by sirajahmed10
Your story concept has merit. However, your sentence structure was difficult to read. Take a breath. Shorten your sentences to match how you would verbalize your story. Certainly you would not talk in the same manner as you've written your story. You need to pace the work for the reader's benefit.
Try to be more emaginative. Improve your English by going through English litareture.
It's a very long, unreadable, extreemly boring erotica.
It could have been a great story, "EXCEPT" for the ending.. Smitha could have and would have given Pushpa more than that jerk Veer can. So WHY have Pushpa "BETRAY" Smitha like that??
Paul
BY THE WAY PEOPLE, if you didn't like it then WHY in the Sam Hill did you read 6 pages of it???????? DUHHHHHH "HERE'S YOUR SIGN"
Paul
It is one of the best story by you. In the second part I would like to have fun between Smita, Pushpa and their hubby and more fun. Or may be Smitha, Pushpa and one of Hubby for 3some. You can definately include Suresh if required for more fun.
One more suggstion is that have more seducing....
Try to describe the female more in their traditional dress code... Saree....
Boss, Ur stories are great, its not like others who write like just meeting & fucking. Urs is lovely,romantic n sexy...keep posting..
Good work...
Definitely a very good read. Very erotic and sexy. I loved the twist at the end.
why not give a sequel with Vir Pratap Singh? You write so well. Please continue.
Came 2 twice while reading the story. You are my fabulous writer. Post more parts of this story. Please.