All Comments on 'The Billionaire'

was this ch1 or what?

damn confusing.

Only read the first page and couldn't stand all the gifts you gave your character. Super Smart, Telepathy, Telekinis, super beautiful mother, father that is metal of honor winner (which if he had a 12 or 13 year old wife, would have had him dishonorable discharged and in prison) and so on and so forth. Am sure if I read more, he would have had a 12 inch cock or some other such b.s. You have created a character that no one can relate too, which leads to a story that very few will bother to finish. Plus there is the fact the story doesn't flow and is hard to follow, as others have mention. Not trying totally discourage you, since you are trying, but if you want to delve into the realm of sci/fi or fantasy, that is fine, but give it some reason other than school boy fantasy.

Nice story, but in the wrong category. It should have been posted as a SiFi / Fantasy Story or as a Parody.

Well written but the main character is way over board.

It is as someone is having a dream of omnipotence.

Yeah I agree with the others. This is essentially bullshit. And split it up into chapters. 4 pages max for each. Even if the guy was this smart, which is very unlikely, he makes it sound like his gifts are earned distinctions rather than just dumb luck in the genetic draw. And don't say "eidetic" and then define it for us. You are assuming we don't know the word. So don't use it. Just say photographic memory. Or something like that. But a real smart guy like you understands that, unless you are just a pompous ass.

A little long and pointless at times. You lost me with the mention of "Bush" lied about the war in Iraq in that he started it for the oil. Come on, that is just plain stupid. What oil?? Do you realize the majority of the oil contracts are owned by China and Russia? The USA has never benefited from the oil there in any way since the war. We most definitely should have seized enough oil to pay for our efforts there, but we did not. Iraq's oil has been sold out to the highest bidder, and that's not the USA.

I'm guessing this is just the beginning & I'll enjoy reading Ch. 02.

(BTW, the comment about Bush and oil is not correct, but that's a small price for otherwise good writing.)

This appears to have been written by a 15 year old with delusions of grandeur who has no more than a rudimentary knowledge of finance or corporate America - not to mention marriage laws. I gave up on Page 1.

I didn't finish the story so I won't vote. I stopped half way through the first page. Your character is too much. It's difficult to relate to him. All I read was how awesome he is. Super smart, super memory, mind control abilities, mother young and beautiful ...

And then we learn his mother married his father when she was twelve but look and act like a 25 years old. Very realistic. I'm sure if I continued I'd learn he shits gold.

Perhaps the rest of the story is good but the beginning really didn't make me want to continue.

Sad to say, but I fall right in line here. I quit the story early also. The character is way too unbelievable. I really like the bit about women throwing themselves at an economist! Eidetic, fine. Although I doubt no one, eidetic or not, is going to read EVERY book in a library. Telekinetic? Please.

This is too far fetched and the mom is a door mat. I agree with the previous comments. Too sophomoric!

What is wrong with you guys ... this is an awesome story with good plotting in the later parts of the story. The beginning was just too fast. This story has high potential if you slow it a little bit. Keep up the good work.

The story jumped around a bit, going from one time era and family to others, but it still was an interesting read.

A bit of sci/fi and with a lot of erotic sex, and it has a good solid storyline.

Thanks for the read.

Sex stories are wildly popular because sex is common to us all. Our particular slants on politics are just that, and need to be kept out of it. It really took a lot out of the story for me. Consider the rule about not discussing politics or religion when you write and you will probably do much better.

This is great work. Looking forward eagerly to the next part. :)

I had trouble following the long stream of consciousness. The premise seems interesting, but it's hard to figure out what's going on. It does feel like a lot of rambling in the beginning with no clear purpose of where it's going or why this information is useful. Still not a bad effort.

more more more thks

continue saga

It was a decent read, but it felt like the plot kind of spun out of control after the first couple of pages. Way to many characters to keep straight, to many business deals to keep track of and Maggie and Doris were both all but forgotten by the end. It probably would have been better to concentrate on Chloe and Maggie and leave Doris out of the story entirely. Minimize and delete all the unimportant characters and plot points. Things such as his telekinesis never were a real part of the story anyhow. Streamline and condense it and this story could be really, really good.

The plot needed more conflict. Maybe over the turmoil he should have felt over making his mother his sex slave, and the other unethical things he did to succeed to the level he did. Or perhaps he should have had an adversary, another telepath or business prodigy who blocked his success and was a challenge for him to defeat. Over all god-like characters cannot be related to and understood. He had a total photographic memory, could read minds, telepathy, telekinesis, access to virtually all the information in the world, an unequalled intellect and no one who could stand in his way. This makes for a boring story overall. It is okay to make a god-like character if there is respectable adversary or task that he has to conquer. There was not one here

This is another story with an ending that says there is more, but there are none. Where is the next story? Maybe you can make them a little smaller, just too much to read in one sitting. So far so good, what happens when all the telepaths meet?

There are so many excellent comments above, I won't bore you with repeating them.

Your story makes these giant jumps without ending one subplot and introducing another. I think they call this a jump-cut in movies; only, you 'way overdo it.

For instance, what the heck is Tran doing coming in so late in the story without introduction or background? Make a separate chapter out of him—or even a separate story. I suppose you're just introducing your telepaths one at a time, but it's majorly disjointed. How about making a separate chapter out of each one?

It's not necessary to explain Chinese surnames. You tend to get pretentious at times.

Much too long for one story. It's not like this is a favorite book.

This sounds like a lot of criticism, but your story is a brave try. Just use an editor.

but there are a few things that can be done better, and i won't repeat them because all the "anonymous" comments have listed them already although not all in a very nice way.

Why are most people with negative comments Anonymous, if you are fair and forthright you don't have to hide and maybe the writer can ask for help or what you mean with some of the comments, not everybody want or can help, me for instance, English isn't my native language and i write this with the dictionary next to me and grammar is very challenging too, so i'm not the one to ask for help.

I hope "perv7234" you wil write a next chapter because i like to read it asap.

Bullshit. In Economics, especially at Harvard, for s PhD you have to be mentioning in multiple books, articles or periodicals and published. Takes a minimum of years fir the PhD. Harvard doesn’t allow multiple degree pursuits with one be a Doctorate.

Story was going ok then you jumped from.the main characters to the trans and Sam. Think that would have served better as a sequel if needed. Was like tom and his marriages were just left hanging.

The Trans at first seamed pointless but when Jamie enter the picture it seamed like it WAS going to be part of the story it seamed as much of the story as story of a CEO of walmart then put side story of a cashier and the CEO not even being in it

This was a weird story,, it jumped all around the place,, it was hard to keep up with it,,, so basically the son changed the mind of his mother to get her pregnant with 6 kids and then got bored and then moved on to another one