Sweet Southern Comfort

A soft sob escaped his lips. "I'm so sorry, Liam. I never meant for anything to happen to you."

I forced myself up on one elbow, only slipping once, damning the misfiring nerves that allowed it to happen. "You didn't. It wasn't your fault. Whoever spiked my drink, you had nothing to do with it."

Jackson looked away and shut his eyes hard, letting one tear slide down his cheek. "I did. I was his target. It was a fluke that you drank it instead of me."

I reached out to touch his face, brushing the tear away. "How could you have known that? What's happened?"

Jackson looked back at me, kissing my palm. "He came after me last night." He swallowed hard, as if fighting throwing up. "He followed me home one night from the hospital. He waited for me. He... He... He..."

I placed my hand over his mouth, hoping to God that what he fought to say wasn't what my fears led me to think. "It doesn't matter. He's caught? Can't do this again?"

Swallowing tears, fighting the loss of composure, Jackson pulled himself together. "No. Never. He can't." He looked away. "The guy is linked to other cases, in New York and San Francisco." He stood, pacing angrily. "The bastard has done this for three years. His ass is grass. He won't ever do it again."

I sat up completely, arranging my hands in my lap. "That's all that matters now. You caught him. He isn't going anywhere. We're both safe."

Jackson stopped in mid stride, staring down at his feet; his shoulders slumped in utter defeat. "Perhaps not so safe."

"What do you mean?" I could feel him slipping away from me. The panic welled inside me, hurting more than I could ever say.

He turned to me, still slumped. "I didn't catch him. Erik did. He... he came into my house and got my gun while I was in the shower. He cut the phone lines." He shrugged his shoulders. "He cuffed me to the bed and... he forced me to blow him. I bit my lip when he chained me up." He sat in front of me, looking at me, pleading with his eyes. "After he came, he told me he was HIV positive."

My throat closed with fear. "Oh my God."

He took my hand. "I'm pretty sure he was fucking with me, cher. But we won't know for a few days for sure."

I took Jackson's hands in mine, pulling them to my lips, kissing the knuckles. "Are you okay? Did he... did he...?"

He shook his head hard. "No. Erik got there before he could rape me. But I won't know if I caught anything until his tests are back." He looked away. "It'll be two weeks after he tests positive before I can find anything out."

I swallowed my fear and my hopelessness. "We'll wait it out together. We won't borrow trouble until then."

Jackson looked at me; a brief smile crossed his lips before he scowled. "Don't! Don't do that."

I stared at him, letting him see my confusion. "Why not? I love you."

He shut his eyes; the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "Don't" It came out as a whisper. "Don't love me. I'm not worth it. Find someone else. Be happy. Find a man who can have a family with you."

I watched as he stood to leave, hurt beyond belief. "Why are you doing this?"

He stopped near the door; his shoulders slumped. "You deserve someone better. I can't give you what you want."

I had one card left to play; only one, and it stung the pride to use it. "Don't you love me?"

He turned at the door, still crying. "No."

I sat in stunned silence for perhaps three seconds, long enough for the slowly closing door to shut. The click woke me up, drew me out of my stupor and forced me to run. Forcing my misfiring muscles to move I stood up, grabbing the side of the bed, teetering on rocky knees. The first step felt like walking on pins and needles. I wasn't too sure of my equilibrium as I stepped towards the door. With jerky, half-sure steps, I made my way to the door to open it and look down the hall, to see the elevator doors close on Jackson's slumped, sobbing form.

Raw determination kept me moving, three steps down the hall before an overzealous nurse stopped me with a million questions. I didn't even realize I was crying as she led me back to my room and called for the doctor. I refused to get back into bed, sitting in the chair, waiting for the doctor to release me. After a long, hot shower and two days of physical therapy and other tests, I left the hospital, driven home by Erik and Claire.

I spent half the drive home grilling Erik about Jackson. "Where is he?"

Erik kept sharing special looks with Claire, staring into her eyes, seeking help. "I don't know. No one has seen him since the morning he left the hospital."

Panic took my voice from me; forcing me to clear my throat twice before I could ask, "Has that bastard gotten free? To get Jackson again?"

Claire turned to look at me in the backseat. "No, sweetie, Andy Forester is still in the hospital under armed guard."

"That's his name? That could be anyone."

Erik looked at my eyes in the rearview mirror. "Precisely. No one suspected him. There is not one single thing that is special about him: average height, average hair, and average eyes. He's boring, non-descript. That's half of why he did what he did."

"And the other half?"

Erik shrugged. "As arresting officer, I'm only getting half of what they uncovered. But it sounds like he grew up well to do, everything easy for him... except for men. When one would spurn him, he'd go after him and take it, because that's what he knew." At a stoplight he turned around to look at me. "It doesn't excuse what he did, but it goes a long way to explain it."

"Great. Why'd he pick Jackson?"

Erik shrugged. "Jackson's everything he isn't. He's tall, good looking, and after he followed him home, pumped some people at the hospital for information, found out he was a cop, well... what better way to prove you could have anyone? Take a cop, force him, and take whatever you wanted. It was the ultimate goal."

I nodded at his words. Somehow, my hand had found its way into Claire's. "Have the test results come back yet?"

"I don't know."

I nodded again and sat in silence, thinking the rest of the way home. When we got there, Claire offered to join me. I refused. After all, I had work the next day. I went into my house, noticing how silent it was. In the few weeks since my mother died, my house had become just that, a house. It wasn't home. I don't think it ever would be a home again. On a rash impulse, I called a friend from school, and started the ball rolling to sell the place. It was legally mine, had been in my name for years. I'd miss the backyard and hot tub, but I could make a bigger, better backyard with a huge deck, big gazebo covered hot tub, and a barbeque pit, just like Jackson liked it. At that thought, tears welled in my eyes. He may have left, may have gone away, but that didn't mean I had fallen out of love with him. He was confused, scared, and hurt. I'd wait for him. I'd hunt him down and make him see reason.

Time. Time was all we needed. Time for the test results. Time for the house to sell. Time for Jackson to come to his senses. I had no earthly reason to sit back and wait, but for a few days, I would.

*** Erik ***

When I applied for the job across the country, my family thought I was crazy. No one could understand why I'd want to uproot my life and my career from everything I'd ever known. The answer was simple. My family smothered me. My career choices stagnated. My boss saw me as a dopey nincompoop. How could I not leave?

A Swedish father who'd retired from the police force; my Irish mother's brothers and cousins all were cops. Even in Minneapolis, I got nowhere. My family protected me. So it was a small town in the mountains that I moved to. Who cared? When the job opening became available, something inside told me that it was the right thing to do. When I came out for my visit, to determine if this was really what I wanted, I found my home.

Jackson LeDeux turned out to be an honest, tough but fair chief. The town was charming and the people in it were open and welcoming. I had fallen in love with the place before the first day ended. Then I'd gone to dinner at Jackson's house and met his boyfriend. Having an openly gay boss didn't bother me in the least. In fact, it made me respect him more. It couldn't have been easy for him, and the fact he was as well respected as he was, only made me want to work for him more. Then she rounded the corner of the house. Claire.

My heart stopped beating in my chest. My breath hitched. I'm surprised I didn't sound like some lovesick puppy when I spoke with her. Never in my life had I ever been that affected by a woman. My hands trembled as I ate. New Orleans' finest foods barely registered on my tongue as I ate, never taking my eyes from the ravishing beauty sitting across from me. Liam sat beside me, and from the occasional glance I gave him; I knew that he and Jackson were almost as far-gone as I was. When I left for my hotel and Claire asked for a ride, I almost leapt for joy.

As she directed me through the streets towards her home, my throat closed up as she chatted about little trivialities about the town. I filed it all away, knowing I'd never forget a single word she said to me, but unable to respond to her at that moment. The drive was over far before I was ready. As I stopped the car, she leaned in to me, kissing my cheek. I felt my pulse triple and my blood pressure rise towards stroke levels. "Thanks for the ride, Erik."

"Any time, Claire."

She turned to me more completely, smiling and slightly breathless as she brushed her lips against mine. Pleasure, shock, and nervousness flooded me as I gasped at the touch of her tongue against my lip. "Stop."

When Claire pulled away from me, my mind, my heart, my everything was in too much turmoil to do more than nod at her thanks as she left me. As a last minute desperation move, I memorized her address before driving back to my motel. I sat in a fog, long after I should have been asleep.

Before I left for the airport, I couldn't help it. I had to speak to Claire. With a quick call to Jackson, promising an answer within the day, I finagled Claire's phone number out of him. Just hearing her voice on the line made my heart beat fast. I'd never felt this way before. At twenty-four, I was still a virgin. My mother firmly believed that sex without marriage was a sin and I'm the only of her four children who followed her beliefs. Not that I hadn't been tempted to try it, but when it came time to actually crawl into bed with someone, my heart wasn't in it. I tried to make Claire understand that when I talked to her; that her kissing me practically threw my entire belief system out the window. I'd have loved to have taken her to bed and explored everything with her, but my own naïveté had kept me from acting.

The flight home to Minneapolis was over before I knew it. The only thing I did know for sure was that I would take Jackson's offer. After grabbing my bags, I headed for my car. As I took each step, the rightness of my decision cemented itself. I would no longer by Erik Johansen, the nincompoop grandson. I was going to be needed and respected, not because I came from a long line of policemen, but because of my work. In a way, it was like starting over. But not really, I'd already start three steps ahead.

Telling my family proved to be an entirely different hurdle. As I headed to the house for dinner, I grabbed my cell phone. I punched in the number and waited for the slow, southern drawl to answer.

"LeDeux."

I chuckled. "Hello, boss man. Ready for your new deputy?"

The warmth in Jackson's chuckle made me realize how much I would look forward to working with this man. "Yesterday, Johansen."

"How about Monday, Boss man?"

"Jesus, Erik. You don't have to come that quickly."

I laughed. "My apartment's already packed up and I turned in my notice to my Captain."

The disbelief was clear in his voice. "You've been back, what? Four hours? That's fast work."

"Didn't have much to pack." It was sad and pathetic, but the truth. "I even called on a couple of places in town. I'd be there sooner, but the soonest I could get a place was Sunday."

"Damn, Johansen. Okay. Welcome. I'll see you first thing on Monday."

He hung up on me, but I could tell he was pleased. Then I pulled up in front of my parent's house. This was going to be a long evening. I walked in to find my brothers and father talking around the living room. I waved at them then made my way to my mother in the kitchen. I kissed her cheek and hugged her. "Hi, Mom."

"Erik." She kissed my cheek and smiled at me. "How was your trip?"

"It went well. I took the job." She was the only member of my family I'd told about my job hunt.

She nodded and caressed my cheek. "This is going to be a tense dinner."

I ducked my head in chagrin. "I know. I'm sorry, Mom."

She cupped my chin so I could look in her face. "You're smiling. That's all that matters to me." She moved back to stir the contents on the stove. "There's something else. Something you're not telling me."

I couldn't stop the smile as it crept across my face. "I think I met her, Mom."

"Her?"

I shrugged. "Her name is Claire. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her."

Mom stood before me, looking in my eyes. "Say no more. I can tell you're serious." She cupped my face. "Does she feel the same?"

"I hope so. But once I'm there, I'll make sure she does."

Mom started laughing. "Perfect. I can't wait to meet her."

Just then, my brother Adam came into the kitchen, looking for a beer for the crew. "Hey, Baby Bro. How was your vacation?"

"Okay, Adam." I looked at my mother. "When's dinner?"

"Ten minutes."

I wrapped my arm over Adam's shoulder and put him in a headlock before I dragged him into the living room. "What have I missed?"

Jacob looked up and grinned at me. "We were commenting on how the Twins are doing so far this season."

I rolled my eyes. How would I tell them that if I were to catch a home game, it would be the Seattle Mariners? "Hmm... hopefully better than the Vikings."

Mom called us to the table and I sat at my usual place by my brother Sean. We passed around the plates until they were full. My dad bowed his head and said grace. Before we took more than a few bites, I bit the bullet. "I'm taking a job out west. Near Seattle."

Silence followed my announcement until Robert started laughing. "Yeah, right, Erik. Nice one." He took another bite of ham and then swallowed it hard as I stared at him. "You're not kidding are you?"

"No. I'm not."

Dad sat back and looked at me. He shook his head and went back to eating. That hurt. Sean leaned over to me and whispered, "I'm glad I'm a firefighter."

I chuckled, but didn't feel comfortable. My mom's cooking turned to ash in my mouth. When dinner was over, I followed my dad into the den. We always spoke in the den when there was a problem. I knocked on the door and waited for his permission to enter.

"Dad. I want—"

"Why?"

His eyes bored into me, as if he saw right through me. "I want to set out on my own. I want to go somewhere where I'm not Karl Johansen's son or Greg McNamara's nephew."

Dad stood to his full height of six-four. "What's wrong with family?"

"Nothing, Dad." I sighed and walked over to the window. "Nothing is wrong with it at all." Then I turned to look at him. "But I'm not going anywhere either. All of you watch over me, protect me."

Dad looked confused. "That's what family does."

"I don't need taking care of." I hoped he would understand. "The other members on the force look at me and smirk. They think I got my job because of who I'm related to." I shrugged. "Jackson LeDeux saw a good cop. He didn't care who my family was. I got this job on my own."

Dad threw his arm out as if dismissing what I said. "You got this job on your own too."

"I know, Dad. But this is something I need to do."

Dad shook his head and paced around his chair. "I always knew this day would come."

"What do you mean?"

Dad sat in the chair and motioned for me to sit near him. "When you were a boy, you always looked to the horizon." He placed his hand on my arm. "I knew that you would find your own place, and it would be away from us."

My throat clogged with tears. "I don't want to leave any of you. I'm going to miss all of you."

"I know that, Son. I know."

"I have to do this, Dad."

Dad nodded at me and pulled me into his arms. "I know." He kissed the side of my head. "Go. With my blessing."

I had to swallow the tears. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Son." He patted my arm, which told me he was done with the mushy stuff. "Just be forewarned, your mother will be dragging me out there to see you before Christmas."

"I'd hope so."

I left him in his study without mentioning Claire. At this time, since I wasn't sure how she felt, I thought it best she stay out of this.

On Friday, I cleaned out my locker and got a truck to pack all my things in. Within hours, I was on the road and heading west. When I got to my new home late on Sunday, I moved my stuff in and called for Jackson. That's when I learned what had happened to Liam. I left boxes still full and without thinking, I drove straight to Claire's house. When she opened the door to me, her red-rimmed eyes broke my heart.

I watched helplessly as Claire's face crumpled into tears. Her bottom lip quivered and she looked so helpless. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her inside her house. After I stepped inside, I found her living room with a big, over-stuffed chair. I sat down in it and held her as she cried.

Her soft sobs tore through my gut, making me feel helpless. I pressed my lips against her forehead, taking in her scent as I shut my eyes. Her hand gripped my shirt and clumped it between her fingers. My hand smoothed up and down her back, trying to comfort. God, I loved this woman.

I wanted to run my fingers through her hair, nuzzle her neck with my nose, and kiss her jaw. But it wasn't the time. I held her still as my body betrayed me. My excitement pressed painfully into my jeans, against her hip. I shut my eyes at the sweet torture and prayed she wouldn't notice.

"He's lying so lifeless, Erik." She spoke into my neck and it sent chills up my spine. I was ashamed of my body's reaction.

I pushed her hair out of her face and lifter her chin. "What's the prognosis?"

She shrugged as her fingers smoothed my collar. "They don't know yet. He's in a coma, but with plenty of brain activity." Her smile was tremulous at best. "He could wake up in a few minutes, or a few months. No one knows."

I pressed her head to my shoulder and held her against me quietly. My hands smoothed through her hair and against her back. I felt her heart beat against my chest. It shamed me more than I could ever describe at how much at that moment I desired her. I wanted to kiss her desperately.

After a few minutes of quiet, Claire pulled back to look at me. "What are you doing here, Erik?"

I chuckled as I looked at her. "My first day is tomorrow."

Her smile was warm and made my heart pound slow and the blood flow thick in my veins. "But what are you doing here?"

I looked away as I felt my cheeks flush. "When I heard about Liam, I couldn't stay away."

Her hand against my face made me turn to face her and press into her palm. "Why, Erik?"

I was lost as I stared into her eyes. I didn't want to say it. At that moment, I felt pathetic and very unsure of myself. I opened my mouth to speak, but said nothing. I lowered my forehead against hers. "I haven't been able to get you out of my mind."

I raised my head to look into her eyes. I nearly drowned in their depths. Without thinking, I pressed my lips to hers. The feel of her mouth against mine nearly made me moan. My lips moved over hers, parting hers so I could taste her. I brushed my tongue against her lip and was lost to all thought or reason. I felt her arms wrap around my neck as mine pulled her body flush against me. When she pulled away, it took a moment to realize she was gone.