All Comments on 'Surprising Results Pt. 01'

Expected it that the summoning is a succubus.

You have some good writing and editing, but your story is missing a couple elements.

Why is such a nice guy summoning demons? Even if he did not expect it to work, the trouble undertaken to perform the ritual shows that he was serious about working with demons. So why is all of a sudden mister nice-and-shy around a female? Why did he need a bodyguard at all?

What is his relationship with his roommate that he needs a reason to have a female in the bathroom? Why could he not just say that it was a girl that he hooked up with? The mere fact that he has a female roommate and a previous girlfriend suggests he is pretty confident around women.

I hope that you will answer these questions in the next chapter before you start throwing in major conflicts. You have the potential for a good series, but your audience should know (and like) your protagonist first.

I was just getting into it and it finished, lots more soon please.

I like it so far! Keep writing, please! I thought there might be a chance it was a succubus, but then thought maybe like some transporter accident that the woman was a human soul being tortured by the demon being summoned, and she was caught in the spell because of her obvious proximity to the Oni. That would set up an interesting number of problems. Who was she in life? How bad is she? Does she have any powers at all? Was she granted powers as a Trojan horse or turncoat human wanting to be a demon? If just a tortured soul she would not want to go back to hell and would probably do anything (kill, etc) to stay out. Desperate people make bad decisions. And hell would want their prisoner back.

Alternately, what if the succubus was sent as a gag by some On I with a sense of humor knowing the guy wanted a body guard so they sent someone who would eat him? Or hell did that on purpose to get him down there for messing with them. Or maybe she's an Oni in disguise? Transgender? Lots of ways to go.

I hope there will be more, because this was a great start.