All Comments on 'Something Wicked Ch. 02'

Wonderfully written!!! Looking for more thrilling reads from you....

I had a bit of a problem with the part where Brendan would send his wife away knowing that she was being stalked by an armed potential assailant. No matter how angry he was, a real man would never have done that.

Other than that, a great story.

Looked forward with great anticipation for this. It did not disappoint. Beautifully plotted and written. Thank you.

but I was disappointed. After waiting with anticipation for a couple of days it just felt flat and overly melodramatic. 3*

Once again, you have enthralled, amazed and ensorcelled me. The slow drip of honeyed words wrapped warmly around my mind. You do things with words, lady. Thank you. Randi.

You lost me with the nine month thing. Her husband is busy in school but he can't bang his wife in nine months? Girl, do you even HAVE genitalia? That's just weird. After nine months I'm rootin' for her poor pussy gettin' what it needs. Really, that didn't do the story any good. The husband is more or less irredeemable after that.

If there is something that redeems the melodrama it is the rendering of the backstory, which was quite remarkable. Bravo for that, Girl.

So low, they discussed divorce and hadnt even had sex in almost a year. Thats not marriage, that’s roommates.

And for everyone to condemn her? Because theyre all so fucking perfect? Seriously? It was an affair, not murder and its between her and her husbamd, not them. Likewise, he knows shes been stalked, threatened and he kicks her out of THEIR house? Because he is so goddamn perfect and does nothing wrong? He abandoned her for 9 months and if he thinks his shit dont stink, lock him in the frapper after hes dropped a deuce.

The Top 5 Foremost RIGHT and wrong Literary Features Employed by GirlintheMoon in Something Wicked ( pts. 1 & 2 ) to multitudinous Effect in my estimable and yet oh so HUMBLE opinion. 

Legal Disclaimer: All assertions of balletristic quality are subjective and valid only in the singular and unique  LSD  literary reality macrocosm and all associated and apropriate adjunct domains.

All liability via cognitive dissonance  damages sustained by mouthbreathing anons skulking out of designated troll lanes to peruse said contents are self-incurred and therefore claims of redress are  held out to be null and void in any and all courts of Literotica.

1) RIGHT : One of GITM's many strong suits as a writer is the crucial introduction. She starts smart with reader meeting narrator headlong in midst of being swept off her feet ( along with panties ) by mysterious stranger. He seems to know her better then herself and much better then as of late neglectful, newly minted doctor husband. The smooth operator talk is constant even as backdrops rapidly shuffle to dizzying effect from crowded casino to isolated boardwalk and finally to hotel suite.

 Kudos.

2) WRONG : This is a matter of taste : author went with first person POV and did it well. Yet 3rd person outlook would have allowed us to get into the heads of Brendan (husband) and Zach the seemingly omnipotent, ephemeral at ill' villain.

Check "Plain Gold Ring" pt.2 for how chillingly GITM can mind meld with human incarnation of madness and evil . In (alas) deleted sequel to " Finding Normal", the author crushed it with perspective of cuckolded husband that alternated ruefulness with cutting pitch black humor and rage.

3) RIGHT : The narrator , in and of herself, wasn't the most compelling of characters. Her main identity was validated not thru her career ( minimal mention ). She was like a nigh psychic cripple left to own devices ergo Zach's relative ease of isolating and inducing her with some stock seduction lines. But her strong suit was veritable Greek Chorus in Laura's head which descriptively reviled self in stereo with avenging fury.

4) WRONG :  I was disappointed how Linda only seemed validated in pair - bonding relationship from start of story to finish. Her husband's combination of career fixation and untimely neglect left her ripe for Zach's dubious charms. When she was outed and exiled by Brendan the solitary period was Purgatory .

No " With or Without You spirit of " self reflection and realization for Laura. A crippled limb was paltry price to pay for reconciliation.

5) RIGHT : This is an erotic site and whether or not Laura is replete with self doubt and loathing for unsanctioned, one-off rondez-vous or secure in bonds of wedlock: the girl/woman grinds fine , fast and furiously. GITM shows in spades one reason why Brendan couldn't call it quits and apply quietus to their heated, carnal connection.

Bottom line(s):  I am an unabashed fan of credible reconciliations and wordsmiths of which GITM is most certainly one. Would I cross the street to Laura herself ? That's dubious but when lit up in this author's shining fire, the journey is a diverting and provacative ( if not proactive) jaunt.

Ergo the obvious rating. 

Full marks * * * * *

GITM's story raises so many questions. If you've made a mistake as serious as Laura has done, do you tell your spouse immediately? Wait for the 'right' time? Hope it will never be discovered?

If your infidelity is discovered rather than voluntarily revealed, is there any way of recovering trust?

How do you cope with guilt? How does the 'wronged' partner cope with the feelings of betrayal? Can they help each other, or is the situation irretrievable.

So many questions.

On the other hand, if you're going to do it, do it with somebody who has as much to lose as you do from being exposed as an adulterer. You might just get away with it. Don't do it with somebody like Zach.

Lue

Ps: I thought the story was superbly constructed and written, as we have all come to expect from a GITM story. But the pedant in me had to mention a tiny imperfection: "He grabbed another class from the cupboard and cast me one last disgusted class. "

"What ugly nonsense and pathetic story." She drops this idiotic comment everywhere.

She "wasted 5 minutes of her time" on this story. Thank goodness she's a speed reader. She wasted 5 minutes and 3 minutes on several other stories she has commented on in the Feedback Portal. What else does she do with her life?

Lue

This was a great story. Every time I see GITM listed in the byline it's a thrill. I know I'm going to get a character whose head is full of the most incredible thoughts. There is going to be angst, recrimination, exploration and every erg of emotion is going to be wrung out of character and reader as you take us on these journeys through the mind.

Thank you for the beautiful crafting of this story and I look forward to reading your next one.

Wonderful picture of human frailty and fallibility,. Hopeful and redemptive. And as always with your stories, emotionally exhausting. Bravo. *****

This is a truly great story, which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I’ll refrain from further analysis, and simply say I loved it, and thank you, yet again for making me think, feel, reflect! Anyhow, LSD provided (in his usual “estimable, but oh so humble” - and I might add “oh so incomprehensible” manner) a thorough critique. So the LW luminaries (Randi, luedon, LSD) give you “full marks”, as do I (as a member of the non-contributing Lit. masses). I do so wondering, yet again, why this isn’t scoring so much higher? Then again, if I choose to be thoroughly frustrated by an unjustifiable scoring process, I’ll soon be able to watch Olympic figure skating. Well YOU know that you’ve written another 5* story. Congrats!

Love, betrayal, lust, good guy bad girl, badder guy, redemption, kinda lived happy ever after-add in nice pacing and it was a easy 5* tale

Feel-good-at-the-end-story. There wasn't much indication at the start that the stranger/lover was going to be such an evil shit; he could have just been a normal enough young man player -- and the story could have been a more down-beat affair as a result; however the author manages the much deeper implications brought on by the criminality of Zach very well. So here was a reconciliation story that one wanted to end well.

Well done.

This was very well written with characters that seemed real. Making a mistake is very human, but finding your way back in believable fashion is divine. Great writing!

One of the best writers on the site. GitM never fails to create fascinating characters. I reread her work as often as I can in hopes of learning how she does what she does. Outstanding, as always.

This one was a full course meal in a 5 star Michelin Restaurant. No room fo desert lol

You're one of the very best around here. 5* of course.

I would have liked to see more in the way of what this couple had to go through on the reconciliation portion of the story but understand the need for economy with a short story. I do believe this plot worthy of a longer story because it has great elements for a drama/thriller.

I did especially appreciate how her guilt was harming her relationship with Brendan.

Love the depth of your main character being explored in this short.

You must be a lot of fun to watch movies with too! You do indeed have some valid points though, and unlike LSD’s, my simple mind can actually understand them. I guess that just demonstrates that, as with movies, technical perfection isn’t a requirement for greatness, but it probably doesn’t hurt... BTW: You missed the wilted Christmas tree two months before Christmas?!? I too noticed many of the contradictions (and outright errors) you mention, but I still very much liked the story.

That if you’re going to screw around, you should only do so with someone with as much to lose as you do. I suppose that makes sense, if you’re planning on an affair, but this story was about a woman being seduced by a stranger, not something planned.

Bad in bed says that he’s confused by LW scoring. He shouldn’t be: the audience is full of men — and yes, I’m sure mostly men — who have a visceral negative reaction to wives who stray, enough so that high scores are virtually impossible to achieve, unless the story is a complete BTB in which wife is completely humiliated and financially ruined, while her lover is beaten, financially ruined, wounded or killed, and castrated. Those score 4+, regardless of the quality.

I checked my statistics the other day: my postings in Romance and other categories were read in the 8000 to 21000 times range, but my LW stories all had 41000 or more reads, even though they were scored much lower. LW is where the most readers are.

Predictable plot, stereotypes for characters, awesome writing and dialog. Typical reconciliation, another GirlintheMoon story.

Pretty good, gave you 3*s.

Look forward to seeing another story GirlintheMoon 7...I mean..

Thanks again.

AMerryman

Girlinthemoon(GITM) writes very well. I appreciate her efforts and thought the story was a good alternative to the usual LW stories. I personally don't think I could forgive but this reconciliation was believable.

That wife will never cheat again. The husband believing it won't happen again is key to any reconciliation and an issue LW authors struggle with. GITM did that well.

I gave it a 5 for story telling, writing and originality.

Who is Zach? Think about it. He is so dedicated to the idea of forcing cheaters to pay -- to a violent and murderous extent -- that he purposely seduces a married woman for the sole intent of stalking her and her husband. And he continues stalking them for months -- or longer.

What type of psychopath is he? How fucked up must he be to despise cheaters so much that reconciliation and forgiveness are completely out of the question, and the only end result to cheating is destruction and murder?

The answer is staring right in our faces: Zach is the embodiment of the average BTB fan! Brilliant!!

As always GITM provides us with a very well-written, thought-provoking, and compelling tale. She is the most talented writer on this site, IMHO. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: GITM, if you're not being paid to write somewhere, you're wasting your talent and shunning a boatload of income. As much as I thank you for sharing your talent with this crowd, we're really not worthy.

but the stalker needed to have his nuts cut off. Still, 5* from me.

In spite of the terror in the story and the indiscretion by Laura, this was a really well-written story that has facets of being more true-to-life than many other stories. This was an excellent story of somebody who made a bad mistake at a difficult time in her marriage and unfortunately paid for it with strange results. Obviously "Zack" was a functional but demented person and nearly killed the marriage for a very good couple.

Carry on!

Tiny Tim

I think one thing most BTB readers of LW stories tend to forget, people do dumb things based on emotion and passion. The response isn't always cheating on your spouse, and often times people have the strength to turn away from such opportunities. But what rubs me the wrong way, is that a lot of folks get high and mighty, thinking that these types of situations DON'T happen. I have never cheated on my spouse, but that doesn't mean the desire and opportunity haven't come up. So, from that angle, I really enjoyed this first person exploration of that loss of control. She was weak, gave in to that passion and paid dearly for it. This is vastly different from a story about a man/woman serially cheating on their spouse for fun sex.

As for the stalking and assault, ending in the final scene, I think the drama played out very well. This story could easily have been longer, made into a novel and movie. This is similar to the type of drama that came up in a movie such as "Boy Next Door."

GirlInTheMoon, I enjoy reading all your stories, and can't wait for the next one. What's funny is I had an idea for a flash story, that was similar to your last scene but could never do it justice enough to write the full thing out. Your story is much better than the gibberish that I would have put out anyhow ;)

Thanks for sharing,

RNebular

Who is Zach? Think about it. He is so dedicated to the idea of forcing a wife to cheat--to a violent and murderous extent.-- that he purposely seduced a married woman for the sole intent of stalking her and her husband to destroy the sanctity of a marriage. And he continues to stalk them for months-- or longer.

What type of psychopath is he? How fucked up must he be to despise marriage so much that he ruthlessly interferes with a couple struggling to forgive and reconcile with one another and the only end result is cheating and murder by an advocate of illicit sex?

The answer is staring right in our face: Zach is the embodiment of every creampie eating cuckold fan! Brilliant!!

Thank you, GITM for your superb tale of reconciliation and saving us from the ocean of untalented wife sharing cuckold lovers hacks like swingerjoe. For you to share your talent in this mindless stream of cuckold stroke stories that only excites the idiots like swingerjoe with the homoerotic fantasy of sucking dicks after screwing his wife. Trust me, swingerjoe and his ilk are really not worthy.

In this two parter and plenty to enjoy. Laura is a well conceived protagonist who made a very poor decision. But the plot is driven by a stalker who is never really revealed. His motives, as they would probably manifest in real life, remain pure conjecture. It would be nice to know what fuels his rage but its even creepier to be left in the dark.

The final scene was rushed and disjointed as one moment Laura is helpless, the next hubby is brandishing a knife and then shots are going off and the fuzz are coming in the door spraying hot lead.

The build up was great. Time plays tricks and lets us relax from threats. It would be fun to explore what the stalker had been doing during this time. The police investigation after the shooting could flesh this out.

Another great tale Moon Unit. They are always appreciated.

I saw what you tried to do there. You tried to be clever, but came up short, didn't you? It's okay. At least you tried.

"Did you really think there would be no consequences to what happened between us?...I just want to make you pay...For being a lying, thieving, worthless cunt."

Yep, that sounds like every BTB fan I've ever read. Spot-on, actually.

I just wish there were a few more like you on this site!

Excellent story. In terms of plot, if feel sorry for the husband - he paid an awful price for his wife's indiscretion. Wife did as well, of course. Writing is excellent as always from this author.

I don't believe @GirlintheMoon tried to show some readers in this story...Why? This is a too good story for that...Part 2 was a growing of emotions and suspense, what turns this story into a very good one...Those who could picture Zack as some kind of readers, maybe they were looking themselves in a mirror when they were writing the comment...This story and @GirlintheMoon, didn't deserved those comments...4*

Once again, Girlinthemoon proved why she belongs in the top echelon of authors. The way she ramped up the suspense was nothing short of Hitchcockian drama. Thank you, GITM for your incredibly powerful story.

oshaw

Not glamorized like some other story. Simple, concise and to the point. The build up to Zach's obsession was creepy and kept the reader on tenterhooks as to what was coming next. Good to have a happy ending and more importantly, a plausible ending.

5 stars again.

Others can quibble about the plot holes and other oopsies, but this is definitely a fine page-turner of a story!

That being said, Laura DOES seem a tad stupid to run off with some stranger who hits on her in a noisy bar -- whether unhappy with hubby or not. And her heels DO seem a tad round when she decides almost immediately to fuck him, consequences be damned.

Thanks for another notable contribution to the "Fatal Attraction" sub-genre of LW. It's always a good day when one of my favorite authors drops another story here! ;-)

On the other hand, I can't really see any other way of ending it if the ending had to be based on reconciliation, so I shouldn't really complain. Perhaps chapter 1 boxed in the options too tightly?

. . . are compelling. You don't need to be told how intense (and wonderful) your stories are, but this one was particularly frightening. Yes, it was depressing, but your writing is full of lessons and caution (does that make sense?). You never cease to amaze, and your stories provoke emotions that don't disappear so easily. You always seem to remind me how valuable my marriage (and our faithfulness) is to me and my wife. Your stories, and this one, are very much appreciated. You are one of the best on this site, for sure, and I want to sincerely thank you for your participation. Looking forward to the next one - they never come soon enough. Then again, I need time to get over the emotional trauma that I experience. 5 easy stars.

Excellent story.

Is that things like this happen. Dark. You do a very good job of describing the frustration, and fear of dealing with a stalker, and involving the law. These are things people do not think about when making a truly stupid decision. 5*

You have the royalty of Literotica out commenting on your story. Blackrandl1958, Cpete, Hardaysknight, just those three, or any one of them would be enough to show how good you are. But there's more. Todd172, Stev2244, Amischeifmaker, Oshaw, LaRascasse, even people I usually think of as having really bad taste, like Luedon and ReedRichards think you're a great writer. If Randi, HDK, Cpete and Oshaw think you're special, you can take that to the bank, but you already know that.

The only sour note is Swingerjoe. He can't even give anyone a compliment without taking a swipe at somebody. I've noticed a lot of the good writers just delete his comments. I wish a lot more would. Thanks for allowing anonymous comments.

It was a dead marriage until she cheated and then concentrated on marriage. The stalker was well written as this evil over the marriage. Well done amd write more!!!!!

I have read some of your stories in the past, but this one put you on my Favorite Authors list. I believe I will go back and re-visit your other writings. When the Elite of Lit. are commenting on how good you are you can bet you have reached into a world of erotic writing many can not. Good For You!!! Just as a side note I didn't see any mistakes in grammar and such. Well Done. I like your name to as I know who the "Girl in the Moon" is. May be different a reason for you. We all have our names and stories behind them. Thanks again.

Chrissie

TBC

could that be a hidden conscience, TK U MLJ LV NV

The cop shoots him through the heart. Please !!!

Very outstanding story. Others have said just about every nice thing that could be said about a story, but I still want to tell you thanks for letting us read this one for free. I have to agree with—I think it was Joe—who said you should be getting paid for your work. I, for one, have paid $1 and $4 many times to read Kindle books that’s not nearly as good as this and have been collecting royalties several years on stories that couldn’t compare to this. If you haven’t taken the plunge, I urge you to give it a try. If you need help getting it posted, I and I’m sure others reading you, can put you on to resources that will make the first time easier.

Once again, GOOD LUCK AND KEEP ON WRITING! cd

Someone has to die or got to jail.

To truly be able to forgive & move forward someone involved is usually nearly killed or raped.

Even in this story the guy Zach persisted after she said no, I shouldn't. A really good lawyer could get a rape conviction on that and her being drunk & not being able to defend herself.

But, as with all stories; nothing is ever the same once innosense is lost.

Seems like one of the mysteries in this tale was the identity of Zach. Unless I'm missing something, the story closed without telling us who Zach really was and why he turned out to be such a monster.

But I found the characters to be virtually the same as many of the characters in GirlintheMoon stories, especially the husband. I found myself not really liking the woman. But, really, I never do. The main issue I had with character authenticity was the decision she made to sleep with someone not her husband, after a lengthy abstinence, in Atlantic City of all places. Yuck!!

I mean, I get the notion of having an "out of her mind" episode, but the ease with which she went to the young guy's hotel room seemed unnatural and the dialog and turmoil she experience during and after the sex just seemed boilerplate.

The guy's character was technically correct, but not really inspiring. He loved her, which was his only real characteristic, that and getting drunk. Not really a likeable or admirable character. I mean, he was unable to get a license plate number after recognizing the person driving the car?? Not really believable, like a lot of the logistical substance of the story, but I guess it did advance the plot.

This was a typical GirlintheMoon story, woman strays from her marriage to no good end and mostly because she has the opportunity. Bare bones husband loves her and takes her back or doesn't? I'll probably re-read this story and have a completely different take. But that's a testimony to GirlintheMoon's captivating talent. Thanks for the good read Girl!!

Sorry to take more time, but I feel the wife actually deserved to be forgiven because the act was so out of character. It's not like she's the life of parties and fucked a close friend. People are human. We all make mistakes. This clearly was a mistake. So, if you really love a person, you have to forgive a single mistake--if you're a person who believes in being moral and just.

A very compelling story. The way you painted Laura's mood at the beginning of the story made her fall believable, even as we hoped it wouldn't happen. Neither she nor Brendan is a paragon, and they both grow through the tale. They're both flawed people who want to become better. I find myself rooting for them. As for symbols: for me, Zach symbolised the evil that Laura allowed into their marriage, becoming more malignant until he's finally driven out.

All right, there were some lapses about time. The best stories are driven by characters, and you are second to none in creating and growing them for us. Thank you for posting this tale.

I like the way this worked out. Zach is exactly as much a horror show as I'd imagined from chapter one, which fit the story perfectly. There are going to be plenty of people who comment with vitriol and hate, but I like the redemption at the end. I also like the fact Laura's error, no matter how much she regrets it will always be there, like a scar on her marriage. That rings true to me. Like a recovering alcoholic, drug addict or gambling addict, for Laura and Brendan the indiscretion will always be somewhere in their minds with the knowledge that not slipping back into the conditions that led to it in the first place will take constant vigilance.

You are very good... Very good indeed...

-jaye-

I didn’t see the lack of character development or explanation for his behavior as a weakness, but appropriate for what the wife, as the story narrator, actually knew about him. This was a story strength, not a weakness.

Having him killed avoids the third chapter, what happens when he gets out of jail in 15 years.

Nicely told story. Nice length. I went back and read all your loving wives stories and I an impressed with your writings. Glad to see you continue to write.

Nice job. Score still isn't high enough.

"It's not like she's the life of parties and fucked a close friend. People are human. We all make mistakes. This clearly was a mistake." - Excellent point! I have to admit that I hadn't really thought of it that way, maybe I was too busy nitpicking!

As you say, it was an out of character, one-time slip, most likely never to be repeated. Count me more firmly in the reconciliation camp.

Excellent ending.....

It bothers me a little that there is no explanation for Zach's behavior, but that is to be expected with a story told completely from Laura's perspective. Well done.

FYI, virtually all LEOs and military personnel are taught to aim for the center of body mass (i.e., the vital organs like heart and lungs) and fire at least two rounds. Thus the officer shooting him in the heart is not only possible, but likely....

Yes, I'm retired military, and that training was drilled into me on every trip to the range and "shoot/don't shoot" scenario for a couple of decades.

GITM is a great writer, no question about that. The rush of emotions in chapter 1 was truly an amazing thing to behold. I didn't quite see ch. 2 going this way, but I'm glad she did something different with it. The reason this is a 4 star story for me, instead of 5, is that the ending was way too rushed. While well-written, we spent too much time on the guilt wallowing and not enough time in the final piece of the story, Zach showing up. Too short, not descriptively written, in my mind. But I liked all the rest of it.

I think GITM caught a very deep vein of emotion,the wife who cheats isn't a slut,she is someone in a relationship that is under strain, and falls prey to the moment and does something she shouldn't and feels the weight of what she did,which is the sign of a decent person who know they screwed up. The husband reacts the way many men would but also I think realized that he had a part in this,that he may have assumed because he was in med school his marriage could take second place...and working a job that is long hours and stressful and intrudes into my life,it is too easy to rationalize the impact and expect those around us to understand,to play 2nd fiddle 'until it calms down',which is really expecting others to play 2nd fiddle always. Hubby loves her,but knowing a psycho is stalking her, he dumps her,letting his hurt override what he would do as a decent man,make sure she was okay,since he still loves her whether he can forgive her or not...

In the end they reconcile but it is different,less passionate but in other ways closer,and that is realistic for these things.

@anon a body shot is not unreslistic,people who talk about shooting the head or worse "shooting the gun out of his hand" have never shot a handgun. The torso is the largest area of the body and bc of the organs and blood vessels is a much better target to neutralize someone.

As far as why the hubby,a med student, 'doesn't know how to immobilize Zach with a knife",knowing physiology flies out the window when confronted like this,fight or flight overrides thinking. Not to mention as a decent person and also someone training as a doctor you hesitate to take life,it is why criminals often shoot someone who is armed trying to protect themselves,the criminal doesn't hesitate, a normal person will (it is why military people are trained the way they are,to try and make sure they won't hesitate).

Great writing overall

Less emotional that the first part but more rational and practically minded, especially in the husband's approach to forgiveness and reconciliation. It was made possible only due to his twofold acceptance of her genuine remorse and conrtite apology and the understanding that forgiveness would free him also.

Forgiveness isn't owed or even free, although it is a gift. There seem woefully few LW stories that comprehend this fact. GitM obviously gets it.

This deserves bookmarking if only for being one of the rarities here, not being a RAAC but a Reconciliation At Some Cost.

Great Job.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story. You are a gifted story teller and writer. I would have enjoyed a longer rendition of the final scene. Maybe some explanation as to Zach’s motivation. That was the climax of the tale after all. That being said, still a great read. 5 out of 5 for sure.

Theakston

Very nice wrap up. My one quibble is the fight with Zach- the husband stabbed him once in the side then decided to dialogue. In reality, when your family is threatened, people go postal- you grab and pull and tear and destroy, you don’t say “okay, now it’s your turn, sir, do your worst!” Other than letting Zach run around all diabolical, this was a good ending. Lots of bitter remorse and a damaged couple, though. Hard to believe they didn’t reconnect physically for so long. The physical connection is the easy part, the trust comes later.

My issue isn't so much that he/they didn't further attack Zach, but that they didn't simply get the fuck out of there!

RAAC stories on this site. Not surprised how this ended with RAAC considering all the author past stories. I mean seriously how can anyone not want to stay w/ a person that has betrayed you and brought a psycho on your doorstep?

Sweet you can pick and choose which to keep. Disregard forsake all others(or any variant that says to be faithful)? No sweat just remind your spouse that your Vows also say For better, for worse! How awesome is that built-in get out of jail free card! Cause you know its not like marriage is anything like a contract where if any intelligent person would see as void if the other party violated any part of the contract.

No no silly, marriage is like baseball. Three strikes and You're out!

Don't waste our time reading all these comments. You've got your mojo--spend the time writing--please.

Please keep writing you show so much potential I can't wait to see how you develop. Thank you.

What you said is obviously praise for GITM's writing capability, but I do think the "potential" has been realised. She is among the super-competent.

Lue

Had Zach been just a one time fling and Brenden found out about it, I could see the outcome going either way. Knowing this author, they would have reconciled.

But the stalking, dangerous Zach puts an interesting twist to the story. Whether the author intended it or not, most men would instinctively feel compelled to protect this woman regardless of their relationship. I suspect that Brendan is struggling with his duty as protector of the home and his revulsion at his wife's betrayal.

The emotional bonding between them in the life threatening last scene with each willing to sacrifice for the other throughs the balance to reconciliation.

Without the stalking angle I'd walk away from her.

The author's storytelling skill can not be denied whether you like her biases or not.

Thanks, I enjoyed it!

Meant to hit 5. Hate howmyou cannot redo it. Great work as always.

A very well crafted piece of writing. *****

Finished the story in a way that matched the tone of the first part. You brought it to an ending that is very much like what real people would do. Thank you.

I know the moronymous jackals will foam and snarl but they are morons. Don't let them change your voice!

I read your story because of the title. I had no trouble "seeing" the scenes and characters you crafted... a tribute to your storytelling skill. The story of a woman who made a very human mistake in judgement... not sure she'll ever know just why. The stalking accidental lover added a little of Steven King to the story. It could be seen as a cautionary tale, just as the movie you mentioned, "Fatal Attraction," scared the living crap out of every married man in America!

Don't worry about the Anonymous writers (I mean the other Anonymous writers), I am giving you a '5' for the effort. It was sexy, and I liked the 'noir' element of the story. I am just finishing a novel, but I will try to read some of the rest of your stories...

I like your style, GirlintheMoon!

M...142

I'd of divorced her as-soon-as I found out she cheated on me. Let her deal with Zach and his craziness.

THIS IS THE 1st STORY OF YOURS IVE READ,DEFINITELY WONT BE THE LAST , AFTER HER AFFAIR I THOUGHT BTB THEN AS THE STORY UNFOLDED IN A WAY I WASNT EXPECTING SO RATHER THAN A NORMAL LOVING WIVES IT BECAME MORE LIKE A PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER, EXPERTLY WRITTEN, JUST 5*****.

but, its just a matter of time until the erosion is complete. In order to prevent the past you have to learn from it and move on. She is constantly dwelling on what she did and feels like she deserves all that she has to endure. While this is justified she has not let it go. It will continue to eat at her until she does something self destructive and brandon leaves her. Even though her actions caused the problems continually feeling like she is a victim of her actions and not forgiving herself and moving on will cause a repeat.

Unless you're in an arranged marriage to bring peace between two countries. I think he stayed because of exhaustion and not bothering to move on. She did it out of guilt or whatever. I agree, it will probably get worse. Thing is, cheating is about as fair as murder, so in the end, gotta suck it up or leave. Between, isn't good. But it seems set up to happen again since they don't seem to be very interested in each other that way...maybe I just missed it.

I think the story lingered too much past reconciliation...which isn't necessary a harsh judgment, it's just that it was built up over story and real time, that eventually it needs to end. Maybe by half a page.

And the erotica written in the first part was great, you should focus on that and make it even better. Most erotica here (revenge, consequences, etc) is about dicks and pounding (maybe such a callous approach and being cheated on are correlated, but sometimes inversely as you always have that wife that thought the hatefucks were love), not desire/conflict and what's basically an outline filed in with enough to drive the plot, but not like watching your parents having sex. You focused on the things that really get a person titilated, like a brush or touch or a certain move, the subtle things that make you lose your mind in anticipation.

Oh, and after reading a britease story, the first page at most, I started to develop a phobia about violent forced submission while the husband does nothing, not even whistling for those guys with the billy clubs. I'm very glad you kept that part of the plot clean and quick.

In the scenario where Brendan stabs Zach, it reinforces my belief that ALL young adults need to have a year or so of military basic training, plus weekend drills. Or, at least, have to write a paper on the expanded implications of the airlines’ reminders that, if the oxygen masks drop down, you put YOUR mask on first, then assist others. Zach was hurt by the knife, then Hubby turned to Sweetie. He should have neutralized the scene first, then dealt with lower priority issues. Not necessarily by killing Zach (not necessarily not, either) but by making SURE Zach could do no more harm! Kinda surprising that a practicing physician would not realize that a motivated psycho might be able to overcome severe pain.

Otherwise a scary and different take on a one-night standwith a stranger. You probably know what your motive and investment is, but have NO idea about the other party’s issue might be. AIDS-Andy (the male flight attendent whose early spread of HIV was so devastating) fully intended to punish as many other gay guys as possible, as a misguided solution for his own situation.

Always a pleasure (tho’ oft depressing) to read GITM. Even her clinkers are pretty good.

5*

Especially if you have plenty of time. A fresh unstained relationship is better to weather the problems that also come along.

"I don't know why" is annoying and something most people will accept.

Are all this authors stories cuck shit woulda not taken her back cheated because she could then he almost died ya when I kicked her out would’ve been it Zach could have her

...nice variant on the risks of unsafe extra-marital sex.

Nice effort from the Girl. One sneaky problem here that lurks and lurks is the constant drama dripping off every moment. The hand wringing is very well wrung and wrought :))

The cheater gal spends soooooo much time basting in her own juices that by the time she gets her naughty pounding in the hotel room it ends up working against her redemption (in the mind of this drama skeptical high-T reader).

Yes, she DOES say she doesn't know why she did it, but she is perfectly self concious every second that brings her into that hotel room. She is a live wire. The point is, had she been more breezy, more devil may care, etc, a better case could be made that she "made a mistake".

But she didn't make a "mistake". She did just like mommy and daddy had done, despite the role reversal. Her palpably fucked up childhood, her boiling-bunny childhood metastasized in her drama lovin' girl soul and basically called the shots of her own destruction. Hey guys...run away, run away!

The hubby is a piece of work. Not only is his own DNA pickled in girly drama, but he also thinks you can go months and months...and months without taking wifey to drilltown. Whatever you do, Girl, forgodsakes do NOT give us the back story on him. He is damaged meat through and through.

Sometimes you just gotta slap the bitch and move on.

When this writer isn’t doing appalling foursomes, she’s as good as there is.

I read 'blurry vision' and the situation was kind of similar except it was a guy who strayed and in your story, it was completely okay to vilify him and absolutely ruin his life. I can only assume that that is because you are a girl and somehow you think that morally you are superior.

I just don't buy the " I don't know why I did it" that a lot of writers put in their stories. If you cheat there is a reason, call it. Clothes don't just fall off and dicks don't get inserted for NO REASON. Man up and tell it like it is!

So she consciously chose her path.

Wanted a little on the side.

Tired of just vibrator

Mad at spouse

Etc

Decisions are made

No

Drunk or drugged not really capable of making informed decision otherwise stupidity.

It is an honest portrait of betrayal, crushing guilt and human reaction.

I’m glad I did.

Thank you for sharing this.

Even at the end, everything was about her. I this, and I that, even the hurt she caused Brandon, makes her sound like a martyr. She was and still is narcissistic, and because cheater will always cheat, sooner or later she will find or invent an excuse to cheat.

Until person goes down they are a threat. Keep shooting till they stop moving. A handgun rarely stops a person with one shot.

Other than that the story was terrible. For better for worse allows cheating? That is a new one.

She caused it all with her decision. Forgive then leave.

and not bad, but imperfect american english. ridiculous use of "of off" instead of "on". just one sample: "Based off of the dark and intense looks he gave me". +, many other instances of unnecessary, superfluous "ofs" throughout. i just can't ignore the use of sloppy 'murrican speech in the written word. her talent can surely override those bad habits, but hasn't so far. still hope...

I'm stepping out of my usual genre into LW. Came across this story, having read it I thought it was very good. I have read/partially read some other cheating wives stories in the LW category and found quite a few of them disappointing because they don't always look at the cheating from the cheaters perspective.

This story had me interested as it came from the cheaters perspective but also had some drama in it with a psychotic stalker.

I found myself sympathising with Laura she was in a marriage that had started to fall apart and was literally caught of guard by Zach. He had obviously targeted her at her sister's wedding reception and perhaps even earlier.

She felt immense guilt and probably would have owned up to Brendan about her cheating.

The author does well to convey the emotional turmoil and fear that Laura goes through and I'm glad that she and Brendan were able to overcome the event and get back together again. Had this been real life it would take a long time for Brendan to fully trust Laura again and would in the early years put considerable strain on their marriage.

And another writer joins the cuck shit brigade. Thee woman gets brainlessly seduced and poor hubby cannot control his feelings so the wife wins, he is a wimpy cuck, and all is right with the world. Last few paragraphs were priceless, the hubby is wrong agin, it is all his fault. Blah

She admits in the final paragraph that she’s still a cheating whore and a skank and yet were supposed to be glad the cuck puts up with her? Not a chance