All Comments on 'Sybil of the Sands Ch. 05-06'

I enjoyed your latest chapter :) Though Anissa's whining is getting on my nerves. I didn't expect her to be all for the king taking her again but her yelling "No!" into his face was a stupid move. She needs to be smarter. She had time to mentally prepare for the next time a vision was demanded of her and all she needed to do was not fight him. I am surprised that he would keep tearing her though since he needs her to find pleasure and her being afraid and in pain isn't helping him. He could find another way to punish her that wouldn't involve damaging her prized area.

I like that you described his shoulders as broad but how tall is he? How old is he?

Anyway, I can't wait for your next chapter!

I feel lucky to have discovered your writings on this site. This is such a unique concept and truly a pleasure to read. You’ve created such interesting characters and setting. I’m excited to see the development of Anissa and Laurent’s relationship and to learn more about the inter workings of the kingdom. Thank you for sharing your talent and keep up the great work.

He seems to genuinely care for her and not as a seer but for who she is. I hope you upload soon and we get some intimate scenes between them.

First I was really happy you took my previous comment as the constructive criticism is was intended but I'm still really frustrated. Not because I don't like your story but want LOVE it! I suffer from a debilitating disease that causes chronic pain so most of my days are spent in a reclining chair or hospital bed. Although most of my time is leisure I am dirt poor having ripped through all my savings before meager benefits kicked in. I used to watch a lot of TV and Netflix, when I could afford it, but found that reading required more of an active participation on my part. It offered more distraction from frustration, boredom/loneliness but most of all pain. So I search free reading sites for anything that can give me the escape I need more than food some days. No one is more grateful than myself for talented people like yourself sharing so selflessly.I

I swear I'm getting to my point.

When reading my brain latches onto every word trying to translate it all into images and feelings. Connections are formed to emotions and my senses to be stored like muscle memory. An example is if you write something like " Her greasy black hair hung low on her bare back". All my senses are responding to it even on an emotional level. I can picture it, feel it, smell it all with an emotional angst and repulsion as if it were my own. Change just the word Greasy to Silky and now my back is arching wanting feel more of that sensual sweep of hair with a smile of pleasure on my face. My point is that descriptive words elicit strong emotions. No words = No emotions = No connections = No investment. While your story is really good there isn't enough description of the characters (and some of the environment) through sites, sounds, smells and textures that could make it great. My brain just isn't getting enough input to make the images run together like I'm inside a motion picture. When great writing does that, it's like the high I used to get from running. While I can no longer run in reality I can damn near fly in my mind while reading.

You added one lock of amber colored hair for Laurent, gave Xentos broad shoulders and Kirin tan skin, but other than that the characters are still faceless, shapeless, ageless, colorless, odorless etc... When Laurent fed that piece of fruit to Anissa I knew exactly what that fruit looked like and through your description I could almost smell & taste it, but as he brought it up to her lips...her face was still a blank. That's so jarring. If my mind has to constantly try to generate my own uninformed image, it's pulled away from the flow and it's very difficult if not impossible to form or retain an emotional connection. Kind of like constantly stumbling while running...I'm never going to get that high.

I hope this is helpful and doesn't come off like telling you how to write. Lord would that be a laugh! You can see how bad my grammar is. It would be like throwing stones from a glass castle. I'm just trying to give you a perspective from a voracious reader who daily picks her way through a wide range of writing skill looking to transport myself from my confining circumstances. Like I said in the beginning , I really do like your story but with just a few artfully placed words of description, I would LOVE it as I'm being transported to the desert! I so want to meet Anissa & Laurant to look into their pale? exotic? cerulean? emeral? EYES...

I am absolutely in love with this story. Your writing draws the reader in and the characters are so interesting. You can literally feel the attraction between Anissa and Laurent! I really hope you haven't given up on this story yet because I'd really like to see/read were this is going! Please give us an update, I'm sure a lot of people would love that too. Have a great day!!

PLEASE please please continue this story, it is so unique and interesting and well written, I cannot wait for the evil king to get his comeuppance and for her to escape and be free!!!

I’ve re-read your story so many times. I just wish you’d finish it