All Comments on 'The Five Deadly Rules of Heartbreak'

A good first effort, keep after it. It's always nice to see a btb story in loving wives from a new author instead of all the cuck crap that now has infested the genre. Thanks for writing and please continue.

Really enjoyed the twists in this.

How about one with all the twists but a happy ending.

Very well written and we look forward to more

I enjoyed it very much. Especially his self-reflection at the end.

Great first story! Please write another one. There are far too many stories recently about men who lose their junk!

one of best 1st story submissions I have ever read. thanks

That is too far fetched. And if she was that unhappy, eh not simply divorce him? Why make his life miserable for an entire year? There was no guilt, no recrimination, not even a simple cuddle (which is important for women). For her to do that to a man she claimed to love is out of character and as a result, I could only give 3/5.

I think you should clue your reader into the action in your story. For instance, you say he learned his wife was cheating on him in July as she dressed for the awards dinner. How? What happened that woke him up? Late in the story you tell us about the PI hired by the lover's wife. You gave us no details in real time what was going on between the lovers while he was monitoring their computers or while he was meeting with the boss's wife & PI. This is the kind of stuff you need to make the revenge worthwhile. It is the whole point of the cheating stories. You gave us nothing but they were having an affair and she cut me off.

Thanks for writing. I think you could be good. Thanks for not writing a willing cuckold story.

I'll give you 4 stars for a first effort.

I liked this story. Not really a BTB fan, but I do enjoy an occasional story or two. I could even make myself believe that this could really happen. That is my biggest issue with BTB stories. They are usually the fantasy of some guy who got his heart ripped out, and the only place that the revenge would actually work is in a Hollywood movie set. This one was well written and flowed pretty smoothly, so I will give it 5 stars.

Not a bad little tale!

The style felt a bit stilted but the plot and character interaction was well done.

Thx for a good read.

By the way, how is Captain Sternn doing? ;-)

but it would have been better if there was more interaction and emotion between the husband and wife. She was basically an afterthought to the story. For me the best stories are ones where the focal point is on the relationship, the bargaining between husband and wife after the wife is caught, etc. We don't know in this story if the wife loved boyfriend, if the affair was strictly physical, why she did it or how she felt about her husband. These would have been the issues I would be interested in reading about.

Anon 1

Is this Just Plain Bob with a different name?

There are dozens and dozens of stories that mention Pauline French is this a Literotica in side joke? Just wondering!

Good start. Keep at it. A bare minimum of characters keeps the story moving and

makes the writing easier. Understandable for a first time.

Hey, that Pauline French is REALLY getting around,lol.

AMerryMan

JPB and Pauline say hello. Not sure that he would have gotten away with the money scott-free given the fact that it would have been impossible to "sneak" off to Switzerland, the Bahamas and Mexico City without leaving a trail. And his wife never got a hint that he may have caught on? She wasn't having sex with him and when the shit hit the fan, she never once put two and two together and thought maybe her husband did her wrong? Oh well. A good first effort.

I think, young men considering marriage, should be forced to read this ten days before the wedding. Just my 2 cents. David. Oh, very well written and thought out.

A very good initial offering and I greatly enjoyed it. Stay with it.

As others have mentioned, I was greatly amused at dear old Pauline French showing up. What a nice young lady. Very friendly. ;)

A few hole s but you keep it moving, I hope to see more of your writings,stories soon.it was a 5 for me.

Keep writing.

I THINK SOME OF THE TECHNICAL/LEGAL PART OF THE STORY COULD HAVE BEEN RESEARCHED A LITTLE MORE BUT, ALL IN ALL, YOU'VE GOT TALENT.

but the marriage should have gone down in flames much earlier. How could he put up the lack of love? or, was their married life based on something different. I admit it was a cute idea to withhold information from us about his previous knowledge though the fact that he knows is there in black and white.

As I was reading the story, I wasn't sure the cheating was all in his head and that he was sabotaging his wife and her boss for nothing. We only know it was not his imagination because of the boss's wife's PI. I think revenge works best when it relates to the cheating. I'd rather the IT husband have the pics of the cheating wife come from the boss's computer and go out on the company's email list. In this story, we know that the wife and her boss are innocent of embezzlement - they know it too. There is no way they wouldn't believe that they weren't set up by the cuckolded IT expert husband that works on their computer system. The revenge doesn't work because it isn't fair.

You missed out on the big revelation by the husband on the wife. We don't really know anything about the wife's feelings about the boss. Was she just a sub? Did she plan on marrying him? The boss's wife showed more balls than the main character. She actually caught the cheaters. What was their marriage like? She had 3 kids with her cheater, she wouldn't want to have her estate diminished by restitution payments for embezzlement that never occurred. She would probably turn him in before losing money.

I liked the story. Pauline French sure had a good time in high school. I look forward to more from you. Maybe you can tell us the story from boss's wife perspective with more insight on what the lovers were up to and how they reacted to being discovered.

Well, yes, you've got talent. Then you write things like "It showed Carolyn and I," or or ... "I laid out more pictures of Caroline and I." You might want to consult a basic English grammar book on the subject of the object of a preposition. First lesson: remove "Carolyn and ..." from each of the sentences I've quoted and read aloud what's left. Someone has written that the official language of the U.S.A. is third grade English. You're proving correct the writer of that sentiment. Not fatal, but annoying.

reminds me of Fool Me Once by Longhorn. There was not enough interaction between the main characters to make it truly entertaining. But a good first post

For Shame

The story was entertaining. The cuckold remains nameless? Good showing for a first. As a matter of fact, the writing was better than some of the regular writers. Cheers!

A little more insight into why his wife did this and what she thought would happen would have helped, but still a good story,thanks.

Bi character development. Nonsensical action. $1 million missing and it took months for them to find out something? He ignores her and she doesn't think he might notice? Wants nothing to do with her and does not divorce her, because??

As others said,not much interaction with the wife,no real sign of why she cheated,was the boss better looking?better in bed?she is a cipher,boss seems tobe a player.He could also have ruined them both,he would have a cut and dried case of sexual harassment,besides the boss screwing the wife,sending the guy on trips to have an affair (e-mails s ubpoened would prove that) would get wife and larson canned and a bif settlement w corporate.

Irl he also would be found out,they would find that when the earliest transfers happened the ip of the session would be from his house,which would have nailed him.likewise if he flew out of the country like that to open the accounts he would be caught,'larson' opens an account on june 30 and x is in the cayman islands that day,account is opened in switzerland july 15,and x is there? Forget it,he would be toast.

With some depth added this would be a better tale,and prob the revenge could be sweet without going off the deep end.Nicely written,easy to read,not a bad first story at all.

You'll do better, in time. Just waiting for your next stories!

it was a good tale. the boss I bet thought he was so smart he could get away

with the cheating. the wife did not get any big waves at home and thought she

was getting away with cheating.. cheaters are not the smartest people. they

always change the way they act. the husband wasn`t going without sex.

no one got killed and the cheaters got jail time for their pay. liked it

Not a bad story for a first effort, though the characters could have been developed better, a few too many unanswered Whys. One problem was the formatting of the first page, where the text was centered, too hard on the eyes searching out the next line. I'll be watching for any further stories.

no one physically hurt but Boss and Wife take a plunge they will have a hard time coming back from.

Wasn't that a story Sam Spade told Mrs. Wonderly in Dasheill Hammett's ' The Maltese Falcon'?

Other that mild bit of plagiarism, I enjoyed the story.

Engaging story though the reason behind the wife's betrayal is a bit iffy.

But there are some serious plot holes in this yarn. First, as others have pointed out, our hero has left a lot of travel records and other clues that might incriminate him and get him into trouble. Second, it's not easy to set up another person's bank account in absentia, especially without his/her signature. Third, he should not have told Larson's ex. There is an old saying to the effect that it's not a secret if more than one person knows about it. But I still give four stars for a first story. Thanks for writing.

Some really stupid spelling/grammar errors. Like you didn't even re-read your work yourself. Centering the text on the first page was a new one for me. Did you do that on purpose?

In spite of these minor issues, not a bad BTB play. An amalgam of other writers' ideas to be sure, but done pretty well nonetheless. Keep trying.

First story, I liked it, don`t go stupid and write long Bull Shit Stories like Stang does.

Don't pay any attention to the negative morons. All they can write is comments and they are envious. Good story. Thanks.

Not a bad first time story. Keep at it.

Reading but the Heavy Metal (Ivan style) gets an up front thumbs up. All I can say is "death, death to all who oppose us". I think that quote worked, been a while since I watched the corvette drop.

Liked the revenge and the guilt factor, but not about the wife or her loser. Just don't wimp out on us. We have enough spineless writers here.

Great read thanks for sharing.

Loved it! Please write more

Decent revenge on the fucking cheaters. Without killing them!!! How 'bout that?

Great job. Please continue.

He was infatuated with Mary from the beginning so I can see why she was his life. There isn't anything wrong with that but that love shouldn't have a hold over his entire life. His love for her and the hurt is still controlling how he pursues relationships now. Its months later..move on.

1) Follow the norms for writing and publishing. DON'T CENTER SPACE! It makes it difficult to read.

2) Know your topic. Some of us actually work with computers and go to banks. Even the worst system tracks logins. There are cameras out there. You have to personally apply for accounts.They take photos. The IRS and others are not stupid.

3) Be consistent. You first say how you are separating your lives then talk about trying to bond again.

a) The 'sex' rebuff was well done

b) You know that there is tracking at the office. Nice. Mistake to have everyone gush over the flowers and remember that you were there.

4) Why the subterfuge? Why not divorce for both of them?

5) The press never forgets, especially at big events.

6) Nice twist at the end with Caroline giving photos

7) It is so cliché that the two got together. Nice touch with the threesome.

8) No way would he have gotten away with the money. He'd have been on everyone's radar as a possible accomplice.

Nice writing, thanks

ttom

Loved the story; gave it a five. I had some misgivings.

1. I don't know much about Internet banking, but if someone could get away with what this fellow did then I'm really scared about my own financial security.

2. Being a married man I'm disinclined to believe that our main character wouldn't explode somewhere along the line. I mean the guy's clearly obsessing about his wife's infidelity; sooner or later he's bound to confront her. I know I would.

One last thing; considering his role in her incarceration I think I'd want to hang around, visit the gal from time to time, tell her how much is going on outside the confines of her 'four walls'. Then again, though I'm certain prison-visitor conversations are generally listened to, I'd want to leave a hint or two about my role in her undoing. I could just imagine the look on her face when the lights came on. Come on; she knew he was a computer security technician; she must have suspected something.

Great story' looking for more. Thanks!

The illiterate fuckwit still has 1 brain cell and no dick, poor blighter....

thanks for writing it was nice tale. People forget this is FICTION, you are allowed a little "leeway" with facts (Do not worrry about posters who want a science book)

thanks for submitting

Thanks for the offering.

Yes, my advice to this man (I know it is just a story) is to let loose, let some woman get into your affections, just never let her know that you have any money in savings. You do this and it will work out. If you are having misgivings or are ashamed just take Mary back after she gets out of prison, just fuck her and watch her and never give her any charge account except on with a very low limit. If she fucks around on you again leave her penniless. DO NOT MARRY HER AGAIN!

Thank you all for the feedback and comment to my story. This is all very new to me and I feel very good about my first experience. I have a couple more stories in my head and one on paper. The completed one needs a sequel and I will not post until I have at least a draft of the conclusion. I will post when they are more complete, as I will not repeat the rookie mistakes from my first post.

That said, I cannot understand where the center justification came from. I reviewed the original word doc and it seemed good. Suggestions?

And...

"If she had confessed her sins somewhere along the way, we may have been able to get past it." A needless and very annoying statement.

But it wasn't all bad and I did like the general story line. Keep trying.

The slut got what she deserved in the end - next time bring more emotional conflict into it so that the reader is engaged and "re-reading" the text clearly to define the twist & turns of the cheating slut roller-coaster ride [The Un-Orginalist's latest submission is a good example]. Thanks again for your efforts.

Good Revenge Story, but I prefer longer epilog.

This story needs additional chapters as the reader is left hanging at the end. It is an incomplete story.

George in Omaha

I suggest that in future stories you focus more on the confrontation between the husband and the cheating wife, including quite a bit of dialog. To me, the confrontation and associated emotions are what such stories are really about. A measure of revenge is okay, but don't focus on it.

He should have told his wife that he had used his talents as a computer security expert to investigate the theft, had found that her lover had done it and had planned to leave her holding the bag, but was caught before he could cover his tracks and that he knew how to prove her innocent of the charges, but was going to let her go down for it because she had betrayed him.

Mentally I wonder who is ahead in life, TK U MLJ LV NV

She cheated and he paid her back. A few years in prison is fair for his years as a cuckold and the destruction of his marriage. His problem really is that he also became a felon in the process by stealing the money from the company. That is a separate issue. That is what he should be concerned about. The company, it's workers, and it's shareholders did not deserve that. He should not have kept the money, he should have let the FBI track it and find it, it would have made some FBI agent look like a genius.

first story. I read H_F's second story today and then found this one. I look forward to more.

This is a talented author. We would be lucky if he continues to write at this caliber. I am impressed!

Missed it earlier this year. For a first time writer,VERY good!!

Some minor plot errors well compensated by the surprise your protagonist delivers.

Now, on to your 2nd story.

AMerryMan

If they were always together, how did he have time to jet all around the world opening up accounts? 3/4 of the way through, this became silly. 3*s and that's pushing it.

with Sugna

good call.

Just in case the author reads this comment, I would like to suggest that if he were to write a second part to this story he consider how fitting it would be to have the revenge continue after the cheating pair get out of prison. It's just a story after all, right? So finding new ways for the husband to extract revenge could help him exercise his imagination and test his inventiveness.

As for the story itself, a very good effort at examining how discovering one's spouce cheating can affect someone. Everyone reacts differently, but sometimes getting revenge can help set things in perspective.

Your current ending, if you want to call it that, is weak as well as lame.

Wuttsup with this new batch of writers who are too lazy to finish the damn story?

In a way I liked the ending. Maybe it was liked so well I just want to see the poor guy find happiness with another or even get his wife back.

In any case, it needs another chapter. He is damaged and needs healing one way or another. Great job of revenge.

I agree with kjohns2001 there is a strong material for further revenge for the husband. There is no mention of the husband suing his wife's company or Larson for the damage to his marriage.

Plus Larson' s wife may want to help in further revenge when the pair get out of prison.

This could be a another case for the touch of FTDS !

makes on brave, stupid and pissed off. TK U MLJ LV NV

Punishment should fit the crime. While I enjoy revenge stories, getting someone convicted of a crime they didn't oommit is over the top. I don't know of any foreign country that will allow a foreigner to open a bank account without ID. Usually a passport.

Now fill in

The story was good until 'Acceptance' then it fell off a cliff. But... it is open to a good completion chapter and I'd say most commentators would agree on that.

Only problem I had with this story was readability. The words in the eairlier paragraphs are not properly aligned.

Right down to a girl named Pauline French. JPB uses that name all of the time. Why he decided to use an alias when writing this story is beyond me. He tried to make it awkward with bad formatting, but it takes some skill to make the format wrong.

but there will forever be openings. TK U MLJ LV NV

Is this another, women are just whores, story? There must have been something lacking in her life that she thought cheating would fix. A woman who is just plain selfish, cruel, and evil is really hard to miss. It's like claiming you had no idea your pet rattlesnake might bite you. He never did before. Men who ignore the obvious signs given off by an evil woman are just fools. I know, there are millions of them.

The fact he couldn't be happy may be the reason he got no respect from anyone in his life, even himself. That was the bad part, but anyone with a reference to Ivan's Heavy Metal is okay in my book.

If he was good enough to pull off this frame he should have been strong enough to go on to another woman or just play golf or watch TV all the time. I usually do not complain for stuff this petty but I just read it again. The first time I read it (about 2 years ago) I was really thrilled but I thought the lead man was weak on the end. He should just have taken the money and had a good time and not worry about his bitch wife, IMO. Still a good read.

Center justification distracted me from the story, please don' use it again. Other than that the story was pretty Good keep up the good work

....as,being raised in a normal,moral Home - your thoughts DO tend to question what you have done - both immoral and illegal.

He knew what he was doing would destroy the lives of both his wife and her lover.

Didn't they deserve that ? Yes,they did - if only because of the total destruction of HIS Life by their actions. Not to forget the contempt / lies / cheating & theft of HIS right to Happiness also.

......and she never confessed,or apologised.....good story & ending,worth 5 *.

death of a marriage

how could he just sit waiting for the auditors? going home every night to someone he did not want to be with?

Consider the money as reparation for the company not enforcing their non-fraterinazation policy and the two of them going to jail as reparation for 1) her cheating on him, sexually cutting him off, and lying to him and 2) for the asshole stealing his wife and using company resources to get him out of the way. I wouldn't loose 1 second of sleep over anything that was done. As a bonus, the company learned of a hole in their accounts payable system.

For me...2 ex-wives and they bad more lovers than I ever care to know the exact number, but certainly over 50. So I know I will swallow a bullet before I ever reconcile with either. I could easily live off of his ill-gotten gains. As far as someone to fill the empty spot in my bed?...NEXT!!!

came here for pauline french.

was not disappointed.

Great to see cheaters pay a high price for thier selfishness. The only thing I didn't like about this story is this stupid shit about giving the bitch any kind of reward for thrashing his life. She would have seen none of the money from the sale of the house. When she got out of prison, she'd have to rely on the charity of work release programs to put some old tacky clothes on her back.

Let me repeat, YOU GET NO REWARD FOR CHEATING!!!!!

Your sanctimonious preaching hypocrisy at the end was annoying.

So the affair (why did that start?) gives him license to be an asshole and a crook? Cheap contrived, and lacking in character depth.

If it were me, there would have been some physical damage done to the wife's boss as well. They stole his life he just paid them back in kind.

Good writing, but missing a confortable

good ending :).

Very good virgin story!

Hat's off to the auther.

Not a good idea to hide his involvement with Caroline while trying to get us to feel sorry for the poor victim...

Not much of a man - he does nothing about the affair except become a thief...

No conversations in the story ... just some general narration ABOUT what the players talked about. Let the characters speak for THEMSELVES!

HOW did Hubby find out Sweetie was cheating on him BEFORE the party? Did he get an anonymous phone call? Or a letter or email? Did she leave one of her Bull's love-notes on a table at home? WEAK!!!

It is also weak to make a super-character who can (and will) do almost anything with a computer. At least, her Bull did not have a 12 inch dick!

Pathetic, just plain pathetic!

What a pathetic sanctimonious ending.

Enjoyed the revenge part, as a technician, he ought to have had some recording cameras fitted in the house for when he went away but he didn't. Anyway, the ending was pathetic so only three stars a better ending have been worth 5 stars.

Sweet revenge. Sending the prick who's fucking his wife to prison is sweet indeed. Ruin the current life and as a convicted felon, ruined the future as well.

The cheating skank wife also is completely ruined. Getting just what she deserved.

The only thing about this story that sucks is the self recriminations you put the main character through at the end. Any of of his actions were strictly the result of the wife's treatment. He should feel no guilt only pride for not rolling over for the bitch and her boyfriend.

I guess a second piss poor aspect of the story is the husband leaving the money for the skank in escrow. Why give her anything for destroying the marriage? Why do these writers insist on "being more than fair" with some one who held the husband in total contempt. Fuck the cheater. She can find someone else to get started over with from scratch. Just that I'd leave her with, nothing.

In this story the cheaters were jacked but, according to the story teller the man completely changed.

They cheated but, changed him for the worst. A good man who lost himself to a couple of cheating but-heads.

Too bad he couldn’t bust them up and make them pay without changing himself for the worst.

So...besides the awful formatting, it was interesting to read. And it was compelling - because I was hoping it was gonna get better. Then it ended. Did the author purposefully leave the ending hollow to give a glimpse into the character's heart? Well, it's not a feeling I particularly enjoy. The story tries really hard to make stealing over a million dollars and sending people to jail innocent of crimes and guilty of things there is no law against seem ok. Then it smacks you at the end. The story is abusive. To the reader. Whatever.

and still a good read

First problem for me, half a page about how they met, dated and got married. You're telling a story about a married couple. They obviously met, dated and got married. What does the "how" have to do with the story.

Then, wow, she organized a dentist's office. I don't see that as being very relevant experience in the business world. As we will see, Dana had a MUCH different interest in Mary!

Why do the wives having affairs change their sex lives with their husbands? It usually arouses suspicions.

Earlier he said she was wearing thong underwear, so why would it be suspicious now that her backside was smooth? Why not rush up and watch her undress, see no thong and cum running out of her, or at least check the inside of her dress?

Why do these stories always have "moving the money" to different accounts? Each transfer has a destination routing and account number. It's easy to then look at the next account to see if the money is there or has been transferred again. The only chance is to get it to a country that doesn't cooperate, so why not just send the money straight there?

With her identified as Larson's mistress, he would have good reason not to bail her out.

If she was smart, she'd get her own lawyer and cut a deal to roll over on Larson!

Um, why are we only now learning about his affair with Caroline? HE'S telling the story as it happens, it's a cheap cheat to leave that out.

What was wrong with the ending? From the last comment I thought that he was going to go home and confess or something!