Terrible Company Ch. 04

***

Katsa and the rest of camp were torn from their sleep by Mathilda's haggard screams in the first hour after dawn. "We're surrounded!!!" she shouted, scrambling on all fours through the dirt. "Out tha steel!"

Val was on her feet in seconds, sword in hand and head swiveling. Katsa rolled onto her stomach and reached for her bag, quickly sorting through a handful of vials by touch. Ayen disappeared immediately.

"I don't see anything," Val whispered.

"Tha bloody trees!!"

"The... Trees?!"

"Aye," Mathilda snarled, hefting her heavy-headed hammer and staring down a gnarled oak. "Ah'd never fall asleep under onnafem. This'n musta crept up on me."

"You absolutely fell asleep underneath it," Katsa yelled, as she settled on her knees. Her head was pounding.

"Impossible!"

"You sang to it," Val said flatly, re-sheathing her sword. "You sang a duet with it. You said it shouldn't branch out from it's day job."

"Mathilda," Katsa grumbled, "we walked through this forest for like 6 hours!"

"Ah had ma' wits abou' me then!" The tiny woman was still on point, hackles raised, all of her senses fixated on the ancient wood. "They'll strangle the life out of ye in yer sleep!"

Katsa blinked. "You know they can't mov—"

"Can't move?" she shouted wildly. "Or creep so slow ye never see 'em coming!"

"That's ludicrous!"

"Always reachin' through tunnel walls wit' their roots, tryin' ta bring the mountain down on yer 'ead. Vile things!"

"The redhead is fine!" Ayen shouted, as he leapt back out from behind a tree. "I was just... protecting her."

"How noble of you," Val snarked.

"No, that's good," Katsa said, feeling better to have found a suitable target for her ire. "Means she'll be fine to march right back where she came from."

"I thought this was a democracy," he replied too smoothly. Katsa narrowed her eyes. "We're not gonna put this to a vote?"

"We 'avent dealt with—"

"Shut up about the trees!" Katsa closed her eyes and counted slowly in her head. When she continued, her tone was much more calm. "Fine. We'll vote. I vote no."

"I say she comes," Ayen grinned.

"I say I come too," said the redhead from her hiding spot in the tree.

"You're not in the group," Katsa barked. "You don't get a vote."

The limbs on the tree shook slightly. "Half of a vote?"

"No!"

"Two-thirds."

"That's... that's more than half."

"Three-fifths!"

"No," Katsa issued. "You don't get a vote, and you don't get to come."

Val glared sideways at the Half Elf. "Actually, Kat..."

Katsa stared, dumbfounded. It had been a given in her mind that no one wanted the redhead but Ayen, but as she turned and looked at Mathilda, her stomach lurched. The Dwarf was twisting her toe in the dirt.

"It was in a dream. Ah was gonna tell ye when Ah woke, bu' the tree distracted me."

The Arcanists jaw fell. "I..." No amount of counting would correct this. She could feel the heat radiating off of her.

***

"Hi!." Katsa stared daggers over her shoulder, but the bubbly redhead was unphased. "The others thought someone should come up and see if you're doing ok."

"And they sent you?" Katsa asked acidly. The curvier woman was about a head taller than her, and Katsa was in no mood to swallow even the tiniest bit of jealousy.

"We played Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who would do it," she said, frowning slightly. "I've never heard of Rock beating Paper, buuuut I guess that makes sense if you think about it. I'm Ivy, by the way."

"I'm annoyed."

Ivy frowned. "They... said your name was Katsa..."

Katsa pinched the bridge of her nose and squinted very, very hard. "What do you want?"

"Oh! I just came up to introduce myself!"

"That being accomplished, you can now—"

"They told me you were a mage?"

Ivy's smile was extremely sincere. Almost childlike. Katsa found it difficult to sustain her anger in the face of such honesty; difficult, but not impossible. "I'm an Arcanist," she snapped, verbally capitalizing the title.

The redhead nodded sagely. "I've always wondered how much that has in common with bardic magic."

Katsa scoffed. "There's no such thing as bardic magic."

"Of course there is," Ivy said patiently.

"Wait, you're a bard?"

"Mmmhmm!"

"Val is going to be thrilled to hear that," she snorted.

"I don't think so." Ivy frowned. "Or at least, she didn't show any of the traditional signs of an Orc in bliss." She held out her hand and counted off on her fingers, adopting a lecturing tone. "No bulged pants, no flushing of the cheeks... although she did try to punch the Half-Elf. Roughhousing can be a sign of contentment." She took a deep breath, looking up thoughtfully. "If anything, though, I'd have guessed she was livid."

"What tipped you off?"

"It was when she tried to punch the Half-Elf," Ivy said definitively. "Violence plays a complex role in Orcish culture. Depending on the setting and the phases on the moon, that kind of aggressiveness could have territorial, hierarchical, sexual, or even comedic undertones. In some tribes, that's just how they say 'hello'." Katsa was so busy staring wide-eyed at the Bard that she nearly tripped on an exposed root. "Of course, none of that technically applies. Val was raised among humans."

"She was?"

"You didn't know?" Ivy arched an eyebrow at her and frowned. "The signs are all there."

"I guess I... wasn't looking for them?"

Ivy gave her a confused look. "Maybe the things I've heard about Arcanist training were wrong."

Katsa's shock overrode her ability to respond. She floundered for several seconds, lips opening and closing, before finally delivering, "There's no such thing as bardic magic!"

"It's just as real as your scribbly magic," Ivy replied, nonplussed.

"Scribbly magic?!?"

Katsa's rage fell on deaf ears. Ivy was staring off at a lone peak in the distance, her head tilted. "They told me we're going after a nest of Harpies?"

"You—" The Arcanist bit down hard on her tongue. "Yes. My client needs a rare component, and he hired us."

"I assume you all have Harridan beeswax earplugs?"

Katsa blinked and drifted to a stop. "How do you know what that is?"

"Everyone knows beeswax from Harridan Island blocks the harpy call the best," she giggled. "Are you sure you're an Arcanist?"

"Yes I'm sure!" The thin blonde took a deep breath and blew it back out. "You know what... why don't we play the quiet game for a little while."

"The Maestro and I used to play that game all the time!" Ivy preened confidently. "I bet I'll win. Ready? Go!"

***

Katsa wiped the sweat from her brow as she crept up to the cliff's ledge. The climb up the hill side had been tougher than it looked from farther away. She waved the others forward and stared. The north side of the hill fell away precipitously, making for a fairly terrifying drop-off right in front of her. Halfway down, a few scraggly trees jutting out from the rock face were home to the only known harpy nest within a hundred miles. The Arcanist pointed there as the others gathered. "Ok—"

"I win!" Ivy shouted triumphantly, throwing her arms straight up in the air. Katsa froze, trembling, and turned to glare at Val and Mathilda, who were studiously looking anywhere but back at her.

"Anyway," the Arcanist continued, coldly, "that's our target." Everyone got down, on knees and bellies, and peered over the ledge.

"Suicide," Mathilda hissed.

Val shook her head. "Do you have a magic carpet in that pack of yours to get us down there?"

"There's a path," Katsa whispered, pointing. A tiny patch of green ran along the cliff face beneath them and to their left out of view. "It's narrow, but it's navigable. Or so I'm told," she added after swallowing.

"Still suicide," Ayen said, shaking his head. "Even I couldn't sneak up on that."

"What harm're they doin' anyway?" Mathilda tilted her head, watching the four harpies groom. "Ah mean, Ah know harpies're an ornery lot, but who're they botherin' way out 'ere?"

"We weren't hired to kill them. We just need an egg."

"Well why didn't you say so!" Ayen rolled onto his hip and reached deep into one of the inner pockets of his vest. "Here!" There, in the palm of his hand, was a medium-sized, pale blue egg with yellowish-white speckling.

"Is that a harpy egg?" Katsa spun and stared at the nest. She could barely make out an egg in the corner, but it was too far away to be sure.

"What does the client want it for?"

"For... components," Katsa mumbled, squinting.

"So he's not gonna wait for it to hatch and raise a little harpy?"

"No."

"Then it's definitely a harpy egg."

"How were you keeping an egg in your vest?" Ivy asked, peering curiously.

"Soft hands," Ayen whispered, waving the tips of his fingers and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah, but—"

"Shhhhhh." He laid a finger across the redhead's lips.

"But—"

"Shhhhhhhhhh."

"He'll know the difference," Katsa grumbled. Ayen shrugged noncommittally and tucked the egg back into his vest. The Arcanist reached back into her pack and pulled out a tightly-rolled cloth. "I only made enough for the four of us, so Ivy, you'll have to hang back."

"Don't worry," Ivy said cheerfully. "I brought my own!" Her tongue dangled from the side of her mouth as she patted down her pockets, and she visibly brightened as she reached into the back pocket of her breeches. "Like my teacher used to say: A Bard is always prepared! Whether it's a knife in the dark, or a cock in the throat!"

Katsa was the first to return to herself after a long moment of shocked silence. "Uh... right... what? Don't... why are you putting them in?"

"WHAT?" Ivy asked, blinking in confusion.

"Nevermind," the Arcanist grit her teeth, pinching the bridge of her nose. "There's four of them down there. I could try taking one out quick to draw the others up here, but the only spells I have ready run the risk of damaging the nest."

"Best to try to get some of them to come up here on their own," Val said, peeking over the ledge again. "Divide and conquer. What do we have that could attract harpies, and I swear if you mention your godsdamned cock again today I'll cut it off."

Ayen held up his hands defensively, "All I'm saying is that I don't see any males down there, and they're probably lonely."

"You di'n't have a plan fer this part?" Mathilda said, her brow furrowed.

"The details on the location were sketchy," Katsa defended. "I thought we'd do better once we saw the layout."

Mathilda scoffed. "Ok. We saw it. It's a deathtrap. Now what?"

"I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS ARE SAYING," Ivy said, shaking her head.

"Nobody is talking to you," Katsa snarled. "Now please! Can we all just put our heads together on this?"

"WHAT?"

"Ah second the 'send in tha Elf' plan."

"No."

"We play it pretty fast and loose wit' the word 'democracy', eh?"

"There's only two of them now," Val hissed. "Looked like the other two flew off to hunt or something."

"Go get 'em then, Val." Ayen made little jabbing motions with his empty hands. "We'll cover you from here."

"I could take both of them out if I threw you over the edge."

"That's three for 'send in tha elf'. In case yer countin'."

"I think," Ayen whispered archly, "we have a fundamental difference of opinion on the definition of 'send in'."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ LIPS."

"THEN TAKE OUT YOUR DAMN EAR PLUGS!" Katsa screamed.

"YOU HAVE TO BE QUIET OR THE HARPIES WILL HEAR YOU!"

The Arcanist shook with barely-controlled rage. Her own pulse roared in her ears. Val looked over the edge again and froze. "Those two are still down there," she whispered. "There's no way they didn't hear us."

"WHAT?"

An almost-inaudible whump. Whump whump.

"Clever girl," Val murmured.

"WHAT?"

Val drew a short blade from her hip and released it as she spun. Katsa turned just in time to see it sail past a sidewinding harpy as it flew over the top of the treeline behind them. The other one spread its wings wide and swooped down.

Katsa stared wide-eyed at the diving monster. The harpy was even more human-like than she expected. The skin of its thighs became scaley halfway down, ending in flesh-rending talons. The beast had vast wings in place of arms, but the head and torso were otherwise the same; that of a gorgeous, pale woman. The harpy had a cruel kind of beauty, with feral eyes glaring out from a porcelain face.

Val gave her a hard shove an instant before the harpy's claws raked through dirt she'd just been laying on. It was already banking around for another pass when Katsa recovered her bearings.

"Get to the trees," Val roared.

"WHAT?"

Ayen was the first one through, with Mathilda hot on his heels. Katsa stumbled on a root and fell just past the treeline, and saw Val dragging a very confused Bard to safety. She scrambled backwards through the low brush as the harpy pulled up short, just avoiding crashing into a tree. The creature screeched at her impotently, spittle spraying from its fanged maw. The Arcanist finally backed into a trunk and worked her way up to her feet to start running again.

Ayen came running back to her with the last set of earplugs in his hands. Beyond him, Val and Mathilda were jamming theirs tightly in their ears. Val executed a series of tight hand motions that she supposed was directions, but it was all gibberish to her. Ivy stared up in awe as a harpy buzzed the treetops. Val gave up and just started jogging, and the others all fell in behind her for fear of being left.

They skirted single file from grove to grove, sticking to the densest areas. Occasionally, Katsa would look up and spot one through a break in the canopy. She couldn't tell if all four were out, or if it was only one dogging them. And if it was just one...

A harpy broke down into a small glade alongside them to their left, screeching ferociously and clawing up a clod of dirt but little else before it had to pull back up. Val was unphased, keeping her steady course, but Ayen and Mathilda both veered out and away to the right. A fallen branch got caught up between the Dwarf's legs, and she went down just before a second harpy swooped down at them from the other side and scooped up the Half Elf.

Katsa had a vial in her hand immediately, but the trees obstructed her view. Mathilda was back on her feet, and Ivy closed ranks behind her. The Arcanist dawdled for a few seconds more, torn with indecision, and shoved the vial back in her belt when she started running again.

***

"Ladies, please!" Ayen tried to sit up for the third time, but one of the harpies planted its clawed foot on his chest and slammed him back down into the nest. "This has all been a huge misunderstanding!" The one that had him pinned bent low and screeched at him, pelting his face with saliva. "My friends and I were merely wanting to ask for directions! We're looking for—"

A second harpy gracefully dropped into the nest. Ayen squeaked as the second one hooked a talon into the waist of his breeches and tugged. "Uhhhh..." When the breeches caught around his hips, the second harpy grew frustrated and yanked, rending them straight down the middle. Ayen gave a shrill laugh as he peered around the foot pinning him to make sure all his bits were intact. "Never liked those pants anyway! A vast improvement!" The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as the second harpy got down on its knees and straddled him.

"This would unnerve a lesser man," he said, staring up at the first harpy. The second one reached down with the tip of its wing, and casually flipped his considerable length back against his stomach. It scooted forward and squatted, pressing its lower lips against his cock, and began grinding. "Not to say that you two aren't two of the loveliest, most attractive—"

The first harpy bent low and screeched at him again.

"Yeah, alright. Not big on the pillow talk."

The harpy was distractingly wet, and he giggled nervously as much at the absurdity of it as the fact that he was quickly hardening. "Your feathers! They ah... they tickle!"

The first harpy snarled as it lowered itself over his face. "Now wait a minute. I don't know what kind of man you ladies think I am, but-mmmmf!"

***

"Where's tha Elf?"

Katsa was doubled over and panting heavily. Ivy shook her head. Val was crouched on top of a rocky outcropping, scanning the horizon.

"They nabbed 'im?"

"Right after you fell," Katsa wheezed.

" 'at's a spot o' bad luck."

"Pretty sure they gave up," Val grunted, as she dropped down next to Mathilda. Neither of them seemed overly taxed by their panicked sprint, but Val even less so than the Dwarf. "Either that, or they got what they wanted."

"We need to go back," Katsa rasped.

"For 'im?"

"Look at it this way," the Orc said grimly. "You won't owe him anymore."

"Ah don't think Ah'll owe'm either way," she laughed. No one else seemed to think that was as funny as she did. "What's tha worst that'd happen?"

"They'll probably mate with him," Ivy said soberly.

"Would they really do that"

"Oh yes," Ivy nodded sagely. "There are no male harpies, you know."

Mathilda looked thoughtful for a moment. " 'at's not so bad..."

Ivy frowned. "Then they'll probably eat him."

Everyone stared silently at the ground for a moment.

"Fuckin' 'ate harpies," Mathilda said. " 'ey're the worst."

"Worse than trees?"

"Oh. No. Trees, then harpies."

***

"NoDon'!" Mathilda cried, but the steel had already slipped from Val's fingers. Ivy watched, fascinated, as the big Orc's sword spun end over end through the air and pierced one of the two patrolling harpies straight through the chest. It had only just begun to topple from the sky when Katsa's vial struck the second one. It's torso hardened and darkened, and the raging creature shrieked as it plummeted, unable to stay aloft. "Why would ye throw yer sword?! What if it missed?!"

"It didn't," Val said confidently.

"Aye, but now yer sword is gone!"

"I always have more," she replied with a grin, drawing a hand axe from her belt.

"WHAT?" Ivy cried. The other three rolled their eyes, popped their ear plugs back in, and prepared.

The Dwarf grumbled as she whispered over the bottle in her hand. She closed her eyes and reached back, waiting for something Ivy couldn't discern. She grunted and hurled the bottle just before the third harpy crested the ridge, and struck it square in the face, igniting on impact. Val held her axe ready, but the fourth held back, glaring at them out of range. The big Orc cursed and threw her axe with a short running start, but the beast easily dodged it.

"What now?" Val cried, as she drew a long bladed knife from across her back.

The harpy did not give them time to regroup. Higher and higher it climbed, hovering out of range of even Val, and began to sing. At least, Ivy was pretty sure it was singing. She couldn't hear anything with her earplugs back in. She could still see, and what she saw did not bode well. The song hit the others like a hammer blow.

They wobbled unsteadily as the haunting melody crept around the edges of the wax, tickling at their minds. Slowly, their bodies loosened, eyes dulling as they gave in to the call's temptation. Katsa dropped the vial in her hand, and took an uncertain step forward. Mathilda was visibly trembling as she fought against the call, taking another step closer to the edge of the cliff. The harpy watched in gleeful malice as the party succumbed, a certain fall to certain death. Ivy felt a pull as well, but it was not the harpy who lured her. It was fate.