by Fred190666
I know my comment title is a little too cheesy. I really thought it was a well written love story with erotic scenes thrown in when appropriate. I love the breadcrumbs that he could point back at as proof of how long he was into her. Just a really neat story with a unique setting. Thank you for sharing and I hope you do well in the contest!!!!
Haven't read the whole story yet, but I promise to. My confusion is that you created a complete story made up of discriptive scenes, solid characters and a really decent storyline, but seems slightly off. You must have written scifi before and if so, I would like to read it. While it doesn't rate up there with Arthur C Clark or Bradbury; it is still a really decent story. To me the relationship between the two is slightly akward, but only from the point that the sex is amost out of place. From the title, to the pace, to the great visuals; this starts like a pretty damn good scifi novel! The sex seems like it was put in here only to make it qualify for Literotica and the trans/ cd category. If you were to write (or perhaps you have) a pure scifi story; your imagination and skills are up to the task. If you were to write a pure sex story; that would be great as well. But the mixing of the two seems a bit 'clunky'. I sure hope you are; or plan on writing for another forum, because you would have some serious followers and I would be one of them. As for the first comment you got; that guy probably had his dick in his hand and couldn't get off because of the sex doesn't start till the middle of the third page. But believe me; this isn't drivel!
I find this story to be simply wonderful. I especially like that they share the top spot,that's always a turn-on for me. Good job and give us more :)