Slow Separation

"Sure. It's like anything where you're away from it for awhile until you don't need it, but then you come in contact with it again and the old feelings come back."

"Exactly. But I didn't want to ruin a potential relationship by hopping into bed with a guy and not having him respect me, so I figured I'd have some anonymous hook-ups to take the edge off, but when I walked in and saw you and was faced with it I couldn't go through with it. I realized that just wasn't me."

"I'm glad it wasn't something I did or what I looked like."

"Just the opposite. You're a handsome man, Henry, and I had a very good time on Monday. It erased the embarrassment I felt or I wouldn't have agreed to see you again."

"Tell me about your kids."

"Charlie is kind of quiet. He likes books, sci-fi and fantasy stuff mostly. He plays chess and is on the debate team. He's kind of nerdy but he's a good young man and top 10 in his class. He's got the Ivy League in his mind but I don't know if I'll be able to afford it."

"I'm sure something will work out. And there's nothing wrong with nerdy. Once high school is over it's usually the nerds that run things. Look at Bill Gates."

Her laugh had a lyrical quality to it and it made me smile.

"Gracy is the social one. She has a million friends and is really into fashion and music and all that teenage stuff. She isn't old enough to date but she goes out with friends a lot."

"Any contact from your ex?"

"Just alimony and child support direct deposited into my account every month, and birthday cards for the kids but he just signs 'dad' and sticks a check in it. I wouldn't be surprised if his secretary does it for him. Nothing for Christmas and no personal letters or phone calls. They cash the checks because it's free money, but otherwise that don't seem to care too much that he's gone. He was always working anyway so they didn't see much of him growing up. Do you have kids?"

"Ginger is 20 and a sophomore at Cal Tech. She's planning to be an engineer like her dad."

There was a brief break as our food was delivered.

"Does she know what's going on between you and your wife?"

"I called and told her after it all came down. She's trying not to take sides and hopes we can work it out, though she did give her mother some flak for doing what she did."

The conversation waned a bit as we ate and what we did have was more benign. She worked in the administration office of the local community college and made a decent living. She enjoyed helping the kids get started on their futures and had no immediate plans to look elsewhere.

Our meal complete, we headed for 88 Keys, the piano bar she had mentioned. We found a table in the middle somewhere and ordered drinks. We listened for about 30 minutes before I suggested we try the small dance floor I had noticed when we came in. The music was all slow tempo so she agreed, since her primary distaste of dancing was the fast stuff.

I kept my distance at first, not wanting to think I was pushing to hard to get intimate with her, and she apparently noticed.

"Is there some reason you're so far away from me, Henry?"

"I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Pull me close. I want to feel your body on mine."

I did that very thing and I became aroused at the feel of her soft flesh pressing to mine and the scent of her perfume. We danced several times that evening until it was time for me to make my curfew. I was silently cursing the rules that I myself had set in place because I wanted to stay with her longer. But we settled up our tab and I drove her back to the restaurant to pick up her car.

I helped her out of my truck and opened her car door for her. Before sitting down she put her arms up on my shoulders and gave me a kiss on the lips. It was just a few seconds and there was no tongue, but it sure felt nice.

"I had a wonderful time, Henry. Thank you."

"Can I see you again next week?"

"I'll be very disappointed if you don't call me."

We shared one more brief kiss and then she settled into her driver's seat and made her way home.

<><><><><>

It was easy to chalk it up to the excitement of meeting someone new, but I couldn't stop thinking about Ann all weekend. Even Bonnie noticed me getting distracted a time or two.

I was in a difficult situation. It had been over two weeks since I had gotten laid and I was feeling it pretty strong. I still didn't want to have sex with Bonnie for the same reasons I've mentioned a number of times, and I actually didn't want to see one of my fuck buddies either because I felt like it would be disrespectful to Ann. So I did what men have done for centuries under similar circumstances.

I whacked off.

It was by no means a perfect solution but it took the edge off. As I drifted off to sleep that night, with the sound of Bonnie's heavy breathing ringing in my ear, I found myself thinking of Ann.

<><><><><>

The next two weeks passed without incident. I was still taking care of my own sexual needs while seeing Ann 3 or 4 nights a week. My feelings for her were growing stronger by the day. I even shut down my online account.

We went to dinner every time we were out and managed to try just about every type of cuisine we could think of at least once. We went to the piano bar a couple of times as well but many nights we just found someplace to park. We held hands and talked about nothing and everything. We did plenty of making out but it became clear early on that Ann was not a 'public exhibition' kind of woman.

To be clear, kissing and public displays of affection were fine, and in fact encouraged, but she was not comfortable with doing much beyond that in public. Not that I was trying to fuck her in the back seat or anything, but I did try and touch her breasts and she kindly asked that I not do that in public. To be honest I found her modesty something of a turn-on, with the hope that it wouldn't carry over into private.

We had been seeing each other regularly for just over a month when she invited me to dinner at her apartment. Her children, she said, had each managed to have plans for that evening, at her request, and she wanted to make me a romantic dinner.

I dressed nicely and arrived on time with a bouquet of flowers. Ann opened the door wearing a flowing white dress and her beautiful hair hanging straight down. Dinner was ready within just a couple of minutes and we sat and talked while we ate.

About midway through the meal I felt her foot find my calf, and I became aware of certain...actions on her part that carried a deeper meaning, such as the way she was taking food off of her fork in a way that could only be described as seductive. I know she didn't need to use her tongue as much as she was, that was for sure, but I was sure enjoying it.

We cleared the table and she said she would leave the dishes for after I left. She turned on the stereo and the dulcet tones of Norah Jones came over the speakers. She put her arms around my neck and rested her head on my chest as we swayed to the music.

Let's be honest, guys. In this situation most guys would do exactly what I did: I casually ran my hands over her torso to get a lay of the land; specifically, was she wearing a bra? As it turns out, she was not, and that struck me as a very good thing.

It wasn't long before we were making out pretty heavily. I moved to her neck and licked and sucked her earlobes, which earned me an 'Oh Henry, that feels so good'.

I was pretty sure of her intentions but tried not to assume, however when as I kissed her neck I felt her hand go between my legs and soon she was stroking my package through my slacks. That pretty much erased any doubts I may have had.

I found the zipper on the back of her dress and pulled it all the way down with no objection from Ann. The dress fell to the floor and she stepped out of it, and I realized she wasn't wearing panties either.

"I want you tonight, Henry, baby. Will you take me?"

I was gonna say no?

Ann proved to be very active in bed. She let me lead but had no problems letting me know what she wanted, and I always made sure I got to it eventually.

She gave me one amazing blow job; the joke about a woman being able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose leapt to mind. When I went to return the favor she told me I didn't need to do that.

"But I want to, unless you don't want me to."

"Wayne said it was dirty and wouldn't do it for me. I don't want to chase you away."

"Wayne was an idiot."

Ann's brown bush was relatively thick but she kept it neat. In fact I suspected that she had done it very recently in anticipation of this evening. I took my time working every inch of flesh that I could and Ann proved to be very sensitive. I was sure of 2 strong orgasms from my tongue alone and I'm pretty sure there was a third milder one. Finally she pushed my face away.

"Damn, baby, that feels good but I'm getting sensitive. Let me recover for a few minutes and then I want you to fuck me."

We cuddled for about 10 minutes and then she got me up again with her mouth. She was on her back and spread her legs, inviting me to climb on top and enter her.

"I want to feel the weight of my man on top of me as he fucks me."

As my cock slid into her hole I was struck my how smooth and tight the fit was. We fit together very well, and Ann noticed as well.

"Just the right size for me, lover. Now make me your woman."

I thrust in and out of her, nice and slow at first but soon I got into a groove of long, smooth strokes. Ann was gripping her ankles and pulling her legs wide as I pumped in and out of her.

"Baby, your pussy feels so good."

"Your cock feels better. I want your cum, Henry. Give it to me."

I had been so caught up in things that I hadn't even thought about the condoms. Since starting my little adventure I had been hitting the clinic with some regularity and was confident I was clean, and I was sure of Ann as well. But she was only 39 and still capable of getting pregnant, and as she asked for my cum I hesitated.

"No baby, don't stop. I started back on the pill when I signed up for the website. Now give it to me."

I resumed my actions and found the pause had given me a little rebirth. As our coupling increased in intensity Ann came a couple more times and finally I blew my load. Normally I'm about average (I think) in terms of the volume I produce, but this time was like unleashing a dam. I assume it had something to do with my having used only my hand for the last month, something that hadn't been the case since I was in high school, but I think it was also indicative of the intensity of the experience and of my feelings for Ann.

Things were starting to get a little complicated.

<><><><><>

That weekend I found myself pulling back from Bonnie, albeit just a little bit. We talked occasionally about her 'needs' and they had not seemed to be slowing down at all. I suspected that she was hooking up with Brian, or whoever, anywhere from 3-5 times in any given week. But unlike my 3-4 dates with Ann every week, I assumed they continued to be all about the fucking.

Ann and I made love about twice a week over the next few weeks. Our libidos were definitely more in sync than mine and Bonnie's were. Bonnie had never once turned me down, but a couple of times I put the moves on Ann and was told, gently, that she wasn't ready yet but would welcome cuddling and loving affection.

Ann and I had been seeing each other for nearly three months when we hit our first bump in the road, and it came in the form of her daughter, Grace. From what Ann told me, Grace was aware that she was seeing someone and was happy for her, but Ann had left out the details of my marital status and unique situation.

I went over to Ann's house for dinner (and hopefully more) one night. Grace and Charlie both had plans that night and were gone. We were just sitting down to eat when the front door opened and Grace came inside.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, I forgot my math notes for my study session with Jessica. I'll be out of your way in a minute."

She ducked into her bedroom and came back out with a folder in her hand. I thought perhaps she might just leave but she decided to introduce herself to me.

"You must be Henry. I'm Gr...What the hell!"

She had caught sight of my ring. I was still married and, technically, still trying to work things out with Bonnie, so I left it on. Grace noticed it right away.

"You're married?"

"Um, well, yes, I am, for the time being anyway."

"Have you filed for divorce?"

"Not yet, no. I'm afraid it's complicated."

"How complicated can it be? You don't go out with other women when you're married. I think..."

Ann finally interrupted.

"I think we know what you think, Gracy, but frankly this is none of your business. Jessica is waiting. We'll talk later."

Ann ushered her out the door and then turned to me after closing it.

"I'm so sorry, Henry."

"No need to be sorry, hon. She was trying to look out for her mom. I'd have been more worried if she saw the ring and said 'yay mom'. She raised a valid concern."

"I know, but it's not her place to confront you like that. She should have spoken to me."

By this time we were holding each other, her head laying sideways on my chest and our arms wrapped tight.

"She was upset by seeing the ring and got emotional. Don't hold it against her."

We had dinner and the conversation eventually flowed well, but I got the feeling that Gracy's outburst had gotten Ann thinking. We did spend some time cuddling but nothing more. The mood had been broken.

<><><><><>

The next day Ann called me while I was at work.

"I wanted to apologize again for the way Grace spoke to you. It wasn't appropriate. But I did speak with her last night about her concerns. I explained your situation to her as clearly as I could and also explained how we met and what a gentleman you were that first night. She's not happy about things exactly; she's worried that I'm being taken advantage of and not thinking clearly. I told her I understood her concerns and would be more careful but that it was ultimately my life and my relationship."

"Sounds like I may have to win her over at some point."

"Possibly, but you've won me over and that's the most important thing, I think. Are we on for tonight?"

"Dinner and bowling, as promised. See you tonight."

<><><><><>

We carried on like this for another two months, making it 9 months since Bonnie and I had our conversation. Bonnie was still nowhere closer to being ready to give up her boy toys, at least when we last spoke about it 3 weeks ago. I hadn't pushed the issue because of my relationship with Ann but I was tiring of the arrangement and considering whether or not to bring things to some conclusion.

But the most concerning thing from my perspective was that Ann seemed to be pulling back. I'd ask if something was wrong and she'd put me off with an excuse about work or the kids. I didn't believe it but I didn't push it.

It was a Friday night when Ann made the decision for me.

She had seemed distracted all evening, and I sensed that she was finally going to tell me what had been bothering her but was having trouble finding a way to start the conversation. It was nearing time when I had to take her home when she decided she could wait no longer.

"Henry, I'm sorry, but I don't think we should see each other anymore."

I felt like a dagger had been plunged into my heart.

"Why Ann? I thought we had a good thing going."

"We do, Henry. We really do. But I can't do this anymore." She paused for a moment as if deciding what to say next. "Henry, I've fallen in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I can't go on like this anymore. I can't keep sharing you, even if it is with your wife.

I tried to interrupt but she held up her hand.

"Let me finish. It breaks my heart every time I have to send you home to her. For a while the happiness I got when I saw you next was enough, but it's not enough anymore. I can't even see you on weekends at all. One of my best friends from work got married last weekend and I couldn't even bring my boyfriend. I turn 40 in two weeks, Henry, and I want to find someone to spend my life with. I've found him but he's not available, so I need to free myself of him so I can find someone that is."

Ann was crying by now and if I wasn't I was pretty damn close. Sometimes you have to hit a crossroads, a make-or-break moment before you can make the hard decision, and here I was at that fork in the road. And to my surprise the decision wasn't that hard to make. As I turned Ann's words over in my mind I realized that I was more afraid of losing her than I was of losing Bonnie. The only sticking point was the agreement I had made with my wife.

"Ann, I love you too, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. The fact is I've been doing almost the same thing that Bonnie has, trying to have the best of both worlds. And that's not fair to you. If I were a different person I'd just cut the strings to Bonnie and that would be that, but I made a deal, however crazy, and I have to at least bring it to a resolution."

I reached across the table and took her hands in mine.

"Can you give me the weekend to sort this out? Don't delete my number or make plans with someone else. One way or the other I will have an answer on Monday. We'll meet at the bar where it all started and I'll let you know how things stand. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, baby, I can. I'll be there right at 5:30. I know this is hard for you but it's hard for me too. I need to know where I'm going but I can wait a few more days."

I took her home and mentally prepared for the weekend.

<><><><><>

I was on edge Friday night and Saturday morning as I tried to decide how to approach this. If Bonnie noticed she didn't say anything, though I felt like you'd have to be blind not to see that I was out of sorts.

My first thought was to go right at it and tell Bonnie that I had met someone else and if she wanted us to stay together she'd have to drop her lover immediately. But then I realized all that would do is force her to do something she didn't want to do, and while she may abide by it for a while, eventually she would likely hook up with someone again and just do it secretly. After all, she had kept it secret for 3 years and was only caught by a fluke and would probably assume she could do it again.

Besides, now that I knew she wasn't satisfied I would be looking for telltale signs. If she started to grow snappy it would seem obvious that she was being good, but then I'm living with a angry wife who resented me for taking away her stress reliever. On the other hand, if she remains her normal calm self then it would be a giveaway that she was playing again.

Finally I decided that the only way to get an honest answer would be to let her assume our arrangement would continue as it has. And so I would ask her the same question I've asked occasionally for the past 9 months: are you any closer to being ready to give up your lover and be with only me. So far the answer had always been no, and if that continued I'd have the papers served and make plans to be with Ann.

If she felt like it might be coming to an end then I'd have a decision to make, and I wasn't sure what that decision would be. Bonnie and I had made an agreement, sure, but was I prepared to sacrifice my entire life to that agreement?

Finally on Saturday afternoon I asked the question. I did my best to seem casual about it and not make it seem like her answer would be the turning point in our lives, and I think succeeded, based on her answer.