All Comments on 'That Awful Moment'

Overall, I think you did a nice job setting up and letting the events speak for themselves. No one wants to see a loved one have serious/critical surgery and after seeing the doors close, the wait is agonizing. You go back to the waiting area, and try to read, or pray, or otherwise occupy the time, hoping it will go faster, just waiting until you hear news. And you look up at the clock thinking, "the surgery should be half over by now" or "the surgery should be over by now but I still haven't heard anything" then going to the nurse/receptionist asking for any update. Those painful, agonizing minutes ticking by.

I think you could spend some paragraphs describing how you and your wife passed the time - because having been "waiting" myself for a loved one, I couldn't keep my eyes off the clock, at least not for long. In my case, my Mom got through the surgery just fine, but I'll never forget the agonizing minutes I spent waiting - I didn't feel up to talking with anyone, wallowing in my own private agony.

Thanks for sharing.

Get rid of them. You have a good sense of drama, which is weakened by lengthy explanatory asides. Writing is a trifle stilted, but looks like basic ear is there, so you could improve that.

Powerful, sad and I do not want to know the end. Thank you for the emotions. Jim

Such an interesting tale. I hope you continue writing.

Good story but the technical/medical jargon detracted away from the flow of the story and should be simplified for those of your readers (like myself) who are challenged by anything more complex than applying a bandage. A good start to a moving story.

Because now, I feel worse than a wimp. Bob