The Boy in Makeup

Steve surprised us all. "I want to be with Eric. So, we can either all go out to dinner together, or Eric and I can go alone."

The adults were stunned into silence. Ellen, who didn't know what the rest of us knew, suggested we all go together. "It's probably the last time we'll see the Kamler's."

My mother visibly blanched. I saw Michael squeeze her hand. Henry waded in.

"Ellen, that sounds lovely. But, I think maybe we should let the boys have this day. It's their graduation, after all." Before anyone could disagree, Henry pulled bills out of his wallet, handed them to Steve, and told us to have a wonderful time on him.

I kissed my mother good-bye and told her I loved her and would see her the following day. Lori was having a graduation party, and all attendees were required to spend the night.

"I love you, too, Eric. Very much. Keep climbing."

Chapter Twenty-Five

Over dinner, I was reminded again of all I loved about Steve, especially his eyes and his smile. Both were dancing as we talked.

"I knew what you were going to say, Eric. But, the words on paper didn't match the words in my ears. They were lyrical."

"Thank you."

"I've been thinking about this summer. I think you should stay with us and work for my dad."

"Thank you," I answered, not accepting. He had taken a long time, maybe too long, in reaching that decision.

Steve was glued to me at Lori's, holding my hand, nuzzling my neck, and stealing kisses whenever he could. "Can we go somewhere?" he asked.

"Sure. I know a place."

We grabbed a sleeping bag and snuck out the back, climbed the fence, and headed to the creek bank. We settled on the grass under the moon and kissed and kissed and kissed. "I need to be with you," Steve insisted.

I pulled my shirt over my head, and he did the same. As we kissed, we touched each other's chests, sides, and shoulders. Steve pushed me backward and covered me. My skin tingled under his. I clamped him to me as he drove his tongue deep into my mouth. He kissed me with a passion and recklessness that had been missing for awhile.

As Steve kissed my neck, my shoulder, my chest, my side, and my stomach, he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. I raised up as he pulled them and my underwear down and took me in my mouth.

"Hold on," I croaked. "Take them all the way off."

Steve pulled my shoes and then my jeans and underwear off.

"Yours, too."

Steve stood up, stepped out of his shoes, and tugged his jeans off. He covered me with himself, mouth to mouth, chest to chest, and crotch to crotch. I took his toes between mine. It was the most intimate moment of my life. I never wanted it to end, but I knew it had to. Sex was in the air.

Steve moved back down my body and took me in his mouth. Every time I got close, he backed off. For the first time with him, I felt like what was happening was about me. My entire body was on fire by the time he finally let me finish. He kissed his way back up my body. I could taste myself on his tongue.

"I want to make love to you."

"Please do."

I raised my legs and guided him in. The sex was tender and slow and sweet. As he had with me, every time he got close, he backed off. I begged him to come, not because I wanted the sex to end, but because I needed to feel him swell and fill me. I ached for it.

I came when he did, coating my chest and stomach. Steve collapsed onto me, spent.

"My God, Eric, that was the best yet."

He was right. It was. Because there was mutuality to it.

"Can we sleep out here tonight, under the stars?" I asked.

"Sure," he said.

We cleaned up with our shirts and climbed into the sleeping bag, naked. We intertwined ourselves as we kissed. I felt Steve's breathing change as he fell asleep. I fought sleep off. I didn't want this night to end, as I knew it was an ending.

When Steve woke up the next morning, I was either awake or still awake. I knew what I needed to do, but the prospect of doing it made me anxious.

"Good morning," Steve said, kissing my forehead.

"Good morning."

"Did you sleep okay?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I spent most of the night thinking."

"About what?"

"About this summer and about us."

"I think it'll be fun."

"I think it can't happen."

"Why not?" he asked, sitting up.

"Many reasons. One, I want to be there when our sister's born. Two, I want to spend time with my mother and her new husband before I head off to college and everything changes. Three, and most importantly, I need to let you go. I think I cloud your judgment. I think you'd have floated away by now if I wasn't holding so tight to the string."

"I love you, Eric."

"I know, Steve. I love you, too. But I think you're pretending to be something you're not. And, I think I'm pretending you're something you're not. I think we need to stop pretending. You know how much pretending threatens me. . . . I'd love it if I was enough for you. But I'm not. I'd love it if you were enough for me. But you're not. We should stop pretending otherwise while we can do so voluntarily and without a complete rupture. With our sister coming, we're going to be in each other's lives a long time. We need a happy ending, not an ugly one."

Steve didn't say anything. I put my head on his shoulder, and he put his head on mine. When the silence was too much for me to bear, I asked Steve to talk to me.

"About what?"

"Whatever you want."

"Okay," he said. "Once upon a time, there was a strange boy in makeup at a small high school in small Illinois town. . . ." As he talked, I lowed him, and I put my head on his chest. I cried as he told me the fairy tale of a popular high school boy who accidentally fell in love with the strange boy in makeup at a small high school in a small Illinois town.