All Comments on 'The Hard Climb'

The 750 word challenge takes good stories, cuts them as deeply as any axe murderer would and grinds them into a monumental waste of time.

This challenge needs to be retired or moved to its own category or thread on the forum.

2 cents of my opinion.

No one likes these except the people that write them. Enough already. These are worse than February Sucks

Not too many mountain climbers involved in loving wives stories. I hope he stuck it to everyone and blew them all up. But that's the problem with 750 word stories in this particular category. They always seem to leave me wanting more. Well played. You did get one thing wrong. Yosemite, surprisingly, has pretty good cellphone reception and you can get a good signal on the face of El Capitan. I was there in November. Thanks for the effort,.

4 stars

... why do they always call after being caught?

It's over. Your duplicity and unfaithfulness has been revealed to all. The marriage is dead. Don't fight the inevitable, keep - or, more accurately, FIND - some dignity and let the one you betrayed walk away.

Do the point. Can't ask for more. Thanks for the share.

what happened?

Great start for what could be a really great story. I need so much more of this one.

Your wife's cheating is not an infrequent occurrence, and it knows no boundaries created by wealth or respectability. Good for you; you fucked her up, and also her paramour.

Bad time to go rock climbing!

5

750 word projects are good but some of them including this one deserves more, there could have been a lot more fun and a lot more words.

Still very good but at the end you feel like ‘what happened next?’

A good setup for a story. A vignette. Perhaps there is story.

WOW! I can't believe you packed that powerful a punch into 750 words. Beautiful piece of wordsmanship. KAPOW!

But that's ALL it is. A start.

Finish it, and then we'll discuss a rating. Until you do, it gets nothing from me.

I don't mind having to read short stories but geez this one just ain't my fave.

You are a great writer but this isn't a story. It is a trailer for a story that could get 5 stars. This trailer got 3 from me.

reasonable man

Good plot but could be a longer story to do it justice.

Part 1?

What his wife does has nothing to do with her father. People have free will. If his relationship with his wife was not what it should be it is between them. If he was so wonderful why does his wife despise him? And to be the ultimate coward, he talks to the Dad instead of confronting his own wife about the affair and just watches her. He is a chauvinist and a cuck, impressive accomplishment.

I like.

You have an easy 5000 word tale here. Great on what you did, fun read, smooth as silk. Needed a bit more tension and confrontation. A nice description of burning the bitch and bastard would have iced it, Still, you were going for a 750 word story so 5 stars.

Could easily be turned into something longer and btb with burning down the place, assassinating after the climb, and the intrigues of a church cartel where they come after the guy, wife included... but for a short one, I enjoyed.

If only this was just the opening salvo for a longer story...

Was good. But needs to be a full story .not this abomination

Thank you Bebop. Loved your story. 5?*

This story could have been longer. Please stop all the 750 words stories. Waste of the writer's time and the readers time also. I am getting old but my attention span is not that bad yet.

This story could have been fleshed out into a story worthy of a 5.

I enjoyed this but want more. This is really only a start to a story.

Please expand and give this more.

Is climbing 750 feet up a 1500 foot rock wall the same as climbing to the top of a 750 foot rock wall?

A paragraph can be 750 words, a chapter can be 750 words, and as some authors have demonstrated an entire story can be 750 words.

This was more than a paragraph. It might have been a compelling introductory chapter to the story it introduced: who are these people, where are they located, what is their relationship, what is their relevant histories, how did these people come together, what caused their strife and dissolution? What has rock climbing got to do with it?

OH, you didn't want to tell that story. Congratulations, you didn't. You just introduced it. You might as well have given us 750 words from a fuck scene from Madame Bovary. Or a chase scene from Moby Dick?

The number of words in a story is not important. A beginning, a middle, and A Conclusion are. The conclusion is not where the author stopped writing, its where the point of the whole story is revealed and made understood.

Its a fantastic introduction. I hope you or someone has the time and imagination to tell the story.

Thanks for the effort.

OK, it was a 750 word story. However, the story itself requires more. It was too good to be left as is. Use this as a teaser if you must, but time to let us know how it all worked out. The outrage, the suffering, the consequences would make a nice second chapter.

Too short but, of what was there, it was good. 4*

A but vague. Thank you for writing this. Some things were left out on purpose i suspect but maybe one or two more pieces would help.

It had everything it needed plus I learned a new phrase and all in 750 words. Thank you. I liked that!

This needs to expounded upon, but in this form is powerful.

But so much more needed to make this a good story. Finish this (and add to it in 5he center, of course) and it could become a classic.

Would love to see more of this story.

But,.......what a terrific full length story this could become! Can you follow through on this great beginning?

Wow this has the making to be an epic story. Perhaps the author can do another submission in the future with the story fleshed out?

Sure would have been fun if wifey had emerged from a side room right as he dropped that folder 😎

Nailing the holier than thous deserves a much more detailed story than a flash. Any possibility for this gem?

The 750 word project has certainly ruined a lot of potentially great actual stories.

This would make a great longer story also.

Please add more to this one. It starts good and then stops. What happens?

Out of all these 750 word "stories," I read two that I thought were good, this is not one of them.

This one would make a great longer story.

Unfortunately, this was one of those quality BeBop stories than begs for more.

Very good. But that was no surprise. Wow. You could use this little gem as a 'treatment' to sell to Hollywood. I'd go see the movie. And read the thick blockbuster book that came out at the same time as the movie.

Please consider a sequel. For example, how did Beth learn of what Hope would do?

5* from me.

This is only one fifth of a story, at best.

weak

Well done with very few words...I enjoyed your story, Thank

u

Awesome short full teaser. 5

Now how about the full version?

What we need is someone to take these 750 word outlines and make actual stories out of them. Kind of like FTDS use to do.

For those who dislike ultrashort LW stories, I would suggest that the doyen of LIT-LW assure that all such tales have 750W in the title. Then those of We-The-Readers who don’t like that format do not have to read them.*

On the other hand, I believe the deciding factor between LW and Erotic Coupling rests in the adjustments (consequences) by both partners due to the adventurism of Sweetie. Hubby running away (with finances intact, in this case) with nary a Sweetie word heard by WTR really misses my criterion.

Several dozen better words were omitted by that same precious number of words being used by Hubby’s occupation and the bishop’s treatment of his wife. Perhaps if the latter had been the deacon’s wife, it would have tied in a little more to the story. All it did, as written, was establish the distain in which Hubby held the other three main (human) characters. The interactive cliff was the most charismatic. Hope those opening comments were in the 750 count.

4 stars ...The only reasons for liking Hubby were his willingness to take big risks (with his own life, but not that of others,) and impatience with sluts and assholes.

* yeah ... like authors’ preface warnings that wives are going to get skewered by a non-marital meatstick keep readers from reading them. and then 1-bombing stories because that happens.

its an outline, and I guess a half-assed attempt to denigrate a religion you hold in contempt. One has to guess given your meager efforts at a plot.

Needs a part 2, for aftermath.

As others have said this is a missed opportunity at what could have been a fantastic story. Sex, cheating, million dollar homes, religion, Deacons, Bishops...hard to go wrong with all of that mixed together. Sadly I have no ability to write anything worth reading or I'd take a shot at it.

Hope he “leaks” the video after the divorce. Bunch a pompous fakes anyway.

Very well written. I would have liked to see this developed into a longer story, but it is what it is. 5 stars.

Gamblnluck

The story was great but it felt that this was not supposed to be a 750 words thing. You are a very talented writer but this was a poor story it felt that you tried to kill a great story by putting this in the 750 words thing. Please you don’t need to ruin a great story just to prove how good you are. Me and loads of other people know how extremely talented you are . So please give this story it’s just desserts and write it how you would write a fantastic story. Because I noticed that there has been loads of great stories being ruined by this 750 words thing. Some stories feel like they have been cannibalised just to fit this silly 750 words thing. And to me it makes me want to scream/cry because they are clearly fantastic but had to be ruined just for this 750 words thing. No great writers should do this it’s a great shame . It should be for newbies only . Not fantastic writers like yourself to destroy great pieces of work just to say I can write 750 words. But please don’t stop writing stories you are clearly a very talented writer. And please if you got any respect either do a chapter 2 or pull this and put the story to how you would of written it . The story feels like it was never supposed to be a 750 words thing but a fantastic story. And remember you are great 👍

Great introduction. When can we get the backstory, details, and the aftermath?

Breakfast of Champions and Shinobi Nights, but you will never surpass a Few more Tomorrows. Well done.

That was a start but now how about the whole story 3 pages or more.

No denouement, no confrontation with the slut, while the issue with her father is here, the crux is missing...

3/5

NO WAY - BURN them BOTH!

no ending or lead in to another chapter.

Please, Please, Please, follow this story up. You have a great thing going here.

I guess my individual take on your submission is that it designed to leave an open verdict with the reader as to what potentially happens next. I am assuming here that this was your goal in crafting this piece. For me, I think the whole 750 word exercise is probably the most difficult to pull off with success, but full credit to you

An extremely good start. Please, PLEASE flesh this out as it should have been and don't cut it off at the kneecaps.

While the premise was good , the format killed it.

This needed several pages to completely tell the setup, the middle you have, the ending and conclusion are only partially there.

Please, complete the story as this could be brilliant if done correctly. Just like you usual work.

You got me really interested and this was just the intro, right?

Still 5 stars cause like Imhapless said a lot packed, and it was good... plus, I did look up "affair fog", so thank you for that! But I'm more interested in the story after finishing the last line then when I started.

Great, tight story. You are never going to please all the anons - some complain if it is more than 1,000 words ("too long") and others if less than. Just ignore them, you write really well - keep it up.

Even if it's 750 words there has to AT LEAST be a story. There is none here. Cut out the BS and tell the story. 1 star so far...

Not really a complete story I usually love “the short and sweet” short story not a bad beginning but you skipped some important elements like character development and a middle and a end.

You got it all in 750 words. Great story!

Is LW changing? We hope so.

. . . there have been a couple of 750 word stories which have been good, but this was not one of them. The spaghetti it there, but not the sauce.

This has the makings of a good story, and Mr Bop is a good writer, but the 750 limit just spoils things.

It’s a friggin’ 750 word flash story. It is what it is. Holy crap. Appreciate it for what it is.

Ooohh. This was good.

Wish this one was expanded.

Good story, well written. I would have liked more but there is only so much you can fit into 750 words. You got the essence.

You need to finish the story. You have to BTB and burn the Deacon.

Some of the 750-word stories do very well (I just finished two). However, I do not feel that 750 words were sufficient for this story. Only 4 stars and I would love to see an uncondensed version.

Excellent!

You are a good writer but you did yourself a disservice here. As the previous commenter said, this is just an outline. This is why I hate these 750 word contests. I gave you a 5 for the plot and your writing. But this is so incomplete, you could have just used bullet points.

This was an excellent, excellent distillation of a lot into a little.

Here’s a few things we know...

-He’s a risk assessor for a worldwide, prestigious organization. His decisions can mean life or death. This implies he is a decisive person.

-She’s a PK (pastor’s kid). These people are raided oddly and are often wild and/or entitled. This is not explicitly stated in the story, but it’s fairly common knowledge.

-People at the church don’t respect him. Jason, the PR guy, condescends him. The Deacon fucking his wife cuckolds and denigrates him. The Bishop insults him and believes he can order our narrator around. His confidence indicates he probably has in the past.

-Obviously, his wife disrespects him. They’ve been together for a decade, so something happened there. She also knows he could scale that cliff, but she’s devaluing him, so she forgets in her “affair fog.”

Then our hero climbs up the cliff, takes the pictures and ends the marriage, confronting and prevailing over the person who’s treated him unfairly for so long and jettisoning his faithless wife.

What is missing from this story?

As a climber myself I appreciated the vibe of the story (although I like more La Sportiva Katana)

Need to finish the destruction.

Aww c’mon man! Let me help. “So there I was, heading north and east for one of the most beautiful and challenging climbs in the world and...”

...in so few words. Fantastic job, as always.

Would have liked at least 3.5 axe handles but your story

4 stars. I am probably one of the hardest graders.

jtwheels

A Masterful display of efficiency. Stripped of all non essential words. A lesson from Strunk and EB White. Approaching an economy of words almost equal to Pinter. Thank you.

It could be spun out. It could be developed.

Most readers seem to want this.

It could even grow into a mighty epic.

BUT, it has everything as it stands. I repeat. Perfect!

Wow, what a great story, direct and very pointed. Really great writing

Hate to be a cloud on the parade, but who in their right mind would "climb" (if the meaning was true to the act) in street sneakers (that supposedly double as "mountain bike" shoes - really ask yourself why you need a "special" sneaker, that doesn't even have cleats, for "mountain biking". It would be like wearing unelasticized, denim cut-offs for swim racing, or a hand-held magnifying glass to look at the stars)??

What did the job description have to do with anything? The protagonist could have been the Literotica standard UTI salesman (it would at least have been funny), or millionaire tech geek, or accountant (all Lit standards for this category).

Smokepole

Just wondering.....

The plot is worth more than 750 words.

There have been 750 word storys where everything to be said is said. Here 750 words leave to much open.

Do you honestly feel that you are providing something of value with these by rolling them our weekly as some sort of benefit for your patrons? Please. 750 stories are like drinking boons farm, useless and unfulfilling. Just be honest with your patrons that it's impossible to create content all the time. This is just, wgas. That is how I feel about your kids story too but at least you aren't pretending it's something other than it is.

Hello Anonymous!

"750 word challenges are dumb. Anyone can write a sequence of words that amount to kind of a pseudo "story"

Do you honestly feel that you are providing something of value with these by rolling them our weekly as some sort of benefit for your patrons?"

.

That's sort of a bizarre comment. I dropped four 750 word stories for the event. This was the lowest scoring of the four. The others did well, scoring significantly better than the average story of any length in their categories. .

Regarding content for Patrons on my Patreon, the 750 word stories were posted on "Wildcard Wednesdays", a day specifically set aside for posting random stuff, such as newsletters, artwork related to fiction, interviews, podcasts and recipes. New fiction on Mondays and Fridays continued independent of the 750 word stories.

As a reader of stories, not a writer, I believe that writing a decent 750 word story is more difficult than writing a much longer one. By the time the author gets you hooked, and invested in the storie his word count is getting short. Finishing this story in a satisfactory manner, while only having 750 words, must take every once of the writer’s talent. Bebop, Just_Words, Grissom, and a few others have mastered this genre.

Love how you tell so much story and characterisation in so few words

Where is the rest,left like this it is a nothing story.

This story was sweet and to the point. However it BEGS for a sequel. What did the Bishop do? Did Jason release the photos? Did the bishop get some thugs to beat Jason? All sorts of unresolved dilemmas. Maybe the Deacon can be sent on Drs mission and meet an unfortunate set of circumstances. Lol, lots of possibilities.

Good story start, but it was too short.