All Comments on 'Sexy Family Robinson'

Very good cute story,really I enjoyed myself a lot

You lost me at paragraph five...

You wrote "...upped the aunty".

No, it's "ante".

When you are a writer, words are your tools, use the right ones.

The sex was hot but the terms?? Baps, woman's slot, flange, etc? A little strange.

Keep trying.

3rd graders could submit stories.

i'm not sure i've ever heard a pussy described as "her woman's slot"

Never write again. Quit on page one. Everything was horrible. Are you twelve?

1) Killing the father and brother just so he has the women all to himself.

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2) There are only two "natives" on the island? Where did they come from? Why wasn't the island ever visited by their people? Did every one else die, leaving only these two? Island natives, and the first thing they do is rape all of them.

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3) He's so interested it getting his pussy he's willing to leave them marooned forever? What are the chances another ship will ever sail by?

You need an editor. The premise of the story isn't bad, but the grammar, word choice, and structure is bloody god awful. Edit and try again. Have someone else read your work before you submit. Ensure your story holds together and makes sense. Based on your description, this was a tropical island, not a desert island. I thought maybe you meant deserted, but you had two natives, where they came from is anyone's guess. The natives and the tattoos added absolutely nothing to the story; why did you even include them? So disjointed...

The grammar was horrible. The fact he said the sharks scales cut his sisters bottom when sharks don't have scales. The fact he said Robby got eat up by mosquitoes when on the beach was absurd. The two tribes men when in the Pacific islands pretty much all the primitive tribes are no longer primitive due to WW II. He should have made them pirates. Don't ever write again unless you hire an editor. Story wise it was a good idea that fell flat in execution.

it's not helpful when the system allows people use bots to submit scores... How did this garner 4.25?

Idiotic, incoherent, illiterate

Bad grammar makes it hard to read