , his balls clenched and his cock lurched inside his mother's clenching pussy. As his orgasm hit, her pussy was milking him of his seed. He shot his load off so hard it seemed like it could possibly take off the top of her beautiful head.......Notice how this sexual act between mother and son grew by many sentences. I said ,basically , the same damned thing but it was more interesting and evocative when the scene was embellished with more information and comparisons that trigger imagination and sexual response.

Please write more, you have it inside you . I would just make sure you have said enough during a scene as to fully put the reader IN the scene. That's what it's all about , you know , putting the reader RIGHT THERE , either as a participant or voyeur. Best of luck!

good story again!

please continue

Like your stories ...

check out Kaypee's "Deviant Durga Puja" series !!

and by a fine looking young lady, no less. Creative and imaginative as well. Urvasi understands why a boy wants to get his big prick up his mother's mommy-hole and why his mommy joyfully opens up her cunt to her darling baby boy. She knows the bliss both feel when the boy unloads his young balls up between his mother's legs, shooting mom a great big twatful of his warm creamy semen. Up his own mother's twat is where a boy's sperm belongs. More stories of hot motherfucking from Urvasi, please.

Hi urvasi good story would request a saga not a short one it would really great