All Comments on 'Shivering'

This felt VERY incomplete...

No explanation of his parents (demise Im going to assume), no explanation of how he caused it (since he says its his fault, but doesnt explain why his sister is there as well)... its just... empty... incomplete... an unfinished thought, a puff of smoke with no heat source in sight to cause it, snow or rain with nary a cloud in sight, floating rocks, and pretty much any RANDOM thing you can think of, thats this submission in a nut-shell

I feel like this is the FOOT for a story, but the rest of the entire body is missing, Im actually disappointed I took the time to read this.

How is he even possibly going to go from feeling horrible about his sister getting fucked rough and then raping her in the hotel thts bullshit and definitely not a sign of "love" as you put it.

I never said he was mentally wrapped too tight. Course I'm not one to talk.

I was looking through a porn site one night when I came across a video of a girl in a gangbang with at least six, or seven guys. It was rough as hell. Now at the time it was kind of a thrill to see something like that. I was horny. Couple of days later I went back to that site (mostly to see what they had new) and I clicked on it again.

I was slightly disgusted by it. It was like a switch had been thrown. This story was something I put together exploring that idea. Plus I tried to imagine what would make a woman decide to do that kind of movie.

Someone commented that the story was incomplete. I meant this to be kind of the middle of the story. Though i have no intention of writing a before or after. So yes I left very vague what brought him and his sister to where they are. The possible events that could have led them to the underpass are beyond count. He may or may not be responsible. But he feels that he is.

Sometimes that's all it takes to tip you down a path you wouldn't follow if you had a choice.

M.S.Tarot

How could someone do such a thing to his sis? I've been having a secret loving incestuous relationship with my sis since our mid teen and I'm horrified that someone would think of such a story plot. It's so god damn disgusting I think I'm going to sick.

I would like to find out what happened before this story and what after is like so please keep writing.

Gave you full marks...

Story was so horrific, so graphic and twisted that I could barely finish it. Only a morbid fascination with seeing where the tale ends kept me reading.

Turned me off porn altogether I think...

Which is probably what you were aiming at. A sordid and really difficult to read commentary on porn in general and presumably how you see it affects people ( with some justification perhaps ), but even someone as warped as I am can't find the erotic in it. Maybe needs a tag of it's own.

Still, reached out and twisted me, so well done.

Like most of the other folk remarking on your tale I was horrified and totally trapped all at the same time.

Sir, you have a fantastic imagination.

David's sister, Abigail, made one mistake when she left...she should have stuffed his mouth with his nuts! For the rape of her the night before when she begged him, pled with him to not take her, and when he like a raged animal didn't listen she asked him to be gentle, and like a raged animal.............!! She should have de-nutted him, and also cut his dick off and shoved it up HIS ass!

and sick. "no redeeming social value"

Nasty rot from the deformed brain.

This story is going to haunt me. It is not so far-fetched. Something has to drive women to be treated that way, and it can't possibly be that they're horny.

Brother raping sister isn't hard to believe either. I always say that you can't count on another person's sanity. That part was completely horrifying and completely believable.

I don't usually read incest, but this one was recommended to me. Instead of a tingling down below, I felt my face scowling and my stomach turning. This story is powerful. Solid 5 for the story. (I didn't read with my red pen.)

B

she says she was disgusted by what she saw on line but wrote this trash and posted it any way. she needs kajor mental help and the story needs to be deleted or moved to the nonconsent area. negative 2000 for this one.

Lol this just proves that love can't concur all. I don't blame the girl for what she did, it was stupid and will never be "worth it". As for the guy, he's an idiot and should have waited to fuck or at least listened to her. Doing her so forcefully put him where he was at the end. Sadly he did care and love her, obvious in his disagreement of her choice. I don't think he deserved to be left there, but this comment could go on forever about that so I'm gonna stop now. 3/5 not my thing.

This story was well written for the author's intent. (OK, the spellos and wordos were annoying, but y'all should see MY typing...)

The author appeared to be aiming for feelings of despair, darkness, and self-revulsion. I certainly picked up those from the protagonist, and I'm usually pretty damn dense about stuff like that. I read for enjoyment, not enlightenment.

In any event, I find it both amusing and depressing that flames and low scores are the result of the author achieving what I think he intended.

This story has been edited for spelling and grammar. This comment is more for myself so i can keep track.

Revulsion instead of arousal. So powerfully effective.

I really loved the sorta-twist ending.

Unsettling, disturbing story about what happens when you push someone beyond the point of no return. The abuse event horizon. They strike back because they have nothing to lose.

you wrote that you felt like something cold. well you succeeded in an average to journeyman level sort of way. You certainly used what skill you have in the art of wordsmithing to bring forth a little more darkness and sadness in this world. and therein lies my point. this world is already tearing itself apart. america 20 to 40 years away from civil war, eurozone in a shambles, russia doing god knows what in putins desire to reacquire its former power, and hes far from alone in that, the african continent a mass of famine, genocide, drought, and sundry wars and corruption all helped along by a corrupt UN aristocracy. south and central america, and chunks of north america essentially ruled by massive, powerfful cartels, cartels that sell far more than drugs: the slave trade is more robust today than at any other day in the history of the globe. and I havent even mentioned china or india OR the middle east yet. in essence, this world is a powderkeg waiting to go off, and as such it is filled with misery. in times like these it has long been the sacred and much respected/admired/adjective of your choice duty of the wiser, more mature and less foolishly self-centered wordsmiths of the world to use their talent, such as it is and what there is of it, to bring a bit of light and hope into the already dark world. if not light, then wisdom and that with a light touch. since the time of oral tradition this has been so. so I say to you, however well you may have achived your "goal" as some commenters have put it, of writing a depressing bleak story -and I for one, simply felt cheated of a just "I told you so" from brother to sister. no despair was incurred. it did however inspire me to write this, per lack of happy/hopeful resolution, plus the obvious if unsucessful intent of the piece- as i was saying. damn writing with a kindle keyboard is hard. no matter how sucessful your goal, writing this piece marks you, in my eyes alone I might add, as both childish and selfish. this piece, as you were obviously aware, has no purpose other than to add darkness to a dark world. that is not "clever" or "brilliant" or "artistic" the scream is artistic. and somewhat dark. poe is artistic and dark yet threads hope into his work if youve the mind to see it. this is not cleverness artistry or anything but personal indulgence. nothing "evil" or "wrong" with that, just to be clear. I just wanted to point it out to all the lackwits calling this clever. it demonstrably isnt. I do enjoy other pieces of your work however. thats why I couldnt understand something you wrote getting such a low score. Sadly, now I do. ;) have a nice day and keep writing!

You warned me, but I was curious...no longer am. Just...wasn't prepared for that. I don't know what to say. I did a quick scan of the comments, so I know where your inspiration came from. The only thing I can think of that you would write this is a two part reason. 1. You needed to clear that video you saw out of your mind. 2. You wrote it as a dark warning to others. Well, a thrid reason would be to go for shock value.

Well, I am shocked...not sure if it's in a good way or not. Just wow. I have read the majority of all your work and this one rates right up there with your other scifi one that I hope you will finish so the main character can have justice. This one is different...no justice can be had from this. There will either be mercy, or distance. I just...wow. I will listen to you next time when you tell me something.

Sincerely, Payenbrant

to payenbrant next time he says not to read a story. I'm kinda like a little kid you tell not to touch the stove cause it's hot. I gotta touch it anyway. Umm, yeah, burned my hand on this one. Wow did I burn my hand.

The only positive I can say is it is written with your usual excellent style. How do I know this? Because parts of me clenched that usually only clench in a good way. I'm going to go have a stiff drink and try to flush that out of my brain.

I can't imagine having been willing to do that to women to start with so clearly can't relate to him... but if my sister threatened to do something to force me to let her do it, I'd have cleaned her up afterward and put her on a bus towards possible family alone (though with all of the money she'd made - I'd not take a penny even if I knew I'd be dead by morning as a result)... I couldn't stay around her after she'd let herself be abused as a means to saving us... especially if he was right and it had all been "his" fault to begin with...

How could you willingly drag someone down like that if you cared for them...?

That is not sex it's assault if anyone even offered up something like that to my sisters.They would be found dead with their nuts shoved up their own ass.

Probably should have been labeled NC rather than Incest, but still a good read.

Not every work of art is fluffy bunnies, folks. Grow the hell up already!

MS, I definitely prefer your romantic works but this lived up to your usual standards.

Jesus fuck. I can't rate this story because I fucking hated reading it but it was well executed. I gotta fucking take a break from your stories a while because I can't think about this fucking story again.

Really should've been in non-consent. I get you were going for something dark, but incestual rape is kind of a line for a lot of people regardless of it being fiction & fantasy. I'm really surprised it has a rating over 3 stars. I guess when rating only your skills at writing, it's warranted. I don't mind dark, but you've made 100% of the story horrible to read, which is kind of a strange route to go. I've liked reading a lot of your other work though.

People people, it’s just a story. Rate the writing. A little different but good. If your dick gets hard and your sister is there all you sick bastards are going to fuck her to get your rocks off.