All Comments on 'The Circle Ch. 12'

by SteveWallace

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AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
A bit staid

I don't want this to seem overly critical - I've enjoyed the early parts of this story and some of your others. But it now feels you are rushing through plot points, making fairly large leaps in both time and believability. Too many of the characters are indistinguishable, perhaps partly because of the compressed time/action 'off camera (trying to get 12 people into this kind of relationship with only a couple of pages per story doesn't let you develop them as characters). The story itself feels like you're trying to get across the principles of polyamory without having the characters live them (i.e. the repeated monologues on the ten principles of love).

It's a shame, because I think there is a lot of promise to the story, but it's swung away from being in the group sex category (what little sex there is in new chapters is perfunctory). Perhaps it would work better in the novella category, and allow you to take more time with each one; maybe slow down on the introduction of new characters too - it would help to get the ideas across, and make the reader feel more invested in their travails.

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userSteveWallace@SteveWallace
A note on the story Loosening Up: Yes, it has many many characters. A PDF is available upon request listing the characters and placing them in some kind of perspective for the reader. Just email me (see below). Well over 18 ... even 30, hell 40 is way back there, oh hell, o...

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