by Many Feathers
You did great in the set-up and the when things were getting hot, you shut it down at the end. Anticlimactic, for sure.
All the makings of a great story, only to be let down at end. Is there such a thing as blue balls in erotica? If there is, you certainly got that down. If you didn't know how to write the actual sex, do a chapter story. In fact, you can still do that. But with no big ending, this story doesn' merit much of a reading.