Thank You Ronnie Milsap

Mom asked me, "What are you going to do now? Do you want to save your marriage, or run off with that guy outside?

"My God mom, I love Jeff, of course I want to save my marriage. I am not running off with Jim. He has a wife and two children. He will never leave them."

"Whether he gets to save his marriage will not be his choice to make, it won't be your choice to save your marriage either. That will be up to your husband. If you still have one. He has had many days to make up his mind. You already have divorce paperwork sitting on your dining room table. What other things has he thought to do? If you really want to keep Jeff you better talk to him soon and give him a good reason to take you back. I wouldn't wait too long. He already has a big head start."

I called Jeff's cell number as soon as mom left. He hadn't answered any of my phone calls and I wasn't sure if he would answer now, I knew I had to try. Surprisingly, he answered on the second ring. There was no anger in his voice and chillingly there was no emotion at all.

"Loren, what do you want?" he asked.

"Jeff we need to talk, will you talk to me?

"Sure Loren, when do you want to do this talking?

"Tomorrow, anytime you can make it.

"OK Lauren, tomorrow at two. Goodbye."

Short and to the point I thought. I did not like the lack of emotion I heard or didn't in his voice. He sounded so cold. It was as if he had made up his mind and was not going to change it. He was going to get the confrontation over with as quickly as possible. If I were wearing boots I would be shaking in them. I realized this would not be easy.

The next afternoon I was looking out the front window when I saw his car pull into the driveway. Instead of coming in the front door he walked around the side of the house to enter thru the rear door. I ran into the kitchen and sat at the table that was set for lunch. Jeff walked thru the door; I think surprised to see me sitting there.

"Hi Jeff, thank you for meeting me today." He nodded his head in reply. He sat at the table, looked at the place setting, and then turned back to me with a questioning look.

"I thought you might be hungry. I have lunch prepared in the fridge if you want to eat."

He shook his head no saying" I have already eaten." and pushed the plate away. He looked at me again, his expression screamed at me; you wanted to talk, so talk.

I began "Jeff I want to tell, no I need to tell you how sorry I am." It looked like Jeff was going to say something in reply but I cut him off. "I know what you are going to say, sorry for getting caught or sorry for cheating." By the look on his face I knew I was correct.

"Yes, I am sorry I was caught, but not for the reason you might think. I am sorry that I ever started... cheating in the first place. The thing that bothers me the most about it is the pain and hurt I see on your face caused by my foolish actions. Knowing that I caused that is tearing me apart inside. Can you forgive me Jeff? Even if you do I don't know if I could ever forgive myself." I waited for Jeff to speak yet he said nothing. I could see pain, anger confusion and even love flash across his face while I waited for a response. When he finally spoke I was surprised at what he said.

"Do you know that when I woke up in the morning I would lay in bed and watch you sleep? Or after I would finish my shower I would sit on the chair next to the bed and watch you?" I knew he did, I caught him a few times. On occasion I would open one eye and say "What?" He would smile and laugh quietly coming to me and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"You looked so peaceful; lying there, even beautiful, at least to me. I would gaze at your face. Looking at your eyes, every curve of your face, the way your nostrils would flare; the way your mouth would open slightly, as if you were dreaming, maybe about me. Now I think maybe about him. I thought how lucky I was, having you in my life. My guardian angel sent you to me, to give color and brighten my otherwise drab existence. You've taken that away from me. The color and light are gone."

"Now, since Wednesday, when I wake up in the morning I still smile to myself and think how lucky I am to have you, how much love I have for you. Until I roll over to look for you and you are not there. Then I remember. I remember what you did and the pain and hurt returns. That has happened every morning since. The only difference is that every morning I love you a little less and the pain is not as bad."

I realized that my mom was right. I waited too long. Maybe if I got home on Wednesday night I could have talked to him and maybe made a difference. It seems that now I am too late. He has run what happened in his mind and the choice he made is to divorce, the last thing I want.

"Please Jeff, don't make a hasty choice. I know I've been a shit and I don't deserve any consideration but I beg of you give me a chance to make it up to you. Give me a chance to show you I can be the wife you deserve. Please give me a second chance."

I looked at him awaiting his answer; I saw his eyes tear up, then a tear run down his cheek. I reached over to his face and wiped the tear away with my thumb.

"I swore you wouldn't make me cry again, now look at me," he commented sadly.

"Jeff I heard you say on the DVD this was the second time you cried over me. When was the first time?"

"Loren I fell in love with you when you got out of your dads car the first time I laid eyes on you. My best memories are of that summer we spent together. My worst memory is when you deserted me at the harvest dance. You tricked me and dumped me for another guy, just like this time. You left me to be ridiculed by Billy Barber and the rest of the football team. I don't know how many nights I cried at night in my bed where no one could see me. So you see the Monday night was the second time I cried over you. The tear that just fell is, I guess, the third time."

"I'm sorry Jeff. I seem to be saying that a lot today." This will sound foolish to you but it was just sex. Foolish, illicit sex. He's gone and I could care less. I will never see him again and I won't miss him at all. All I need is you by my side."

"I don't know Loren. I saw you do things in public. You went topless for him; you let him put his hands all over you at the pool." What he said next sent shivers through my body. He shook his head sadly and said, "I heard the scream. I know I can't compete with that. I won't compete with another man. I won't compete with the memory of that other man for my wife. If we stay together I will always be competing with his ghost, trying to match your other man. You won't have to compete with anybody. You will never understand unless it happens to you."

Again Jeff sadly shook his head and began to rise from his seat. I thought he was about to leave. I saw my marriage going up in smoke. I don't know what possessed me; I leapt out of my chair knocking it over, ran to Jeff and gave him a bear hug that I would not let go of.

All the while I was babbling "Don't go Jeff. Please don't leave me now. When I saw your letter at the hotel I realized what I was doing. I found out that you and my marriage are what are important. Please forgive me and take me back."

He put his arms loosely around me and gently stroked my hair. After a while he placed his hands on my shoulders and gently moved me back from him so he could look into my eyes as he spoke to me.

'Whenever I thought of us in the future, I saw the two of us together. A house surrounded by a white picket fence, just like in the movies. We would have two sons and a girl like you for me to spoil. She would have me wrapped around her finger, just like her mother did. I saw us planning weddings, celebrating anniversaries and special birthdays. I saw us growing old together, our love supporting us through the hard times. Now I see nothing. I have a big black hole where there used to be love. I see the numbing darkness of a life without you."

He backed away saying "I have to go. I have something to do."

"Don't go we have so much to discuss."

"No, I have to write a thank you letter."

"What letter could be more important then trying to repair our marriage, and who do you need to write a letter to."

"Ronnie Milsap"

"Why? What does he have to do with this?"

"He helped me to dump a cheating wife!"

He turned and walked out the door whistling a tune I later learned was a "Stranger in My House."

Five Years Later

My wife asked me to pull the car around to the front of the house. We were going to my folks for a Memorial Day cook out. I walked out the back door past the newly built ten-car garage to the cliff overlooking the beach below across the long Island sound to the shore of Connecticut. I no longer lived in the rented house in Nassau Shores but in the old town of Muttontown. Turning back to the garage I had to decide what car I wanted to take to my parents' home. My eyes settled on garage number five. I clicked the remote and stood by while the door went up to reveal my newest acquisition. I closed the door, started the engine. I loved the sound of the powerful rebuilt 390 V8 Ford engine. As the car cleared the garage I lowered the convertible top and pulled around to the circular drive in front of the house. I got out and turned to look at the latest object of my affection. A 1961 Ford Thunderbird convertible with gleaming chrome, black paint, interior and roof, god she was beautiful.

My wife opened the door and made a frown.

"The baby and I cannot drive with the top down you have to put it up."

I sighed and told Nina, "Ok I'll put it up but it looks so much cooler with the top down."

"If you ever want me to be in it with my top down again you better put it up now."

My mind went back to that day when I first got the car and we went out driving with the top down and Nina pulled her top down and I quickly hit the button to put it up. Nina smugly smiled; she knew how to use her prodigious sexual power.

I met Nina two months before the divorce to Loren was final. The one thing that Mr. Diamond the bank president agreed on with his ex-wife was their adopted child from Romania. While they hated each other they both loved that little girl. The Diamonds ran a charity to help the plight of Romanian orphans. I knew I was expected to attend the $1000.00 per plate fund-raiser. As I had become a favorite of Mr. Diamond, I was seated at his table next to his wife. There was an empty seat next to me. Before I sat down I looked at the card on the table, it said 'Reserved for I. Kiranova." As I sat down I nodded my hello to Mr. Diamond and placed a small kiss on the cheek of the ex Mrs. Diamond.

I took a second glance at my boss because he had this mischievous smile on his face. It seemed like only seconds before this beauty in black sat down in the seat next to me. Mr. Diamonds face beamed and his smile never faded as he introduced me to Ianina (pronounced Yanina) Kiranova, a Victoria's Secret lingerie model. I later found that Nina was herself a Romanian orphan, and a member of the board that ran the charity.

Nina and I hit it off that night. We talked about our lives. She told me about her horrific life in the Romanian orphanages. I think she had me almost in tears. I wanted to hold her and protect her. She told me later that she could feel the empathy from me and it made her want to find out more about me. She was asked to dance by many of the unattached men at the affair, but she turned them all down. I did not ask her as I thought she did not want to dance. Nina took the matter in her own hands and asked me to dance. I said yes, of course.

We dated for two years before getting married. The wedding was held at Mr. Diamond's estate in Southampton NY. I thought his wife was a little young for him at thirty five to his sixty one, but he always had a smile on his face so what do I know?

We had a great first year when Nina came to me and said she wanted to have a baby. I asked her if she realized having a baby would put her modeling career on hold for a long time. She looked straight in my eyes and informed me that, "The one thing I want most in this world is to have your baby." A big smile crossed her face as she said, "Maybe more than one."

I'm sure a big smile crossed my face and I suggested, "I think we should start trying right away." We both laughed and ran to the bedroom. A year and a half later our son Jeff Jr. was born.

We got in the car after settling Jeff Jr. in the car seat in the rear of the car. The only non-stock part of the T-Bird was the air conditioner I had installed. I knew from experience, once Nina get all dressed up she wants nothing to spoil her hair. She would rather ride in one hundred degree heat then get one hair out of place. Getting the AC installed would make it more pleasurable for the both of us.

As we walked into my dad's back yard where he was barbecuing burgers and dogs I was shocked to see Loren and her mom Cheryl sitting at the table talking to my mom. Nina was carrying Jeff Jr. and walked to the table and sat down. Mom quickly took her favorite and only grandson from Nina. I went to dad and asked, "What the Hell are they doing here?"

My dad said, "Keep your voice down. Your mom invited them. She and Cheryl have become close since Frank died. Loren was all alone so your mother invited her also. You know she had a hard time getting rid of that asshole Billy Barber after you two got divorced."

I knew she married Billy after I met Nina. I didn't think she was that stupid. Well she did cheat on me with the asshole Beckman. I thought for sure that he would have gotten divorced. Instead his wife took him back. She did have two kids to worry about. That must make a difference.

For a long time I hired a PI to keep track of him. Every time he got near getting a good job I had the word put out that he was a bad employee and he lost out. It went on until he or his wife figured out that I must have a hand in his string of bad luck. Jane Beckman called and straight out asked me if Jims bad luck at getting a job had anything to do with payback from me.

Before I could answer she told me that it not only hurt Jim but herself and her two kids. She went on to say that she thought it was horrible what he did to me but don't take it out on her children. I didn't come right out and tell her I was involved but did say that I was sure he would have an easier time getting a job from now on. She thanked me profusely and apologized for him screwing up my marriage. I have no idea what he is doing now as I let the PI go along with all the remaining hate I had for him. Actually it was a big relief to get rid of the baggage I was carrying.

I took my son from Nina and said hello to Loren and Cheryl then walking over to a bench by the rear door to the kitchen. A few moments later Cheryl Schiavo sat down next to me and reached out her arms to hold Jeff Jr. We sat quietly as she played with my eight-month-old son.

Finally she looked at me with tears in her eyes and lamented "He should have been my grandson. I would have made the best grandma, you know that don't you Jeff?"

I looked closely at Cheryl Schiavo. She had aged over the last five years. I knew our divorce had been hard on her. She always liked me and was thrilled when Loren and I had gotten married.

"I know you would have mom. You were a great mom to Loren and I know you would have been the best grandma too."

"Thank you Jeff. I have missed you the last five years. Oh and congratulations on your promotion at the bank. Your dad tells me that you are in the number two position there now."

"Yes, Mr. Diamond finally retired with a little pressure from the Board of Directors. They moved Howard Goldman to the top spot and he took me along with him to the Executive Vice President in charge of Operations. Basically if I keep my nose clean when Howard leaves I should move up to the Presidents position."

"Jeff, Loren wanted to talk to you but was afraid to come over. Can I tell her it's OK?"

"Sure mom." I replied. It's been five years. I am sure we can talk civilly together."

Loren's mom went back to the table and spoke to her. Before she could get up Nina came to me and said

"Be gentle with her Jeff. She is very fragile. Don't upset her." I nodded my

assent. Nina walked away as Loren walked up.

"Hi Jeff, you're looking good."

"Hi Loren, you do too."

"Nina is beautiful Jeff, inside and out, and a good person; I can tell."

"Thank you, I have been lucky to have two beautiful wives."

"That's not true. I may have been attractive outside but inside, not so much."

"That's not true. You are beautiful inside and out. You got blinded by Jim Beckman. I'm sure it was something I did to run you away."

"Now that's really not true. Do you remember what I did at the dance with Billy Barber? What did you do there? No it was me. There's something inside me that screws all the good things up. Something that's not so pretty. Let's change the subject. Mom tells me that you received another promotion at work. I always knew you would rise to the top."

"Well good things have happened to me in the last five years." I looked at Nina and smiled. When I turned back to Loren I saw she looked at Nina also. She turned to me and smiled also.

"Jeff, there is one thing I need to clear up from that time five years ago." I hadn't wanted to go there but she brought it up.

"It was the telephone conversation where I called you Doofus. I want you to know that was the first time I ever called you that. To this day I don't know why I did it. That's not why I brought that day up. It is what I said to Jim about you that day. I told him that you would be president of the bank and about how much money you made. I realized it sounded like I only wanted to be with you for the money. That's not what I meant at all. I knew you would be a success. I was always so proud of you. I just wanted to be there when you accomplished you goal. That's what I wanted to share with you. It was never about the money. Please believe it was not about money."

"When I first heard it I was sure it was about the money. It wasn't until I let Nina hear what you said. She is the one that suggested that I did not have it right. She thought that from the look on your face that you were not putting me down but bragging about me to Jim. It made me feel so much better about you. I think I started to forgive then."

"There is one more thing I need to thank you for."

"What's that?"

"What you did for Jane Beckman. She called me crying about what you had been doing to Jim. She asked me to call you but I told her it would be better coming from her. I gave her your number at the bank. She called to tell me that Jim had finally gotten a job that could support them. She wanted me to thank you for her."

"I'm glad it turned out well. I never thought about her or the children. I am glad it's over."

I stood up and hugged Loren. As we walked to the table Loren was crying happy tears and Nina was beaming happily at me. We sat at the table and had an enjoyable day. On the ride home that night we had the convertible top up but Nina had her top down. It turned out to be another wonderful day.

THE END