All Comments on 'Sunday Morning Going Up'

Well, a stereotypical whodunit. I had it fairly well figured until Gina came in as a second GF. But honestly, he didn't recognize the whore of an ex even in a blonde wig? Don't really believe that. I recognized her and I wasn't even there. The only thing I would have done differently would to have shot the whore, after all, she was already presumed dead and left him to suffer prison for it. Puta isn't strong enough for that kind of betrayal. Good story even if predictable.

and a double covert escapade, TK U MLJ LV NV

Trouble with having good stories on your resume, later ones will get compared to 'em. 3*

This was a speedy, fun read that was only a little painful to read because of the occasional clumsy Anglo garbacho-isms (malapropos) . Still the basic structure of the story was sound.

Francis Macomber has cojones muy grande for stepping out of his comfort zone and deserves a measure of credit for trying a new voice and switching reigonal settings. Cuatro y medea estrellas !

As usual!

Absolutely brilliant. I didn't see the twist with Gina coming. It was a total surprise. I figured the wife was involved. Very well done.

I wasn't going to get up this morning to do my workout (I read stories on my iPad while on the treadmill). But then I saw there was a new submission from my favorite author and I was up in no time. Not only do I love your writing, but you are helping me lose weight. Thanks.

What a writer, loved it from start to finish.

Very clever. One question though: why did Gina give the husband Don's address in Nevada? And obviously she didn't give Don a head's up about it, or he wouldn't have been showing himself in the casino with Felicia and getting caught off guard. If Gina really thought Don was her lover, why would she send an angry husband with revenge on his mind to him?

It would have worked better if the husband found Don's address somehow and then told Gina about it. Perhaps she then has no way of quickly contacting Don in Nevada either, and she knows she can't talk the husband out of going to Nevada, so she trails him to make sure he doesn't do anything to hurt Don.

And why did Gina give him Cavendish's address in the first place? It doesn't make sense, the whole thing was over. Also, all the mystery about going out to the boat, the boat could have easily been rigged with an explosive detonated from afar, or by a cell phone, no one had to go out to the boat. Too silly.

on why Gina gave him Don's address.

Still, all in all, an entertaining nifty little story.

A good story from a talented writer.

Certain realities aren't necessary when creating fan fiction. I read these stories like I am watching an episode of a TV show, and if it diverts me for an hour or so, then mission accomplished. You always do a fine job, and sure, I'd love to pick apart the minutia details. But if the flow of the story-telling comes across easy, then the problems with "realism" evaporate. It is difficult to pull off well, as it is a delicate balance. When the story is TOO farfetched, or the writing is poor, then continuity errors really distract, and the reader wants to tear the whole thing apart. I have always enjoyed reading your stuff, and I hope you keep at it, as one of the premier contributors to this site. Thanks!

why would the cops worry about where salizar was at the time of the explosion? unless they thought he shot the boat with a RPG, a bomb would have been placed long before the boat left the marina. so what if salazar couldnt prove he was asleep, he damn sure wasnt bombing a boat that had been at sea for four hours. also, what evidence did they have to justify an investigation? they only have the coast guard's report that it was accidental.

I liked this story a lot, but this is the kind of story where I'd like to see a little more follow up. Like with vindication for Andy, media outrage talking heads, Felecia with a ruined leg, on trial then in prison for all her ruined plans and ruined lives and murder. Etc. etc.

A+ we appreciate you writing the stories.

but i couldn't get past page three your main male character was made to sound and act so stupid i lost interest.

Great story and a twist didn't see coming :)

Well played Sir, well played.

Well done. Thank you.

Just enough twists and turns. Thanks.

An enjoyable read with plenty of twists to keep the reader interested all the way to the end.

one thought, does the husband get any money from thus situation ! ?

The movie was also set in Florida, but further South and on the Atlantic coast. And the attorney was male, but deliberately selected because he was known to be inept.

Shoulda seen it coming when Hubby declared his Legal Eagle to be a turkey, instead. He really didn't have enough evidence for that conclusion! But, I didn't see that LAST twist until she got there (pun on 'twist' intended!) I thought she MIGHT arrive to pull Hubby's bacon out of the fire (and she did, but NOT on purpose!)

Very enjoyable. Thanks for all the fish!

Helluva good read. Well written. Well edited. Good story line. Hot sex.

What more could anyone want?

You have a remarkable gift for powerful language, but you often undercut any potential emotional drama or power in your stories by refusing to let it take up more than a paragraph or two....usually ditching it in favor of 'made for TV' level wit.

And Gina was damaged goods too. Well written but predictable story line. Might work as plot for a film noir like Double Indemnity or Dial M for Murder. Needs a much darker tone.

or should I say "as usual". Keep writing such good stories please. Thks

I agree that the Sheriff saw to many TV shows and as a result jumped on the money trail, which was set out there to distract him. Gina should have guessed that she was in the cold when her business suddenly dried up.

I've been eagerly awaiting your latest story, and wasn't disappointed one bit when I read it. Your last submission, "Heart of the Prairie" was a classic, and I continue to wonder how you are able to come up with such interesting concepts. Great writing, as usual.

I never thought I'd be skimming parts of an FM story, but the scene between Mia and Andy was kind of gratuitous. I knew something interesting should be happening in an FM story so I didn't think the "Tab A in Slot B" sex would be essential.

And I was right. The action picked up immediately with the 4pm door knock and didn't really let up. A few holes in the plot were easily accepted. And I'm left in the afterglow of a fun story.

Miz Sara set the bar very high, but with this one you were able to walk under it standing tall.

Thanks so much for sharing your skill with these infrequent, but deeply appreciated stories.

Good to see you back!

good , but......

......where's the erotic part ?

Fun story. I enjoyed it and always look forward to your stories....Thanks

Wow! Talk about plot twists! Nicely done.

Addy winds up with nothing.gina is dead and he doesnot even get her.felica his wife is going away for life. Mia's family is going to really want some kind of revenge but all the players are dead or going to do life. If you can believe FeliCa and don really could set this up. Also FeliCa would have been found out or don would have to kill her off. So much for a story that if you think about it ,it just is a story,not plausible .

It got a little silly at the end.

Too much detail (which had plenty of errors) and your efforts "playing" Cuban were stilted. The story line was really interesting. The single line back and forth really gets old, but overall I found it a great read and am looking forward to your next. Thanks,

I had figured out most of it except for the lawyer. Glad she plugged the perp one (a woman scorned, eh?). Great to have MacC back.

Others have commented on the use of Cuban characters and I realize that it was a plot device to insert the redneck deputies into the story. However, you could have just made him a snowbird (northerner) and got pretty much the same result. A comment on purchase of the firearm in Nevada. No dealer would have ordered or even sold a handgun to someone from out of state at a gun show or in a shop. It's a violation of Federal law and the BATFE (Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives) frequently tries to make purchases like that. It's not worth losing your Federal Firearms License with the possibility of doing a stint in Federal Prison for a few dollars profit.

Even though you gave it away in the very beginning I liked it. I didn't see Gina's involvement but I knew Felicia was a whore and the swap had been a set up. Mia I wasn't sure about. Well written and worth five stars.

It was a fun read and I enjoyed the heck out of it. If Gina was part of the plot, what was the point in her giving Andy, Don's location? Even if Gina was unable to mishandle Andy's case to the point of conviction, Don & Felicia still had "gotten away" with the crime being ruled accidental. Don would have remained forever ignorant, and Gina probably still would have ended up dead, after confronting the murderous pair.

A good story with some holes, you never let us in on how his loving wife changed into a gold digging criminal. All of a sudden out of the blue she sets him up for a murder charge.how this don got Gina involved is a little far out. Andy plays detective and on a tip from Gina he finds the disappearing don. Only he sees his supposivly dead wife in a wig and doesn't recognize her. As theplot thickens all are dead but himself and Felicia the wife who is going to the chair or life in prison. Now how did any think they would pull this off.i am sure Felicia would have had to be killed to keep Don from getting caught. So much for a wild story. Keep writing go back to some miss Sarah episode s.

love the twist. made the story a lot less ordinary.

There is a very good twist at the end.

Even thou he died, Don was the man, all the women loved him, even the hero's wife would kill for him, so Don, you are the Man.

A story that refreshes and stimulates.

What is LSD thinking ?? Definitely 5*s. Look at the drivel being posted lately in LW.

I wish you would post more often but, an artist can't be rushed. Every story is entertaining and has twists. And even is free.

Salivating for the next one

AMerryMan

A story with an actual plot. 5

Of course the more intricate the plot, the more likely it has holes in it. The biggie for me was how could he fuck his lawyer (or anyone else) days after his wife died? And there was no real reason in the larger plot to require this. The rest was a bit fantastic, for example his wife was legally dead, so who was she then? All just details, by then but it was clear then that diabolical bad guys would loose (had lost) and the good guys left standing would win.

Not my kind of story, so I didn't vote.

Chilley

Many holes in this story, not the least of which was the BS about a licensed gun dealer illegally selling a handgun. I don't believe that a professional gun dealer would be willing to risk years in prison over a few dollars. That is no more believeable than a scene in which someone went to a pharmacy and illegally obtained controlled substances by offering the pharmacist a few dollars would be. Andy would be in big trouble when the police questioned him, i.e., breaking into a house with an illegally obtained handgun with the intention of assaulting the resident (and after crossing state lines). And why did Gina tell Andy where Don was hiding? Three stars, and I consider that to be generous.

The story is a good example, when the violance is right against a woman. ONLY THE SELFDEFENCE!

This read like a bad erotic thriller from the 1990's starring Shannon Tweed. I also don't like the fact that the wife's body isn't even cold and our hero is already fucking his lawyer.

I liked the way all of the loose ends came together to make sense in the end. The wife was damaged goods from the beginning who became unhinged when the husband's business almost went under during the recession. Don would have gotten rid of Felicia sooner or later. He probably sensed that she would do anything to have a secure financial future including getting rid of his wife. The criticism about Andy getting the gun is silly. Everyone knows that getting a firearm is a simple thing you can do in the US as long as you deal in cash. Another criticism about Andy sleeping with his attorney- 1 Wife is presumed dead; 2 Andy was no longer being suspect of his wife's murder; 3 Gina being a young attractive woman throwing herself at him making having sex is a no brainer; 4 No kids or family to look after and 5 There were no strings attached with the sex. If ther was no conncetion between Andy and Gina why would she pass on Don's location? Thanks for an interesting and erotic whodoneit - let those who criticize write their own story!

A few holes and he seems pretty cold hearted to be sleeping with his dumb bunny lawyer so soon after his wifes death. But otherwise, well told. I wonder if he'll get a reward for his discovering all this betrayal?

and its all easily explained.

Wife was driven to stay in the money.

Andy and Felicia couldn't have been that tight or he wouldn't have fucked Mia or agreed to okay Felicia fucking Don.

Don had a good plan and like most successful people he knew if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.

Fucking Gina was natural. People in desperate situations often turn to sex for comfort.

He missed a clue when Gina said she did the resorts minor legal work.

Gina's thinking is quite clear.Give Andy the address, let him confront Don, who by the way is now filthy rich AND unattached. Don confesses and Gina shoots Andy thereby gaining her boyfriends love and trust, not knowing about Felicia. Came with a gun should give you your fist clue. Guns aren't just for Xmas.

The evil-doers reveal was for the guy that came into the room halfway through and beer in hand asked what had happened. Tv movie or what?

Oh and the gun dealer in Reno? What part of U$A do you not understand? Criminal acts are perpetrated by stupid people, not necessarily dumb people. A wink and a nod and a few bucks the IRS doesn't know about.

FrancisMacomber. Ya'll done gud!

Another great story from this author. Even though I cringed with the husband and lawyer sex. I did get a big laugh about the Citrus County Florida and Crystal River setting as I know that area VERY well! And yes, the good old boy attitude described is basically true.

Didn't like the title, it did not work for the story, almost skipped it.....bill

I've read 'Dark at the Bottom of the Stair', 'Divide and Conquer' and 'the Honey Trap', and super really liked them all. Then I read 'I May Be Dumb…' and wasn't too thrilled with the bleakness of it…especially that whore, Julia, and her amoral, 'needed to be knocked down the ladder a few rungs' boss, Allen. It was a good story, but—. So anyways, this story has qualities similar to earlier ones I've liked by FM: great story, great characters, it tugged at my sympathies, had a couple cool surprises…and had a hearty helping of reprisal at the end. Super really neato, FM! A+

Played too loosely with the characters and plot.

Well written, both narratively and technically, intriguing plot, well-defined characters, apt dialogue. Thanks.

The ending was too short. Just as it started to get delicious, you truncated it prematurely. Lengthen it so we can all bask in the irony of it all.

Another good story from a great author. I enjoyed the story even though I don't like swapping. As I made some educated guesses as to where the story was going, some I got right and some I was waaaay off base. The ending did seem a little abrupt. I thought Gina was there to save him, nice twist.

and, how did the sinister manipulator have so much influence over the women in this saga? the swap was the most difficult to accept. for a husband who wanted to go on the extended weekend to help work on their marriage, he was talked into someone else's bed pretty fast. but then, even gina was willing to do whatever the mastermind wanted. oh well.

From Reno: South on I580 / US395 to US50. West on US50 to South Lake Tahoe, or onward to Sacramento and San Francisco. PS: Good story.

After he committed adultery with Mia. You wasted a fairly interesting plot on scumbag characters. It makes a difference, you know; even though Felicia turned out to be worse than Andy; I would have preferred to see him catch a bullet too.

As usual, well written and entertaining. The only feedback I have is that I was a little disappointed that Gina had to die. The poor girl had it rough the whole story except she probably suspected that Don had something to do with Mia's death. Still if she had lived you probably would have gotten that coveted tenth of a point to put you over the 4.50 rating from all the romantics out there. Yes, it was predictable but it was entertaining and we all know that is what makes it a lot easier to procrastinate. Well, back to what I'm supposed to be doing. Thank you for the story

Good story with pretty correct details other than I don't think Miami was ever in the SEC. They were an independent for many years until they joined the ACC. I wasn't the biggest fan of any of the characters but it was an interesting read.

put a bullet in Felicia's head with Gina's gun and a plastic bag on my hand and got rid of his own gun. Now he loses her insurance money, how sad never mind. TK

The Sheriff may not be able to arrest Don Cavendish, but the possibility that he left the building makes him a possible suspect also.

@SplitAces RE: Adultery:

While what they did may meet the dictionary definition of adultery, usually it refers to cheating, and since the sex was part of a mutually agreed upon swap, saying he committed adultery is unnecessarily inflammatory.

Still love it. Still five stars. Still a favorite. Might be your best. This was very well crafted. You are at your best when doing these crime dramas, such as you Miz Sarah series.

Did I miss the significance of the title?

It needed an epilogue. Just to tie up the loose ends. Damned shame about Gina.

Ok, we ALL saw the set-up with Don and Felicia coming from the moment she suggested a weekend away on page one, it was obvious. But I never saw Gina coming! Nice twist.

Gina made no sense.

Why did she tell Andy where her boyfriend Don was?

She did not know that he and Felicia were in on it. She was taken by surprise at the cabin.

Why did she go to Andy and not her boyfriend in Lake Tahoe if she was so in love with Don?

Meh, story broke down there.

Guess I am too observant. Seems no one else caught it.

Three weeks or less after the tragic death of his wife he jumps in bed with his lawyer???

In general I feel like gina's character got way less development than the others. It was a nice twist but she was just kind of stuck in there.

I still enjoyed the read though.

Keep it up.

NUF SAID

when it comes to women's morals. Mia was the dead winner; another died in a major conflict of interest; and the worst one is going down on Murder One in Florida, a death penalty state. Who's next, Andy?

The police could tell if Don was using a cell phone by looking at the phone number that was connected to his six business contacts. They then could triangulate that phone's location using cell towers. Thus they would determine that Don was at the boat. Gina being Don's girl friend was stretching the storyline. Also Andy would have told the police about the pivoting window.

I smelled the Felicia setup from page 1, but the Gina twist got me! ;-) A fun read, thanks....

Loved the Red Card finale!

You squeeze once, magazine empties in moments. A semiautomatic, you get one bang per pull. It matters because it was the moment before the flashback to the end of the story to realize he just got a regular old gun. I'd like to see him drag a bofurs 40mm. Not great for taking down jets, but good for a soft target if you can adjust the elevation right.

Anyway, I like how the retribution was meted. It would have been even darker if Gina and him didn't already decide too leave it at that.

I'm starting to see the dick between the lips repeatedly, maybe one time he can slap her cunt with the Johnson. Oh and uh like maybe they should have used sonar instead of radar. Well, I've been up for well over 96 hours so I'm going to take a nap.

EMRR: Yeah, except the shots were fired at Tahoe.

Agree with Anon ‘Too many holes’ that the Gina twist was an error. First, how was she involved in the death of Mia? Further, why would Don involve her in his machinations, except as an errant Hubby’s mistress? Why did she, in True Love with Don, initiate sex with Our Hero? Certainly not at Don’s behest, because he thought that his bases had been covered. Asking her to boff Our Hero might easily cause her to question Don’s love for her.

and neither team has a line-up card, TK U MLJ LV NV

and neither team has posted a line-up card, TK U MLJ LV NV

I don’t normally comment on stories posted here but after reading one of yours in the “Loving Wives” section I went to your page and am reading every one of your submissions and enjoying them very much. You have a delightful creativity in your stories which are well written and thoroughly thought out. Keep up the excellent work!

Jerry cans having been immersed in sea water wouldn’t have any fingerprints on them.

Just saying.

Of this coming then it must have been just about your first LW rodeo. Didn't expect Mia or Gina to get killed but fully expected Felicia and Don to be the cheaters ending up together with with all of the money they could steal. Since we didn't know anything about Gina's boyfriend other than not being around and since she was the attorney for the resort I wasn't surprised about him turning out to be Don. One quibble, unless it's changed recently it should have been key card as cardkey is actually Cardkey, a registered trademark, a company now owned by Johnson Controls. For the bigots out there, although it wasn't mentioned about lazy latinos if you happen to think they are lazy explain to me some time about all of the roads and complete civilizations they built with just animal and manpower in Mexico, Central and South America in some of the most remote places in the Americas. Just because I anticipated a lot of the plot doesn't mean it isn't a good story because it is. Signed: BTW

But who cares? I come here for some distraction, and this read did not offend me one bit, in fact I enjoyed it immensely.

As to the fingerprints getting washed off the fuel cans... it's amatuer fiction on a free website, not a Wilbur Smith adventure novel. I am sure FrancisMacomber's research budget is bulging from all the money he makes posting these... free... stories. Do you understand that? Get over yourself.

He should have killed the wife and kept the insurance money. Hide her body and leave the bodies to be found later.

Reality only suspended for a good story.

Almost broke builder suddenly has funds and super agent man

Attorney business and all time and money

Love swinging and then Gina mourning period not necessary

Soon as swinging and boat telegraphed end

Just wish not wasted time

Enjoyed it the second time reading it. Creative.

End of page one I bailed out.

Watch someone else’s fuck my wife?

Don’t think so.

Marriage is by definition a monogamous relationship.

Plenty of other sexual things to do that don’t destroy a marriage.

Bill

I knew what would happen early on and also stopped reading. Didn't want to read about another evil wife betraying another husband with another Mr. Everything Tycoon. Sorry.

Meh

I've given you 5 stars for this one however it was a very poor idea to completely erase a man's grief for having lost his wife In such a tragic way. That is simply just too far stretch. That said very nice twist and turn at the end very nice ending.

A recycled plot (from himself, so it's okay) with an extra twist at the end. It's a good plot, but the part where the hero receives unexpected back up at the crucial moment in the midst of the villain's lair is so lame. It looks right out of a low budget 70's detective show.

Decent tale but one twist too many for me and would a truly heartbroken man have sex with his lawyer within days of his wife's death.

LA

That is one evil wife. Damn.

None of them are good people, the husband included.

Good story

So all it took was a wig to make his wife of many years incognito? And the complications of the whore supposedly being dead, and then one day needing medical treatment, and her records are in another name. And of course the biggest plot fault is that his loyal loving faithful wife becomes a betraying criminal soulless monster trying to send him to prison, and the deaf dumb and blind cuck doesn't have a clue? Preposterous. But thanks for the effort.

All the soccer references kept putting me to sleep. Decent, you lost me with the, "Oh my goodness, that wig changed my wife's appearance sooooo much, I didn't recognize her or even her voice!" Still a five. Barely.

LMAO

3 star for the lack of epilogue. Ftds!

Ridiculous. This is as corny, melodramatic and contrived as one of those latino telenovelas.