Tales after Dusk 05

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As the rest of the room begins to realize just exactly what is going on, there is a collective gasp.

"How could you?" the Queen cries out.

Ferris stands up. Realizing that he has been discovered, he sneers at Alecta, "How did you find him, anyways? He was nowhere near the royal tower."

Upon the cue of the King, the guards swarm around his brother and take him into custody. As he is escorted out of the room, Alecta speaks over her shoulder to him, "My heart showed me the way."

Once he is gone, a silence falls over the room. Alecta remains with her back still to everyone, taking short shallow breaths to calm herself down. She feels someone grasp her shoulder; turning around, she faces Thorne.

He holds both of her hands in his, looking into her eyes. She softly smiles, "Yes," she says.

Unable to contain his excitement, he cradles her face and presses his lips to hers.

...

"You truly look beautiful, Princess Alecta," Basil says somewhat mockingly. He, Jasper, Kane and Aiken all bow before the Princess, smiling teasingly when they rise.

"Watch your tongue," she replies playfully, "you are all to lead an honest life from here on out, as gentlemen."

Aiken stuffs his hands into his pockets, "How dull. Surely you too will get bored of being right and proper. Your highness," he adds.

"You are lucky this is my wedding day or I might just beat you to a pulp," she snips.

Thorne's fingers entwine with Alecta's. He takes a quick glance around to see if anyone but the troupe is paying attention—then he steals a kiss. "And to think, a woman of your beauty and caliber would have married a titleless pauper and lived in the woods." He smiles at her.

Kane can't help but laugh, everyone but Thorne joining in on it. He looks at each of them, "Am I missing something?" he asks.

"You didn't tell him?" Jasper asks Alecta.

She smirks. Turning to Thorne she says quietly, "I have spent many a year committing the most heinous of crimes—all of which paid handsomely. Unlike most of my counterparts, I did not squander my earnings on drink and company."

Thorne's brow furrows, "Are you saying that you have money?"

She laughs a little, "I suppose you could say that. After a certain point, being a thief changes from necessity to amusement."

"How much?" He says curiously.

Alecta appraises him, trying to discern if he is upset with her or impressed. After discovering that he isn't upset but rather curious, she whispers, "A lot. Perhaps even more than you."

Upon seeing the shock on Thorne's face, the troupe bursts out into laughter.

"Whatever she said, it is true," Aiken adds in. "She even forced us to put some aside. For our 'retirement,' she said."

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8 Comments
rayironyrayironyover 3 years ago
Yaa ...good again! A splendid re-working of savaged tales

They flow pretty well.The distinctive characters grow sometimes...Thumbs up!

I've some little quibbles, that probably should be ignored...but...

"Anyways" sounds a usage out of the mouth of southern hill hicks, fine folks they may be,,,"Anyway is quite sufficient.

"Lie/lay/ lied , etc..Please learn the proper conjugations...Misuse is jarring and i'm guilty of that too...But then i was a shitty English student.

Please DO keep writing!

biercebierceover 5 years ago
Outstanding

Your writing is just amazing. Thank you

Admiralbird348Admiralbird348over 5 years ago
Anonymous armchair critics and jerks

Maybe Armchair critic jerk didn’t catch the Jasper part because he was so busy looking for mistakes🤪 Anonomous always brings at least one rude miscreant who will try to tear you down and try to show their imaginary genius at the same time lol. Then they always throw in a back handed compliment at the end, as if that will forgive their condescending boorish behavior. Dusk, you’re writing is fantastic just exactly as it is. It is wonderful and I love your style!! Don’t let this fraud get to you. Dusk has the courage to post her fine writing, for free I might add, and I support her efforts and achievements. Thank you for writing for us AD🙃

AfterDuskAfterDuskover 5 years agoAuthor
Thanks for reading!

Thank you for reading my story and pointing out those errors! I have corrected the typos and uploaded an edited version but it usually takes three weeks before it will become live.

That is a great name for a villain--perhaps I will use it in a future story :) I chose 'Carabosse' for her name because that is her name in some of the older versions of the fairy tale.

Maybe it wasn't as obvious as I intended it to be, but the reason why Jasper was able to follow Carabosse is because she set them up to draw her back to her home...

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Your writing has gotten better.

But there’s a halting stilted rhythm to your storytelling. There are unnecessary lines that are more appropriate in a play as an aside. The constant switching from Thorne to Throne and Thorn typos were mildly annoying... how could Jasper ever follow Caraboose home... but my biggest gripe is The absolutely awful name of the villain!

Perhaps if you add a detail like Jasper slipping and spilling a potion of tracking that Kane concocted onto Slyvinia (so much better than Caraboose) that allowed him to track a nymph who can teleport via any door... (yes it’s a run on sue me) it would patch that hole.

And if you do a quick edit and use the search and replace function on those mistyped names. This story would be that much closer to awesome!

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