All Comments on 'Slices Of Small Town Life Ch. 04'

Finish brother love Q please

Why ? This is the best story of the day. I guarantee there are no 5 star stories today. Woody Allen said 80% of life is just showing up. Well today qhml1 showed up. The Unoriginalist, swingerjoe and FD45 have been sniffing haughtily at this series for a number of issues. There is definitely credence to what they say.

This is your basic qhml1 cookie cutter saga. Charley was a walking, talking candidate to be nominated for sainthood by Pope. Rose ? She was a pitiful

cliche of cheating spouse. Yet Loving Wives is not brain surgery. It's far more like ' Judge Judy ' on a day to day basis. Some very innovative authors aka the two names previously mentioned authors can transcend the formula.

Hey maybe it's me, but I l enjoyed Bobby getting his just desserts. The incumbent sheriff scene where he finds out its time to move on. Rose realizing she doesn't have the magic twat that can clamp and squeeze until blanket pardon is issued. This author works the tried and true cliches but he is nearly always a first rate wordsmith.

The catch to being a cutting edge Loving Wives author . FD45, swingerjoe & the Unoriginalist are not very prolific. So until they fire up the word processing program. I'm going to reward whoever has best story of day . 'Slices of Small Town Life 'had flaws. I can deal with that. Because today this was the best LW read of day by my idiosyncratic standards.

Full marks *****

Gave it 5*. Yay, you're finishing finding an editor!!! Feel better. Getting old doesn't just suck, it hurts like hell too!

Ok so it wasn't Sheakspeare but again it showed clearly your immense talent for writing storys,except for charley,faith and conny all the other caracters were not perfect,it showed that humanity very rarely is,you are able to describe situations of more or less normal people with an extreme accuracy

To those would be authors who would think they are your equal or even better i suggest to think again:you are not even close

between the lines great people reside, TK U MLJ LV NV

Qhml1 epic...thank you for sharing

Has to be one of the worst protagonists written on this site.

Such a super boyscout.

2*.

Would have been 3 if the story had been edited.

I am excited about you finishing brother love

Great tale all around. My main problem is that Rose had a happy, or seemingly happy life after the divorce. Not enough punishment. Not enough suffering. I guess it's me. I look for that. Damn, even Bobby wound up happy. As a changed person, but happy. At least he suffered. A little. I'm done.. Stay healthy, Q.

Turgid writing, shallow characters. Sucked.

Thank you for the story.

It did not have the emotional intensity of your usual work. Too often you told us the character's feelings and experience. Instead of writing out the scenes and letting the reader experience it. For awhile I thought this was Bobby's story. Then Faith's story. It was never a story about Rose. We never saw her story. The 40 years she was a good and faithful wife. Nor the 8 years of her cheating! It was Charley's story. The slices of his life!

Overall, a good story. I gave it 4*s. Looking ahead with much anticipation for your next effort.

Gotta love that Brother Love, lol!!

AMerryman

I liked your story very much...For me this last part was the best...Maybe we didn't need to know so in detail what happened to Bobbi, but as soon as he hit Faith he was doomed...4*

This chapter lost me many times with all the name changes. Didn't like Bobby having such a large role in the story line and Rose having so little.

Not your best story, BUT you remain one of my favorite author's. I look forward to your coming story conclusions.

Thanks for sharing.

Did Charley forget him or did he track him down and had a quiet duel on a beach with swords and buried the body where he fell?

Other than that, we'll done Q.

About half of it was interesting.... you could have stopped the story with him marrying Cindy. What in the world were you going to put in two more chapters?

Always high quality writing as the stories weave their way through situations and events. Keeping all things straight must force a "strawman" diagram to be used for such continuity. ;-) LOL

BRAVO!!

I like that.

WTF! Where did Connie come from? For most of the first half of the chapter, Devon's wife was named Cindy, then Connie, then Cindy..,

I'm confused was it Cindy or Connie?

I can't think of a more groan-inducing LW cliche than the confrontation where the other character is only there for our "hero" to rant at for 3,000 words and never say a thing. Have her be a bitch, have her get burned, but for gods sake don't use her as an excuse to be a lazy writer. It's even more annoying than the other lcd stuff you bring in here, like being able to get away with violence in a hospital setting (good luck with that in the 21st century), and being able to magically control numerous power player characters (always offscreen) who apparently have no minds of wills of their own.

You took it so far it almost read like farce. Heck, at one point he's lecturing her (it's a lecture) and you literally have her grasping her throat like a cartoon.

These "perfect man" stories always get so pompous in their self-righteous masturbation that by the end I'm walking away just glad this idiot got cheated on. So I guess THAT'S an accomplishment.

Yeah, sometimes Q is over the top, but the journey is fun because of some of the great lines and unexpected twists. "Suddenly Charley T.Y. was married to the richest woman in the state. 'Does this mean we can afford more kids?' They ended up with five." Excellent entertainment; thank you Q.

Not a single chapter in this thing you didn’t fuck up the names. Do you even bother to read your own stories?

You have a good imagination including details in your stories. A major suggestion, however, is spend the time to proof read your story before submitting it. Names are getting mixed up and in places, the use of "she" or "he" in unclear as to which person is being referred to.

Keep up your stories.

Tiny Tim

I had a little trouble with so many names being the same but the story itself was great. I really got into this story and it was so realistic that at one point, I actually had to wipe the tears out of my eyes. Shucks Q, don't tell anyone that I cried over your story.

“I bet part of the thrill you got out of your flings was the fact that you were putting one over on Dad” – Yes, and that’s what she’ll lose if/when they get divorced.

“The clinic was operating in the black by the tenth month.” – It took TEN months to be in the black, with no debt?

“Same with the blouse. It was appropriate to the blouse,” - ??? The blouse was appropriate to the blouse? I THINK you meant “appropriate to the OCCASION”

“She noticed, after the meeting was over, that he missed one” – I’m assuming that’s the “second most recent lover” that got him so angry? Obviously it was Andy!

“Faith had put up the batmitton net” – BADMINTON!

Am I confused, or did Cindy's name get changed to Connie?

The ending seemed rushed.

So there are some name switches and an odd 3rd person to 1st person switch. These simply aren't important enough to deduct any points from the content. Others point out that Charley is a cliched saint. I'd like to point out that Charley did lots of good things and that's what the public saw but we readers knowing both sides so we know how downright mean he could be in retribution. 5* without reservation.

Wow , qhml1, you are a wonderful story teller disguised as an author. And I mean that in the very highest form of admiration. Yes there were some flaws with the names, but anyone paying attention knew who was who , but the usual suspect nitpickers have to have something to feed their pretentious ego's.

LSD made a very true comment about the author's who normally attack you in the comment section, other than HDK ,(and to a lesser extent FD45) they tend to ride their meager outputs to stratospheric levels of narcissim ! This author puts his work out instead of a condescending attitude to others work, maybe there's a lesson to be learned there.

I thoroughly enjoyed this series. This wasn't a BTB nor a RAAC story , and I am sure that will upset some folks, but I liked he way it worked out. Punishment was appropriately dished out, but in the end, like most tragedies in life, the world kept turning and the sun continued to rise. People grew, and in the end everyone kinda came out better for their experiences . Real life folks.

5*'s

Cpprcrk

I know that is a trite comment for the title of my comment on this 3 part story.

In a most positive comparison, this effort reminds me of a shorter From Boston to Birmingham. Thanks for providing me with worthy free entertainment!,

On another note, " Finding an Editor " was a favorite of mine and I am glad you plan to add to it.

Thanks

Ed

Cindy became Connie became Cindy became Connie...

Once I got that clear in my head, I loved it. 5 stars.

This, I suspect, was/is a parable. Bein' not religious, and not from the south, I had to look up if I had gotten it right.

Charley is the Good Man - he lives by honoring his friends and vexes his enemies.

This feels like a story told over drinks at the end of dinner, about relatives.

Still bits I'm not too happy about - at least the saved woman was a known quantity, rather than a stranger off the street.

I will comment again - I need to read the earlier bits to make sure, but I suspect this one ends with everyone getting what they deserve, and perhaps what they really wanted.... which makes Bobby an interesting case, but not impossible given the author.

Which means the criticisms of the more authorial here may be a matter of reading for a different goal that what the author was in fact up to.

Green-something

Who the fuck appointed you to be the literature professor? You haven't written anything original, the shit you have written is marginal at best, yet you feel you can critique those who can write. Suck a Dick buttercup, nobody gives a rat's ass what you think mother fucker.

Q. Great story even with the name confusion and pov changes. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Hope you feel better soon.

Charley was actually made into a bigger bastard then Bobby. And the crap that happened in prison was an unbelievably bad joke. You really went off the rails with this one. Without a doubt your worst story - ever. I hope you never regress to this level again.

No stars for complete and utter drivel.

But this chapter was a little too pat in that all loose ends were so neatly tied up. And as some others wrote, the reach and control of Charley was unreasonable. Sure he's a big man in a small town. But controlling events in a state prison is unbelievable. Also, I know you wanted to wrap up this series in this chapter, but did that originally include only using the names Charley and Faith?

On a technical note, there were some spelling errors, grammar mix-ups and name morphing. I don't get hung up on that but still, I think you could have done better there.

As always, I really do enjoy your stories and marked this one high. Thank you for sharing and please post again soon!

Meh

need i say more- not up to your usual standards

though I suppose I shouldn't.

Anyway, 'bout Bobby... you ever think that if small towns made it easier to come out, there'd be a whole lot less violence against women? (I'm looking at you, N. Carolina...) Seriously dudes... all of this anti-women stuff you post here is supposed to make you look macho?

Rose seems to have wanted a guy to take care of her and allow her young lovers... and the fact that his bits didn't work is all just gravy, yes?

Faith gets to marry her dad... kinky, but I'm told the desire is fairly common.

Charley gets a large family, both grown, by marriage, and by works (the "Bartonians").

And the community endures.

Not a bad tale, but still... a parable, I think.

Green-something

I stopped on page 3, I couldn't do it anymore.

Maybe you want to pull this and do a rewrite? Change Charlie Jr.'s name to something else? Going from saying Faith had met somebody to THEN introducing him made her look like a cheater. Like her mother. Just confusing. And I sit here, I wasn't sure Charlie Sr. wasn't Carla's baby's daddy. Then the two Faiths and the twins?????

Not going to vote. Been digging this too much. Rooting for you. This chapter even started well, just got derailed somehow. Please, don't leave it like this.

You do great work. I am not a punctuation or spelling nazi. But changing the name of a character throws me off and I find myself going back to see what I have missed. Consider this constructive criticism. I always look forward to your next contribution.

Not a bad story at all, I enjoyed how the wife wasn't totally crucified in an unrealistic manner. However changing a characters name is confusing and detracts from the story.

My score is based upon Q's own works, no one else's.Given the previous body of work, this one is "average". Amusing, but nothing stands out like some of the previous efforts.

This is not a bad thing -- no one can produce consistently above their own average. [Duh, think about the definition of "average".]

I admit that Connie/Cindy/etc was a drawback, I had to think about who the character was at numerous points. Ya need a better editor whose attention for detail is upgraded.

Drives me nuts when an author can't keep their own characters straight. Very confusing so say the least. Who the hell did he marry?

I am not qualified to critique anything in a meaningful way. The readers speak with their votes. That said, this chapter totally tanked. The premise of the story, or so I mistakenly though back in chapter one, was to weave several characters in a small town into a story where they had crossing paths. This story was simply a revenge story, with vengeance wreaked upon everyone and everything in sight. What was the point of this chapter? What did it contribute? It was dedicated to 'happily ever after' for six or eight characters, and hell for a couple more. It placated those readers that have an almost neurotic need to have every life of every character tied up in a bow. Q went off the tracks on this one. He even suddenly went to first person for Charley near the end after telling the entire preceding 3.5 chapters as narrative. Again, Hardy Wilkes was a great character and made a great story. This just spilled all over the place with no direction, purpose, or plot. I was prepared for a really great series, but I didn't get it. I freely admit that I am not the sharpest took in the shed, so I could easily be wrong, and I often am.

I am less than delighted when a LIT story (and this, despite the preface, was one story - about Charley the First) goes all the way to the Last Will & Testaments! The last page, about Rose's 'fatal' mistake, was especially gratuitous! Nonetheless, and despite numerous silly wordsmith glitches, I enjoyed the read. I do have to agree that it was my least-favorite Q tale!

Good story. It started out as an assumption based off the title and description. Turned out to be a bit different. Not bad at all. Could use some cleaning up.

Looking forward to a few more in this style.

In the end, I couldn't really like this. It wasn't really erotic (jezzaz was able to write a good story with both tension and eroticism, but he didn't let me comment). The biggest problem was that everyone was a sociopath, so there wasn't really anyone to like and pull for (except for the pitiful cousin's ex-wife, but she came across as a convenience to get the story over with). If old Charlie really was that cold and cruel, you could see why his wife might look for warmth in the arms of another.

The last couple pages got me reeling. Somewhere there seems to be some timeline issues, or I got lost.

Don't take me wrong. It's a good story, more for the romance lot. I also got lost between the names from the beginning thru the 2nd or third page. Perhaps I need to reread it from the beginning...

You will look back on this and regret ever submitting it. These are caricatures, not characters and the treatment of Bobby is beneath contempt. You have degraded yourself.

Sometime you just have to let a story take you where it wants to go. This story was long and at times so confusing that I had to read the parts over. But damn I truly enjoyed reading it!!! Thanks for sharing

Well done! Another great yarn. I enjoyed it immensely!!

This is not edited to your usual standards. That distracted.

Your timeline jumps and flashbacks were not well established so the reader was left trying to put things into context.

There was no tension or drama. Even when Bobby was manhandling Faith in the prior chapter, I did not feel any tension at all. She had 'hero immunity' and so I knew nothing bad or permanent was going to happen to her...or any of the characters. You coddle your characters far too much.

Connie (?) and her brood came out of nowhere. There was no establishing work. She was an add on to a side character who, IIRC, was exposited to us, never introduced. She was literally the wife of somebody mentioned and so she was a jolting element.

Superman is a hard comic to write. How do you make threats for a guy who bounces bullets off, moves at super speed, and can rip apart anything which can bind him? Only by improbable numbers of other super villains or massive amounts of Kyrptonite.

Alas, Brainiac and Kryptonite were in short supply in Brandonton or whatever the hell this town was named. So Charley Kent was never threatened.

So it was a narrative. Nice in it's way, but far lower than your usual standards.

This revenge on a whore wife lovers was to much. The wife needed revenge. The sick revenge you wrote this Bobby fellow . Was over the top prison was enough punishment. This story was flat . All his good work was negated by his revenge. And his fairy tale. Second marriage. Just too muchy ,not real life. Bad story!

I have given the writer all the accolades I know to give. I've heard of mad scientists, but you sir are a mad writer. In a great way. Wow.

....several anomalies and a lot of folksy good fun around the several tragedies of adulterous spouses. It's always good fun until you get caught or found out in some other way....then, it's a hurt locker for everyone involved. But betrayal is like that. It is a wound inflicted against someone for purely selfish reasons.

Thanks for this one, it was well worth my time to read it and I hope you found it worth your time to write it.

Better health!

I enjoyed reading and following this story. I'm really happy to hear your gonna finish "finding an editor". That was one of my favourites that you wrote. Good luck with your health issues. I've had a few myself the last few years but have been lucky in beating them. I hope you have the same results I have. Thanks again.

Ace

Or perhaps one fisted tales, considering the context...

Nah... I was never a fan of the "it's not finished!" brigade, and I'm not a fan of the "where is the dramatic arc?" set either.

Okay guys and gals... is "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" a story? It did set up Samuel Clemens, writing under the moniker Mark Twain.... but where are the good guys? Where are the bad guys? Who gets whats coming to them? Who gets the girl? What the heck gets resolved? Why did people like it so much, and still do till this day?

There are Tall Tales. There are Parables and Fables. There are poems, prose and otherwise. O'Henry wrote with a twist... are they finished, once he delivers the twist? The cowboy rides off into the sunset - do we need to know what he had for breakfast the next morning? Perhaps the ambiguity of the cowboys future is part of the proto-noir basis of the genre?

I mean, I read a Georgette Heyer story - it seemed as if the entire thing was about whether the girl would succeed in having her virtue violated by the big, bad man... and woe betide anyone who stood in her way of being violated... humorous, really.

I think this one was "A Tale of a Good Man", with Good being defined in a small town way that allows brutality in the defense of the weak. The author was clever enough to put in enough ambiguity in the Goodness of the Man - brutality is after all brutal - but still the elements of the natural reward of the good man is there, and so the lesson as to the nature and reward of Goodness is delivered. I see amusing snark as well... bonus! In any event, that would make it a Parable.

And, if I may... It seems our author is rushing a bit to get out the unfinished business, in the context of long term illness.... I hope it all works out, but even so I appreciate his consideration of our selfish interest in his work.

Green-something

Thank you to the previous commentor for providing a perfect analogy. Mark Twain's short story does indeed adhere to a different aesthetic. It is an American folk comedy, and it makes several very wise choices based on that backdrop...it is less than 3,000 words, for one. It exudes playfulness in all its casting choices (narrator included), for another, and does not try to deliver any kind of Bible-level righteous morality tale. It is, in fact, almost exactly what this story needed to be, in order to work: it is self-deprecating and fun.

For a less American example, one could look at the Sherlock Holmes stories. Some of them are provocatively clever and dramatic, and bask in their moments of mystery. Others are one-sided, and have a feather-light design that might weaken a longer and more dramatic tale...so they simply aren't. They are recognized by the author for their qualities in the planning stage, and built according to those qualities.

Most people here tend to divide their conclusions into "was it story A or story B, because I hate the very existence of story B so all sorry A is good regardless of quality." The result is feedback that does not support the growth of talent (of which their is much here).

The basic reality is this: one of the key differences between okay writing and good writing is knowing what kind of story you have, and basing your structural/aesthetic choices on that self-awareness.

(This comment was edited to remove excess haughtiness, LSD)

As usual, I always appreciate your generous comments.

It was not simply a case of disliking the story, or at least the characters. There were definite technical aspects in the story which were problematic.. Names. Flashbacks. Lack of foreshadowing or established characters (try to find Devon and his brood anywhere but chapter 4)

But to be fair, maybe it's me. This reads like a (God help me for saying it) a Steven Segal movie, where the protagonist simply has to meet his enemy to break his neck and big tittied women are popping out of cakes...err...minivans to fall desperately in his arms by the second to last act.

I unfavorably compare this to qhml's story which is my favorite: "The Unexpected Reaction", where, yeah, despite being a good guy, despite having a 'take charge' personality, he also faced bumps and bruises, was disliked strongly by some people, and who faced people who initially did NOT like him. Who had personality conflicts which existed beyond 'Why won't you let me worship you like everyone else does?" a' la the ex wife.

Heck, I even preferred 'You can't do that' as a story because it had an undefinable charm that this one lacked despite being just as one sided. It is also the reason I disliked '500 Annies' and 'Terrible Taste in Tees'. The protag was too good for this world, but at least they had a charm that Charley lacked.

However I still like qhml's writing and he is on my short 'must read' list. Even Homer nods on occasion.

The use of similar names, and the overuse of pronouns just ruined what would otherwise have been an enjoyable. It was like you intentionally wanted to confuse your readers.

maybe with a few more chapters you could have smoothed out the rough spots and cleared up some of the timeline jumbles.

using the same names caused some confusion but not nearly as much as the multiple names for Charley the elder's new wife. Carla, Connie, Cindy, ???

Still, this story never jelled as far as I can see. I don't think you had a clear idea where this story was going and just wound up with a wandering, unfocused hodgepodge.

There is a good story in here, but it will require some radical re-writing to bring it out.

On another topic, I'm very happy you are returning to Finding an Editor. I was enjoying that story very much until the sudden stop. It's been so long I'll have to re-read the first chapters, which I will enjoy.

Sorry to hear about your health problems and happy to see you writing again.

Since this story wandered so much I have taken to reading the comments to see what others thought. Aside from the knuckleheads who can only stand to read stories that reinforce a particular outcome, there were some thoughtful ones. A couple by HDK seemed on point. I will say though, that HDK needs to read less and get the next chapter of LIR2 out. Quickly. Tomorrow. Morning. Early.

Anonymous Andy

It was good and I enjoyed it, but it could have been better.

I think you had two different stories mingled, and I can see how you were working towards an epic tale over time, but I think you missed the mark. Sorry.

You are right, you are not an editor, or even a decent writer.

Seems like the author couldn't decide whether the second wife was named Cindy or Connie.

Where did the new brood come from? Why the replication of names? What was the purpose of the gratuitous violence? Were there really that many psycho/socio-paths in such a small community? Then there was the extended demise of Rose.

What happened to cousin Cindy? I pictured Cindy and Charlie getting together. Not keen on a new girl poppin in.

And that really is a shame ..considering how good a writer you are and how much i enjoyed your previous submissions. I am not a writer just a reader , so i do not criticize technical aspects, i just give my feedback as a reader. If i had to point out something that kept nagging me through out this series it was the fact you were trying to be CLEVER. I am not kidding it just felt like you were trying too hard. Just an opinion, as i said i am not writer and couldn't even pen a sentence, but i thought you might like some feedback from a reader.

Dearbornmt@yahoo.com profile on Facebook has details that led to married female college instructor in Helena Montana losing that position. Among her real life numerous affairs was a married male student she harassed and continued to pursue after he pled with her to stop. She threatened to flunk him but he wouldn't give in until she made comments about falsely accusing him of assaulting her

I'm not sure if the state of your health played a part in the finished product that is this story but good grief! This story was all over the place! Disjointed, misuse of words, missing words, sentences that make absolutely no sense, etc. it's in desperate need of an editor and a rewrite. Good story, that could be a great story.

Most of the mistakes I did not let bother me I see it but my mind converts it to what I think it is suppose to say. For me it was a great read.

He couldn't marry Cindy because she never got a divorce from cousin Devin. She took the check for $5,000, the used car, and moved out. That left Charlie the older with a house full of kids so he married Connie who had taken over as housekeeper when Cindy moved out.

However, this is clearly not your best effort. In one paragraph you called the same man Juan, Jose and Carlos. Guess Charley hit him so hard that even you forgot his name. Cindy and Connie have been addressed already. Consider putting character bios on a 3x5 card tacked to a board where you can see it when you write. These mistakes yank the reader out of the story and should be avoided. I have purchased some of your work on Amazon and am happy to support you. Be well.

Your account of Bobby Peterson reminds me of Donald Trump.....I hope we can find another Charlie.

Seems their names are interchangeable.

except for the slack cunt and her paramours.

Your characters are people you know or would love to know. The downside is the the spelling and grammar issue detract from the storytelling. Please run spell check and grammar check.

you must be new to the closet cuckold genre

Although, as some have noted, a little heavy on the superhero characters. I also found the timeline thing somewhat hard to follow. It was mentioned in two different places about Rose marrying a fella older than her and then she died but was then mentioned again later in the story. The ex-sheriff's life was a jumbled mess. It was however a good story.

a truly great tale how about some more rocky raccoon please

In the beginning it was said that he was a d big customer of his wife's business but it was never said anything about him pulling his business from her company. Also, he delt harshly with her lovers but pretty much left her alone after finding out about her fucking around. It was stated that he was ruthless in dealing with people who screwed him over in business. These statements didn't seem to mesh with each other. Pulling his business from her company and making sure she got what she deserved would have fit his character better. Although qhml1 is rather known to handle cheating wives with kid gloves and much less harshly than other authors.

Great story

And what's with all the crap about the mistakes in the story?

Who cares

Its the story that you should be focusing on!

Seriously why do you moaners even bother coming to this site?

I hope you get well soon

Be safe friend

There's always a but. Putting the Bobby Peterson stuff at the end was a horrible thing to do, especially since most of it happened decades earlier in the timeline of the story. It's like pages of this dream-like loving family opus, with a few paragraphs of brutal prison rape and horror stapled on at the end.

It would be like if the movie Love Actually had a scene at the end where Liam Neeson tortured and murdered a teacher that molested the blonde kid who ran through the airport. Very fucking strange note to end such a sweet story on. Could have fit the revenge part in anywhere else. Gross and vile nightcap for a nice uplifting evening.

Fell in love with and married his prison daddy.... Lmao. Where the fuck do you come up with this shit ?😂😂

She does years of cucking her husband and Charley doesnt burn the bitch. Qmh is a wimp cuck himself just like Matt Moreau. Man up!

... for the love of God please get an editor. Missing words, and how did Cindy turn into Connie over and over?

Great story all 5s but the Bobby ending was a little much. Thanks for writing.

is a disgusting WHORE!!! She deserves far, far worse than this author gave.

Cheating WHORE wives (aka Rose) are the lowest form of life!!!!

A really great story and.I love how you tied up all the loose ends of the story. Rose never did suffer enough for what.she had done. She was a stone cold bitch to the end. Andy got most of what he deserved as did the rest, both good and bad. Charley has the best outcome as he proved he will not be a cuckold and gets his.happy life in the end. Just a great stort.

But, your timeline was impossible to follow.

- Jumping between characters without identifying who the narrator was talking about.

- The jumping back and forwards in time was maddening. Characters were doing things in the future before lead-in actions were introduced. Different characters timelines didn't mesh from one paragraph to another.

- People's names changed throughout the story. Was it really necessary to have so many people with the same names just to get the "unimaginative name" joke in there?

- Simple spelling and grammar errors were very distracting almost to the point of not being able to understand what is going on.

I still gave the story 5* for an original idea but it was close. The above items really took it to 3* but I really wanted to like the story.

There where many mistakes, both spelling and grammatical. Unexplained character name changes meant a double check every now & then. However, they really didn’t detract from the storyline.

Rose was a deeply unpleasant character with no real morals. She was quite fortunate that she didn’t get the treatment she deserved.

I was somewhat disappointed to see that Faith (Snr) kept up such a strong relationship with her mother. Too much of a bad influence.

Would be proud. Not your best but still damn good. 5 as always.

I never expect anything other than excellence keep them coming

I enjoyed this ending. Charlie is my kind of man. Strong but quiet. Great karma for Bobbie...

Great story as usual - Hope all is well and you keep doing what you do best!

I'd have liked this so much better if the name of Charley Sr's 2nd wife hadn't switched back & forth from Cindy, Connie/Constance. Maybe an editor would have caught & fixed it. It really, really, really made reading a very hard task! And the very last paragraph about Bob/Bobbie was really unnecessary. The readers had no doubt about Charley Sr's ability to make the early promise come true - we all read what had transpired with others that were targets of his revenge.

Story started fine, but, after a while, there was no real point except the Andy angle.

I just skimmed the last 3 pages.

Too over the top with everyone being super rich and happy. Not realistic.

You write stories good people can relate too. Thank you and best of everything too you.

YOU OUT DID YOURSELF QHML1! LOVED IT. AS A SENIOR EDITOR I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE A NOVEL WITH YOUR NAME COME ACROSS MY DESK YEARS AGO. LOVE YOUR WORKS! GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR HEALTH. GOT MY OWN I'M DEALING WITH NOW. TO SOME, "HELL GETTING OLD".

What a truly magnificent story. Thank you

I love how grandiose everything is. It's what makes me remember your stories. Your one of the rare authors who can make almost impossible situations seems possible. Loved it t stars