by dr_mabeuse
Ok, idiot way to start out a public comment...but popped in to Lit to read like two minutes after I woke up, before I have to bolt out the door, so the world's a lil surreal for me here, but that's basically what I was saying to myself while reading this. I've read you before, so the Author nic was an instant draw. You write amazingly, so diferently then anyone else, very glad I found you to read. Wonderful words and an awesome way with them, thanks for the pleasure...now, more, more...lol.
Why not give her a present that she'd have the rest of her life--a baby in her belly and a kid to raise with her other guy?
Why not give her a present that she'd have the rest of her life--a baby in her belly and a kid to raise with her other guy?
Sad, very bittersweet.
Such rich language as well.
An excellent pice of work.
your use of description, chinese figures on rice paper was a very beautiful way to say what you had to say. Your use of the English language is commanding. Can I be you when i grow up?
the delicate imagery, the believability of the situation, the extraordinary descriptions, all uniquely your own. This is a mini-masterpiece, and I will always covet it.
Masterpiece? No way!
It was just a sad couple ending an illicit affair.
Lukas
What is more precious, the physical gift given, or the heart of the giver who gives it and the feeling/memory it creates? There is nothing but this one moment, and whatever we give is only symbolic of our love. Beautiful, Doc. In the hands of a lesser author, it could have been just a cheap, manipulative last-ditch-handjob on a bridge... in your hands, it was a deft and eloquent piece unraveling the true value and worth of our existence. This is a real treasure.
You made my heart melt with this story. You get so deeply into each character's mind it floors me. I felt it all ... love, sadness, betrayal; that sense of loss as Jack walked away. Your work as always is wonderful; a testament to how talented an author you really are. Good luck!
Humbly...Cookie :)
You're a true craftsman, spellbinder, weaver of words and all the cliches and metaphors to say wonderful and inspiring.
Abs.
Doc,
You get better everytime you post. This was truly a great "short" story. So much said, so much left to the reader's mind!! You have truly matured as a writer and as a storyteller. You're the new #1.
A Nice Guy
A first-rate job of story telling.
Rumple
I wanted to read Chapter 2 before commenting here. Both stories are so poignant, carrying the seasonal sadness or regret that most people try to ignore time of year, yet leaving an aftertaste of hope. Best of luck in the contest, Doc.
Beautiful story, Doc. I loved the picture that you painted, and it made me cry. Good luck!
I doubt I could say it better than the Reverend Rumply already has. So I won't. What I will say is, every now and again - briefly - I come close to hating you, then I resolve to try harder myself, next time. Excellent work.
Alex
story that made me want to read more about these people. Don't pay any attention to Don, even though he thought enough of himself to repeat his comment.
Something I can't read again for every time I read it, my heart will be broken, like recalling my own sadness from memories. But I have read it again and again, and every time it hurts just as much.
I love it.
I thank you.
I'm running out of adjectives to describe your writing. As always, you draw me in until I can feel the cold, feel him in my hand, feel my heart breaking as he walks away.
Not every love is returned, not every path the one to take. Great story,well done
Chilley
This is so damned good it's painful. It is a beautiful story. It wraps up love and heartbreak and loss and the tragedy of life. And it has a woman masturbating a guy. Where else but LIT could you ever find a story like this? It's why I love this place.
Somehow, the devastation and loss in this story makes it all that much more erotic.
My God you are the best writer! Best story yet and I do love them all! Thank you.