All Comments on 'Sundown'

just plain strange?

The composition was confusing, grammar was atrocious, the plotting was erratic, and no ending to the story.

I always try to find something good in any new story, but this one just flat sucked! Do you have any friends or relatives that reached the 5th grade? This "story" had ZERO redeeming value. Punctuation, grammar, spelling and "plot?" were nearly nonexistent. Keep your day job washing dishes!

Great story and well told. Kind of wish he at least listened to her excuse for hooking up with Sundown. The PI he hired even mentioned that his wife looked as if she was under duress to have sex with the man in the video. At least with the sit down with his wife there would of been closure. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

Taken on its own its not a complete story, and with the grammar troubles it leaves the reader feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. The pacing and characterization was good but the dialog was poorly formated and as such very hard to follow. The problems are primarily mechanical, so with a good editor your story could be among the best on this site.

but it doesn't seem to make much sense to me either way. Sorry, this one doesn't seem to work at all, far too disjointed. Gordon's song deserves better.

Gordon Lightfoot you ain't, Harddaysnight you ain't.

Maybe you should try writing about "The wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald" and you will have more luck putting a story together.

No plot, no rime, and no reason for this story, and no ending either.

Again this story just SUX a big one.

The story has potential and as one other comment says "you need an editor".

Finish the story.....

You spent way too much time repeatedly telling us why he loved Mary, to the point where I started skipping over portions. We have no idea why she turned pro. We know she was lousy at at it. Now, he dies in a snow storm. Why bother to even write?

This is way too bad because at first the story had some merit.

-ttom

This was the most confusing story I've read on this site, and believe me some are really bad. Didn't make sense at all. You need help, get an editor if you're going to continue writing.

This story is unfinished. Possibly the author intended a part 2. If so, it would have been more polite to label this story "Ch. 01." That way, the reader has the option of waiting until all of the parts are published before starting to read the story. If there is no part 2, then this story is incomplete and a waste of time, because it is only 1/2 of a story. I never would have started to read it had I known there was no ending, and I suspect a lot of other readers feel the same way.

As an avid reader and non-writer/ writer myself (ie; I don't write for Literotica) I have two suggestions. First, is get an editor. Your mind corrects spelling, punctuations, etc making very difficult to proof read your own stuff. Secondly, chop your longer paragraphs up into smaller ones. Even though it may not be technically correct, it makes it easier for the reader to follow the thought. Looking forward to the next chapter.

I'll chime in with everyone else. you got us hooked. why did she cheat? does he die or get back to her? It's a good story and it's not confusing at all. but finish the sucker, or at least give us a chapter two.

Well written, excellent set up for a climax and denouement.

Your story was a good one , but disappointing as it had too many unanswered questions at the end , perhaps another chapter to close up the loose ends . It was a bit rough writing but you obviously put thought and effort into it , well done . The author PAPATOAD is a good one to look at for story balance . Keep em coming .

that should not end in a snowstorm! Please continue?! Thank you, and I look forward to your next chapter!

I had to skim through this story, because our hero is the most head strong, stupid SOB ever to grace the face of the planet. No self control, no common sense, doesn't listen to anyone, just fly off the handle and get stupid. You may have guessed by now that I don't like people like this, so your character is not someone I would care enough to read about. Just my opinion of course, others obviously disagree.

Needs to be finished even if our hero Dies in the Storm. it should be written.

You got that right but actually every facet of "brain Dead" (that's what I call him) is due to the writers warped mind. Strangfart didn't write a good story..Are you sure it isn't Matt Moreau writing under a diferent name. Thiis one sounds about as sick and stupid

you need to go buy a good, short paper back book. read it and learn how to write simple dialogue sentences and then come to literotica and try writing again.

Great story. thanks

I would really love to see, what wife had to say, weather they be together or not , explaination is necessary of husband to see where it went wrong, how can someone be so careless about reason, your loving wife fucking with no reason?

in strory only one person talks.

It seems to be "de rigueur" on Literotica that writers do not finish their stories.<p>

It is not easy to write a good ending and it seems that the writers on Literotica just abruptly throw in anything to "end" the story, whether it makes sense or not.<p>

When you stop and think about it, the story makes no sense at all.

There are so many holes it is confusing to follow or understand why things are happening like they are.

So why in the hell did she fuck the loser Sundown? Why was a point made that she looked like she was being coerced then nothing more is made of it?

Weird.

After losing his feet, hands, and penis to frostbite, he finds his wife was working off a loan she had made that had gone bad. A loan she had used to make the down payment on the car he loved. Now hes home with a car he can't drive and a loving wife he can't fuck. which is good since he's too stupid to drive or to breed. Do we really need another chapter? I think not. Please author, start a new story without such dumb characters.

I hope to god you're planning on doing another chapter for this story. Otherwise, it seems to me that I've just wasted my valuable time in reading this thing. 15 minutes of my life I'll never see again.

He does not know how to end a story either.

smoke and write.

I liked your story. I did not read the version before editing, but this one is good. I'm moving on to the sequel now. Keep up the good work.

Loving this story. Mustang owner as well First one was a 64 1/2 current one 2006 gt convertible and yes it's the wifes she bought it for her midlife crisis

What a fucked up ending!!!!

Just one of many

It's called proof-reading

FIRE your editor

Simply horrid. This ending is a piece if fucking shit.

So...our hero leaves everything behind and runs away in a snow storm to almost die.

Did you just get finished with an MM marathon when you wrote this?

but was the ending written by a woman?

Funny as hell, that this was one of the Strang's original postings. He's been rewriting this same story over and over again in endless replication for the last decade.

Same characters, same Evil Woman Destroys Saintly Man, same plotlines with the same plot holes. Bet that's hard on the Mustang suspension!

Whining about spelling or other basically formatting technical malfunctions is stupid. Shit happens with our cacophony of mediocre programming and incompatible machinery.

Still we all keep coming back to read & re-read his stories to feed our ad-dick-tive, anal retentive personalities.

@fanfare It is difficult understand for you, but at 55% cheating rate there are husbands who did not deserve his wives cheated on him!

Every time that I see statistics on cheating there is no more than 8% difference between men and women cheating.

Then take into account:

Men always exaggerate the amount of sex and number of partners they have.

Women always minimize how much sex and number of partners they have.

Sampling error is usually 4%

So it is possible that women cheat more than men.

I don't usually buy into the "fragile male ego" garbage, but I think it at least partially applies here.

Without talking to her to find out exactly what is going on, and why, he has decided that OBVIOUSLY he has failed as a husband and lover, and she NEEDS other guys to satisfy her.

I'm a male, 63 yrs old, 24 yr Marine veteran and happily married for 38 yrs. I too have an ego an id and a subconscious, therefor I AM. Male or otherwise, these things I know.

1. Fidelity in marriage as in life is paramount!

2. Honesty in marriage is an utter necessity.

3. TRUST in a marriage is the very foundation of that marriage.

These three things were lost in this story's marriage. The reasons are important but do not mitigate the results.

There, but for the fidelity and honesty of my wife and the trust I place in her, go I.

and then spent good money to find out what he couldn't figure out. TK U MLJ LV NV

Can't believe I missed this story, Stang!

I was a runner the same way as John was. I'd been aware my wife was being hounded by an old boyfriend of hers and warned her to make sure she stayed away from him. Apparently, from reports around town, he was hung like a mule. My wife never mentioned his big cock, in fact, she never talked about ever having sex before me. But I have to admit, she was pretty loose from the first time out of the box, or was that, in the box?

One day a buddy stopped by and showed me a couple pictures he'd taken and had developed, this was back in the 80's. He didn't want to show me, but couldn't bring himself to not warn me. Four pictures showed the love of my life, I was a virgin until her, opening the front door of our home to her old boyfriend, then a picture through the living room window of them kissing, the third being her on her knees sucking him and finally, she was on her hands and knees taking it from the back. It had happened the week before, the same day I warned her about him. He had duplicates and gave me both sets.

She was all lovey dovey when I came home that night but I was sick, same as 'John' in the story. I mentioned her boyfriend and she became angry with me, accusing me of not having any trust in her. We'd been trying to get her pregnant for about a month, after she'd went off birth control after we made the decision to have kids finally, after 7 years of marriage. I'd bet the look on my face was the same as if I'd seen a three headed dragon after what she accused me of. Yeah right, I had a reason NOT to trust her.

She went into the kitchen and started banging around, making dinner, I suppose. No matter, I went upstairs and got out our two suitcases and filled them with my best and newest clothes, put my pistol in one of them and my cased rifle and shotgun on my growing pile. There really wasn't much more that I wanted. We really didn't own much, the house was rented, we hadn't any savings and we lived from my paycheck to paycheck. When I toted my pile downstairs, it was sad to think I could carry everything I wanted in one load, including a sleeping bag and my pillow, I just about cried. She was still in the kitchen cooking so I laid out the four pictures in a row and tore a piece of paper off a bill and just wrote: GOODBYE. I put it down next to the 4th picture with my wedding ring on top.

I walked out the back door and around the house to my truck. It was a 1972 Chevy 4x4 with a 4 speed tranny and a small block 400 I built myself. I still have that old truck. I had a canopy on it and so I threw everything in the back, took one last look at our house and got in. Right then, before starting the engine I almost lost it and went back to see if we could work things out. But then it dawned on me, SHE cheated with an old boyfriend with a huge cock, not me. I fired up the engine and as I backed out, she came out the front door to see what was going on. The window was down so I stuck my hand out, waved and hollered GOODBYE.

Now, 30 years later, I know I did the right thing. After a couple years I drove back to see my folks and unfortunately while I was there, I ran across my ex. She was waddling down the street, man had she put on the pounds! When I left, she was about 120lbs on a 5'7" frame. I bet she was close to 300lbs when I saw her. Thankfully when I saw her, I was just leaving town after having spend a week with my parents. They told me she came to them so they could tell her where to find me but they had to admit, no one knew where I was. She tried to explain it was all a misunderstanding and we could fix it if only she could find me.

I guess big cock boyfriend moved right in after she talked with them, a whole 48 hours after I left. They were still together while I was there but rumor had it, he was fucking someone else already and he'd already put her in the hospital with a helluva right cross. She finally broke down and filed for divorce under abandonment and I was a free man. When I drove past the fat cow on my way out of town, I rolled my window down and waved at her, hollering GOODBYE!

It was only a few years ago I saw her for the second time. My wife and I drove back to see my mom, my dad had passed. We took our three sons too, even though all of them were out of the house. When we stopped in to the local Deli to have a sandwich, guess who the waitress was? Yep, it was the slut and damned if she hadn't packed on a few more pounds! You know that squinty piggy look fat women get around their eyes? That was her and I hardly recognized the woman I'd been madly in love with.

I hadn't changed that much. I still weighed the same 180lbs on a 5'11" frame and my boys were all built like me. My wife, at 5' and 100lbs is still cute as a bug. But the ex, insert shudder here, well, I'm glad she was an ex. She was polite as was I and I introduced her to my wife and boys. She cried then, that's when I found out she finally left her horse cock boyfriend and she the baby she was pregnant with. She didn't come right out and say it, but she insinuated it was mine. The stress of our divorce 'caused' her to lose it. Yeah, right. She never had kids because she married a guy that wasn't able to have kids.

Just last year, she passed after a massive heart attack. My wife sent flowers and our regrets. The only thing I regretted, was that I didn't take a more proactive stance and kept them apart. Well, not really. I love my current wife like nothing I've ever felt before.

What kind of an ending was that? Luckily there's a ch. 2. Hopefully the real ending is there.

incomplete. No rating

A person who allows another to destroy their life is very weak. Confirm, confront, and act is the best thing to do in a situation like this. After knowing his wife is cheating, going home unable to confront her shows how weak he is. A strong man would not let this situation run him out of his home town. Even though he killed the enemy when he confronted him; there is a difference between being a coward and being weak. I was taught that you come into the world and leave the world alone. There is no one you can't live without while you are here.

You don't know shit. He DID face her. She KNOWS why he left her and he stated why he was leaving the 'friends' who ASSumed that HE was guilty of SOMETHING and were 'right there' to give HER comfort but then, when they knew the FACTS, were motionless and dead silent. Not a movement toward him to console him for how HE felt.... not a word of apology for stupidly ASSuming that he was guilty of doing something that hurt her without ever considering the possibility that it was HER who'd done something. Soooooo, Mr. Macho Know-it-all.... Go fuck yourself. ..... He left a cheating slut who sold her husband's pussy for a few bucks a fuck and a bunch of stupid assholes like you in his rear view mirror. ..... She makes HIM shower before he can fuck her but thinks nothing of fucking the the unwashed customer off the street?? She's lucky he didn't bury a blade in her cunt. This was a five star story.

Nice start.

But needs more.

So was she forced? she acted like it.

Was never addressed.

You have him leaving.

Now needs the aftermath. Did he learn the reason and forgive?

Did he learn the reason and dump any idea of forgiveness?

Love your stories but this one is not complete which is unusual for you.

he is doing this on Empty, TK U MLJ LV NV

And the ending is .....?

I enjoyed the story.and I am happy to find that there is a chapter two. My guess is that Sundown had some threat over her head to get her to work for him. Guess we'll find out in two.

When I heard President Kennedy was assassinated and exactly where I was when I heard about the Edmund Fitzgerald going down. I saw Lightfoot twice in concert back in the '80's in Michigan, it's a rare thing to hear a performer sound exactly like their recordings on vinyl, at least in the days before Autotune. For years he performed that song on the anniversary of the sinking in the Mariner's Cathedral in Detroit, the same one mentioned in the song.

In the story I suspicion Sundown had some sort of hold over Mary so I'm glad there's a second chapter. I agreed when he asked why people always seem to assume the man was the cheater, I know from personal experience that women are just as likely to cheat. So far one of your better efforts. The song is one of my favorites, Rainy Day People and I'm Not Supposed To Care would be a couple of other good choice efforts if you were so inclined. Signed: BTW

So, explain to me why he went to a bar? Why didn't he go straight home and confront his wife with what he knew about her? I really hate stories that are engineered. No man would stand back and not say anything having seen his wife fuck anther man. As soon as he didn't do what any normal man would do it spoiled the story for me. The story became a cheap B-movie story where the author doesn't know how to write a story that handles real life reactions. Yes, it's fiction but that's not an excuse to ignore the obvious and the obvious would have been to have him go home immediately and confront his wife.

Too fucked up

If You Are Looking

For Arlene and her truckstop, I-94 Exit 92, head North, it's on the right side. Yes, they do serve good food, especially breakfast and are open 24/7.

/

Would have thought she' d have known he wasn't driving the pony since it's in the garage.

/

Don't remember for sure how it ends but I'm pretty sure I know who Arlene is, so on to find out for certain. Signed: BTW

Hate stories where the guy is so fucking hung up on the bitch you can already see the reconciliation coming from the second page. Why in gods good name would a winner in life (as the author makes every main character seem to be) not be able to find another nice lady to trust and love? Because readers are like mushrooms; keep them in the dark and feed them shit.

Why the need to lie about Sundown falling in his own knife? He has a perfectly good self-defense case with Sundown going for his gun.

I want a story where your Mustang cheats on you. That would be a RAAC story I bet!

Re @Anonymous: "Hate stories where the guy is so fucking hung up on the bitch you can already see the reconciliation coming from the second page." DITTO!

To much left out, why was she doing it, etc. etc.?.? Where’s the ending?

Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.

Enjoyed this part i wait till i finish the next part to comment.

Just can’t support a tale where the husband is made out to be a wimp and sad little man. No one has such love as you made his out to be. Why would he throw away everything when his wife was the whore? Makes no sense

Yes she did him wrong, but the mc clearly saw the video, she wasn't enjoying it and he knew that sundown reputation. I agree with Mary's friend calling him an asshole, for entirely reason, they didn't know about her cheating. But we as readers know about it and how the mc responded to it. He could clearly just walk away after hearing her reasons. What if she was blackmailed into doing it? After not hearing her reasons and Mary dies and he finds out? Could he live with that? And him telling her about marriage vows is laughable, what about him? He clearly didn't visit her in hospital to look after her. In sickness and in health. No matter how this story goes the mc is clearly a douche