All Comments on 'The Bar and Grill'

this was your best in LW, really, i wish it was longer and more, as you already know being in LW fan I skipped, parts here, so it seemed too short to me, any way great work.

I also liked your "Educating Shannon" keep it up.

I like the overall plot quite a bit but I would like to make a recommendation about writing style.

When writing passages, you should ask yourself if the information in the passage is important to the reader.

By that I mean:

Does the passage illuminate important information about the characters?

Does the passage move the story along to its conclusion?

Is the passage a necessary progression in reaching the intended meaning or conclusion of the story?

If the answer to these is no, then the passage tends to be extraneous, and usually detracts from the overall enjoyment of the reader. There are quite a few authors who feel some strange compulsion to "educate" the audience, or who fail to control an impulse to demonstrate how witty or clever they are to the audience. Occasionally, they include characters that are entirely irrelevant to the story or plot, and the actions involving these characters are superfluous to the story.

These tend to distract a reader away from the story, or obstruct the goal of telling the intended story to the reader. Maybe you should consider avoiding such.

Just my opinion...

I love these serious attempts to examine a relationship at a point on conflict. To me you write stories (like others I admire) instead of these little morality tails that are found on this site as well (some of which I also like), Thanks!

I messed up the title, and it's not clear that this will be a multi-part story. Thus, to the first commenter, this is only the beginning (though thanks for your praise). To the second comment's excellent points--and they really are great points--let me know at the end of part 4 if I've put in too much extraneous material.

And my apologies for the confusion caused by my inability to properly title the story.

Rehnquist

P.S. Part 2 was submitted today.

then write "To be Continued" at the end of this installment.

and you made me hungry too! can't wait for the next chapter.

Great beginning of a serious story — and looking forward to the rest of it. (I hope that you've already written it all, so that it can be posted in shorter order than SOME stories that we know about. LOL!) And I look forward to trying out the carrot soup recipe as well. Thanks.

I really enjoyed the haphazard, back-and-forth, way you have told this story. It seems appropriate for the bar/reestaurant setting; I think I have sat in bars many nights and heard or told stories in a similar fashion. I know all of the characters too, from the same places, too many nights in too many bars.

The ending popped in place just a little too fast, but you probably wanted to put the story to bed so you could scratch Ernie behind the ears and fall asleep to late night tube. I know many readers will disagree with my predilections, they always do, but the set-up for your ending would have worked perfect for Nina to tormentedly work her way through to keeping both husbands. Just my humble thoughts; others can and will call me crazy.

Post Toasties Scriptum: The cooking asides would have worked better built into the narative of the story rather than as parentheticals. Once again that is just a personal observation totally ignorable.

Hope the next chapters are forthcoming. As usual I enjoy your stories and your skill very much.

I would agree with one comment though. While interesting I feel the story would not have suffered without the cooking lessons. I didn't mind them frankly because I learned something.

The only other criticism I have is that the next chapter hasn't been posted by Lit. as of yet.

Thanks for your hard work. Looking forward to the next chapters.

Now let's move on to salad. Personally the more back ground and detail you put in the more I enjoy reading. It only distracts me quite a bit with the list of characters gets too long for quick memory loads.

Nice start to a potentially great story.

that this is part one of 4. good writing but the story is already told, whatever twist or turn you are going to make. you created already some really hatefull characters here. and the won't be better. there is also no dish in this world you can cook 4 times and it gets better and better. at least as far as I know.

but I like surprises at least in the cooking area :-)

interesting premise. 2 kids that don't like the hero. a seemingly nice ex husband and the cheating wife.

the marriage seems dead at end of the chap1. i look forward to the next installment.

No detectives. No wire taps. No hidden web cams or 8 x 10 glossies. Just a guy putting 2 plus 2 together and correctly coming up with 4. Once he has the fact Brenda has left Steve he rather rapidly comes to the correct conclusion. Evidently Nina is still feeling guilty about cheating on Steve and goes into a funk every few months. This time it coincides with Brenda leaving her ex so Nina sees it as an opportunity to “make it right.” Of course making it right means destroying Tim but what the hey.<P>

I love Tim’s insight. The “you’ve made up your mind to leave me and now you want me to beg you not to” was spot on. He skewers her with his comments. She's already decided to leave. She lied to him. She is avoiding sex with him. She's not his wife any more. What else is there to talk about?No need for the hysterics or drama. <P>

Why prolong the agony? Tim’s demand that she leave by the next day is perfectly reasonable. No reason to pretend any more. No reason to be there any longer. Just leave.<P>

I rather liked the cooking tips. Thanks for sharing.

I enjoyed the story! Keep up the good work! I don't care where you post your stories here on Lit. If your name pops up as the author on the New Stories list, I will take a look. Thanks for sharing. Ohio, USA

Whether or not it lends itself to the story, the outtakes add to it. It's like listening to Morgan Freeman tell a story, but in a book. Some writers are unable to do it in the correct way to keep the reader's interest; you do it right.

When I hear Morgan Freeman's voice, I know I can listen at whatever point in the story, no matter how often I've seen or heard it, and be entertained.

Looking forward to the rest of it.

Rob

Good style, easy reading, good story line. The "hero" is just a bit too much of a good guy considering what Nina was pulling on him. Perhaps some indication that the "depression" was "Steve Related" or some development in the net few chapters.

Rehnquist this is good reading, looking forward to reading more.

a comment whore and a panderer, but you beat me to it! I hate when that happens. I am struck by several things. One is that Lit has changed things quite a lot. I will try it for a while before I make determine if I like the new look. You asked for comments and opinions and you will get them. My take? I wanted to complain about the plot, the spelling, the style and the fonts, but couldn't find anything to bitch about. What you have done is set up the story. You did a very good job with it. It is my belief that the beginning, or setup, is the easiest part, especially if you post in chapters. You can turn to shit for the conflict and the resolution parts, but you have a good beginning. Somehow, it seems unlikely this story will turn to shit. I think it is going to be pretty damn interesting. I was imaging our friend, DQS, reading and getting to the part where our hero states he feels that women can have tits that are too big. "What the hell is this guy saying?" will race through Q's mind! "Having tits that are too big is like having too much money or a car that goes too fast!" Relax, Q, I am sure Rehnquist made that up and did not mean it! It is fiction!

Another thing that I notice is more than a few similarities between the writings of Rehnquist and RPSuch. They are both very good writers with wickedly dry humor and are extremely logical. In essence, they are the guys we all hated in school! They also like to share recipes.

If you wriggle your eyebrows and smirk as you're imagining your characters' dialogue, you may want to consider not trying so very hard to be clever.

Also, he said, she said, he said, she said POV-esque story telling is no way to try to flesh out two dimensional characters.

This old man is looking forward to more,

Thanks,

MGM

.. the story has already been told.

I don't really know how you plan on entertaining your readership with the next three chapters, but going with what you said: "[...] Here, I wanted to take a longer look. I wanted the husband to question whether the relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning, whether his own make up contributed to things, and whether he can learn from past mistakes and move on.[...]", you are going to have to write up some more backstory to surprise us otherwise those questions are, as of the first chapter, easily answered in my opinion. I mean Nina obviously isn't over Steve, and going with Tim's discription of Steve's expression of regret and sadness when he looked at Nina he obviously isn't over Nina either. Tim should have steered well clear of that situation before he inevitably wound up getting hurt. So yes, the relationship was doomed to fail, Tim had no fault in it other than him being naive, and considering the haste with which the story progressed in the first chapter I find it unlikely that you can spend three chapters telling us whether or not Tim will get over the hurt.

Yes, I know I'm being VERY presumptuous, but with what we have right now there isn't much left to surprise us with in my opinion.

I'm looking forward to the next three chapters. This is how real life can be, not pretty, sometimes uncomfortable, but real.

And Rphinney's comment is totally at odds with my preference. Apparently he wants a business report, written on one side of one sheet of paper and preferably in bullet points. Sorry, but I like colour and character and scenery, just like this.

is there going to be continuation? love your writing style. and i like this story. well, not the way it ended. i guess, i love stories that have positive ending to the main character.

Great start. Can't wait to see how it progresses, and for me, this is the sort of story that I love. Could find fault if I tried, but why would I?

ta very muchly.

This chapter is a little sad and very true to life. How many ex-husbands and wives get back together after a certain time? Even if one or other cheated. I would like to think that the wife will see sense and maybe realise what she has. But I don't think it will pan out that way. Whatever you do with this story I am sure it will be a good read. Thanks for the story.

To summarise this first chapter, is it a good idea to go backand try again?****

I really don’t know why anyone does this, and I have seen it a lot. I have friends who think that by getting a do-over, they can somehow correct the mistakes they made and things will be different.*****

In my opinion, it rarely works out. Yes, you can learn from your mistakes, and move on, but trying to get back something you have lost is never a good idea.*****

Mother nature has a way of dulling the bad memories. Just ask a mother about the pain she went through during labour. While the labour pain is fresh in her mind, she’s willing to castrate any male coming within arm’s reach, nine to twelve months later she’s pandering and pawing her husband for another child. She forgets the bad moments and concentrates on the good. For the continuation of the species, this is mandatory, for finding true happiness with a partner, it's a disaster waiting for a time and place.*****

Nina is in a vicious cycle, condemned to repeat her failures. The ones I feel sorry for are her children. Tim, if he’s smart won’t be buying back into her troubles when it all goes south a second time, but there’s no guarantee in that either.*****

Good read and looking forward to the next chapter.*****

Amanda

... and I don't really care if I can figure out what's coming next, if I'm enjoying the story -- and I am! If there is a plot-line twist to make the story turn in some unexpected fashion, well that's okay too. Keep writing, I really like your work!

I hope you introduce a new love for him because his current wife isn't likable.

She lies to him.

She tries to manipulate him into humiliating himself despite her decision already being made

She's disappointed when he gets smart, figures it out, and won't play her game

In the end there's nothing likeable about her. So quickly get rid of her so we/he can meet the good woman in his life.

I'm wondering if you want us to feel for her of like her? If so you failed to put any likable characteristics in the description,

Now that new waitress,she's got possibilities. I hope there ends up a nice revenge element where his current wife doesn't end well. Maybe Steve wigs out and does a nice murder-suicide thing on her? Or perhaps something really nasty happens to her. What can I say, I really don't like cheaters or wife's who tell lies.

For example wives who get you to watch her kids while she goes out on a date with the kids daddy. Wow, that was particularly evil of her. No going back to a character we can feel good for after doing crap like that.

This Part 1 has been up here for less than Twelve hours and has garnered Twenty-Five ( Now Twenty-Six) comments. And quite a few are favourable!

Interesting things that Rehnquist has done :-

Cooking Tips ( thought these might 'take over' the story as they did on one recent posting by someone else, relating to a 'sous chef')

The Hero is not Blind. He sees what is happening, and is pro-active about it, too. The Hero's language is plain and straightforward, there are no areas of " vagueness"

Multiple plot-lines, The Hero's interaction with the wife, with her Ex, with the existing staff, with the business, and soon will be with the new hire (and her abusive boyfriend).

The Story is Good Mr Rehnquist. The Cooking tips too.

..

But Twenty Five Comments in half a day !!!!

..

Thanks

Kilroy.

...that now not only will I not go food shopping whilst hungry but also I will never commence to read a Rehnquist story without at least a 3-course meal having passed my lips (the right way I hasten to add).

I'll probably dream about blasted carrot soup, although I must admit it sounded good.

A very good start, with (for me) about the right amount of background info.

There were enough little hints, without actually pointing fingers, as to what was going on but it was developed as a low-key gradual awareness and it's all the better for that. An almost normal humdrum day unravels into a possibly half-foreseen nightmare. How cruel she was, no matter how it's dressed up.

I suspect that the background will also become the foreground and we'll be glad we already have lots of that information.

Intelligently written and leaving lots of scope for the future plot.

Thanks

A new love was introduced to Tim. Not in a sexual context, but introduced nevertheless. The lack of sex in this first part is not a problem. You have a great beginning and sex wasn't needed in this initial story development.

Keep the new "chapters" coming quickly. I'd like to see you give DQS a run for the money. That way, we'll have two great LW stories going at once.

Yes, call me selfish and greedy.

Great start. Please continue, I liked it.

if he ends up with Nicole....because I called it first.

Got to say I was very pleased to spot your name on a new story. As you should know from our past commenting back and forth, I love your stuff. (What was that novel that nobody ever saw or commented on?) This is another winner.I was pretty sure this was going to be a multi-chapter epic, but I'm glad you made it specific. Although four chapters is awful short, don't you think? :)#############

You might have guessed that I like long stories and I loved the cooking part of the story. Yeah, it doesn't havemuch - if anything - to do with the real story except setting the ambiance, but there's a reason James Michener became rich and famous writing novels that were history books and travelogues and a lot of other things wrapped up inside a piece of fiction. A lot of readers LIKE learning things while enjoying a story.########

But mainly I liked the story. I liked Tim. I felt sorry for Nina. Yeah, she was a pretty mean bitch at the end, but those of us who like reconciliation stories generally like women going back to the guys they had their kids with. For Steve this is a happy ending. It's just Tim's misfortune that he got screwed in Steve and Nina's happy ending.#########

It's really a common story. In today's world, and even when I was footloose and fancy free, there are a lot of divorced and attractive women out there and a lot of times you ended up with a woman some guy had previously fucked and impregnated. And if you decided to build a life with one of those women, I don't think any guy ever avoided a little bit of worry about what might happen if the first guy ever wanted back in. So I have a bond with and feel for Tim. I really am curious as to which direction you're going to take the story and I'll be watching for the next chapters.#####

Oh, and despite HDK's comments, I really don't have anything AGAINST small breasted women, or men that prefer asses to breasts. In fact, some of my best friends....

The way you set the stage, letting the scenes develop, was very well done.

I'm looking forward to the next step.

Clean delivery. Great setup. Awaiting the next chapter. I am hoping that Tim and Nicole hit it off. I also think Nina will once again unfaithful with Steve, and I hope Steve chucks her.

In hindsight, which is always a possibility in a fictional story, he should have seen it coming from the very first. He knows she feels great guilt over her cheating. She TELLS him that Steve and she were perfect together! Kind of hard to compete with perfect isn't it? And to top it all off the stepkids and he don't get along. Why would he want to go into this marriage in the first place? He knew all of this stuff upfront before taking the plunge. Okay, she was hot and great in bed. Sure, plow that field, sew those seeds, but he didn't have to marry her. Just the kids alone would have been enough to put me off from that.

The ending is well absurd. Time is a Moron then suddenly he is Sherlock Holmes. First off anyone who quotes the GREAT George Patton is damn fine egg in my book! As a story this is absolutely fabulous.

Your dialog between characters really moves... almost Robert B Parker like. The character development is great and refined and they leap off the page at you. And that is part of the problem .

There are two things about this story I REALLY do not like. FIRST you drop these hints several times throughout the story that something foreboding is about to happen... very soon. Doing it once is OK but 3 or 4 times.... its over kill.

In chapter 2 when TIM comes home and meets with his wife Nina we already know something is wrong . You made that very clear. Then you have " brief look of guilt" on Nina's face as she leaves ... for her party... and every reader KNOWS she is clearly lying.

Then when she comes home Nina is in bed crying.

you dont need to write " A real small flaw, but I should have spotted it at the time."

"And it only took a few more hours of pondering the whole mess to figure out the whole story."

This lead to the second issue..... I hate Tim's Guts.

WHY? because I hate fucking stupid and TIM is the 2010 winner of the presitigous JUST PLAIN BOB dumb fuck of the year award.

(and here to present this year's award is Lady Gagga and Gov Sarah Palin.....)

Tim marries Nina a woman who for some UKNOWN reason has an 3 month long affair at work... a woman who for some unknown reason destroyed her own daughters lives FORVER....

Yet TIM is convinced that Nina would NEVER cheat again....? What the fuck is that based on ---the shit stains in his shorts?

Wwhich makes the ending even More shocking... SUDDENLY this idiot Tim... who goes around life with his head up ass holding these views based on fairy tales... suddenly becomes Sherlock Holmes and figures it all out.??

No fucking way. Not even remotely believeable

If all situations were exactly like we think they ought to be, the stories would be a bit boring, don't you think? This is a good set-up for something different. That he didn't figure this out or figured that out is irrelevant to the story to come. Please don't try and emulate DQS; stay with the story and don't take time off to write other stories. (Sorry for the dig DQS.)

With "size14shoe' about this one. It is a good, interesting story. But it is missing one thing...the ending. Hopefully, that will be posted soon, because, I don't breally like 'cliff hangers'.

You have again provided a sad but satisfying tale, with interesting characters who 'act like folks.' Even knowing that this was a cheating-wife story, I was caught off guard by the finish. The protagonist had shown throughout that he had keen situational awareness & a sharp eye for detail, and many writers here would have used those to craft a fine case for divorce. Instead, you took it past that, with him playing out the endgame of his marriage.

For me this story hit the same final emotional note as DanielQSteele1's 'Moment Of Clarity' - the cheating wife isn't quite ready to break things off, but the husband is unable to stomach another minute in the failed relationship even though he hasn't stopped loving her. If ever I find myself in such circumstance I would wish to be so clear in my speech and thinking as these men ...

Thanks very much for sharing this with us all. Aloha!

TH in CA

Well Harry, Jokes on me. You can call a shot! DGH, hates wimps too.

Perhaps Tim, is wiser than his years and she is:" Just A Passing Fancy In A Midnight Dream." ...and He is not hers. Tim, stepped into Steve's shit and now has to wear it. Still stinks. The girls (daughters, not tits) are going to realize they need Tim's help/Love to cope with the train wreck thats coming!

But. This is R's story and I'll look forward to it. Write on R. write on.

Size14, HDK and all (anonymous too) thanks for your thoughts it solidifies my thoughts too.

R, Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

DQS, get to writing! We NEED to find out if/how Bill, will get Debra back into his arms/bed.

....not with a bang but a whimper, a little shake and bake, shimmy and quake. And since it wasn't really an ending then even Harry can be sated. Don't like annoying asides, they should be integrated into the story, especially when they don't involve particularly arcane knowledge. And how not mundane can a sex life be if you preclude any anal play at all. That's just a shame and nonsense! Thanks for another professional piece of work.

You sure got me hooked. I think Nina is living up to the old adage; "Once a cheater... etc." Looking forward to next chapter. This story will, I think, read better than your other novella. Although "The Bar and Grill" like the title “Knox County” does not inspire much of anything. I would re-title “Knox County” to “County Mounty Knox Up Slut Wife From Uranus.” Now THAT really jumps out and grabs me, much more than the mundane “Knox County.” After glancing over the various chapter titles, which were also spectacularly uninspiring, I have a few suggestions that should really intrigue the reader. Now I know this may require some re-write. Or not! It's going to be somewhat dependent on living up to the expectation of the chapter title. For instance like most readers, when I start reading a chapter called “Two Weddings and a Funnel” it better damn well have a funnel in it or I am going to be mightily pissed, as any self respecting Lit reader would be. Anyway here’s some suggestions with a little more pizazz to try and spiff up "Knox County."

"Alien Pussy From Mars snatches unsuspecting Sean."

" David’s Magic Mushroom Bar Mitzvah Circle Jerk."

"Giant Octopus in a chicken suit sucks Will’s Willie."

"Aimee cheats on Cynthia with six fingered albino dwarf."

"Lovers eat liver and love it in Livermore."

"Elizabeth gets a new job at the dildo factory."

"Will comes to town, and then comes in his shoe."

In fact this chapter of "The Bar & Grill" could have been called:

"Attack of the killer Fennel bulb."

I think a more romantic re-titling for this story could be; "The Grill with Bar Away Eyes." Kinda touching, don't you think?

As I am one of your biggest fans, please feel free to use any of these titles at your own discretion, and keep those wonderful stories (with bland titles) coming.

It is very well-written, but the cooking and bar set-up was too long and involved to keep me interested at first. Once you got to the actual story, I found that part very good. Before that, I was rather bored.

I can't say it enough. I'm so glad you're back to writing; although I have enjoyed reading some of your comments on other stories in the interim. It's about damn time that you put pen to paper for a story. And what a beginning, so glad you didn't disappoint! While I have enjoyed reading all of your stories, my favorite up til now is Knox County but this story is very promising so I am withholding final judgment until this story is completed.

I loved the twist of Nina returning to her ex-husband. Not the same old cheating wife story. I also enjoyed reading about the behind the scenes preparations, cooking and background on the secondary characters. I think that it's the attention to detail in stories that separate them from good to excellent! This definitely falls into the excellent category. So glad that he told her to pack her shit and be out of the house.

I'm looking forward to reading the 'rest of the story' as Paul Harvey would say. Please try to write faster and post again soon. Don't leave us hanging like you did while writing Knox County. In the meantime, I'll be logging in daily to check for updates. No pressure there. :) Just keep writing and I'll keep reading!

~ S

I very seldom read, let alone comment on LW stories but I do check out the feedback portal for stories that are getting lots of comments.

You had me at "carrot soup." What a delightful, well-developed, entertaining story with interesting characters. I'm looking forward to the next part and while I'm waiting, I think I'll check out Knox County.

Thank you for posting.

Really enjoyed it. Look forward to more. Just please don't take as long as DanielleQSteele1 LOL!

The cooking parts built a basis for how hard he was working and how he loved his business. However, they were a bit too long IMHO. The interactions with the step daughters showed that all was not paradise. The story has been told well... so far.

Thank you.

Just like some old guys telling about theirs lives, some are in court action, some in kitchen action, some in real marshal arts. As HDK said, you seemed to be pretty much logical guy, dialogues by Tim in story are exactly what should be coming from very logical and resolved person. These person makes one mistake only once never twice. I also follow the that rule in my life, make mistake, enjoy hell out of it, but never the same twice, because first time it is mistake after that it is act of fool. Bad part about being logical writer is, you finish the story before it start, it can be solved if you let other characters talk too (not from their side, but listen what they want to say).

one thing I liked in your story is that there is no "Big DIck & Big Boob Rule the World" Concept and no humiliation of hero in front of woman, to collect sympathy and create stress in story. There is more to hotness and beauty other than "Big Boobs". In fact the day woman realize she is beautiful, is the day she is no longer beautiful.

I am glad to know there will be more, but I have feeling that there will be no more Nina in next chapters, We can compare her with Molly in "Back to Bristol" but there is difference, Molly justified her cheating on Peter because she cheated with him, when she was with Cris, (we should not compare characters of Peter and Tim here, because in both case wives(when they cheated on their resp second husbands, with their ex) believed their hubbies are honorable person, (which is true in one case), so Molly was to blame for cheating with peter only, and was manipulated or forced to marry Peter,she was sure from starting that she never loved Peter but here, Nina cheated for two months on Steve, then she swear she would never do that again, she again goes back to Steve, problem here is she is not sure she loves TIm or Not. I hope we see Nina suffering, maby Steve realise once a cheater always a cheater, she cheated on him for two months and now on her secon husband, may he may not realise but after sometime living together he may find he will always wonder wht she is doing when she not with him, like on ce he would see her with Tim talking, and realise his trust problem, and then I would like to see what her response would be to that, or may be Steve starts cheating to avoid potential pain of being cheated again. this would be interesting, I really hope she ends with steve because kids will be more comfortable with him, but Nina does not deserve any fidelty from any husband (score till now is two but she has potential, so many more to come).

For those encouraging me to hurry along, I just wanted to let you know that Part 2 was submitted yesterday, and Part 3 was submitted today. I've finished the rough draft of the 4th and final part, but it still has some tweaking and editing left to do.

Thanks to everyone for their comments, both good and bad, and I'd like everyone to please be patient with the story. I already warned you all that it could fall into multiple categories, but the real gist is looking at how a man deals with his divorce.

And Incestor, I'm sorry, but Nina will be coming back at least for a cameo. By the way, what she did, why she did it, and how she did it--including having the new guy babysit her kid while she was meeting up with ex-husband--is absolutely true. It really happened. I'm just not good enough to make shit like that up!

...one of the later commenters, because I don't have to say certain things that have already been said, like:

--it's a great story so far, very involving, sad, beautifully written;

--the details about cooking etc. are too extensive and, frankly, dull for many readers.

I'm just glad you're sharing this great story with us; I look forward to the rest of it, and will make absolutely zero attempt to predict what's going to happen (unlike many other readers who apparently can't help themselves).

Thanks!

ohio

I am just going from how I interpreted the author's comments in the beginning. I think this story will be more about reflection on the husbands part. How he deals with what happen and the implications presented. To Rehnquist - It is amazing how true life often out does fiction. "Stealing" from real life is always a creative inspiration. Thank you again Sir for your stories!

It was interesting to read for me because I like to cook and found the cooking hints of value. I would definitely keep them as part of your style (affectation for the protagonist, not unlike other great authors attribute to their protags similar interesting asides).

I loved the story so far and voted that way. Great dialogue. The characters were real (at least I identified with your characterization of the children in a stepfather household). Great job.

I discovered your work after reading your comments on other stories. You are a very good writer. This story feels real because it apparently is based on a real life situation. My only wonder is how, if she felt so guilty after her several month long affair, did she fall into a new relationship. She saw how devastated her ex was and the problems with her children. Why wouldn't she at least give her ex a chance for a new relationship. Telling her new husband that their relationship was perfect should have been a deal killer. Making her husband watch the spoiled kids, take their crap, do their homework and then leave him asleep on the couch - that is not someone I'd want to be married to.

Hope things work out for our hero! What's next? Someone going to kill the dog? Get sick from carrot soup? Is the new girl going to be perfect till her ex-boyfriend comes and kicks his ass where he gets saved by his nurse ex-wife who gives him the best sex of his life because she feels sorry for him? I can't wait

So She's 2 for 2. She cheated on her first husband and lost the marriage, and now entered an emotional affair and decided to completed it out again, even though she said that she had learned her lesson and promised him it was over. He ought to file under grounds of adultery.....and file alienation of affection against the ex.....I guess the ex never respected her new marriage, and is not guilty of doing what she did in order to get her back....like to see Tim get his self respect back...and leave the slut.

Rehnquist well done!

It is diffcult to find a new angle on a LW story. Having a wife that is already a "cheat" is a nice new twist and leaves lots of avenues for the story.

The way you have written the wife Nina , she sure seems like a drama queen-one that thrives on chaos in her life. We all know someone who goes from one train wreck of their own making to another train wreck they made. Some people like to live in crisis-even if it of their own design.

The main character Tim as portrayed is a "nice"guy-even Steve the ex is written as a "decent" person. Altough Steve will need to be dense to take back the x-Nina after she cheated on him, then betrayed Tim (Next Nina will go for a triple play cheat?). You have not given Nina a good track record.

I hope you do not have Tim dig too deep into Nina's betrayal. Basicly Nina is a shallow person caring for herself first/last/always and Tim had the bad luck to pick a "dog known to bite" and Nina took a chunk out of Tim's behind when he let his guard dowm.

Thanks for the write and I look forward to the rest of the story.

A well written story, and nicely edited. Fast moving with a lot of good background history to make the story believable.

Not very erotic, but a nice read.

What bothers me, is why would her first husband want the cheating whore back. She has already cheated on him once, what makes him think that she won't do it again.

I hope that he can find a good lawyer and keep from giving her all of his stuff. It would be a shame if she got any of his bar and grill, that would be worth killing the slut over.

Now he can be thinking about Nicole, and maybe get her in bed.

Great story, I hope to see the next chapter soon. Thanks

my daily search for new stories comes up empty so often - most of my "favourites"-listed authors are busy reading and commenting upon other author's works. So now you've been found out - get back to that damn typewriter and set those fingers to work. We want new stories and we want them now! (did I say typewriter? God, I'm so old!)

By the by, an excellent story so far Rehnquist. Thankyou.

Hammerlane

Enjoyed the story immensely, very well done. The insertion of the “food” references reminded me of the early Lawrence Sanders books. The detailed descriptions of the sandwiches the protagonist concocted were a mainstay of the early series. They didn’t have anything to do with the murder or how Edward X would eventually solve it, but they were always unusual enough that you wanted to grab a pencil and pad to write down each the various “wet” or “dry” sandwich combinations.

Powerful, telling, emotionally real and on top of everything else I'm wondering if my husband would go for carrot soup. Well done indeed.

Saw a comment referring to LAwrence Sanders...I agree, but with a bit of Robert Parker tossed in. Characters came to life...my only criticism was that Nina's character was slightly under developed. I wanted to feel a little bit more warmth and sympathy to her which would have added to the delicious tension. I loved the exposition of the main characters deductions on the last page...nice build up to the coda. I thoroughly enjoyed the ride/read!

I have a feeling, you think you may have learned a few things from DQS1. Serial posting will add to to suspense but it has to be indeterminate.

I haven't actually read your story yet but I wanted to comment on a story in rhyme that I heard on the this american life radio show by a guy name rackoff I think. It's a funny sad story that would fit well in this genre. Unfortunately you have to fast forward to act three of the show. I won't say any more but here's the webpage: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/389/frenemies

I like what you've done with the start. References to food and his working life add to the storyline and show other facets in his make-up.Keep it going, there are so many ways this could head. I'll be interested to see where you go from here.

Excellent. Even found the multiple references to cooking interesting. Looking forward to reading the rest of the story.

Really and truly wonderful writing. But fennel..? Try tarragon.

Because his story has become so drawn out and overlong that he doesn't know how to write himself out of it now. If you take anything from his example, it should be that conciseness is the way to go.

Carrot soup please, just juice it. Seriously this is a great story great characters keep it up. The writing I mean

Truely excellent. Would have given it a 10 if I could have.

This was the first time I bothered to read something where there was no sex in 4 paragraphs and I have to say it was a great piece of work. Im eagerly waiting for you to publish more!

Rehnquist :The Bar and Grill

Your stories always seem to bring together unique skills, in this one cooking. For example your description of making carrot soup was so carefully crafted that the words on the page registered in my mind so clearly that much like Pavlov's dog hearing a ringing bell my mouth was filling with saliva savouring the flavours of the carrot soup you had created and described. You do this throughout this piece and your other works very well, where the words cause the reader to sense the images which elicit responses of smell, sound, touch, and taste so clearly and realistically that these form clear images in the reader's mind so they share the experience your words evoke making your words take on a life within their mind. This makes your characters so true to life and you also add depth to the characters by clearly bringing their emotions, sensitivities, strengths and weakneses to the surface and have the characters interact as though they are real life breathing beings we see daily and share in their experiences but the reality is that they are just the words you have so carefully woven together on the page and shared with us.

The one thing that confuses me is that the main character seems to be wiser than his years and this seems a bit incongruous considering his age. He seems to be in his late 20's maybe early 30's. Yet he manages to come across having the wisdom and intuitive ability to read others and their actions of a 40 or 50 year old. I find this surprising given that his parents were killed when he was 19 and he took over the bar and grill at age 20. Possibly having life and responsibilities thrust on him, forced him to switch and in that process he learned from those closest to him in the early years and honed the skills quickly to survive. He already had a passion for food since he was training to be a chef in culinary school so he applied this passion to his life and with the people that he lived and worked. Doing this no doubt taught him quickly what worked and what didn't and being intelligent and always doing checks and balances was able to refine his skills.

Quite honestly, I find it odd that Nina has been having a hard time with the guilt that broke up her first marriage. If she felt guilty about her first break up and shared it with Steve, I fear that her going back to him will lead to greater guilt for she has repeated the same thing again. Thus she has not learned from her mistakes and Steve taking her back will likely face many issues as will the young girls. Let's see if the story tells the tale.

It makes me wonder whether this passion of cooking is your way of sharing personal elements that are important in your life with your readers. And if so, do you try in some way to share a passion that you have in your personal life in each of the stories that you create.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this first chapter. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Take care!

Simple_Me

Very good story; at least so far. He is a smart guy so my criticism is that such a high value of looks. He was an intelligent and successful young man so he could have married a pretty, but not beatiful, single girl. Instead he choose Nina a beauty a divorcee with two children and a divorcee that cheated.

That is the choice young men have. They can choose a single girl or a somewhat prettier single mom.

What most young moms (teens and early twenties) ask is, "Do men date and marry single moms?" Of course they do. However, the real question they are asking is, "Can young single moms date and marry guys as desirable and the guys they could date and marry if they were single girls?" Of course the answer is "No." They must settle for guys that are less desirable. Perhaps not a lot less desirabile but nevertheless less desirable.

The Firebird was a scrap of heap at his feet, but he wouldn't need to replace the guardrail.

Who was on Meth? Slow down, like the Meth Heads should have.

Typical Poms attitudes in writing. Gutless, with that ugly Brit pompous mannerism.

Well deserved 1 star.

A man in touch and aware and on top of his life - even if it sucks royally -

Very nice - he hates what is happening but has read it all perfectly so far and his keeping control of his own life - good for him for at least that much. Nothing gets easier but it is certainly cleaner -

I am looking forward to the rest of it - the unreality of having a perfect doll pop in to the story line to help him out is just too convenient but go for it lol

very interesting. cant wait to see where the story goes from here

Very nice! "Gee Forces "only just loosening up now allowing self to type.

Awesome! Needs a part 2 though!!

What a fucking bitch, slut is still a cheater... Slut cheated once again on her husband..

B&G came up on random stories this afternoon and I decided why not revisit a great old story. I recognized all the folks working at the Bar and Grill, the customers too. The Chief really does tell a hell of a good story. I think I'll just read the other three chapters too. It's gloomy here in Washington, someone has tried too blow up the Boston Marathon this afternoon, but I'll bet there is something going on in Grant City that is worth reading about.

A great start. Plenty of detail and character development. Hard to feel to bad about her leaving. He only had her on loan.

When she told him the affair "FUCKING CHEATING" was a mystery to her. He should have ran far away from the heartless Cunt. He is one stupid mother fucker for believing the cunt. He deserves to get fucked up the ass hard. No reason to read any further then that.

married her only knowing her for six months. you cant fix stupid I guess.

brian

And you're surprised that a cheating cunt was still a cheating cunt? She was damaged goods when they met and never changed. What a piece of shit.

Really liked it.

A really great start. I guess Nina is really going to be history. Three more chapters - I hope we'll have excitement in addition to pursuing Nicole.

Thank you for the start to this series. Good characters, voice and plot. The only thing is I'm not going to be getting a fookin' thing done for a coupla days.

most women is a two bit lying whore, you are real lucky to find a good one, and if she is white and not a two bit cunt you have been picked by god, 70% marriages fail ..70%filed by this kind of whore......stoning doesn't seem so evil now, does it.

ps the cunts kids are gonna marry and destroy you son, 3 kids different dads or strippers, welcome to the true face of eve.

This isn't a story about most women. This is a story about fictional women.

Hooks set, now for the main course! got to agree with markrane, not going to get a lot done until I finish it !

Off to a rousing start. Fuck this bitch and if she ever needs a favor he should deny it. And if she wants to come crawling back just piss on her. In other words, BTB then refuse to piss on her if she wants the fire out. I'm expecting good things from you on this story.

Hopefully she will cheat on Steve again. They deserve each other.

Well written 5*

Second time through for me and this story reminds me just how much we miss you here, Rehn...

Great, Really Great writing. Love the pace, dialogue, voice, plot, asides, etc. Literally everything. Please come back...

He nailed it, and good for him not making it easy for her.

The only thing he forgot was to tell her to please tell the girls the truth and don't make me the bad guy. Since she has a way of bending the truth. Looks like it's time to trade her in for a younger model. Great writing R, wherever you are. Thank you

and none of it is cheap, TK U MLJ LV NV

So I'm checking the site everyday, not finding much. Not much at all really. A quick glance at the Feedback Portal and a positive comment induces a checking of the author. Hmmm - Rehnquist - I cruise the story teasers, well well well, I'm always up for a restaurant story. Chapter 1 completed, fuckin' a, a writer, a real writer, with descriptive ability, and asides. Sweet.

I shall continue.

too bad that doesn't carry over to married life.

he should adjust the recipe (or ask Clara).

Still five stars. Still love it. Doesn't have the drama I normally love to see, but your dialogue and character development is riveting.