All Comments on 'Shadow Lake Estates Ch. 02'

This story is only 2 chapters in and I'm already 80 % sure I going to stop reading. Too many things wrong. Too many characters with no character development. I've totally lost track of who is who. Not to mention 2 chapters in and everyone is screwing everyone. Like a bad soap opera. Plus it's just has a feel to it like its a 2 hour movie that I started watching an hour into it. It also seems like you are trying to hit every category. Cheating, cuckold, bondage, mature-younger. Not to mention 2 guys pulled an armed "robbery" and all they want is the wife?

Listen here you cum sucker . Look at what gets high scores. It is not the half a fag stories you write .blackrandi suxks too. His shot is way too long winded . But is OK for a dry read . Vandyy is pretty good .so joey cuck boy roll your ass to lovers lane and feast on the used condoms

1) Serial dramas with a cast of 8-10 characters (Melrose Place, Desperate Housewives, Party of Five, Parenthood, Lost, Game of Thrones, etc.) are incredibly popular on television, but do not translate well at all to the written word (at least, not on this site.)

2) I should have just written four separate stories instead of taking the time and effort to bring it all together into one cohesive, serialized piece.

3) I should have put all six chapters into one 25-page story so I wouldn't have to hear about a lack of character development after ONE chapter! LOL.

4) The amount of time and effort I put into a story is inversely proportional to the feedback I receive. If I were doing this for the feedback, I'd be wise to tap out stories on my cellphone with my toes while drunk and distracted.

5) The "1* stupid fag cuck shit" guy may be my favorite LW commentator of all-time. The dude actually took the time to leave that comment on three of my stories this morning! That's dedication!

Thanks for reading. I promise that if you stick with this story, it actually does go somewhere. No, seriously.

This is a weird neighbourhood populated with some very strange and not very likeable characters. If it was a gated neighbourhood you would want the locks on the outside of the gates.

I'm not sure that I like where the story is going, but I'll stick with it for a while to see.

Lue

I agree, this is a VERY strange neighborhood...and that's what makes it interesting, no? Believe me, if I wrote about my own suburban neighborhood, you'd fall asleep while reading.

This is the one and only BDSM scene in this story, I promise. I warned at the beginning that there will be something in this story for everyone to hate!

Why does Asha allow herself to be treated that way? And what about her husband? Why does Art seem to care so little about his marriage? Will Dan and Denise's marriage survive the stress? What's up with that little slut Kiersten? Will she be a bad influence on innocent little Holly?

And what about those whacko-birds Tom and Karla?? How can a man cum in his pants while watching his wife get raped? ....or was she?

Stay tuned! All will be revealed, I promise.

Tim Jim john harry will bill Jill Suzie Sam and Dixie squish jism shoot spooge leak lap swallow and Pee all over each other here there and everywhere in between. Wait do they pee?

This is gad awful.

....in Shadow Lake Estates. This are all of them.

Too much to chew on in tiny bites. All over the map.

JimC

These serial pieces are fun in the beginning but blood drain from the brain in support of an erection can make them a tedious read too. If you have another couple move in put a thrashing mess of a bush on her. LOL Maybe that pause will help clarify.

Dear George RR Martin,

I just started binge-watching Game of Thrones, Season One. I'm on episode number two. I have to say it's such a convoluted shitty story! There are way too many characters! So many that I can't keep track of them all! The Stark family alone has six members -- plus a bastard son! That's seven right there!

Then, we have a whole royal family. The King's wife is fucking her brother for God's sake! What the hell kind of garbage is that!? Talk about a sicko author! There are, like, 19 characters in King's Landing!

Then, as if that weren't enough, there's a completely separate plot taking place in another part of the world with some blonde girl and her faggy brother, and a shitload of warrior-type-looking people. What the fuck? Just stick to one plot instead of jumping around all over the damn place!

Ned, Sansa, Danaerys, Tyrion, Rob, splurge, purge, schlop, bop! AAAAARGH! I'M SO F'ING CONFUSED AND ANGRY!!!

Signed,

A typical Loving Wives reader

While the multiple players does make it interesting, it also takes something away. Admittedly I don't really get into truly erotic stories (I know, why come to an erotic site?) but I do enjoy the eroticism as long as it isn't the major focus. This series seems like it has infinite potential to have everything, which I feel is your intention. However, people like me will be skimming past scenes to find the parts that interest us. I enjoy the emotional aspect of extra marital activity, whether it be cheating or reluctant acquiescence. I enjoy the journey of how both people deal with their part. No matter the ending (divorce or working it out) I enjoy the ride.

This series is more geared towards the erotica side, which is not my forte. I will read until the end, but I fear that I may do more skimming.

Either way, I think you are a very talented author. You have a knack for developing characters that I feel is important. You may not get the recognition for that strength due to your high level of activity in the comment section, but it is still a skill that I always look for when reading stories. Many people look for different things when they come here. Some look for stories to make us feel better. Others look for stories to turn us on. And then there is the bunch who want to read a story that resembles real life, with complex people. I am in the third group. This series may eventually have something for my group. I will wait and see how it pans out.

Fair criticism, and understandable given the plot so far. There is less sex in this story as it develops. The storyline between Dan and Denise is one you will most likely enjoy the most.

There are only four basic parallel plots happening in this story, but it seems that folks are having trouble following those four.

Plot #1: The Price family. Dan and Denise's marital difficulties, Holly's coming-of-age, and the father/son relationship between Dan and Alex.

Plot #2: Art and Asha's BDSM affair.

Plot #3: Tom & Karla Donaldson.

Plot #4: Kiersten's story (which has only been touched upon so far.)

Each one of those plots is its own complete story arc with a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is some overlap between the characters (Holly and Kiersten, for example), but it's included to advance the plot.

I could have written four separate stories, but I thought it would be fun to try my hand at an X-rated "Melrose Place" instead. Judging by the comments so far, it appears I've missed the mark. Oh well. It's all about exercising those creative writing muscles, anyway.

You are all over the place with this. Its a bit like rushing round all the houses peering in the windows, catching little glimpses.

You have now lost me as a reader.

annony is just an old ugly fat fool!

The lack of continuity was disappointing. Chapter 1 ended with Curtis and Roxanne in the shed, and that wasn't even touched on in chapter 2. I think a multi-character, multi-plot, multi-chapter story would be easier to follow if the "cliffhanger" at the end of a chapter is at least followed up on in the next.

But I am intrigued, and the writing is good. Like Javmor, I do like stories that go deeper into the characters and have some real conflict to resolve (or not resolve), but this is too early on for me to say it won't get there.

Watching a show and reading a story are way different. Visual references help differentiate characters. That short guy, that red haired girl, the guy who was in that movie that time. If you read the book, introducing those characters took a couple hundred pages.

I'm also confused as to how this ended up in loving wives? Like it was stated earlier, there is so much going on (bondage, mature, interracial, non consensual, etc). Just curious.

To the author...I think what was meant by character development is that initially nothing really differentiates these people but their names. Personally, I can read 3-5 stories a day depending on what I got going on so names mean little to me (unless it's a long story). You mentioned shows like melrose place with bigger casts. The thing with those is there are a few main characters and the rest are ancillary characters. There isn't enough focus on any character (at least not yet) to know who is going to be those main characters. Take Asha for example. She was important enough to get a sex scene so early in the story (and a pretty interesting one at that) so I assumed she might be at the forefront to have you say there was only the one BDSM scene. So now I think that since her and that guy seem to have a Dom Slave relationship, then they won't have another sex scene meaning then maybe they aren't that important.

You made some valid and excellent points. Writing a multi-character/multi-plot story in only six chapters was a daunting task. GRRM had hundreds of pages to introduce his characters, while I made the (evidently poor) decision to do so with just two pages (or 18 in Word.)

To answer your question, the central theme of this story is marriage, and the relationships between the three married couples: the Prices, Clevingers, and Donaldsons. That is why I placed this story in LW. These are three WILDLY different types of marriages, and it should be easy to distinguish one from another. (Though perhaps it would have worked better if I had written about one couple in one chapter and another in the next.)

That is why I called this a writing experiment. If I decide to try this again, I will now know what not to do!

Thank you for your thoughtful (and helpful) comment.

Realizing that you dislike the star rating system of Lit. I have decided not to use it. I will offer my opinion and hope you can gain something from it.

The chapters are much to short. Increase the length to 4 or 5 pages and the plots can move forward, maybe some resolution . There are 3 different scenes going on and not a single one is resolved. I understand this is a series with multiple characters, separate plots but there should be some sort of completeness somewhere. Increase the length would help.

Only the Dan and Denise characters continue to develop. I was hoping to get more about Art and his sub Arsha (?) unfortunately it didn't happen. Not enough about the Tom and Karla break in. Is it kink set up by one of them?

Really swingerjoe you could get more accomplished with longer chapters.

Well, I not happy, I don't like what some of the action is about but want to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll keep reading for a bit but I'm frustrated.

Thank you for the story swingerjoe.

AMerryman

Unfortunately this entire story is "in the can", and Literotica makes it very difficult to edit stories once you've submitted them. You may be right that this story would have been better received if the chapters were longer. I personally prefer 1-2 page chapters, which is why I set it up that way.

Chapters 3-6 are all one page each (I believe) and Chapter 7 is two pages. Chapter 3 is still listed as "pending", so we probably won't see that published until Saturday. Assuming one chapter per day after that, we're looking at next Wednesday before the entire saga is posted.

My recommendation would be: if you prefer short chapters, keep reading. If not, wait until next Wednesday, and read them all at once.

but wish you had submitted more. At least two pages per installment pls! You appear to still be in the introductory stage, in that conflict and drama is developing on mutliple fronts, and I am somewhat fascinated to see how you tie it all together.

A comment re scoring, this is much better than a 2.5 or whatever the previous story got, so I have to point out that your frequent editorial comments on other posters stories have not helped you. I dont think you care, I think you know that, but had to point it out in case I am wrong.

So you end a story with a RAPE, I would rather have been shot than raped, I would have pissed them off so much that this would be inevitable. At least then I would not haved to live with that, reliving it every waking second of my life, and also in my nightmares, I would make sure there was plenty of fuel in the car and ended my miserable life in the garage.

After dark, I always answer the door with my left hand and with a 38 in my right hand behind the door. His ass would have been mine if that happened and there isn't a damn thing the law will do since the asshole also had a gun.

Don't ever make the mistake of assuming that anything you read in a swingerjoe story is as it seems.

Joe you just didn't know. You imagined that you mattered. After yesterday, you understand that people just laugh at you. Unlikely that you'll learn any humility.

When you going to take the brake off and let us see what this thing can do? So far its just so much noise, and not much of that.

....and we've gotten into the characters enough to tell them apart....now it's time to go somewhere. Take us there, captain! Much more of this and you're likely to spin the wheels off by the time you do get going....

Don't you just hate automotive metaphors? I don't....where they work.

Good luck and thanks.