Starter Wife

We were high school sweethearts and as everyone did in those days, we got married as soon as she graduated. It was a big wedding, she was happy, and if she was happy, I was happy. I remember my father trying to tell me I was too young to get married and me telling him I had seen enough of the world and I was ready to settle down. If you can imagine an eighteen-year-old kid saying he was ready to settle down then you can imagine just how naive I really was. We had kids right away, just like the textbook first a boy then a girl and we weren't even twenty-one yet.

Once the novelty of 'playing house' wore off it didn't take too long for us to discover we were too young for this. She never worked, (see how quickly I revert to those days, of course she worked she was a homemaker) and was home all day doing the things that homemakers did. With nothing but two babies to keep her company, she needed someone to talk with that could answer back coherently. As for myself, by the time I got home from work although she was attention starved I would be tired and all I wanted was something to eat and a nap or a little TV.

She needed more from me than I was willing to give and I wanted less from her and more space. This eventually drove her outside our marriage to seek companionship and someone to give her some attention. She had one-maybe two affairs before I found out. In a wounded rage, I took my bruised ego and moved out of the house. I was the one in the right here, she was the one who sinned, and in my indignation, I couldn't see that I was the one who drove her to do it.

We ended up divorced and as soon as she legally could, she married one of her lovers. She didn't love him but she needed someone and he was convenient. Then in a bizarre situation, I subsequently became the lover she would sneak out of the house to see. We still loved each other but this became the only way we could be together. Eventually she moved out of state with her new husband and our kids. This broke my heart, I wasn't seeing my kids enough already, but with them moving I would hardly ever see them. I'm sure I could have put up a fight to keep them in state, but I didn't feel right about putting our children in the middle of our difficulties. In the end, all I really wanted was her happiness and so I just gave her my blessing. After they left, was when I cried real tears as the reality of losing my family and my first true love became evident.

She never did find another true love and is now on her fourth husband who is the worst of all of us. I was more fortunate and have been happily married for over thirty-eight years. I'm glad for the way my life turned out but as I reflect on the past, if I'd been just a little more mature and understanding, I think we could have made our marriage work. If I had just listened more, she might not have strayed. If I could have admitted it was at least partially my fault maybe I could have forgiven her. Today we talk of cuckolds as much as cheating husbands and even of husbands who enjoy such a lifestyle. However back when all of this happened to me if it happened it was not public knowledge and wives who cheated were thought to be sluts. Of course, this is all hindsight and who knows if we could ever have made a happy marriage.

The only reason I bring any of this up is that my daughter informed me yesterday that her mother has cancer. At this time, no one knows how serious it is but of course, her whole family is quite scared. As for me, I haven't seen or talked to my ex in over twelve years but as I sit at the keyboard thinking about our past and just the good times we had I can't help it, the tears just come to my eyes. I know in my heart we loved each other, so get well my first love I know you deserved a better life and I am sorry I was not the one that tried to give it to you.