by MemberX
That’s going to be a tough one for your characters to resolve. Especially if Mona gets pregnant. I suspect no more girlfriend and the boyfriend moves on. But hey. Let’s talk about the actual story. Good well executed.
When I saw that things were beginning to get hot and heavy and the sidebar was approaching the bottom of its track I began expecting more than a paltry one pager. I agree that this story ended too abruptly and there is much more to explore. Checking your submissions list I note that you have done a few multi-part stories and I will probably check a few more out. This one deserves further exploration and I can see lots of different subsequent directions that the story could take.
Does he make both sisters pregnant and they become a triad?
Does he end up having to marry Mona?
Does Mona consider the morning after pill or an abortion?
What kind of talk do they have after this event?
Do the relationships completely collapse?
In some ways, the exploration of these issues by the author will make a more compelling read than the teaser we have had so far.
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Devir Ginator
He could have dared Terri to muff dive her sister and eat every bit of that cream pie..... which would have been safer, and a delightful springboard to more dares!!
and/or a Proof Reader!!
Several times you left complete words out!!
Example - "I held that position for a moment and when nobody to me to stop, "
'nobody to me'??
2* for not bothering to read your 'story' once you'd written it!!
Clearly, this anonymous user has never written anything himself, and just gets off shitting on other people's work.
There is nothing as hot as preg risk sex - no onwder both sluts came when fucked unprotected and at risk (well, how risky is it for Mona? Are both sisters synched?).
Pregnancy risk is the hottest. I’m addicted to it!!
Ok, here we are over 2 years since the author said that there was an Epilogue coming and yet nothing. The story had a great start and to leave it undone is just wrong.