The Cat and... the Bat?

"That's not what I said, Bruce."

"It's ok. It is true, after all. I've never been the easiest person to live with. Alfred would be the first to tell you that."

"Bruce, if we could've made it work-"

"We would have. We tried three times, but it wasn't good enough. I'm fine with that. You deserve to find someone you can make it work with."

"So... you're not mad or jealous?"

"No. I'm Batman."

Selina snorted a laugh at this; sometimes Bruce did have a dry, twisted sense of humor about him.

"We are going to miss you, Selina."

Knowing this topic couldn't be avoided, she replied, "I'm not going anywhere, Bruce."

"You think I'm going to let you back out on the streets in your condition?" Bruce replied, trying to end the discussion quickly.

"Oh, please! I'm pregnant, not handicapped!" she fired back. "Look, I know I need to take time off until the baby comes, but I'll be back as soon as I can. Besides, you of all people know how... fit I am," she purred suggestively.

Sighing, Bruce stood from his chair and faced Selina. "This has nothing to do with your physical capabilities, and everything to do with what you're about to become."

"What are you talking about?" she asked. Even though his cowl was down, Bruce's eyes still shimmered with intense determination; sometimes, he could be even more intimidating than Batman.

"Selina, you're about to become the most incredible thing on the face of this earth: a mother. I would give anything to have my mother back, but I can't, and I'll be damned if I play any role in putting your child in that same situation."

Holding firm, Selina replied, "Bruce, I know you of all people know too much about this, so I respect your opinion. Believe me, I do. But ultimately, the decision isn't yours. Jake and I have discussed this at length. He doesn't want me to give up being Catwoman, and neither do I."

"It's no longer about you," he growled, becoming more frustrated. "Responsible parents don't have the luxury of thrill-seeking."

Keeping her face stoic, Selina strode up to Bruce casually. As she ran a finger along his cheek, she drew her hand back and slapped him across the face.

"Fuck you, Bruce. How dare you suggest I'm doing all this for the thrills? If that were true, I'd have stuck to thieving. Hell, running away from you was always more thrilling than running beside you." As he was about to speak, she waved him off. "Not finished. I may not have quite the past of you or Dick, but I joined your team after my acquittal for one reason only: to help you protect Gotham. Is it fun beating up Penguin's goons? You bet your ass it is! But that is not why I do this. I do this because Gotham is my home, and I want to keep my home safe. The best chance of that happening is to work with you, all of you, as a team. If I were in it for thrills, there would be no team."

"Be that as it may, you'd still be putting your child in danger of becoming an orphan every night."

"So does every member of the GCPD," Selina countered.

"We're not the GCPD," Bruce replied forcefully. "When Scarecrow shows up with a fuel truck of fear toxin, what does the GCPD do? They form a perimeter and wait for us. When Riddler captures a city councilman and locks him in a deathtrap, what does the GCPD do? They form a perimeter and wait for us. When Joker does anything, anything at all, what does the GCPD do? I think you know the answer. The point isn't that the GCPD is worthless; rather, they're the bravest bunch of men and women I know. All of them would run headfirst into those scenarios without a second thought. But they aren't equipped to handle the worst the psychos of this city can throw at them. We are. Our purpose is to subject ourselves to those unique, mortal dangers so the GCPD doesn't have to."

"Which further proves my point: you need me."

*****

Jake's breathing tightened as he walked up the driveway. Here he was, at the most famous mansion on the east coast, expecting to knock and be let in. He had to be out of his mind! Still, he was trying to listen to his instincts more, and his gut told him that he needed to do this. Approaching the massive front door, he took notice of the lion-shaped knocker and tapped the door five times. Though he settled in for a long wait, knowing it was a massive house, the door opened after only about ten seconds, revealing a tall, balding gentleman with a thin, gray moustache.

"May I help you, young man?"

"Yes, my name is Jake Thompkins. I need to speak with Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle right away. I know I haven't been invited, but it's important."

The gentleman cocked an eyebrow at this. "I see. Unfortunately, Master Wayne is quite busy and cannot be seen without an appointment. As for Miss Kyle, I am uncertain as to why you would search for her here."

Jake grinned, having expected as such. "I know she's here to meet with Bruce Wayne... or rather, with Batman."

He chuckled at this. "Oh, now that is quite droll. I have served the Wayne household for over four decades, and I can assure you that there are no bats here, certainly no Batmen."

Jake just stared the man in the eyes, saying, "I figured it all out. Wayne is Batman, and Batman is Wayne. I need to speak with him."

Standing aside after a moment's pause, he said, "Very well, do come in. I am Alfred, Master Wayne's loyal attendant."

"Thank you, Alfred," Jake replied, stepping inside. "I appreciate-"

"Silence, if you please."

Jake twirled around, finding himself on the business end of a pump-action shotgun. Alfred was so smooth that he had closed the front door and drawn the weapon from the umbrella rack hidden in the corner in one swift motion.

"As I am sure you are aware, Master Wayne abhors firearms, as well as any use of deadly force. I, on the other hand, am a former agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service, and have no qualms about ending your life to protect my family. Now, you have precisely ten seconds to explain to me why I should not do this."

For a split second, Jake's mind went blank; looking death in the face tends to do that to most people. Though he had braved the thugs on Halloween night, a retired British spy with a shotgun was another beast entirely. His mouth started to dry out as he searched for the words he needed to say.

"Five seconds. My, my... you must not wish to live."

Jake blurted out, "You don't want to kill the father of Selina Kyle's baby!"

Alfred recoiled a bit, yet kept his weapon trained on Jake. "What did you say?"

"Selina Kyle... she's pregnant. And I'm the father."

Eying him warily, Alfred asked, "What did you say your name was, young man?"

"Jake. Jake Thompkins."

"Of course! You are Leslie's grandson!" he realized. Putting the shotgun back in its hiding spot, Alfred continued, "Please accept my deepest apologies, Master Thompkins."

"No apology necessary," Jake replied with a nervous laugh. "You do guard the biggest secret in all of Gotham, after all."

"Quite. How did you uncover such a secret? Did Leslie tell you?"

"No. Until a couple of weeks ago, I still thought my Nana hated Batman as a dangerous vigilante. It's a long story, but I figured it out on my own."

"Indeed. Leslie did say her grandson was intelligent and resourceful... ah, but you said you wished to speak with Master Wayne, yes? This way."

*****

"I've said it once, and I'll say it again-"

"We're arguing in circles, Selina," Bruce cut her off. "You're out; it's for the best. I'm sorry, but my mind is made up."

"Master Wayne, you really are your father's son. As stubborn as a mule," Alfred chuckled as he descended the stairs to the Batcave.

"Alfred, and... who is this?" Bruce asked, seeing a young man following behind his butler.

"Jake?!" Selina gasped.

"Yes, may I introduce Master Jake Thompkins?" Alfred said, ushering Jake in.

"So, you're the one," Bruce said, eying Jake warily. "That will be all, Alfred."

"Of course," Alfred said with a slight bow. Turning to leave, he continued, "Oh, and Miss Kyle? My congratulations to you both."

"Thank you," she replied, distracted by Jake's sudden appearance.

As Alfred took his leave, Bruce began to prowl about the cave as if he was stalking Jake. At last, he asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Selina said she was going to tell her boss about her pregnancy. I knew she by herself wouldn't be able to convince you to let her stay on the team, so I came to help," Jake replied coolly.

"More to the point, how did you know to come here?" Glancing at Selina, he asked, "Did you give me away?"

"Never!" Selina insisted.

"She had nothing to do with it," Jake agreed. "I figured it out on my own, Mr. Wayne."

A long pause, then, "It's Bruce, if that's all right with you. You are family to one of my oldest friends, after all."

"Of course," Jake replied, still refusing to relax.

Bruce continued, "You say you figured it out on your own. How?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got time," Bruce replied.

"Ok, then. As Selina knows, I have a bit of a knack for computers and video games. It was about two years ago, I think. I was watching a news report of some big announcement Wayne Enterprises was making, which, of course, I have no idea what it was."

"To be fair, neither do I," Bruce deadpanned.

"Anyway, I remember that the announcement was given in front of Wayne Tower, and during the press conference, I noticed a large number of Sony trucks driving around back to the delivery area. Normally, that wouldn't look suspicious, except that they all were trucks marked specifically as part of Sony's PlayStation division. So, it got me wondering what Wayne Enterprises would want with such a large order of PlayStations. That, of course, led me to do a little digging."

"And what did you find?" Bruce asked, smiling on the inside.

"Hacking into the records of the delivery company, I found a huge order made by Wayne Enterprises for PlayStation 2 systems, four truckloads worth. That struck me as incredibly odd for two reasons. First, the sheer number of the systems was so out of the ordinary; Wayne Enterprises isn't involved in the gaming industry at all. But more importantly, the orders were for PlayStation 2 systems. Those consoles are practically obsolete! Sony doesn't make 'em anymore; both the PlayStations 3 and 4 outperform them in every capacity. Something wasn't adding up.

"Then, about a month later, I finally pieced it all together. Ever since he first appeared in Gotham, I've been obsessed with Batman. He's what this city has been craving for ages: a vigilante savior, turning back the tide of crime and giving criminals something to fear. So, when a news report of Batman apprehending a would-be mugger just two blocks from my home comes on, what do I do? Being a stupid college kid, I go check out the scene. Once the police were done with everything, I happened across the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life: one of Batman's batarangs. It was broken and unusable, but I took it home anyway and analyzed it. The results were shocking, to say the least.

"After opening it up, I saw that the batarang could be controlled remotely. It was a combination of simple pieces of technology that I had never realized could be used in such a way. But the kicker was when I recognized several of the components as parts directly from the inner workings of a PlayStation 2. It finally made sense why Wayne Enterprises would order those consoles in bulk: to strip them for parts. They were making Batman's weaponry. At first, I figured Batman had to be the chief of security for the company or something like that. But then, I heard you giving a speech on TV, Bruce. It was only for the briefest of moments, but I heard you slip up. When a reporter made an outrageous accusation of some sort, your voice got deep and intimidating. That's when I realized the truth. Your jovial playboy persona is your mask for the public. The Batman... that's your true self."

Bruce pondered this for several seconds before saying, "I can see why you're enamored with him, Selina. He's almost as good a detective as I am."

"Emphasis on the almost, please," Jake chuckled. "You're still the World's Greatest Detective by far."

"Well, this has all been fun, but it's done nothing to change my mind," Bruce said. "You two are about to be parents. Your priority is your child. End of discussion."

"Then she'll do it without you," Jake replied.

"You'd let her do something so reckless?" Bruce asked incredulously.

"You've known Selina Kyle longer than I have. Do you really think any man lets her do anything?" Jake countered.

Bruce huffed at this. "No, I suppose not."

"Damn straight," Selina chimed in.

"We all know Selina will be Catwoman again, be it with you or without you, Bruce. It's her calling, and I couldn't stop her if I wanted to. So, with that in mind, are you still going to keep her off the team, knowing that it would put her in even more danger on the streets of Gotham?" Jake asked.

Bruce paced for at least a minute, weighing the pros and cons. At last, he sighed, "I really hate being undermined, you know."

"It's part of being on a team," Selina replied.

"Fine. You can come back to the team... on one condition."

"That being?" Selina asked.

"You two need to take several years away for yourselves." As Jake and Selina were about to protest, Bruce waved them off. "Think about it. You're not just about to be parents, but you're going to be newlyweds at the same time. You have to learn how to be parents while also learning how to be husband and wife. It will be challenging and exhausting, even with love and commitment. The last thing you need is the additional stress of Selina being out on patrol. Take some time, get your family on track, let Jake get his degree, hell, have a second kid if that's what you want. When the time is right for you to come back, you'll know."

Thinking a moment, Jake replied, "I'm ok with that."

"I suppose that's fair," Selina agreed.

"Good." Sitting back down at the Batcomputer, Bruce asked, "So, when's the wedding?"

"Soon," Selina grinned. "We talked about it last night, and we're just going to have a small private ceremony. Still, we're going to want you there. You, Dick, Tim, and Barbara."

"And Nana, of course," Jake chimed in.

"I may be rich, but that doesn't mean I enjoy these formalities," Bruce snorted.

"Yeah, but you do pull off the tuxedo look like nobody else," Selina purred.

With a dramatic sigh, Bruce said, "Fine. We'll be there."

"Thank you, Bruce," Selina replied, sauntering up and kissing him on the cheek. "Really, thank you for everything. You guys are my family; I don't ever want to lose you."

As Jake and Selina began to ascend the stairs to leave, Bruce called out to Jake, "You had best be good to her. If you aren't, I'll know."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Jake threw over his shoulder.

*****

Five years later

"Connection established. Oracle and Infiltrator are online."

"Copy that, Oracle. I'm entering the warehouse now."

"Roger that. Be careful, Selina."

"No sweat! These dumbasses won't know what hit 'em."

"Just remember the goal of the mission: Penguin's contact," Jake chimed in.

"Yes, dear," Selina sneered with a giggle.

"That's Infiltrator to you," he shot back.

"Ok, calm down, old-married-couple," Oracle said. "Keep us posted, Selina."

"Will do. Just keep an eye out for any surprises they may have for me."

"It's not easy, is it? Seeing her out in the field."

"Yeah, but she loves it, Barb," Jake answered. "And she's so damn good at it. Doesn't stop me from worrying, though."

"I'm the same way with Dick," Barbara replied. "I think that's why I've come to love running operations from the Batcave even more than being in the field."

"I know exactly what you mean," Jake nodded. "We're their eyes and ears, helping to keep them safe from the unseen threats."

"Yep! Now if only I could move my legs," she deadpanned, eliciting a laugh from both of them.

"Oracle, I've reached the staging area leading to the docks. You're not going to believe this. Penguin's secret financier is here."

"Seriously?! We've been tracking this guy for months! Who is it?"

"Good old Rolland Daggett."

"Finally! It's about time we got some dirt on him; Bruce has been trying to bring him down for years."

"Oracle, see if you can hack into the warehouse security cameras. We may not be able to keep Daggett there, but we can at least get evidence of his deal with Penguin for the GCPD," Jake said.

"Good idea." After a few seconds of frantic typing, she said, "Ok, I have access to the live feed. Still working on gaining control."

Bringing up a split-screen of the security cameras, Jake said, "Selina, hostiles approaching your position. Find concealment now!"

"Shit! They've spotted me!"

Chaos began to erupt as the goons shouted for reinforcements. Penguin and Daggett immediately started for their respective escape routes.

"Oracle, Daggett's gonna get away!" Jake warned.

"Almost... got it! I'm in control of the cameras!" A few frantic seconds of typing, and she managed to snap a freeze-frame of Daggett and Penguin together. "Say cheese, Rolland," Barbara sneered.

"Nice job. Selina, what's your status?"

"I'm pinned down! These assholes are more heavily armed than we expected and... oh, shit! They've installed turrets in the ceiling!"

"Find cover! I'll do what I can!"

"Just sent a distress signal to Robin. His ETA is three minutes," Barbara said. "I'll keep an eye on the cameras. Infiltrator, see if you can access the turret controls and turn the tide in our favor."

"Already working on it," Jake said, furiously analyzing the data on his screen. "Shit, they've got this encrypted as all hell. But... there! They didn't encrypt the Wi-Fi! That's my way in."

"Just hurry!" Selina shouted, the sounds of gunfire echoing through the communications line.

"Four guns, and they're all on separate grids, allowing them to operate independently. Ok, I think I've got control of one of 'em. Here we go!"

Flipping a switch next to his keyboard, Jake activated a gaming controller hardwired to the Batcomputer. After a quick test to confirm which turret he had control of, Jake used the feed from Barbara's security camera hack to plan his tactics. Before anyone in the warehouse knew what had happened, Jake's turret had turned on one of the other guns and blasted it to smithereens. Onscreen, he saw that part of Selina's cover was close to crumbling under the assault from one of the other turrets, making it Jake's next target. But before he could eliminate the final gun, the goons realized something was up and destroyed the turret Jake had control of.

"Shit! They shot me down!"

"Already on it," Barbara said. "There, got access to the final turret. Take this!"

With expert precision, Barbara turned the gun on a large net of crates suspended above the warehouse floor. After she fired off a few rounds, at least a dozen of the crates came crashing to the floor, taking out about half the armed goons. This allowed Selina to make her move and disappear into the shadows. From there, it was child's play for her to start picking off the thugs one-by-one. By the time Robin finally arrived, all the hostiles had been subdued.

"Mission accomplished. Good work, everyone," Barbara said.

"Thanks for the assist, you two," Selina said. "See ya at home, stud."

"Looking forward to it. Infiltrator, signing off." Tossing down his headset, Jake sighed, "That woman is insatiable. All I really want is a good night's sleep."