All Comments on 'The Abandoned Son Ch. 01'

Great story hope to read more soon.

Why do you use the possessive instead of the plural? examples from story:

hadn't seen in twenty year's

Narrowing his eye's

the other's don't know

his year's in the military

through her swelling eye's

This began to hurt my "eye's" to read.

Great story hope part 2 comes quick.

i really believe that litorica needs more stories like this long with people who have a backstory and btw I love drama like this

this was a good start and I do hope for many more chapters soon. I also have to agree that there was more then a few instances of you using the wrong form of a word or the wrong word or spelling errors.

What I always recommend when you're going to submit to a site like this one is the following:

1. read thru it at least twice after you're done writing it.

2. Have someone else read thru it a few times.

3. reread it again.

I love this kind of story, where the Mom has to pay for the way she treated her son. I just hope he punishes her more.

While this series seems to be better written than your other, there are still several issues with your writing. If you don't have an editor, I highly suggest obtaining one from the volunteers here. missing words, completing sentences in two different quotations that break the flow. It has the potential to be a good tale, but it needs work.

examples: "She knew it be day's before" - Should be something like "She knew it would be days before"

Would if they ever answered their emails.

I like the possibilities available here, but the story is very hard to read for the reasons you have been given by many of the others... But I won't belabor those English and grammar points.

However, I think that there are some missing points in the story to explain his estrangement and also the mother and daughters incestuous feelings for him.

Oh well, I will continue to read the next chapter.

Surprised that he did not do the surgical with only a local so he would not be knocked ot. A little difficult to follow at first, but slowly understanding.

Well so y'all know this story is going to be edit here in a week or so. As well as the other chapters in this story so keep an eye out for the revised version.

I missed the seduction. Somewhere between page 2 and 3 it should have occured. He went from hating to fucking without a thought. Besides when do hospitals relesse patients while still affected by their drugs.

I can't help but think of Rambo, but as a hitman, and the three girls who only want to soothe his pain and turn the fire of his anger into passion

I'm also sensing a theme of obscenely wealthy men and their towering temperament ...

Lol you don't know how right you are but wait for part two and three. Second one already with the editor so it be out soon. Working on the concept for the third chapter.

Ok a little confusing in the beginning but once i got the gist of what was going on it became a 5 star story. Loved the action and really loved the depraved actions of the mother and to a lesser extent the daughters! Don't lose that balance of action, drama and 'in your head sex'! Im willing to over look that the military drs couldn't get the shrapnal out but this dr had no such problem. The story was and is good enough to make allowances!!! Looking foward to cumming chapters!

Your story has moments of Hiccups. You advance the story a bit with no filling events to explain the advance. The mindset of Martha progresses in leaps and bounds in this manner as well. Her mental/emotional state needs more development to be believable. Also, take time and research your topic a bit. Until just recently ( as in Trump signed the bill into law some weeks ago) Veterens had to go to VA Hospitals or foot the bill themselves. Given his situation, he would have been greeted by a doctor who would have been familier with him (given he was carrying around shrapnel) The Shrapnel working its way out like that is actually not as strange as some readers would believe, so props there. You need to give more time and insight into the conflict of, This is My son / This is an atractive Man I barely know. I'd give more advice on the story but I am pressed for time. I still plan to keep reading on.

Another story that fails. It's amazing how you write about a mother being that vile to her son and the son is angry but it doesn't matter as the mom fucks him and all is forgiven. Why are you ( and other authors) so lazy in your writings? This had the potential to be one of the best stories and yet you turn it into a story I wouldn't have if it was free.

Tim Bryce.

One never wrote all was forgiven, you implied that it was. Now if don't like it fine more power to ya go read something else.

Just a tad jumpy but I'm pretty much able to follow the story. Reading it to my sister and she loves it. Editing needs a little work but no big deal because you did do a great job with everything else. Made me so hard and I'm having a hard time keeping my sister's hands off me. Keep up the work.

After reading all of your stories I see that you really like the idea of women raping men. Nothing wrong with that. Just an observation.

I don't know when but these and my other series are being edited, except Reunion that has already been done. Once it's back I'll look it over and see if there is anything more I need to add.

An editor is needed badly. Besides missing words, using incorrect words, and bad punctuation, this story jumps so much it feels as if I'm inside a katchup bottle being shaken out.

I'm with another person in that all of a sudden Damien (Joshua) goes from pure hatred to balls deep in his mother? Less than a few hours and he's over a life time of abuse and anger?

If you don't want crticism you need to lock off comments. Not everyone is going to stroke your ego. This had potential to be outstanding, but is missing so much and is so rushed in order to get the protagonist's dick wet that it fails to be solid. The sex scene lacks enough to where it's not even a stroker.

I try not to be gratuitously cruel, but the lack of editing and the insanely unrealistic behavior of the mother made this unreadable. I quit halfway through page two.

The concept was strong, the structure and pacing were great but the mother was a caricature (and a poor one) and the missing words, misused words, lack of punctuation and sentence fragments made the story very difficult to read.

Not sure why anyone likes this story. The mom abandoned her son to abuse, ignored him until she needed him, and then raped him

WTF

Nice story and I can't wait for the next part. So many unanswered questions.

This story had such a promising start but was rushed too much. The man went from hating his mom to fucking her and was so quickly convinced to tell his story.

To have Mom show up after 20 years abandoning her son,and needing help is reasonable,and the whole "This is not my Mom" lead to exactly the opposite,Martha now and unlikely will ever be his Mom,so in that case Martha was essentially just a Woman to Damian/Joshua,thereby justifiably seducing and having sex with him.Martha may have been a Lousy Mother but Martha the Sex Crazed Woman will guarantee Damian/Joshua is loved and cared for completely from now on by Martha giving him all the sex he wants.

Now about the Twins,it was mentioned they too have major feelings for their Half Brother and can't wait to fuck him too,probably against Martha's permission,but both seem equally in love with Damian/Joshua,but if eventually all 4 come to terms with their attractions then maybe they can all be in an Incestuous Bisexual Foursome and have a world of fun eating pussies,sucking cock,and fucking like rabbits,just saying it would be a perfect life for the four of them,and also have the Twins have Damian's babies so they can join in when they get old enough.

This could have been a great story but it was rushed too much that it ruined it. I doubt that after hating his mother for 20 years that he would let her chose for him what the doctors give him and then after that fuck her that easily and then tell her something so personal immediately after.

I know the MC has a birth name and changed his name to better suit himself but it gets confussing going from Damien to Josh and back to Damien

what an looser hero

at least that is the vibe I get from the premise

decent fapping material thou

But it is clearly one of Souls earlier stories, he improved

Indont get it, he hated her with all his being yet letting her sleep in house? Just pay. Few for an appartment or hotel..

“ Her pencil snapped in two as her anger flared as she watched that woman flirting with her son.” lol these women are soo crazy.. she abandons him, calls him the bane of her existence then asks for his help 20 years later and intruding on his life then cause hes suddenly handsome and muscled she wants him for herself.

“ "I'm here now Damien," Martha said, catching up to her son. "Can we not work to repair our relationship," she said, ” if she had willingly sought him out to repair the relationship then yes, like when the nurse called her and she actually talked to him and checkedbup on him, NOT NOW when she is driven from her home and nowhere to go and he is the last resort.

Uh why is he picking her up from work and taking her shopping? I thought he hated her to death.. it was said “rage” in his eyes.. you dont hangout with someone that ignites your rage.

So, here's a fun game to play. Swap the genders of everyone in this story and re-tell it. More it's about a man who abandoned his daughter, then moved in with her to escape his wife. Then, after she risks her life to save him when that wife pulls a gun on them, the man drives her to a hospital.

Then the man takes advantage of his daughter's post-surgery drug haze to grope her pussy while grabbing her keys, and then eat her out while she's passed out in a car.

Then the man's two sons hide a camera on the woman's property to get nude videos of her to jack off to.

Gosh, it's a real good thing boys are impossible to rape! Otherwise the tags for this story would seem kinda"...incomplete.

Anyway, that Martha's a real scum-sucking shit-stain of a character both in her past and during this point in the story. Weird that the writing keeps describing her in such a sympathetic light.

Do you think her brother would be glad that he convinced Damien to let her into his home now that she's raped him? Or does this whole scene just vanish into the background without any closure because, as has been discussed, it's impossible for big, strong men to ever be raped?

This was a weird one for me. The spelling, grammar, and punctuation were so different than normal that it felt like somebody else wrote this.

Like the story a lot. AAAA++++

Absolute rubbish!

Like the story. You might want to correct the reference on page 1 to a nickle plated .9mm handgun, .9 mm is VERY small, 1mm is .039 inches so .9mm would be .0351 inches. A 9mm projectile is nominally .356 inches in diameter. That same projectile diameter can be used for the 38 Special, and 357 magnum.

If you need technical editing or proofreading I would be happy to oblige, I am a retired aero engineer, a mil combat vet, a gunsmith, and an advanced martial artist in three disciplines. mike.spivey@att.net

If he’s that strong as described then why did she rape him so to speak ,,, and why calling him his birth name just to piss him off

rapist mother and whorish step sisters, this is just garbage. Military veteran with his background would not have allowed her in the ER room. and seriously 3 women show up in the middle of the night beaten and they remembered to bring a GoPro with them, then they should of had that to record there beating Dumb Dumber and Stupid.

Liking the story so far 5 stars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really not liking the mother, a real whore. Abandons him, writes him off when he's struggling to live, then expects forgiveness and love. Nope. Not liking her at all. But, good story as ever.

Nice beginning. But the drug was supposed to be local. How did Damien go Into such a stupor? And if he hated his mom so much, why did he allow her to fuck him when he was fully conscious? Yet story is erotic enough.

This is the first time I’ve ever left a negative review. This story went off the rails so fast …

good plot idea but so many holes in it already

Good start, moving fast