All Comments on 'Sybil of the Sands Ch. 03-04'

Excellent tale, well narrated. It’s unusual and refreshing to read of the genuine distress that befalls the heroine as opposed to the sudden acquiescence.

Long may it continue

I always love your writing, and I'm enjoying your world building in this story, and our Heroine. Waiting for Laurent to make some kind of move.... he seems a bit too decent to be so complacent with this King's actions. Can't wait for more! Thanks for updating!

I really hope Lauren realizes he's wrong in doing the king's bidding and helps her escape imprisonment.

Please keep writing.. this is such a good start.. I wonder what direction it will go to, can't wait for next installment!

While I was initially impressed with the story I found myself oddly detatched. I realized that something was missing when I had such a hard time picturing most of it in my minds eye. I tend to read like a motion picture running in my head and with great writing it can be seamless. What dawned on me was there has been barely any description of what any of the characters look like. With the exception of Tuluk being 7ft tall and Laraunt being pale I'm having a really hard time picturing anyone. While I don't mind everything being from Anissa's POV that really leaves it all up to her inner dialogue to tell us what she sees. You have a good story here but there is very little description of key observations required for me to emotionally commit to it. Please fill in some of the visuals for us. It would make a world of difference.

Dear Hmm...

You may be right. I dislike stories that have a laundry list of character descriptions (Her eyes were blue, she was 5'2" and a size 32DD. Her excited breasts shone eagerly through her see-through top, only covered by her long golden hair, etc.) I prefer to leave some things to the imagination, but perhaps I have taken it a bit too far in the opposite direction.

I'm always open to constructive criticism. I have the next few chapters written, but I'll go through them again and see if I can flesh things out a little.

To the rest of you, thank you! a little bit of compliments go a long way, and make me that much more motivated to edit and release the next part. (PS I am my own editor, so be merciful.)

xo

peaches