All Comments on 'The Call Girl and the Businessman Ch. 00-01'

I liked the story, but felt you tried a little too hard to be "literary" .

Just a touch of pretension in the slightly flowery and rather introspective style, but I am keen to see how the narrative develops.

Hi Pedant,

I value your feedback and will try to be more aware of how the story sounds like to the reader. When I wrote, what I thought about was about the feelings of the flawed and neurotic characters :) The furthest on my mind is to have a pretentious story.

...as I savoured my morning coffee and brandy, incipient sunrise on the ocean's horizon. The odd grammatical misstep notwithstanding, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. And I thank you.

Your comment made me smile. I like the way you express yourself.

About the grammar, I did try to spot my mistakes, but I couldn't find it. My English is far from perfect. If you're still reading this, could you tell me where so that I would not make the same mistakes again?

Thank you :)

Who cares about smells of the rain.

I guess it's just a personal preference. I am sensitive to changes in the weather, so my stories tend to have weather elements imbued in them. I am sorry that it bored you.

Ive always enjoyed the rains and stroms as well.. i fancy the story because i thought i was weird then there's Lila... i love how you choose and use your words... thank you!!!! I mean it...

Thank you MoodyDoomie21, I do love rain, wind and storms the most. They give me inspiration to write. My characters are vulnerable personalities trying to find their way in this world.

This segment gives a great introduction into the story. I sense the dark secrets of the call girl and her client as she tries to help him out of his misery. I sense him falling in love with her without realising it. Maria

Honestly I was not initially happy with POV and I was slightly thrown off by a Thai prostitute being so reflective in ENGLISH. However I LOVE your writing and I’m glad I started the story. Easy fives from me! (Again, beautiful writing even if nothing new about the story (yet) )

Tactile and sensuous story telling.

I tried to get into the story, sadly it's to verbose and wordy.

Lovely written story, looking forward to the next chapter 5*

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