by Varian P
Which is to say, that the prose here is, as with the other portion I read, of superior quality. It has such an organic feel to it. Even the tense parts feel somehow soothing because of the ease of the sentences, the fluidity of the of the writing.
An enchanting start.
You should be writing for the geriatric set.
You weaved a lot of well-written sentences into a very boring story.
It is wonderfully written. Hoping you will update soon.
I felt like Martin reading this story. I was so turned on I was shaking. You're an unbelievably good writer.
I don't agree with the "... boring ... " comment from 4.19.14 annon! My humble, sincere and honest opinion is summed up with your written statement; this Also warrants, "... a rave review from the New York Times." My partner forwarded the link to this heart-warming parcel of erotica with accolades for a Romance. HE doesn't read soft mushy romance stories but this one reached his soul, and now mine, in part because you brought both of us closer together. Your words hold a magical spell for those who ... are ready and ripe for the spirit in your heart.
So few writers are able to express so clearly the depth of intimate relationships as can be found in this author's submissions.
I'm SOOOOOO elated to see something here from you. I've missed your writing terribly!! I still go back and read your other stories now and again. There's just something so alive about your style. One can't help but to be drawn in. The buildup is always so sizzling! And I feel utterly mind fucked because I always feel torn between being a voyeur and being the protagonist!
-Mindfucked
This story was great except for these points:
Your sentences became very choppy because you kept interrupting yourself.
E.g: It's a lot of fun to do this -- and believe me I do it a lot as well -- but if you use it too much it can really have an effect on the flow of your writing.
The paragraphs were far too big and you should probably consider making them more bite sized to avoid people skipping over them and getting bored. Other than that, the last scene was sexy and your main character was very relatable. =P
This is wonderful! I can’t wait to get to know these characters better. I felt like I was there, as Martin expressed. You set a scene so vividly, and develop your characters in the best possible way. Keep writing!