All Comments on 'Someone to Watch Over Her'

I hope you continue, be a shame to stop it here----jimwho chcago

... or I’ll be crushed. I don’t know who I like more but I want to see more of them. You know how I want this to end. Who plays Fallon in the movie? Thanks for this. 5*

A good author always leaves you wanting more.

Do NOT stop this story here.

I'm in love with all of the characters. Deeply in love...

What a simply outstanding take you've woven.

Damn...

Please do not stop.

Thank you.

FDD

Chapter two is being edited. I will post as soon as I get it back.

I can hardly wait for the next chapters!

From the intro: "This is a long story. There is very little sex until chapter three."

Great start. Keep them coming.

I don't think this should be in the incest catagory, there is no sex going on. But it does have promise to be a good story.

Patiently waiting for the next.

surely dad is going to finally tell her who he is and why does he have to have brain cancer story will be short he will die soon

I like this story.

In the first page you writed luke i am your father but the real qoute is No i am your father

This is chapter one of a 3-part story, where the overall theme is obviously planned to be incest.

If you were reading this in, let's say, Non-Erotic for two chapters, then suddenly chapter 3 popped up in Incest, wouldn't you be upset, especially if you don't care for incest stories?

That phrase is a Mandela effect. I remember that way. Everyone I know remembers it that way. Yet for some reason in this reality Darth Vader has never ever said "Luke I am your father." Oh yeah great story btw. I rubbed a good one out to it.

Good story, but what does it have to do with Incest/Taboo??? How about finishing this one up with a hotter ending.

I like quite a lot of this story . It reminds me a bit of the sequel to " Silence of the Lambs " where Hannibal gets a lot closer to Agent Starling. The debate of democracy vs monarchy vs anarchy was borderline sublime touch especially in this genre. In terms of quality this is first rate for an amateur story.

The following nitpicks are made in terms of going on pro level

1) Narrator is bit too omnipotent and all-seeing . Give him a chink in his armor just like Achilles and his vulnerability in heel area.

2) Story needs a few vivid villains. One B-level bad guy should be fodder in early or middle but the A level miscreant waits till the end for Max dramatic tension. Think Shakespeare !

3) I really enjoyed the descriptions of luxury settings . More please !

4) the daughter deserves to show how she is indeed her father’s girl in terms of brain power and even deviousness . Clarice Starling impressed both Hannibal and Agent Crawford at crucial points and so should this fair Ivy League damsel. Girlpower !

Bottom Line : I admire how well this story has developed without a carnal scene. That's always been a strong point of BR's writing and the payoff promises to be all the more powerful due to the delay… much like Federal employees' first paycheck after lamentable shutdown is resolved.

Full marks *****

If this is, knowingly, going to be a multipart story to add “Part 1” or “Chapter 1” (or the like) as a visible addendum to the title. Don’t know how many times (perhaps a couple dozen, maybe a bit more) that I’ve read a story - and this is important - that I’ve usually found on “Random Stories” where the title stops with the name. After reading the story I go, “Huh? Is that it?” Then I comment on the incompleteness of the story (cases in point take JPB stories, he does it all the time). Then I go back to Random Stories and look for the next 4+ starred story. Then, much later (sometimes months), somehow finding out there was indeed more parts to the story.

Now, sometimes in the prologue to the story it will say something to the effect that it is a multipart story (as is the case here), but more often than not it doesn’t. In the last half year or so I have now tried to get into the habit of, after finishing a story and going, “Huh?”, clicking on the author’s page to check if there is a Part 2 in existence. Sometimes there is, and sometimes there isn’t. But I still sometimes forget to do that and go,”Huh? Is that it?” [Click - Comment] “You’re leaving it there? That’s it? I can’t believe...”

Since, as you yourself say, this story DOES say in the prologue that is multi-part, why do you choose THIS story to bitch about stories that don't

This story is well written and full of intrigue. You do a good job of distracting the reader on whether or not these two will ever get together. I am looking forward to reading more.

Although I/T is not my favorite category, this is a very good first chapter.

I could enjoy this story WITHOUT SEX

I hope you continue the ADVENTURE

Keep up the good work. From what i've read, your trying to write in the style of a Tom Clancy or a Clive Cussler, both of which I thoroughly enjoy reading.

I am looking forward to the main course!!!!

A very good start. It will be interesting to see how much you can pack into the time that the father has remaining or will it continue after his passing. So many possible avenues for the story to take.

Because OTHERS are bitching about it.

I did see the prologue, but this topic has been bugging me (obviously). I just wanted to point out that if ANYONE writing a multipart story (knowingly, vs stories where, after a lot of “This story is incomplete” comments they do write a part 2 or 3) then putting it into the title itself SHOULD (though I’m sure not totally) eliminate, sometimes mean, comments about the story being incomplete. It just so happened that yesterday I felt compelled enough to finally write it down.

Honestly, I happened to scan over the prologue on this story (which I readily admit I often do because I have found some authors put too much into the prologue giving the end away), and when finished with this story was thinking, “Is that it?” Then my brain went, “Wait. Wasn’t there something at the beginning about other parts?” I’m glad I went back to the prologue and didn’t embarrass myself saying what a blank and stupid end to the story. Then I read some of the comments and thought, “Huh. I know one possible way to diminish those type of comments.

I do enjoy it when there is more to a story than they meet and have sex. Keep up the great work.

Always well written, well edited, please keep on...

Just saw there were follow-ups...

(I like HDK works, but I read him on another site; You could have chosen worst model ;))

Dearest Blackrandl1958,

Your plot, the characters, the angst, are wonderfully written. I'm on to chapter two!

GG

Chapter 2 next.

Hi Randi.

You are so versatile and prolific!

I loved the action contained in this story. It is so good to have a nice introduction ... before the sex part.

Thx

BJ

very good "Spy" saga. onto part 2 and I hope she decides he is her Father on her own.

Strange plot of an estranged father with terminal glioma. Hard to play a guardian angel with demonic ties, for a defense litigator.

Hi Randi

My second reading is just as captivating as my first one more than 6 months ago. Going to Chapter 2

Still 5*

BJ

I think another of your GREAT stories why not write these ALL of the time instead of some of the CRAP you often write (jaybee186)

Hi Randi

Third reading and my rating is still 5*, like it was about 9 months ago.

BJ

This story wasn't what I expected but it sure as hell sucked me right in. That whole brain tumour putting his life on a short timer is very sad. I'm glad he saved his daughter and gets to know her, even if she doesn't know it's him. Though I'm sure all will be revealed before the end. It'll be devastating for her though, to finally know her father and then to have him die so soon after. But maybe things will be different.

It's a simple line and yet perhaps the most powerful line in the story, at least for me, when Canton is asking why he shouldn't threaten families to stop the BATF going after his daughter, and she simply responds: "we're not them." Think about that. To be able to think like that speaks immense volume about the person she is. If only more people were like that.

When she said something along the lines of anyone should be able to own any weapon they want, including nukes, I couldn't help but think, "you can't be serious", especially after he made some comment about her being very intelligent. If it were the case then it would only lead to chaos. The world is far from perfect, but it's certainly better than that scenario would be. Personally, I think that was a very silly thing for her to say.

I'm hooked!! Now for some comments: Like that Fallon is an educated mature professional and not some 18 going on 14 YO girl so favored by most authors of this genre. Loved the part about the cigars. My wife tried them as a failed mechanism to try to quit smoking cigarettes. Most interesting . . . .

How can such a remarkable person come from a guardian angel from the darkside? Still if you're going to die soon and you've accumulated wealth and influence, I guess you'd want a legacy of some sort. Reconnecting with an estranged beloved child is a blessing before final transition.