All Comments on 'The Discovering Pt. 01'

If Amanda waited until she was 18 (for Discovery), and her daughter is 18, and Amanda got pregnant on her 18th birthday, she would be at least 36 years and 9 months.

We've a writer here who is vaguely literate! Maybe he/she/it can't decide whether it is Mum or Mom but he/she/it is at least trying. Now you come along and expect he/she/it to be numerate as well! You didn't write "Great Expectations" did you?

Cheers.

closer to an opening comment on what might follow.

Eh

Think before you write. This turd of a story requires two flushes.

I like the concept of your story, but it's a little rough. You jumped into the action a little too quickly. A little time to build the suspense is a good thing, though not too much so that your readers don't get bored.

I would suggest that instead of bluntly stating what the discovery day is and what the family beliefs are right at the start you try to incorporate it into the story. Let it unfold naturally, through the dialogue. For example, start off with the strict no sex rule, without any explanation as to why. Maybe add in a few other odd rules, like restrictions on what they can read or watch on TV, but keep it a mystery, that the girl only knows her parents are super strict, because of their beliefs. Maybe she even resents them a little for it. You know, teenage angst, rebellion and all that jazz. Or she can be a good girl, completely obedient. And if you want her to know what it's all about, that's fine too. But how does she feel? What is she thinking, beyond being excited? She might be a little scared, a little worried, maybe even a bit ashamed.

It's up to you, but you need to think about the whole character, beyond the events of the story. Round them out a little, give them more dimension, give the reader something to relate to, to connect with. That is what makes a truly great story, no matter what genre it's in.

That is a lot I know, but I hope it helps. Just keep writing, and have fun. You have the talent and the skills will improve with practice.

Thank you to everyone who commented. Even Mr. Turd!

As I said, it's my first effort. After reading a lot of stories on Literotica I thought it would be fun to actually write one.

Details and development are my take aways. Thanks guys!

And to those who favorited this, I hope you like the next part too.