All Comments on 'Slummin It - Carol'

by BJB69

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IAmJohnGalt1IAmJohnGalt1about 3 years ago

I love the premises to your stories, but if there's one critique, it's that you should do more showing rather than telling. Instead of saying they called her names, just write dialogue of what they're calling her. Don't just say they fucked her for hours, get into some detail on positions, actions (smacking her ass, grabbing her tits). Keep it up!

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