Siblings with Benefits Ch. 35

"That has nothing to do with..."

"Yes it does Doug."

"That's it Mark, rationalize it," The Voice said then added. "Tell the story councilor, make it convincing."

"Meg and I didn't grow up together like regular kids." I pointed out. "We didn't spend our lives playing board games, and bickering and teasing each other."

I shook my head.

"The last time I had seen my sister she was six with a front tooth missing. The next time I saw her, she was eighteen and she was..." I paused before saying quietly. "The most beautiful girl I'd ever seen."

"You're full of shit Mark!"

"She was the first person in my life who was good to me." I continued softly. "The first person I learned to trust, she was so sweet, so understanding, and she loved me to be close to her."

As I spoke I let my emotions begin to creep into my voice, like all trial lawyers I knew when to just state the facts and when to embellish, I didn't expect Doug to feel bad for me, but needed to be convincing.

"And what was Krissy Mark? Don't give me that bullshit Megan was the only girl in your life! Krissy was a sweet girl, and stupid enough to care about you!" Doug shook his head again. "Well until the end when you showed your true colors and..."

"I pushed Krissy away because Megan was all I could think about." I replied calmly. "It wasn't fair to her. After Krissy left I..." I looked up at Doug and gave him a shrug.

"I told Megan how I felt; well actually I didn't tell her I tried to show her." I grunted. "The next time she let me in her bed I came on to her and..."

"The rest is history!" Doug snapped pointing at the pictures.

"No Doug, Megan pushed me away. Said it was wrong, told me that she didn't feel that way. She loved me, but as her brother."

I looked down at the table as I continued speaking, I was caught up in the story now and telling it as if it were real. In a way it was, I had loved my sister back then, just knew there was no way it would have worked at the time.

"I felt like a fool, but I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. She was sweet, beautiful, and talented. I wanted her so bad I could taste it."

"Eventually you did." Doug said in nastily.

Ignoring him I kept speaking in that same soft tone of voice, as the vision of my lie formed in my mind.

"By then Megan, had started drinking and smoking pot. I used to try to stop her, wouldn't let people keep giving her drinks at Mitch's, tried to keep the stoners away from her, but she did what she wanted."

I put my hands up in a helpless gesture.

"I couldn't stop her so I figured I would party with her, keep my eye on her. I mean after all no one fucked with me back then, I thought I could keep her safe."

"Too bad, no one kept her safe from you." Doug muttered.

"Perfect! We're leading him there Mark!"

"So one night Meg's drunk and been smoking and she was... well she was starting to hang on me. There were people around so I kept it clean, but when I brought her back to my place, I tried again." I paused to look into my mind at the images The Voice was showing me.

"We started kissing and touching and I...I started to undress her."

"I don't need the fucking details!" Doug told me. "I..."

"You need to hear the entire story!" I snapped back without looking up at him. Not waiting for his reply I kept going.

"Megan stopped me before it got too far and again said we couldn't. A couple of months later we were at a big party and I saw Meg do coke for the first time." I sighed.

"I was afraid for her especially when she kept drinking on top of it. At the end of the night I took her back to Betty's where she was staying. Betty wasn't home and I was ready to leave when Megan started hugging me and kissed me, I mean really kissed me."

I looked up at Doug to see he was listening, but that his hands were trembling where they were resting on the table.

"She pulled away laughing, but I pulled her back to me and ..." I paused then looked away as I said quietly. "She let me take her."

"She let you..." Doug trailed off. "You..."

"The next morning when we woke up together, she was upset. Crying about what we had done and how ashamed she was and it could never happen again. She...she didn't even call me for a couple of weeks after that. When she did things were awkward between us."

"Keep going Mark, it's almost time to real him in."

"Eventually things were okay and we started hanging around at the parties together again. I tried to get close and she got pissed. Said we never could again. That's when I..."

"When you what?" Doug asked softly.

I swallowed hard and looking back down at the table went on with the story.

"There was a dealer there. I bought some coke and gave it to Megan."

"You..." Doug's eyes widened.

"Sure enough, at the end of the night Meg was pretty fucked up and she let me have her again. For the next few months anytime I wanted her all I had to do was get her high." I looked up at Doug as I continued. "She would always be upset the next morning, but I didn't care because I knew I could always get her again."

"After a few more times she started to come to me looking for it," I shrugged. "As long as I had coke anyway, it was the way it was."

"Oh...my..." Doug whispered.

"I'd give her what she needed if she gave me what I wanted."

"You...you." Doug eyes were bulging and he was so angry he could barely speak; the words coming out in a choked whisper. "You sick motherfucker! You fed your sister drugs so you... so could fuck her!"

"It was the..."

"You ruined her!" Doug shouted at me. "You..."

"Hey she was already doing drugs," I began, trying to defend my phony actions. "I just..."

"She was trying to get better!" Doug screamed the sound setting my head off again. "She would try to stop!"

"Bingo."

"You destroyed her!!" Doug shouted again. "I should have fucking known I..."

"My daughter was a good girl before you came along!" Doug continued shouting. "She went through hell and we took her in! Megan was beautiful, and popular, she was gifted! She was going to have a hell of life!" Doug pointed at me.

"Then I let her and Denise talk me into you coming here! You got her into that cult bullshit! Then she started drinking! She quit school and started on drugs and it was your fault!"

"I knew you were just like your father! He destroyed Julia, corrupted her, hurt her,and turned her into a scared shell of a woman! And you did the same you... you..."

Doug stopped and I saw his eyes were beginning to tear up, "You... you could have had any woman you wanted! They threw themselves at you!" he swallowed hard. "Why did you have to do that to my daughter?"

"Well Doug, it's like I always say." I looked him in the eye as I drove the dagger home. "I take what I want and what I wanted was my sister."

"Oh you..." Doug stopped unable to speak.

"But I saw how bad off she was, and I tried to help her Doug I..."

"How Mark? By giving her more?"

"I...I stopped Doug. I saw how bad she was getting and I stopped..."

"It was too late!" Doug shouted. "By then you had ruined her! She felt nothing but shame and it pushed her further! You drove her to do worse! You..."

"I saved her life!" I snapped back at him. I knew I was supposed to be just letting him give it to me but I couldn't listen to all of this. "I went to New York and got her! After you gave up, I saved her from killing herself I..."

I was cut off by Doug, who moving faster than I thought possible, leaned over and punched me in the side of the face. A flash went off behind my eyes and I almost pitched out of the chair. As I sat there stunned, my hand to my jaw, he started screaming at me.

"You were the reason she almost killed herself! You fucking animal! You saved her because you were guilty! Or maybe you just decided she wasn't used up enough and wanted more of her!"

"You're right!" I told him removing my hand from my face. "I knew I made her worse so I tried to make up for it. I..." I put my hands out in supplication. "I saved her Doug I brought her back to you, I..."

"You brought her back to you!" Doug shouted pointing his finger in my face. "You saved her to try to save yourself!" he shook his head.

"I can't believe how close she is to you!!"

"I...I don't know if she even remembers," I said softly. "She never mentioned it and the therapist said she blocked a lot out so maybe she's forgotten about it..."

"Nice touch!"

"Real piece of fucking work you are Mark! You do this, and I find out about it, find out what a godforsaken piece of garbage you really are!" He threw his hands in the air. "And I can't even say anything to her, because the pathetic thing is that you're fucking right! If I say something Megan will get upset!"

He took a deep breath before shouting again.

"Goddamn you! You hurt her and if I bring it up she suffers! Oh that is just like you Mark! Doing whatever the fuck you want and leaving nothing but pain behind! And after Megan helped you! Not only getting you here but saving your ass with Alex in that fucking trial." He slapped the table yet again. "They should have locked you up like the animal you are!" Doug put his head down and was quiet for a minute before looking up at me.

"But you win Mark, I...I can't tell Megan I saw this. Somehow I'll have to talk to her and pretend I don't know. I'll have to listen to her talk about her wonderful little brother and just bite my tongue." He pointed at me. "But you mark my words, you'll get yours Mark, oh yes you will and I hope to God I am there to see you get everything you deserve."

Reaching out he grabbed the folder and shoving it back into the envelope said

"And don't think I don't know who sent these! That piece of garbage sat at my table and said we were family and he does this! But know what Mark? Just another example of how you are, you pissed Alex off, you two went at it and at the end you win, and I get these! Not only that but he intended on Denise seeing them too! We would suffer, Megan would suffer! All over you and do you care?"

Rather than answer I focused on him mentioning mom and asked quietly.

"What about Mom? You're not going to... Ow!!"

"Goddamn!"

Doug had swung again, this time a vicious backhand slap that caught me square in the mouth. My head snapped around and I tasted blood.

"Don't you dare call her your mother!" he screamed. "You don't have a mother! Your real mother didn't want you Mark, know why? You ever do the math you piece of shit? Julia already had a restraining order against your father before she was pregnant with you; your father raped her Mark! That's how she ended up with you! Maybe that's why you're so fucked up!"

"I..."

Is that true?

The Voice was quiet for a moment before saying. "Yes, but it doesn't mean anything Mark we..."

"So you were never wanted Mark!" Doug snarled. "See we talked to Julia, you and Megan never wanted too. Julia was going to get rid of you, but Megan knew she was pregnant and kept asking about her little brother or sister!" he laughed disgustedly. "You weren't even born and your sister was protecting you! So Julia had you and ended up snapping and giving you both up!"

"After that no one else wanted your pathetic ass Mark, no one! Not the foster homes, not the group homes, no one except that loser Max who was such a fuck up he couldn't do the world a favor and actually kill you!"

"I..." I started but couldn't find anything to say, I had never seen this much hate come from anyone.

"He thinks we hurt his daughter Mark."

But...

"It's the right thing Mark,"The Voicesaid, then added softly."Just a little more and it'll be over."

"Your entire life there has only been one person whose loved you and wanted you and that was Megan!" Doug waved the envelope at me. "And look at what you did to her! The one person who cared about you and you twisted her and almost killed her!"

"Now you get your despicable ass out of my sight Mark!" Doug said pointing behind towards the doorway. "You are fucking dead to me understand? You ever try to come into this house again I swear to Christ I will blow your fucking head off! Is that understood?"

"Yes." I said numbly.

"And as for Denise? Well I got really lucky that she didn't see these and she never will. I won't tell her about this, but if you have a shred of decency anywhere in that black hole you call a fucking heart you will never call that woman mom again! She deserves better than you coming around after date raping her daughter and playing son! So you stay the fuck away from her!"

Before I could say anything Doug stood up quickly. Fearing he was going to swing again, I jumped up also. Instead Doug pointed at the door once more.

"Now get the fuck out of my house, before I change my mind and get the gun now!"

"Yes sir." I answered softly.

Head down I started walking past him.

"Mark, get the pictures. We can't have them around!"

Looking up, I reached out catching Doug by surprise, and grabbed the pictures from his hand.

"Give me those!" he snapped.

I stepped back from him shaking my head.

"Why so Denise can find them? I'm taking them."

"You son of a bitch!" Doug yelled and swung again.

This time I put my hand up,catching his fist in my palm.

"No more." I said quietly.

Doug snarled and pushed against my hand. He was strong for his age, but slowly I pushed his hand down between us before releasing it. Taking a chance he wouldn't hit me with anything I put my back to him and began walking out of the house.

"Yeah fine, fucking take them!" I heard him snap. "Have fun jerking off to them you sick mother fucker! And remember what I said Mark; next time I see you will be the last time anyone sees you! Your fancy moves can't stop a fucking bullet!"

I kept walking until I had reached the door. As I opened it I glanced over to the mantle, at the row of pictures Denise had put there. One was of the four of us. Doug and I in suits, Megan and m...Denise I caught myself, in dresses. Doug and I were standing behind the girls. The picture had been a Christmas present for Denise back when Megan and I were teenagers. The all American family I thought bitterly.

I closed the door behind me and started to walk towards the stairs when what just happened finally hit me. I felt my legs start to give out and taking an awkward step sideways, managed to sit down hard on the porch swing.

"Mark, get up! That nut might really be getting the gun!"

It was right, but I needed a minute. Putting my head between my knees, I took several long deep breaths. My heart was pounding and I felt nauseous. I was also surprisingly hurt, I knew exactly what I was doing, but to hear Doug screaming about how I had hurt my sister had cut deeply. Never mind the other shit. Of course that other shit was true; it was what I had known my entire life. That underneath the looks, money, and pretty exterior, I was nothing but a sick, broken unwanted street rat. No one had ever wanted me except my sister...

"Mark, don't so this to yourself, let's go home and get some sleep we'll..."

Putting my hand on the rail of the swing I pushed myself up, but found myself looking down at the swing itself. I was suddenly flooded with memories. When I had first come to live here, and couldn't sleep Megan and I would sit out here and talk for hours. We had been separated for years and in a way were strangers to each other. We talked about anything and everything. This swing was where I got to know my sister. As I continued to stare I recalled many afternoons after school sitting here with Krissy. I remembered one day in particular that we had come home from school to find Denise not home.

We had run upstairs and had sex then come back down and sat on the swing. I was sitting in the corner of it, and Krissy was lying with her back against my chest, her long legs stretched out and resting on the other arm. I had been sitting there smelling the sweet scent of her hair and looking at her long tanned legs, smiling at the thought of having just been between them. My arms were around Krissy's waist and I felt peaceful and content. I was happy, I had everything; Great grades, a beautiful girlfriend who loved me, and a family that cared about me.

Things changed quickly however, no matter what I had that ever present hole inside of me, as well as The Voice, made me want more of everything. I couldn't work out enough, fight enough, fuck enough, and the siren call of the occult was drawing me deeper and deeper. Krissy left me after I broke Jack's jaw for treating my sister like a whore. I was upset at first but then realized it was meant to be. Krissy was not my destiny. After that Megan, who had been struggling mightily with her own growing issues, and I had started spending more and more time in each other's forbidden embrace.

Many nights after having sex the two of us would lie awake and after awhile come back out here. It would be after midnight and we would take a chance, sitting with our arms around each other.We talked about little things, but mainly just enjoyed the other's company; young lovers sharing the night. I had fallen in love with my sister for the first time on this porch.

"Mark..."

I quickly walked down to the car and getting into it, sat for a moment trying to get myself together. I looked over at the house and shook my head, it was the only real home I'd had when I was a kid. I saw Doug peer out of the window, and turning away; I immediately started the car and pulled away. I made it around the corner before I had to pull over to the side of the road. My eyes, which had been burning all morning, suddenly blurred. As I put the car into park I felt my eyes well up, and putting my head on the steering wheel began to cry. As I sobbed pathetically I heard Doug's words echoing through my head, about no one wanting me, that I didn't have a mother anymore. That I never really did. I felt The Voice close to me in my mind and waited for it to begin mocking me. Instead it spoke in a surprisingly soothing tone.

"Mark, it's not true, he was reacting to a lie; one we told."

"I wasn't ever wanted" I whispered.

"Yes you were Mark, or you wouldn't be here. Julia just couldn't handle life anymore."

"Whatever," I said. "I...I can't see m...I mean Denise anymore."

"Mark, we did what we had to do, we protected our sister. That's what's important."

"But..."

"And we kept our chances alive with her Mark." The Voice explained still in that soft tone. "If Doug had gone to her she would have never accepted the possibility of being with us. Now we still have a chance."

"I...I want Megan!" I sobbed, feeling like a baby. Once again The Voice spoke in a comforting tone.

"And you will have her Mark, but not today. When the time is right we will declare our love and claim our sister's heart."

"But I..." I wiped at my eyes trying to get a grip on myself. "I'm all alone."

"No Mark, you have me. And I'm going to help you through this. Here..."

In my mind's eye I saw the attic. As I stood looking around the corridor the room of pain swung open. Stepping up to it I envisioned the argument with Doug and all the hateful things he had said about me. I took them and forced them out of my heart and into the room. The door swung closed and with a sigh I opened my eyes. Taking a deep breath I started the car and pulled back into the street.

"See better, no?"

"Yeah a little." I said out loud.

"Good. And we'll feel even better when we get home, I'll help you sleep."

"Yeah okay." I paused before adding; "Thank you."

"Hey, no problem Mark." The Voice said softly. "After all that's what I'm here for isn't it,to take care of you?"