The Diary

She looked back at him with childish, needy eyes. "But... doesn't it mean you love me?" She asked. "Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do!" He answered exasperated. "But..."

"You're the only one that makes me happy." Her butt pressed down into him harder still. "It feels so big."

John physically tried to push her away when she said those words. This was all very bad. "It's not right. Get off." She wasn't listening. "Goddamnit, Callie! Get off me now."

"Am I in trouble again?" She asked suddenly. John finally succeeded in pushing her away and Callie fell to the floor at his feet. His erection was now free to rise up beneath his thin pajamas. The thick bulbous head stretched at the fabric as it tented. Callie was eye level with it now. "Oh, daddy! It's really big." She gasped. Her right hand reached out and grasped the shaft.

"No!" John croaked. Neither he nor Callie had moved to stop it. His eyes were filled with confusion. It looked like Sarah on her knees in his old NYU sweatshirt. He felt the ache in his balls. Isn't this what he wanted? Hadn't he admitted to himself that he wanted to fuck her? His thoughts were getting all muddled in his head again. "Please stop." He croaked out again.

"But... don't you need to... you know?" Callie replied quietly. "I can help you. Please? Let me show you how much I love you." She pulled at the fabric until his cock popped through the slit in the crotch. Callie stared at it in awe. Her pussy was soaked. She wrapped her hand around it again feeling the flesh for the first time.

"You have to stop." John struggled to say the words. He didn't want her to stop, but everything told him it was the right thing to do. "W... why are you doing this?" He closed his eyes as if it would make it better. If he didn't see her face then maybe it would be okay. "Oh god... no... Callie, you have to stop now." Her hand was tugging his shaft up and down. It had been so long since a woman stroked him. "No." He protested a little more forcefully. He pushed her away hard.

Callie's nerves were all over the place. She didn't expect him to allow her to get that far. All the hormones that were clouding her senses seemed to fade. What if he was really mad at her? What was she doing? Her pussy was on fire with need. It felt hot and swollen. She wanted him so badly.

She leaned over the coffee table in front of him ready to be punished. The sweatshirt pulled up over her ass when she bent forward. Her ass cheeks were still red from her spanking. John looked at the soft, young skin. It was so flawless and perfect. He admired where the round cheeks sloped into her thighs. She had a small dimple just above her crack. Then his eyes settled at the gap between her legs. Two beautiful pink lips puffed slightly framing her slit. He could see the subtle, glistening wetness that betrayed her arousal. Everything about her was delicate. Nothing on her body had filled out like a woman's body. It was innocent and sexy and her ass hung in the air like a forbidden fruit.

John stroked his cock while he watched her bent and prone in front of him. All he needed to do is drop down behind her and push it into her sweet, little cunt. Yes. He definitely wanted it. It couldn't be denied. It was made worse by her willingness to kneel down in front of him. If only she knew what that did to him, he thought. It was a dangerous position.

Callie's heart was racing. She knew she was exposed to him. Did she have to tell him to spank her? It was obvious from her posture. It was suddenly quiet except for the sound of the television. She finally turned her head back to see why he hadn't said anything. An audible gasp escaped her lips as she saw him staring directly at her with his hand jerking up and down the length of his thick shaft.

"Keep your eyes forward." John stated with a new confidence in his tone.

All those old feelings churned inside of him again. His old forgotten life clawed at his insides begging to be released. He had given up that life when he met Sarah. She had submitted herself to his proclivities and satiated the beast inside him. And then he gave it all up to be a good father and raise his daughter; his daughter that was now bent over in front of him begging him for something. She couldn't know what she was asking. And John couldn't deny what he wanted. He wondered if she knew what she was doing after all—wearing her mom's clothes, stealing his lube, coming into his room in just that towel, not wearing panties. She was taunting him.

The television droned on. Brenda Butner was hosting Bulls And Bears on Fox News. "Stuart, what do you think about that? Steve thinks the new product release for Apple is going to push the stock up, up, up. Is it a bull or bear?"

Yes, John thought. That was the question. Was he a bull or a bear? Would he stomp these feelings into the ground with his powerful paws and pummel them into oblivion like a bear? Or would he hook them with his bull horns and fling them up into the air, back out in the open? Maybe he was a bit of both. Maybe he wanted to rip open this shell he created to cover his true feelings. Maybe he wanted to drive that horn into this façade he'd created and release his urges. Then he could pound his prey like a bear and tamp them down into submission.

His balls were tightening as he stroked his cock harder. He could feel the cum surging forward. It had been days since he last released. And when he finally came it launched out in a powerful stream and shot through the air landing on Callie's ass. It dripped slowly over her cheek and down the back of her thigh. Some had landed on her calf. The rest pooled on the floor.

John stood up and tucked his cock back inside his pajama pants. He stepped forward and looked at the redness on her ass. His reached down and very gently ran his finger across the slit of her pussy. She was completely soaked. Her body went rigid at the touch.

"What did you think you were doing, Callie?" He asked with a frighteningly emotionless tone. She turned her head toward him completely overwhelmed by the sensation of the hot fluid running into the crack of her ass. "You're playing a dangerous game."

"No... I was only..." She didn't know what to do at this point. What was she doing? The look in his eyes was cold. Her nerves were rattled, and she realized that she might have gotten in over her head.

"Only what?" He asked. "You want what exactly? You shouldn't play games with me. Do you know why?" Callie shook her head no. "Because you don't know what the game is. You don't even know what winning looks like."

Callie watched him walk away and head upstairs. Did he know she was playing a game? Did he know she came down this morning intent on garnering his attention in a sexual way? She felt paralyzed. What did happen? She touched his cock. It was magnificent, the first one she'd ever wrapped her fingers around, and it still made her heart race thinking about it. Then he jerked off on her. The feeling off that hot, thick liquid landing on her skin was burned into her mind. She could still feel it dripping through her crack and down her thighs. She reached a finger back and gathered it up. She sniffed it smelling the strong, bleach-like aroma, and then tasted it. It was her dad's cum. Despite her nerves it made her excited. She wanted more. She wanted to touch his cock again and empty his balls herself.

On some level, she thought that she was successful. Didn't she get what she wanted? She stroked him. She made him hard. She made him look at her like a hot, little slut, just like her mom. The events didn't go exactly how she would have liked. But it was a big step, wasn't it? If she was playing a game, hadn't she won? Then she had a perplexing thought. What did winning look like?

******

John was soaked in sweat as he jogged back towards his house. He'd taken an extra long run this morning through Jockey Hollow. The forest was thick with foliage and he took the trails less traveled to be alone with his thoughts. He avoided Washington's campground, which drew plenty of tourists who were interested in seeing where the Continental Army holed up during a frigid winter in the midst of the Revolutionary War. The rest of the park was a serene expanse that suited his desire for solitude.

His mind was awash in confusion. What he did this morning-what he allowed to happen-was absolutely wrong. The defining conclusion that bothered him the most was his utter lack of guilt over it. He wanted to spray his cum on his little girl's ass. She had taunted him. He was certain of that now. She even begged him to let her jerk it. So why should he feel guilty? Whether he was a bad man or not, he was taking control of a part of himself that he'd neglected.

John considered that maybe staying single and not dating created the exact opposite effect than what he intended. Maybe Callie would have been better off with a female figure in her life. Maybe he would have been happier if he had an outlet for his sexual needs. There was a possibility that this morning was the culmination to a series of poor choices and unintended consequences. He wouldn't have thought that a few days ago, but he had no other explanation for Callie's change in behavior and his sudden urges, which he used to control so well.

He thought about Sarah. She was the love of his life. Even he was certain that she'd be disappointed if she knew he had stayed celibate these last few years. She'd given him permission to be happy again. She said as much when he visited her in the hospital. Maybe it was time to move on.

John turned down his street and watched his neighbors at work in their yards. He had slowed to walk as he caught his breath. Heather was watering a flower bed alongside her walkway as he passed on his way home. She waved to him.

"Hi, John!" She called out. "I thought you'd be mowing the lawn this morning." It was his typical routine for a Saturday morning. The weather was hot and humid.

He walked across to say hello. "Not today." He panted still out of breath. "I took a run. I've had a lot on my mind." He added. "I think I'm skipping the yard work this weekend. I'm going for a swim and then I'm making myself a drink."

"Well that does sound nice."

"What's the point in having a pool if I don't take the time to enjoy it?" He watched her breasts sway under a white v-neck tee shirt. She had on a pair of jeans that hugged her figure. The knees were muddy from planting in the garden. "Take a break from this." John said. "It'll be here next weekend. Come join me. Callie's out shopping today anyway."

"Really?" She beamed. "I'd like that."

"Good. It's settled."

******

Callie was sipping an iced tea from Au Bon Pain at the Short Hills mall. She liked this mall better than ones in Rockaway and Bridgewater. It had the best stores and she had a thousand dollars to spend on anything she wanted. It felt good to get out of the house. She thought she might rub her pussy raw if she stayed there any longer. Not to mention her infatuation with the journal and her dad had her out of sorts.

She was carrying bags from The Limited, Banana Republic, Nordstroms, J. Crew, Sephora and Saks Fifth Avenue already. Callie made her way toward Victoria's Secret. Most of her panties were worn out. As she stood in the store amongst the lingerie, she thought about buying something sexy instead of her normal cotton underwear. Maybe that would get her dad's attention. But if she dressed more risqué, didn't that mean she was playing a game? If it was a game, what did winning look like?

She wondered why he said that to her. It wasn't a rejection. It wasn't an acceptance of her forward behavior. It was a warning about what might happen. What would winning mean? She wondered. Why did it have to be a game at all? She didn't think of it that way. Those were his words. Callie started filling her arms with panties and bras and even a sexy bathing suit. She was tired of being the good girl that everyone liked. She wanted to be the sexy, hot girl that everyone wanted to fuck. Not that she wanted to be promiscuous. Callie only had one man in her life that she truly cared about, and he thought she was playing games. It wasn't a game to her.

"Hey, Callie!" She heard someone shout her name as she struggled with even more shopping bags.

Callie turned around looking to see who it was. Chris DeMico came out of the Bose store. "Oh, hey, Chris. What's up?"

"Not much." He replied with a shy smile. "I'm sorry about your suspension at school. It was totally unfair."

"Yeah, I guess. There's not much I can do about it. My dad took it pretty well."

"Pretty well?!" Chris laughed. "He told Principal Dawson to go fuck himself. You're both legends at school. Jake Gassmer was in the office when your dad flipped out and he caught it on his cell phone and then it went viral and someone remixed it and auto tuned it and posted it on YouTube."

"Really?" Callie chuckled.

"For real. And that shit with Kelly was fucked up. Everyone is blaming her for the fact that prom is going to blow if your dad doesn't come through with the decorations. Amy Connors' mom like totally lost it after you guys left school yesterday. She threw a huge fit in the principal's office. I guess she heard about it from someone. Sucks about prom. You're banned?"

"Yeah. I wasn't gonna go anyway after that whole thing with Jason. I'm over it, I think."

"Jason is a fucktard, Callie. I felt bad telling you about those rumors. You're fucking awesome. If things change I'd love to take you to prom."

"Me?" Callie was caught off guard. "Really? You don't have a date?"

"Nah. I'm going stag. There was only one person I wanted to take."

Callie beamed. "Wow. Okay. I... uh... don't think I'll be able to go. But if that changes I'd like that."

Someone called Jason's name from down the way. "Shit. That's my mom. I've gotta go. I'll see you on Wednesday when you're back in school."

"Yeah. Okay. See you then. Bye, Chris."

******

Dear diary, I don't know what John said to my parents at the hospital a few weeks ago, but they've been really willing to help out with Callie so I have time to see him. It's weird seeing my dad so excited about a guy in my life and my mom is so smitten with everything I tell her about our dates. I leave out the parts that I'm too embarrassed to share. She's more smitten with him than I am. It's like everything he does is perfect. Everyone loves him. He's so good with Callie too. Last weekend I couldn't make it to the city and he drove out to my parent's house in Summit so we could take her for a walk around the neighborhood in the stroller. It was just a walk and we got to see each other and then he went home. The gesture alone made my heart leap.

Yesterday he sent me a package at work. Everyone in the office was staring at me as I got the box with the bow on it. I was afraid to open it in front of anyone so I took it to an empty office. I slid the bow off carefully so I could save it. My heart nearly gave out when I saw what was inside. He sent me lingerie. It looked expensive. He sent a white lace bra and panties, a white garter belt and sheer white stockings with beautiful lace embroidery, and a white, silk robe that came down to just above the knee. He included a note.

'I'd like to see you wear this tonight. I'll be by your place at 8pm. Don't worry. I already cleared it with your mother. She'll watch Callie.' - John

I've never been so nervous about a date before in my entire life. Does the lingerie mean that tonight was the night? It was 7:45pm already and he'd be here soon. I looked back in the mirror on my closet door and surveyed the attire. I'd worn stockings before and lace thongs, but I'd never felt quite this sexy in my entire life. I spritzed some perfume and applied my favorite lipstick. I wished I had amazing white heels but my only pair were more of wedge heel and they were off white but they'd do. I slid on the robe and cinched the tie at the waist.

My place was as clean as I could get it, and I had candles burning on the shelves to give it that romantic feel. Then I sat on the arm of the couch tapping my foot nervously. At 8:10pm I was starting to worry. Maybe he got caught up at work again. But the buzzer on the intercom assuaged my worries, and then it occurred to me that the button was broken.

I peered out the door to see if anyone was around, and then I moved down the stairs as quickly as possible to get the door. The look on John's face was one of surprise when he saw how I was dressed.

"I didn't think you'd come down here dressed like that." He smiled holding a bottle of wine and something that smelled delicious.

"My buzzer is broken! Get in here before someone sees me like this!" I started shuffling back up the stairs and I could feel his eyes on me.

John went to work in the kitchen as soon as he entered. He laid his suit jacket aside and loosened his tie. Then he opened the bag of food from a Spanish restaurant that was close to his office. I'd never eaten tapas, but he assured me, with a convincing smile, that I would love it. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.

"Spanish croquettes." He said handing me a plate. "Farro and black rice with currants and pine nuts." He set another plate on the counter. "Bacon wrapped dates. Those are my favorite." He noted. "Chicken liver crostini with pancetta." He must have seen my face. "Have you never eaten chicken liver?" I shook my head no. "Just try a bite in a minute. It's rich but I promise you it's amazing. Pretend like I didn't tell you what it was."

I set all the plates on my coffee table since my place was too small for a proper table. I laid a pillow on the floor and knelt down on it. John seated himself on the other side and poured us each a glass of wine from some vineyard in the Rioja wine region in Northern Spain.

"Well this is awkward." He said. "I've never eaten dinner with my penis as a centerpiece."

"You see." I quipped. "It's a conversation piece—a natural ice breaker. 'Oh what a lovely penis.' 'Why thank you, I know the model. He's fabulous.'" She mocked a hypothetical conversation opener.

John laughed. "I don't know why it shrank so much when the rubber dried."

"It what?" I stuttered.

"I'm just kidding. I had you there for a minute."

I picked up a pine nut and threw it at him. "You're mean. You'll notice it's gone unused. I didn't want to spoil the real thing." I watched him grin subtly as if he were pleased by that notion.

"To my stunning girlfriend." John said raising his glass. Our glasses clinked together and I was glowing. We'd been officially exclusive now for a couple weeks. "So, ask me something new. I feel like I've gotten to know you and your family in the last couple weeks. You must have some burning question about my life."

My eyes went wide. "Anything?" I asked hopefully. There was one thing that I'd been wondering about a lot.

"Sure. I don't want to keep secrets from you. Anything you want."

"Tell me about the girl you dated in college. She was older, right? In her thirties?" He almost choked on his bacon wrapped date.

"Have you been asking questions about my past?"

"Maybe."

"I see. Well... I love you and I adore your little girl." John said hesitantly. "Remember that before you judge me. So... the whole story is probably too long. What do you want to know exactly?"

"Did you love her?"

"It's far more complicated than that." John said. "Her name was Becca and we were never really an exclusive couple. We met at Bar 55 down on Christopher Street. I was nineteen with a fake ID and she was thirty-five. It wasn't the sex that interested me so much about her. I think I was a plaything to her. It was what she did that got me caught up in her life. I think it was unexpected for both of us."