by Todd172
The first time, it was interesting. The second time it was a bit irritating. The third time, it's obviously a gimmick. Either this writer doesn't know the meaning of a paragraph break, doesn't know how to make a paragraph or likes writing gimmicks. This felt like being dragged up the hill of a very old roller coaster by a jerky chain. Stops and starts that make no sense and make it a pain to read. I have literary whiplash. I'm sure I'll be the lone dissenting voice, but it's just like sand in your underwear.
Writing gimmicks? I suppose - not that I noticed. I find white space useful - there is a graphic element to writing, even the electronic kind.
I am amused - at least this time something happens. And, I do like edgy characters.
The only bummer was the notes at the end - a drifting POV, was-it-real-or-was-it-Memorex, didn't sit well. If you ask your characters something, are you listening to voices in your head?
But again, it may be only me.
I'll keep reading if you keep writing.
Thanks,
Green-something
after all of the stale cuck bullshit that is apparently the norm for this site now. The idea that a red-headed woman could be that wild, violent and out of control is very believable. The situation that you wrote her into would be one that would drive a family oriented person insane.
Well written, ain't Gone With The Wind, but what is? And the price was right. So, thanks for sharing your talent with me, can't speak for anyone else. Gave you 5 stars, which for me is unusual, but I think that was 5 stars well spent.
I actually had to go back and take a look at the text to see what all the fuss was about with the extra white space. So, I'm either hopelessly unobservant (which is a distinctly viable possibility), or perhaps just plain so caught up in the story that nothing else mattered. Isn't that what a really good story (by a really good writer) SHOUD do? For me, this was not quite up there with the best-of-the-best on LW (and certainly more concise than the high fliers usually are - extra kudos for that!), but really, REALLY close. Guess I'll have at round up to a FIVE anyway!
"...like an accelerant on an open flame..." I laughed out loud. Still smiling. ***** Thanks, great way to start the week on Monday morning.
By the way, I loved your postscript comments. I can see why you write with such impact. I love the relationship you have with your protagonists. I appreciate the insight into your process.
Nikki was great. What a firecracker!
As far as your author's note goes, I'd like to say that this was an appropriate and satisfying level of BTB. Justice was fully served, in an entertaining way. The people complaining about BTB fans demanding (or even desiring) death or dismemberment for a cheating wife are exaggerating for dramatic effect.
Well, for the most part.
Thanks for an excellent story.
Cog
Well you did say you had much fun writing this , and I REALLY had much fun reading this , so let's strike a bargain Todd172 , you write more of these, and I'll read the sh*t out of it !
I thought at first I wasn't really going to care for the ol' spouse swap ( never really cared for those storylines before) but the way you wrote Nikki , I wound up thinking that he definitely got the better of it. She really did bring that old cliché that half crazy girls are better in bed to full life , in Technicolor !
Seriously enjoyed this. So far you're batting a thousand with this reader.
5 *'s
P.S. I enjoy your post story comments. You are the one who birthed this baby , you do what YOU want. You seem to be doing it very well indeed.
Yes, the best women are always a little bit crazy! They are the women that have ideals, standards and refuse to compromise. Unfortunately the world doesn't care and will do it's best to break them. Some of these women are strong enough to fight back, but there is a cost. In their desperate battle to survive, they appear to be crazy, harpies bent on destruction. Calm them down, befriend them, and you will have made a powerful ally in this world of shit.
I liked this story because it sort of defines the two most common "types" of people that I come across. Those that understand love and commitment and those that do not get it. It is not that Beth and Justin are trying to hurt anyone, they just don't care about anyone except themselves. In fact, they do not care about each other. If they did, they'd never encourage the other to cheat on their family. People who throw their kids future's away for illicit sex are a combination of a lack of intelligence and lowly selfishness.
One thing I will take issue with that is common in many of these stories is the benevolent husband telling his slut wife that she is/was a good mother? WTF? Good parents do not cheat on their kids and their kids other parent! No, cheaters are NEVER good parents! If only because of the poor choices and poor examples they have set. The best thing you can do for you kid is to keep them away from that sack of shit. The cheater will spend the rest of the kids childhood justifying and minimizing their cheating. If you don't believe me, take a good look at a person who's parent cheated them out of their childhood.
Todd172, in my humble opinion this story is as close to ideal as any I've read here! It wasn't too short or too long, the protagonists are far from perfect people in the religious or PC interpretations, but they are perfectly depicted from a basic human point of view. Thank you very much for this effort and I look forward to many more.
Excellent, original story with strong characters and unexpected developments.
But, beyond that, some of the lines were the best ever:
- she wasn't a partner so much as an accelerant on an open flame
- that glittering edge of true madness
- Nikki wasn't very stable and had the temperament of a half feral Doberman pinscher
- All of this shit with Beth and Justin had broken something important, one of those sanity fences we have had been trampled down
- what if I can't stop ... what if I can't find my way back?
Just Wow! A hell of a crazy-fun romp.
The writing was superb and the characters felt real in their actions and language with an ending that didn't feel forced to meet an author's desired resolution. A very rare treat on this site, that (I'm looking at you RACC authors).
All the elements woven into and outstanding tale. Thank you.
That was awesome.
One of the best stories I have read in a while.
This tasty treat was a true reward in both the tale itself and the charcters introduced.
5/5
The race for the 2016 Literotica Rookie of the Year award is over -- and it's only August! I have yet to click on a Todd172 story and be disappointed. I've also yet to click on one of his stories and think, "I know exactly what this story will be about" before I even begin to read it. I am impressed that he decided to write this story despite his aversion to this type of story. That speaks volumes, IMHO.
The revenge aspect of this story was a little too convenient. If Asshole wasn't cooking the books, there would have been no revenge. I suppose you can always find some dirt on everyone to use as blackmail, but this just felt like a little too much of a stretch. Still, the character development -- especially Nikki -- completely overwhelmed any flaws in this story.
As for the writing style, I was not as distracted by the one-sentence paragraphs or sentences beginning with conjunctions as I was on the last story. At least, it wasn't as noticeable. Kimi is just a miserable person who can't help but criticize every story she reads (unless it's by one of her three favorite authors.) Interestingly enough, one of those three authors lectured us in the comments section of Todd's last story, explaining that grammatical rules are for grade schoolers. I hope this doesn't result in a lover's quarrel between Kimi and her bestie.
Todd, keep stretching those literary muscles. I look forward to seeing which genre you tackle next.
Not a big BTB fan but this was real fun in a nice red neck way.
I will return whenever I see your name again.
Very nice. Loved some of your descriptions: Half-feral doberman; accelerant on an open fire. Good job!
I absolutely loved the Nikki character and by the way, the whole story. Really nice to see someone that can actually write and entertain the reader along the way. So, obviously I gave you five stars and was looking for a way to enhance that rating. Maybe the scene where she bit the guy in the parking lot was a bit over the top, but it certainly did wonders for developing her as more than a bit crazy. You ended the story with a bit of authors dialog, but it seems clear that Nikki has her hooks set into him and is not letting go. Still, the thought of living with her when the sex driven attraction wears off is a bit unsettling.
The more stories of yours that I read, the more I am impressed with your ability to write imperfect people. It gives your stories more realism and takes me deeper into the tale.
Nikki was insane, but damn if I didn't love and cheer for her. The btb was perfect for this story, and having Beth watch as Nikki has more influence over the children is going to be a long, slow torture for her.
As usual, 5 stars and thank you for writing.
This was the boilerplate BTB, with an edge, which made if fun. Yes, the wife cheated, he got the photos on a digital camera he had to use film in and have developed, caught her and lover boy in a crime allowing him to have leverage in a divorce, banged the lover's wife, who had bigger tits than his wife, got custody of the kids, got into great shape, had incredible sex (including anal!), surprised the couple that he knew they were cheating even though they would spend entire nights together and they went out clubbing as a couple, sent proof to all relatives and friends of wife, and lived happily ever after. This covered pretty much every important facet of the basic BTB story. It proves that you can follow the formula and produce an interesting product. It also demonstrates how poorly most are written. I never noticed the short paragraphs, conjunctions, or split infinitives and dangling participles at all, and I am some what of a critic on that stuff. The story flowed, so I liked it. The writer followed the BTB rules so that crowd will be happy. He wrote an interesting story, so most of the rest of us should be happy. Well played.
I am not a fan of the writer adding his thoughts to the end of a story. A story creates a world of its own and the breaking of that world with random, and totally unnecessary thoughts and feelings does not improve the tale.
I think that his intent was more self preservation than btb. He would have been bent over and splintered otherwise.
You are the finest new writer on Literotica since DanielQSteele graced us with his presence. Thank you!
My only complaint would be to have a longer telling. I wanted more details of their getting together, as well as the interactions with Beth, just to make it more emotional.
In a true boilerplate LW story the cheated on husband is a saint and the cheated on wife is a beautiful angel, both flawless paragons of humanity.
These two had flaws, very interesting flaws.
Great tale! Love Nikki as much as the plot. No need for a sequel, but other stories featuring Nikki would be welcome by me!
And yes I'll join anyone rooting for Nikki. She has some "interesting" traits!
That was one of the best I've read on this site. Love love love!!!
Can they make it work if he slips and she bite his face off.
Just a fun, sexy, BTBitch/Bastard story! I love that they burned both the cheaters. Do another one any time. 5 Stars! PS: Redheads are crazier than most!
Perhaps in a follow on story Nikki will bring Beth over as a "treat". A very entertaining story - Thanks
He will be fine as long as he doesn't cheat on her. Then she would kill him. Or worse. She is nutty but she's fiercely loyal and she brings home the occasional cream puff to share.
As usual, I'm writing these as I go.
"The furious redhead - Nicole, Nikki for short - wanted me to stop it." - Why does she expect HIM to stop it? Why can't she? Why isn't she confronting the cheaters?
Why can't Nikki throw the asshole out? Doesn't she have the same advantage over him as Beth has over him?
"she controls access to the kids." - Since when? Custody is decided by the courts. Yes, I've read all the stories here about exes fucking up visitation, but she can be found in contempt if she plays too many games.
"Most of his pay is under the table." - If he isn't declaring his real income, a call to the IRS can take care of that! Presumably they're spending more money than their declared income, tax evasion should be easy to prove. If the cousin has to choose between Justin and the IRS he'll roll over so fast he'll spin!
"I can't believe you can't control your slut" - I'm sure this exchange is supposed to be humorous, but why can't she control her asshole? And why should SHE have to sleep elsewhere, let Justin sleep on the couch or wherever?
"if I didn't get her out of here quick, we'd both be in jail by morning." - Why? YOU were attacked!
"the retribution for any bullshit would be a quick trip to prison." - How? Presumably all the evidence has been restored, if you DO still have evidence, and don't reveal it, YOU could be in trouble for obstruction of justice.
re:
"she controls access to the kids." - Since when? Custody is decided by the courts. Yes, I've read all the stories here about exes fucking up visitation, but she can be found in contempt if she plays too many games.
-------------------------------------
Except for the fact that in many, many jurisdictions the courts do little to nothing to enforce the court ordered access for a father.
The ex-wife can ignore his visitation at will and most likely he will be given a 'so what?' kind of response.
The courts don't care.
Again you have written another great story that blew us away. I can relate to how passionate a kinda crazy woman is. Mine came after me with a bat one day and two days later was so passionate towards me. The ones that care are always crazy and passionate. I'd have it no other way. Great story my friend! 5stars.
If I must choose between crazy but loyal or 'sane' and disloyal?
I'll take loyalty every time.
Nikki is the kind that would guard his back, not stab him in the back.
Of course loyalty must be a two way street.
Looking for the sixth star!
But a woman whose belly is a 'waste' turns me OFF!
This writer took a new rabbit out of the hat...Another good story, well written and easy to read...4*
A fantastic story
Your conclusion was " spot on"
Niki was yet another of your fascinating female characters. "Shameless " and the other one in your last effort stole both tales
Please eye writing
Ed
All,
Thanks again for the feedback. I appreciate it.
kimi1990: I really do pay attention and fully understand your critique. I actually pulled out my infinitive tape and participle bolts, and rewrote a page in proper form. It just didn't work. Lost the tempo, lost the energy. It was stilted, wooden and forced, just flat awful. Just not my style. Although you can make the argument that I have no style. Many have. As if wearing sandals with black socks, orange surfer jams and a lime green polo was some kind of crime... Seriously though, I still appreciate the feedback.
As to the Post Production Notes: They certainly can break the suspension of disbelief. I hadn't really considered that. If I continue them, I'll space them well down and clearly mark them for anyone who wishes to avoid them. They'll be on "Monster" for certain as it is already in the chute.
"Monster" as noted above, is already on the way in LW, as that is where SHAMELESS is posted. The next one will probably be "Soldier Girl", which will likely be in Romance. It is arguably a fit for Lesbian, but it isn't really graphic, and I see the driving aspect as Romance. I say probably next; because while it has been easy to write, it has been hard to let it go, as parts hit close to home.
Thanks again. Todd172
In the USA at least, preventing rape is one of the defenses of justification for the use of deadly force. Nikki warned the douchebag, and then used the tools at her disposal. In a world of shrinking violets (of both genders), and "let the police handle it", I applaud her. She cold-stopped an attempted rape.
And as for her "stability," -- I'm monogamous. If I were in a relationship with someone like her, I'd sleep like a baby. As Mal Reynolds famously said, "I’m gonna say this once: if I ever kill you, you’ll be awake, you’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed." Having known someone like Nikki once, I'm pretty sure that's how she'd react. Fierce in battle and fiercely loyal often go hand-in-hand.
Now, if you're the type to step out on her . . . well, if you're not a careful sort, don't play with sharp blades.
Love the story. Hoping you have a lot more tales to tell.
Beth? She's walking dead, and will look it soon enough. Lost her kids, lost her family, lost any shred of dignity or self-respect she used to have. Wouldn't be surprised if she just ends it for real in a few years. Once the twins are old enough to understand, Nikki will tell them every fucking detail of what their mother did to their father. Oh, she'll be real coy, and sympathetic, and urge them to forgive their mother, while the children will see first hand how real loving passionate spouses care for each other, and their children, versus the selfish conniving bitter bitch their incubator female (hardly a mother) will become. The bitch is toast.
Really well done. Thanks for the time and talent.
Thanks!! I really enjoyed it . . . and not quite sure why. I didn't really like the main characters . . . but like they were to each other in the story, I felt oddly drawn to them. Well done!!
Now that was a good story. Five Stars.
Biting faces and fucking in the parking lot was bit much for me, but it was a good story well told.
Not sure I'd have gone the black mail route. After all the disrespect I would have just sent those assholes to jail. Divorces would have worked just the same once they got locked up. But I guess jail depended upon the Cousin and ongoing fear is good payback too.
I am aware that my idea of wit can be acerbic. I believe you are a very talented storyteller and your ideas are brilliant and disturbing (in a good way). The style just took me out of the story. Perhaps I will become accustomed to it in time. I did give you a five, by the way, for your idea and storytelling, but I had to express my lack of appreciation of the one sentence paragraphs. Keep writing and we'll see.
Loved Nikki, teetering on the edge. Her character is REALLY good bit of writing! Probably could have done without the PP notes. Maybe a brirf epilogue? Not that I'm a fan of that either,
Anyway, 5*
Norm
The ending was kind of an borderline infuriating, ambiguous meh . I wanted to know if the narrator was going to take on Nikki 's bag of crazy . What exactly kind of stepmom would she be ? Great job in creating and nuancing the baggage of her character. Maybe the ending was pitch perfect and ended on highest credible high note because significant challenges lie ahead. I'm just going to sigh . When in doubt ... give the author cred for timely mega- vagueness .
Full marks aka five star honorific for honed words and phrases. *****
If a woman is about to be raped (the guy even told her he was going to) and bites his face to avoid it does not make her crazy. I makes her a quick thinking survivor! If it were my wife I would applaud her and apologize for not being there to help - now my response would have been crazy, like FTDS crazy.
Great story full marks.
So swingerjoe, it was full of cheating yet scored very well, hmmmm maybe it was just a great story? Or was it just agenda scored?
What eas not to like about the story.
Well written, had humour, had sex, had emotions etc.
Well done author a very enjoyable read
I don't mind notes at the end, the story is over, sometimes I wonder why the writer did something, and the notes can help.
I get more aggravated at opening notes that give too much away!
are going to my "favourite list".
It is really nice to see a new writer on literotica who support husband and wives who are cheated.
Enough of cuckold shit.
Take care
haven't enjoyed a yarn like I did this one in more months than I can remember
damn good work
I like the notes. if a sequel isn't in the works I really like to know what the characters are doing or what the thought process is behind them. I know how I come up with and write my characters. I like to see how other authors work theirs. As for the story itself I think you created a classic character in Nikki. Great job and great read!
thanks for sharing!
Ahaz
One of the best the humor took the edge of crazy off just enough. Great job
So apparently he's now raising twin infant daughters by himself, working full time with no support, she's raising her own kid with no job and no money which probably means he's now got to have a live in girlfriend who has a violent temper, has to care for the children and is so completely inappropriate that she has no problem with abusive posted traded to innocent people in front of kids and inviting random sluts over for wild monkey sex while the kids are up.
Christ, its like he traded in a cheating slut wife for a trailer trash baby mama. I have no problem with her looks, but my god, you can't help but wonder if her asshole cheating slut husband decided her shitty attitude was justification to cheat.
Good story but you lose some for trying to make the trailer trash hottie into a decent mother figure who didn't seem to show any personality traits of a decent mother. What happens when the hot sex ends and all you get is the harpy?
I gave 5 stars, which I rarely do. I enjoyed the development of the protagonists relationship, and the balance affected by the adequate but small dose of the antagonists.
And since this is Literotica, I appreciated the amount and the details of the great sex!
Well, this toe dip into the BTB pool was excellent. I can't think of anything to complain about or nitpick- just a stunning tour de force with a pretty amazing psycho bitch that I hope we might see again.
This BTB or whatever this story is one of the most satisfying LW stories I've read in a long, long time. Perfect pace. Couldn't find the slightest bit of "fat" in the story that I felt was unnecessary. And you're right. Nikki is special. And so is her chemistry with the narrator/protagonist.
5*s
Fiery, fun story. Gave it 4*s Todd172 . A rollercoaster ride of seriously angry couple. With a mix of humor, a fight, and of course sex. Your talent for writing really shows in this story. The drama, the human condition🎭 ❗
The protagonist was cold calculated angry. His partner Nikki (Nicole) a hot tempered red-head.
Your subtle character development was an impressive example of your talent. Both changed physically with an exercise regimen. Subtle writing shows the reader her personality and temperament change. His was more obvious, he expressed anger and became more assertive.
Impressive piece of work. Look forward to more from you Todd. Maybe even a longer story, hmm ❓
Thank you for your posts. It a good day when your name comes up on Lit , lol.
AMerryman
ALL females are crazy to one degree or another. Nikki just lets it free for the world to see a bit more than most. At least she seems to be a one man girl, and that makes up for a lot of crazy.
It is great to read a new story with a happy ending. Great story ***** I'm glad the leading man had balls and got on with his life and not cry over spilled milk.
a bunch of Batman characters, rolled into one. Like you took the body of Poison Ivy, the psyche of Harley Quinn, and the Joker's devious planning and put them into a broken new mother. And while the point of view may be the jilted husband's, the protagonist is without a doubt Nikki.
Bravo.
...the characterization was a little abbreviated, but clear and, like our hero, I sort of fell in love with Nikki. Obviously, she got what was happening between them much earlier than he did....then, like most guys, he went with it.
I have enjoyed BTB stories on this site, have never liked any of the RAAC nearly as much, but both far, far more than the fucking mindless cuck stories that proliferate seasonally here like noxious weeds.
This story stands out as one of the best BTB stories to appear here in a long time.
If I had to guess, I'd say it was owing to the realistic response to the cheaters....and the fact that our hero wasn't green beret, wasn't an electronics wizard, wasn't a massive stud-muffin with a 22" cock....just a regular guy in a shitty situation and dealing with it as best he could, to get justice and not get screwed into the bridge works by his fucking whore wife, her asshole lover and the fucking deranged and broken family court system.
Shoot me if you can find me, but I believe that there should be punishment in very real forms for cheaters. They destroy lives, homes and families....for their own selfish satisfaction...and they need either sternly spanked or the shit roundly kicked out of them. No gender preference there. It's about the severity of the offense and the damage they cause and who causes it. I see absolutely no valid reason to give a cheating wife a home, custody and separate maintenance as well as child support, if she chose to spread her legs for one or many. Except if hubby was a wife beater. But then there are far better ways to deal with that than letting some shark slips his cock into the married pussy.
So, our two favorite people got real, honest justice...got each other and got rid of the cheaters without giving up their lives, homes, livelihoods, their income, their self respect or integrity. Yay!
Not going pick at you about several common spelling issues and grammar nicks that turn up occasionally here. Why? Because they weren't severe, too frequent or repetitive...and because they didn't interfere with a story that was otherwise great fun.
I for one, hope you'll try this again.
Thank you!
Perhaps if I'd 've never known a crazy bitch or two like Nikki (ok, I'm a slow learner), the story wouldn't have grabbed me by the balls the way it did. But I gotta hand it to you, you did one nice job of storytelling! And that, my friend, can't compete for a higher compliment. Thank you, for a job well done!
...especially the way you wrote them. On to another story by you!
The story worked. I'm not a big fan of revenge sex as it makes the betrayed as bad as the cheaters but it somehow worked here. The cheaters deserve all the grief they get.
This was really hot, edgy and entertaining!
Had a fantastic time being strapped in for this ride!
Thanks for the fun!
they are. I have been married to one for 32 years. There is never a dull moment...... Even our two sons understand 'crazy'...
Well done.
The ending was very bizarre.
Talking about one of your fictional characters as a living breathing entity was just plain... eerie... hopefully that was just a joke, but .. I know people that anthropomorphize their car or bike or plants or pets.
Still, a bit strange to see
Outstanding. You can turn a phrase with the best of them, and Nikki was a very interesting, three-dimensional character. Well done.
Besides, I love the stories where the betrayed spouses hook up. The ultimate revenge fuck.
I loved your comment about letting Nikki decide.
If there is one single thing about being an author I love, it's being along for the ride. Like you with Nikki, I never know what to expect. For some reason, it seems the women are most willing to step up and drag us along to an ending.
Nikki was entrancing with her pain, rational insanity, and energy. The comments at the end just cemented the pleasure I felt in getting to know her. In the little I have tried writing I am still amazed at the times that dialog or plot changes seemingly appear out of nowhere driven by a need in the character to express something within. Not that often but enough to wonder who is telling the story. Also mostly from the women in my experience. This was wonderful to get so deep into resonating with Nikki so fast. Thank you for introducing me.
imho you succeeded. While it did follow the standard BTB playbook the storyline was unique, creative, and entertaining.
Well done!
Nikki had just enough of an edge that every new development had an element of nervous anticipation to it. What will she do this time? How far will she push it?
Comments? I for one, appreciate comments from the author. There is nothing as disappointing as starting a Romance only to find out there isn't anything romantic or even erotic in the story. Being forewarned can prevent a bad situation, angry readers and low scores. Thoughts at the end can be a positive way for the author to share a touch of hopefulness.
I will watch to see what you try next. Keep stretching those writing muscles.
Read it again and I think I enjoyed it more this time. There is something about the pace of the story that makes it easy to read for me.
Nikki can easily become a legend of LW characters, that's if she's not already. The woman is a one of a kind.
Looking forward to what you have coming next.
Well done Todd.
Creative story and crazy ass (literally) sex.
I did have to laugh at one part... where they went on the surveillance at the cabin .. you wrote
"we had the car and a nice digital camera"
"We dropped the film off at a photo lab that specialized in discrete one-day photos"
now THAT would be a hellova feat !!
Certainly not Nikki!!!
Try your skills based on real life facts. Serial cheating college instructor wife. Well she was until college administration was given details found on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com. Two year college in Helena Montana ''frowned'' upon female instructor coercing younger male student into sexual relationship.
Lots more info including explicit accounts of the degrading sex instructor liked performing. NOW THERE IS A HARPY!!!
Analingus, golden shower on clit, spanked and being called a whore while cowgirling up through multiple orgasms, pleading for ''Take that bitch'' facials. After one titty fuck, pearl necklace was scooped and smeared all over her face, she told student he should bottle it as face cream for how it tightened up her face, the left for home with it still on. As for cruel harpy. Her husband worked on the road most of year returning on Friday hoping for bj. For close to a year she left her sodden panties on floor-cream filled with the two loads of her younger lover-for her husband, panty sniffing fetish, to pick up and press to his face.
He would come in to watch her bathe and get aroused for his bj with evidence of her lover's seed glistening on his nose. She wrote email and IMs and told friends about it.