Street Find Ch. 07-08

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about," Fran said. "Olivia used to write poetry when we were in school. It wasn't kid's stuff either. It was really good and she got really good marks for it. After she went to college, she kept writing and even had a small book of her poems published. We've been talking about an idea we both had. We were wondering if we could write some songs. We've been talking about how the band doesn't have any original music and this would be a chance to have some. Naturally, all the band would have to agree that they liked the music, but we'd like to try."

Gina was obviously surprised into silence, but I found my voice soon enough.

"I think that would be a great idea, Fran. You know the kind of music we feature, so you'd know what works for us. I say, go for it ... and good luck."

"Yes ... absolutely ... go for it, Sis," Gina said with genuine enthusiasm.

"Thank you both. We've already started, but we need to borrow the Roland ... if that's okay with you, Ed."

"Of course it is. We're not using it these days. Rollie has his new double deck Yamaha, so we've got all the sound we need."

"Thank you, Ed. Thank you both. You have been so good to me. I'm going to miss you guys."

"Hey ... you aren't going that far away," Gina said in mock indignation. "We'll be seeing you at rehearsal and the concerts. You won't lose touch with us. Come over with Olivia and we can jam. I want to hear your new music. Maybe I can help with it too."

"Sure ... that would be great, Sis. We'll do that. I want you to get to know Olivia too. She's someone special to me."

I felt relieved and good for Fran. She was with someone she really cared for and who really cared for her. It was the best possible thing that could happen for her.

~*~

"How does it feel with just the two of us in the apartment?" I asked Gina the next evening.

"Strange. Fran's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It was only the few weeks after Mom threw her out and I came here that we've been apart. I'm going to miss her. She was someone I could talk to about ... anything. But, now, I have you and that's more important. You are more important to me. Being in love with you has been wonderful, Ed. You give your love to me every day. It's not what you say, but what you don't say. It's how you look at me, how you touch me, how you talk about me to your friends. I love you, Ed."

"I know. I've been thinking about us a lot lately. I've been wondering how to take the next step. I guess the only way I'll know is to ask. Georgina Cryder, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?"

The look of shock on her face was telling. She was not expecting anything like my request.

"I ... I ... I don't know what to say. I wasn't ready for that. I do love you, Ed, but I wasn't ready for that question."

"Do you want some time to think about it?" I asked, wondering if she was trying to find a way to turn me down.

"Yes ... I think I'd better. I do love you, Ed. I want to be with you always, but ... I'm not sure if I'm ready for this."

I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was hoping against hope that she would jump into my arms and say "yes" without hesitation. That didn't happen. I tried to consol myself with the fact that she didn't say "no" ... but it was small consolation.

~*~

Sometime during Sunday, Gina left the apartment. I had gone out for a walk to clear my head and settle myself and when I returned, she was gone. There was no note to say where she'd gone. I noticed she had taken some of her clothes with her along with her bathroom items. There were still some items left in the bedroom closet, so maybe that meant she planned to return, but why did she leave?

Now, I was truly upset. I didn't know where she'd gone and since she didn't have a cell phone, I didn't know how I could contact her. First Fran, and now Gina had left me. I was alone again for the first time since January. It left a painful emptiness that I could not ever remember feeling before. I phone Arden and he told me she wasn't there. Then I phoned Olivia's apartment and Olivia assured me that Gina wasn't there. In a paranoid moment I wondered if anyone was telling me the truth.

I went to bed that night, but did not sleep. I tossed and turned, wondering where Gina had gone and why. Was she giving up on me ... on us? Her last words to me didn't say that. What would I do without her? What would become of Street Find? Where could she go that she would be safe? Her father and Evelyn? Her sister? I could call them again and see if she was there ... but would they tell me?

My mind was working up all kinds of doomsday scenarios. I couldn't imagine she would go back home. She had money now, thanks to the band. She could go anywhere. She could catch a bus to ... wherever. That one question I had asked her was too much for her. One simple question. But it wasn't simple, was it? It was a life-changer. Did she feel threatened by it? I didn't think I'd put it that way. I didn't argue when she said she needed time. I didn't put up any resistance. Is that why she left? Did she think I'd given up on her?

I played that fatal few minutes over and over in my head. I had no answer. No answer at all.

~*~

I almost cashed in my vacation time on Monday when I went to work. I was in a foul mood and not very tolerant of anyone at that moment. I had called Arden and he assured me Gina was not there. I believed him. He wanted to know why I was asking, but I said I would explain later. I called Olivia's apartment and there was no answer. I left a message, telling her that I was still looking for Gina, and asking Fran to call me if she knew where I could contact her. I knew how I must have sounded and it wasn't good. I approached Mark and told him I wasn't feeling well and would like to take the day off. Luckily, he took one look at me and agreed.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it was probably the worst idea. Now, I had nothing to do. Our next rehearsal was the next evening at the warehouse. I wondered if Gina would show up. I began to believe she would not.

Regrettably, I was right. Fran was there, but something was bothering her. It took me a few minutes to find some alone time with her.

"Where's Gina, Fran?"

Fran couldn't look me in the eye, and then I knew.

"She's alright, Ed. Don't worry about her. She's safe."

"Will I see her again?" I asked, fixing my gaze on the sister.

"Yes!" she said immediately, her head snapping around and looking directly at me for the first time. "Why would you think that?"

"Because she left with no warning and no explanation. I know why she left, but then ... I don't know, either."

"That doesn't make sense, Ed."

"I asked her to marry me. She couldn't say yes. She said she wanted some time. But I don't understand why she ran away."

"She didn't run away, Ed," Fran said forcefully. "She was ... confused ... upset ... worried."

"She took her clothes and things and left. That's running away in my book," I said angrily.

"Ed ... she just needs some time to decide what to do. Don't pressure her. Let her work this out herself. I know she loves you. You must know that too. But ... like me, she has her demons to vanquish."

"What the hell does that mean?" I snapped.

Fran was shaking her head. "It's not my place to explain. Give Gina some time. She will return and try to make you understand."

"What is there to understand? That she won't marry me? That we are through?"

"No, Ed. Please, don't push so hard. Let Gina come to you. Let her explain. Please."

I let my breath out, trying hard not to explode and say hurtful things to this lovely young woman. I was frustrated and not getting any relief from her. I finally got control of my emotions.

"Alright, Fran. I won't bother you again. When Gina decides she wants to explain herself, I guess I'll hear from her. Thanks for talking to me. I'm glad she's safe," I finished, turning and leaving the rehearsal area. I wasn't in any condition to play that evening.

My conversation with Fran didn't do anything for my mood. I'd learned nothing except that she was staying with Fran and Olivia. I was told to be patient and wait for Gina to reappear. The state I was in was not conducive to patience.

I went back to work on Wednesday and managed to be civil to everyone. I wasn't terribly enthusiastic about my work, but I did what I was expected to do and didn't insult or irritate any customers. Thank God I'd quit giving lessons. I wouldn't have been a fun tutor that day.

I contemplated not going to rehearsal on Thursday, but realized that was only hurting the other six members of the band. I had already excluded Gina from the group, assuming she had quit. I don't know why I'd made that judgment, but I had. We would have to make the best of working with just Fran as our female vocal lead until we could replace Gina ... assuming we could find someone half as good as her.

I arrived at the warehouse a couple of minutes before our usual start and walked in, heading for the rack where we kept our instruments. I got about ten feet inside the door before I saw what I did not expect to see. Gina! She was standing there, looking at me with an inscrutable smile. I stopped dead in my tracks.

Gina walked to me. "We have to talk," she said in little more than a whisper. She took my hand and led me back outside to the parking lot where we found a bench we could sit on.

"Sit down, Ed. I owe you an explanation and I've finally worked up the courage to give it to you. Please don't interrupt. It's been a terrible few days for both of us, I know."

I was about to ask a dozen questions before I realized she was summoning the willpower to tell me what her disappearance was all about.

She took a deep breath and turned to me. "You know how Fran had that secret that she had to keep for so long? Well, I have a secret too. It's not one I'm proud of and it's one I wish I would never have to reveal, but ... I can't keep it from you, Ed. I can't do that to a man I love and who loves me. We would build a life on a false foundation, and I can't do that."

"What are you talking about, Gina," I wondered, bewildered with her comments.

"Ed, from the time I was fifteen, I had been having sex with boys. I wanted to be one of the cool kids and letting some of the boys have their way was my path to popularity. Most of the boys knew that I would put out. When I was a senior, I got pregnant. I had sex with a guy who was working for a construction company. I don't know how it happened because he was using condoms, but I was definitely pregnant. I panicked. There was no way I could tell my parents. Mom would kill me ... or worse. I had to do something and the only thing I could think of was to get an abortion.

"I was lucky, Ed. The guy who got me pregnant agreed to lend me the money for the abortion. I thought he would run like a rabbit, but he didn't. That solved the first half of the problem. Now I had to find a way to disguise what was going on from my mother. Fran helped me with that. We pretended I had a fall and had injured myself. I told Mom I went to the clinic and they said it was just bruising and nothing else was wrong. Again, I was lucky. Mom bought it.

"I'm not proud of what I did. If there was any other option, I would have taken it. When I saw what Mom did to Fran, I knew then I'd done the only thing I could do. Peter and I weren't in love. It was just sex ... nothing more. As I said, I was pretty much the school slut. If the abortion did nothing else, it cured me of my reckless ways. Until I was with you, that was the last time I'd had sex with anyone. Now ... it doesn't seem to matter anymore. You know my secret. I won't blame you if you don't want anything to do with me."

I sat, listening intently to her confession. I felt for her. An accident ... then the consequences. Both daughters had faced trauma and survived it. It explained a lot. It was another secret she didn't dare reveal. But she told me when she knew what the consequences might be. I knew how I felt about Gina, and it was time to make sure she knew as well.

"Gina, you are a very brave young woman. I fell in love with your beauty first, but it's who you are and what's inside you that makes me love you even more. What's past is past. I know that must have been very difficult to admit, but I admire and love you for doing so. I don't feel anything different for you now than I did before you told me. I love you, Gina ... and I do want to marry you."

She leaped into my arms, tears now flowing freely. For the first time, I felt her unconditional love. All my doubts vanished. All my worries about her finding someone better than me seemed so irrelevant now. This was the proof that I needed. We were destined to be together. Her head went back and she smiled at me through her tears, still unable to speak.

We drove to our apartment and I led her back to our bedroom where we undressed each other. Nothing was more important to me right that moment than to make love to my lovely Gina. The fear and hollowness of my feelings over the past few days had not yet completely vanished, and I wanted this moment with her to complete our recovery.

We spent hours making love, bit by bit, nibble and kiss by nibble and kiss. The reaction of Gina's fabulous body told me that she had missed me as much as I had missed her. Her response to my attention was magnified beyond normal. She wanted me in her as much or more than I wanted to be in her. The orgasms were both small and large, but frequent as we leisurely lay with each other. We changed positions regularly for no other reason than to try something different. There was little if any conversation, but there were sounds from both of us as we felt the pleasure of our joining. Exhausted, we fell asleep in each other's arms, and for the first time in days, I slept.

~*~

We didn't go back to the rehearsal that evening. I'm sure Stan and Doreen must have wondered what was going on. Two key pieces of the band were missing and they didn't have any idea why. It was the next morning, just after we arrived at the store that the two of them arrived, looking for us. I had been intending to call one or the other of them and explain, but their appearance made that unnecessary.

"What's going on, Ed?" Stan asked as he approached us.

"Let's use Mark's office and we'll explain," I offered.

We trooped into the office, knowing that Mark wouldn't be in for another hour.

"I owe you an apology, Stan ... Doreen," I began with a deep sigh. "I asked Gina to marry me and after some time to herself, she said yes."

I saw the big smile appear on Doreen's face, while Stan was giving me what I thought was a poker smile. In other words, this didn't come as a startling revelation to him.

"Anyway, I wasn't in a good frame of mind when Gina was away, so I apologize for my sullen mood. I know it didn't help that neither of you knew what was going on. Anyway, it's all resolved now with a happy ending," I smiled.

"Oh, Gina," Doreen yipped in glee. "I'm so happy for you," she said as she nearly smothered my fiancée.

Stan was next, shaking my hand vigorously. "You had me worried, Ed. I thought maybe the band was coming apart. I'm glad it's worked out for both of you. Congratulations. But please don't do this again to an old man. I don't know if my heart can stand another one," he smiled.

To Be Concluded