by jadewinchester
She had a phone why didn't she call the cops, and her purple house sounds ugly.
why do the men in stories like this unrealistically believe that the women will fall in love with them. they kidnap their women and then expect undying love.
I couldn't even read this because it seems like one huge paragraph. Press enter twice next time, it makes for a much easier read.
This is almost impossible to read. Please edit this chapter and indent your paragraphs. I'd love to give it a fair chance but can't read it as is.
Thought I might give some positive.I personally like the story and am hoping you continue, I didn't really notice the lack of paragraph indenting, but obviously just fix that on the next installment, hopefully.
I was raised by a stickler when it comes to grammar, punctuation, etc. I honestly didn't notice anything THAT bad about this story. Not ready to be published, but definitely a story with potential. Ignore the negative comments and keep on writing. Personally, I like a little (ok a lot) pain in a story. I read a story in the past that was like this, but there was only one guy, and he didn't have other wives. The biggest difference I see in this one is the whole band of SVU should be showing up, and there goes the erotica out the window. Good luck. I am looking forward to their bonding.
Re: anon-Story. Why do the perps think she will love them? Because most men are simple creatures who think their man meat is magical.
Re: paragraphs and readability. Yes, indenting or spacing will help, but honestly, I had no difficulty with it. Once immersed in the story, I was on a roll and didn't notice. But then, I am accustomed to reading text above a junior high level. The quality of the writing is very good.
Really like that your heroine has some brains and guts. Hope she gets to keep them. Be careful that the brothers (and the rest of the clan) don't slide from stereotypes to flat out cartoon characters.
Please please post the next chapters!!! This story is really gripping me and I'm dying to know what happens next! Really want to know how Clyde is going to treat her from this point on and if he will continue to resist temptation to ravish Skye or to wait until they're married. I want to see how you'll write the bonding between Skye and Clyde. I hope Skye won't let her fighting spirit go. Please please continue to write the next chapters and post it ASAP!!
For all the comments, both good and bad. i confess this was my first time submitting anything and i will try to do better with indents and all that. I will try to have another chapter up soon.
To the anonymous who stated letting them stay on stereotypes and not cartoon characters, what do you mean?
See you all next chapter
She was warning you not to go over the top with stereotype clansman. Then it gets goofy or melodramatic. It might also be a request to give the male characters depth or individuality if you continue the story long enough. You avoid both stereotypes and cartoons then.
Is that it reminds me of a series on here called "Stolen." A newly 18 year old girl is kidnapped to be someone's "woman" and he renames her Sky because she has blue eyes. I'm not saying you purposely are copying, if you did use that series as inspiration you should be more careful.
Other than that I'm enjoying the story. My favorite stories on here are the ones which actually have plot. I'm eager to read it all.
As I read the comments already posted, I have to wonder what's being taught in our school systems. To not recognize the simple difference between "than" and "then" and constantly having to figure out what you really meant to say distracts the reader. Good story, but could have been a lot better with a little editing.
Yah, I have Word fix the grammar on my newer stuff. Grammar isnt a skill I'm any good at, obviously. Just never stuck. And I put it in my disclaimer now. 🤷♀️ is what it is.