All Comments on 'Sun, Sand & Seduction Ch. 02'

.Good writing developing their sexual desires, so write about htheir jobs as the beach bar's erotic F*** masseuses at tha African nudist obese swingers resort near Cannes & they are popular & average 20 half hour "sessions" per day each & they love mounting the huge horse-size hung Nigerian basketball players massive cocks .What fun .. Looking forward to Sharon's hot humping "massage" stories ... Thanks ,,,,:::::,,,,,,,,

As I neared the back of the house, Colleen came and motioned her to pull into a parking space next to the porch.

I stopped the car and gathered the wine and flowers. I stepped out and Colleen came toward her.

Her? Don't you think "her" should be changed to "me" as Sharon is the one telling the story? There are numerous problems like this throughout your stories. It almost makes me think the sotries are plagiarized and you're trying to hide the fact by making some not so subtle changes like that.

I made it well into page 3, when I bailed out of this series.

Tedious descriptions of clothes, unnecessary descriptions of food. Long dialogs that do not further the plot.

I hate to sound mean, but, frankly, I'm wondering if this was written by a woman who likes to hear herself talk? (My wife?)

Even though I sensed we were finally heading to a climax (possibly literally and figuratively) between the two ladies, I just decided I would no longer wade through so much superfluous verbiage that yielded so little forward progress to the story.

Goodbye

Paul in Oklahoma

Whilst I do see some errors, a careful read through before publishing would correct that. I like the building of the characters, gives more depth to the story as contrasted to the many wham bam and done kind on these pages. The description of the Sole dish made my mouth water. So please keep on as you are. never mind anonymous Paul!

Again, I would say a nice story a good idea, but dragged on with a little bit too much detail of unnecessary things. It’s nice to get a picture of the scene, but we don’t need to know how many steps there are on a flight or what colour someone’s shoelaces are, or if they double tied them. I think you’re a great storyteller but need to focus more on what matters or what’s interesting.