All Comments on 'Sweet Cyn'

You have the makings of a very good series. The build up is well paced and even as Cyn and Jonnie discover their true feelings for each other. That being said the next question are they gonna get caught by Mom? I think that Jonnie wants to bed mom too.

It appears that maybe just maybe mom figures the reason the kids get along so well that maybe they are already lovers. Now that they are lovers it time for both of them to repay mom by loving her the way she should be. I don't think mom would object being love that way as I think she longs to have that back in her life.

I am looking forward to the next chapter and see where you take everything. Keep up the good work.

Loved it! 5*****, please write more about these too! Great job!

Of course, mom is spending her weekends with some guy she's met, and that will come out about the same time as she finds out about her kids. Where will it go from there? Good story, but a little stilted and hesitant somehow. It was hard to get into the flow. But keep going - maybe let someone else edit.

A few typos nad misuse of particular spellings; an editor would fix that, I suspect.

5 stars for a great story! Keep writing!

That said, write lots more please.

I hope to see another chapter or two or five, Keep writing.

I agree, keep writing! The story was very good, just a little slow moving . I hope you have more to come!

and I'll keep reading

more plz...

but a bit long winded,took wat to long to get to the point

Was kind of weird you say you came from just a little grinding or something similar but nothing else before that. Then not much at all about the feeling of penetration being a virgin. Then continuing another session immediately after the first being a virgin is not likely. Next time, proofread for details because it makes a difference.

Plz! More! More! MORE! So sweeet!

The build up was a little slow, but when you got there the story filled my mind and I couldn't stop reading. Good work!

Great build up to a good ending. Very erotic too. Can't wait for your next story!!!!!

Aside from a few spelling and grammatical errors, it was really sweet. Get yourself an editor for the third chapter.

Not bad at all. A few typos but I like the level of emotion involved. Looking forward to the next chapter.

MULTIPLY FLAWED

full time (full-time)

John and I (me)

anymore sleep (any more)

back yard (backyard)

Coco Puffs (Cocoa)

self respecting nineteen year (self-respecting nineteen-year)

four-oh-clock (four o’clock)

you not bad looking (you’re)

that (-at) standing

a jar (ajar)

attention (to) the movie

part of (the) day

sandy haired (sandy-haired)

somewhat RESTLESSLY. I woke up RESTLESSLY (WERE YOU RESTLESSLY RESTLESS????)

skirt and tank (top)

did weights (lifted)

self consciously (self-consciously)

half a pretty (as)

me to bed him (into) (with)

up stairs (upstairs)

in toe (tow)

rare bread (breed) (SOURDOUGH????)

tooth brush (toothbrush)

wolf whistled (wolf-whistled)

new found (newfound)

Whatever women (woman)

in side (inside)

couldn't bare (bear)

hard on (hard-on)

my last boyfriends (boyfriend’s)

one night stand (one-night stand)

as (an) insult

wide eyed (wide-eyed)

she (can) cum real good (really well)

I’ve read too many other stories on Lit that were much more lovingly crafted. The basic concept was ok, but it wasn’t implemented well. Her voice didn’t sound like a woman or girl speaking, but a man trying and failing to imitate a woman. The whole thing felt rushed and lacking in development, like it was just thrown together. It also felt like no one bothered to proofread the story—there were many errors in spelling and grammar, missing words and extra words. The only reason I finished it was because of all the authors I’ve read on Lit who have complained about readers not bothering to leave feedback.

I won’t be reading the second chapter or any more from this author. I don’t understand the relatively high rating on this first chapter—4.52 as of the time of my reading. Since all three of your submissions are from 2013, and it’s now 2017, I assume you have stopped writing. If you decide to try your hand at it again, I suggest comparing your story to others that are more highly rated and have received uniformly high praise. Perhaps that will give you some ideas of how to improve. And do make use of the free, volunteer editors here on Lit. They can make a huge difference.

Barry

It is not fair. Although I am a man, I think so also.

I like this story, just a little more detailed