The Holy Grail

*Standard disclaimer. This story deals with a fetish in which men find attractive women who smoke incredibly sexy. I don't read comments so if this isn't your cup of tea, please find another story to read as whatever you say about your dear Aunt Millie who died of lung cancer will be ignored. If you also have the fetish, I hope you'll enjoy this tale.

******

"Honey? Come back to bed. I wasn't trying to be mean. The smell was just stronger then usual."

She stopped, turned around and said, "I'm really getting tired of all the comments. I know you don't like it, but lately it's happening all the time. If it isn't my hair, it's my breath. If it isn't my breath, it's the way your clothes smell. You knew when you met me that I smoke, and you promised me it would never be an issue. And yet it's becoming the issue around here! What's next? Asking me to go outside to smoke?"

He wasn't going to escalate the argument into a fight, but that's exactly what he'd been thinking. He'd been breathing her smoke in their house for three years now and as much as he loved her, that was getting very old. In fact, he was sick of it. He wouldn't mention it right now, but that was something else she was going to have to change if she expected him to stick around.

"Come on, Erin! I'm really horny. Just come back to bed. Please?"

"You know what, Pete? I was in the mood, too, until you started sniffing my hair again. Talk about a buzz kill. I'll be out here on the couch having a cigarette. If you're that horny, jack off because I'm sure as hell not letting you paw all over me after that."

Erin Mitchell-Mabry was 25 and had been smoking since she was 21. She'd never even tried it until she was a senior in college and on a whim, she bummed one from a friend at a party. A few days later she bummed another and then another. Her friend finally told her to go buy a pack and again, on a whim, she did just that. Within three months, she was smoking every day, and in another three months, deeply and hopelessly addicted, and the truth was she didn't care. She loved smoking and still enjoyed every cigarette she smoked.

She'd met her husband, Pete Mabry, her senior year, and although he'd made the occasional comment about her smoking, she was so attractive he let it pass. In fact, she was hot enough that for a while at least, he really didn't care. They got serious after just a couple of dates, and by the time they graduated, they were engaged.

Pete landed a good job in pharmaceutical sales, and Erin was a good enough writer that she made a modest income writing and selling short stories. She had an uncanny ability to spin a tale out of whole cloth, and after managing to get her first story published, she developed a niche audience that quickly bought up any story she wrote.

They were rather salacious in nature although there was always an underlying romantic theme. Most of her readers were lonely, romantic women who wanted something more than the standard romance novel offered, and for them, Erin Mabry's tales were just what the doctor ordered.

Pete's negative comments began about a year after they were married. Occasionally, he'd come home from being on the road for several days and say something about how the house smelled. They had a very nice home that was just under 3,000 square feet and Erin mostly confined her smoking to her study, the kitchen, and the bedroom. The bedroom was where she smoked after having sex, something that had happened very frequently that first year.

But as the complaints increased, the amount of sex began to decrease. It was all very slow and very subtle at first, but by the second year, there'd been a pretty dramatic decline in their lovemaking. And Pete's comments became more frequent and more personal.

The last six months it had become nearly unbearable, and Erin had told her husband a week ago he needed to understand she would not quit smoking. Ever. It was perhaps her greatest pleasure, and he needed to either make peace with that or....

"Or what?" he'd said caustically. "Are you threatening me, Erin? Seriously? You're going to make me move out because I don't want to smell the stench of smoke on my wife anymore? Really? Well, let me tell you something. Don't force me to make that choice because you may not like my decision."

That comment had hurt Erin more than anything Pete had ever said. He was a very good-looking guy who had a great job, and she knew he had women flirting with him all the time. Sure, she still got occasionally got hit on, but she spent most of her time at home alone writing her stories. And what hitting did go on tended to stop as soon as the guy found out she was married. The tiny number who persisted threw in the towel when they learned she smoked. The only exceptions were guys who made it clear they wanted a quick roll in the hay and nothing else, and Erin had no interest in other men regardless of whatever interest they had in her.

None of that had ever mattered until now as Erin found herself facing the very real possibility her marriage could be over all because she enjoyed smoking.

She sat down and for the first time in years sat and looked at the pack of Virginia Slims Menthol Lite cigarettes she so dearly loved and asked herself if it was really worth her marriage. The thought was momentary and gave way to her insatiable desire for nicotine as well as the pure pleasure of inhaling the minty smoke deep into her lungs then enjoying watching the exhaled plume of smoke. She'd read once where the visual aspects of smoking were a huge part of the enjoyment, and she'd had to agree that was definitely true for her.

She lit one and took a long, deep, satisfying drag and said to herself, "Screw it. I love my husband, but I love smoking, too. If he wants to leave me for something he knew about me from the day we met, and something he knew about in advance, then screw him. It'll be his loss."

Her rhetoric was strong, but her resolve wasn't nearly as firm as her bravado. She blinked back a single tear and then another as the frustration that had been building up inside of her for many months bubbled up to the surface. She took another long, deep drag and slowly exhaled as she secretly hoped and prayed Pete wouldn't do this to her. To...them.

She still dearly loved him in spite of his cruel remarks and couldn't imagine her life without him. And yet life without...these.... Erin looked at the green and white box again that had become her best friend, and realized life without them wouldn't be worth living. She'd be living someone else's life; a life that was a lie and for as long as Erin could remember, one of her own personal axioms had been 'to thine own self be true.'

No, she wasn't going to live the life her husband wanted her to live. She was going to live the life she wanted; the life she'd created and enjoyed. Marriage was a team effort to be sure, but when one partner demanded the other change beyond a point that person could live with, there wasn't any team left to support.

She crushed out her cigarette then fluffed one of the pillows on the couch and pulled a decorative blanket down over her and did her best to get some rest.

When Erin woke up the next morning, for the first time in many years, her first thought wasn't to reach for a cigarette. As badly as she wanted one, she sensed something was different; that something was wrong.

She sat up and and coughed a couple of times then reached for a cigarette. She double pumped as hard as she could to jump start her nicotine level then stood up and went to the kitchen. As she did every day, she headed to the coffee pot to pour herself a cup and that's when her blood ran cold.

There was a handwritten note next to it that read:

"Dearest Erin,

Forgive me for being so terse, but I don't know how else to say this.

I love you dearly and always will, but I can no longer live with you. Smoking was the catalyst for all that's happened, but I must be completely honest with you. Your refusal to even consider quitting drove me to seek companionship elsewhere, and I've met someone. I believe I may even be in love with her.

Even if you were to quit smoking, it would be too late, so that's no longer an issue. I'll send someone for my things in a few days, and my attorney will be in touch with you soon. I don't want this to get ugly. I just want out. You can have anything you want. The house, the car, and half our investments. I won't contest anything. I suppose I'm grateful we don't have children who would be hurt even more by this, and I am truly sorry for hurting you. I'm a moral coward for sneaking around behind your back and for not even having the courage to say this to your face, but it has to be said.

Again, I am truly sorry, but this decision is final. Last night wasn't the cause. It was the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back.

I made your coffee just the way you like it. All you need to do is turn it in on enjoy. I hope you won't hate me, but I'll understand if you do. I do still love you whether you believe me or not. Pete."

Erin's eyes were dry and clear when she finished reading Pete's words. She set it back down on the granite countertop then punched the 'on' button and finished her first cigarette. She lit another immediately and smoked it more slowly enjoying the delicious sensations.

When her coffee was ready, she had a third as she realized she was really all alone. Her worst fears had been realized, and she not only wasn't crying, she wasn't really even sad. She wanted to be angry at Pete for having an affair, but she couldn't generate any emotion but pity.

She knew there would ups and downs and that at some point, she'd have to cry this out. But for now, a strange sense of calm settled over her. Erin was now free to live her life the way she wanted to without the constant judgment and condemnation from the person who was supposed to be her best friend and greatest ally.

Or so she thought.

Pete really did give her the house, the car, and half their money. And as hard as she fought it, Erin did go through a period of sadness and 'mourning' for the loss of her marriage. But with the help of her mom, her sister Mandy, and her best friend Kara, she got through it.

It took a few months to get her bearings, but after that she even found herself interested in dating again. And that's where the real troubles began.

It didn't matter whether it was a set-up or someone who viewed her dating profile, as soon as the guy found out she smoked, they lost interest. She tried dating only guys who smoked, but the numbers were low and the choices were somewhere between paltry and 'dismal'.

"Have you ever seriously thought about quitting?" Mandy finally asked after listening to Erin explain how yet another guy, a guy who was cute and very promising, excused himself during a date when she admitted she smoked!

"I've thought about it, but I don't want to quit," Erin told her honestly. "You've never smoked so you have no idea how pleasurable it is."

"No, I haven't, but if you want to find a really decent guy, maybe you should look into it. They have more than just the patches and gum now, you know. Why don't you go see Dr. Chambers and talk to her about options? Plus, Mom and I are here for you too, Erin."

Just the thought made her angry. Pete's leaving her hurt, but she was never really angry about it. But the notion that she now also might have to give up smoking really got her riled up. Yes, she knew it was an addiction as she was fully aware nicotine was a powerfully addictive substance. But dammit, she loved to smoke and it was her life, right?

And that's when she realized it was beginning to look like it was indeed her life to live—alone.

"Okay," Erin said with great reservation. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least talk to her. I still have insurance through Pete so...why not?"

Erin made the appointment and found herself in the doctor's office after having her vitals taken. The nurse assured her Dr. Chambers would be in shortly and closed the door leaving her there wishing she could light a cigarette as it had been close to an hour she'd had one.

She heard a tap then the door opened and Dr. Chambers came in holding her chart. She smiled, shook Erin's hand, and said, "It's good to see, Erin. How've you been?"

Erin forced a smile and told her about the separation and pending divorce.

"I'm so sorry. I always thought you two were the ideal couple."

"Me, too," Erin said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"So...what brings you in today?" Dr. Chambers asked changing the subject.

"I guess I want to try to quit smoking," Erin told her without conviction. "Considering how it ruined my marriage and is keeping me from finding someone, it looks like I'm going to have to face facts."

"Great! We have a lot of options. Okay, first let's talk about how much you smoke, when you have your first cigarette, when you most want to smoke, and so forth."

Erin revealed that she smoked no less than a pack a day and sometimes up to a pack and a half. She had her first one right after going pee while her coffee brewed then had another with her first cup of coffee. The first one was always the best and those after eating were a close second. Right up there were any she smoked when she was drinking which wasn't very often but the thought of a glass of wine without a cigarette was something she never even considered.

She didn't bring up the after-sex cigarette which definitely rivaled the first one of the day. Lately, she hadn't had sex to smoke after so what was the use?

"Okay, I'd say you're not too far from average, and depending on how badly you want to quit, this habit can be overcome. But unless you want to quit, no amount of assistance or support will get the job done."

She looked right at Erin and said, "I can't stress that enough. So tell me, please, what is your primary motivation for quitting?"

"Necessity?" she said in the form of a question.

"Can you explain what you mean by that?" Dr. Chambers asked.

"I'd like to eventually get married again, but getting married means dating and dating means meeting guys. I've found...so far at least...that pretty much every cute guy I'm interested in finds smoking disgusting."

"I'm not being judgmental, but as someone who's never even tried smoking, I can tell you I relate to that sentiment completely. I can't even imagine kissing my husband if he smoked. I'm not being mean. I'm just being honest."

Dr. Chambers's words reinforced her newly-realized belief that smoking was a huge negative for pretty much all guys who didn't smoke. That realization caused a sudden feeling of desperation leading her to want to bolt out of the office, light a cigarette, and find a man who also smoked regardless of his other qualities—or lack thereof.

"Erin? What do you think?"

She'd gotten so caught up in her internal dialogue she hadn't heard a word the doctor said.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Chambers. My mind was wandering. What did you say?"

"I asked if you'd like to try Smoke Free. It's a medication that builds up in your system allowing you to smoke for a few days while it does its thing. Your urge to smoke should drop off dramatically after the build-up period and from there it's up to you. Or we can go the traditional route with patches or gum."

Dr. Chambers explained the pros and cons of both and Erin chose the Smoke Free route because it would allow her to keep smoking giving her time to taper off. The thought of leaving the doctor's office and going cold turkey was enough to cause her to go into convulsions.

With a prescription in hand, Erin left the building and nearly spilled the contents of her purse digging for her cigarettes and lighter. Her body craved nicotine so badly she was shaky and getting a headache. She stopped, lit up, and drew until her cheeks hollowed, then inhaled deeply before repeating. The double pump immediately eased the cravings allowing her to concentrate as she got into her car. She almost laughed at the thought of trying to drive through the heavy traffic with her cravings unsatisfied. She pictured herself the cause of a massive pile up when she ran a red light or turned in front of someone because she couldn't focus on anything but her desperate need for a nicotine fix.

She had another cigarette before going into the drugstore and presenting her prescription. The pharmacist she'd always thought was so cute was working, and she smiled back when he smiled at her as she handed a young girl the piece of paper.

"How have you been, Mrs. Mabry?" he called out as he filled another prescription behind the tall counter separating them.

"Great, Cole! How about you?"

"Just fillin' and billin'," he told her having used the same corny line dentists often used several times.

Erin smiled and laughed politely, not because it was funny, but because he was so good looking. He was probably a few years older than her but anyone from maybe 21 to around 40 was a potential date as long as he was a decent guy with a steady job. Okay, he obviously had to be attractive to her, but he didn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous like Pete.

Cole Braden wasn't model-cute, but he was very good looking. His thick, dark hair was trimmed to just above his ears and he had the most beautiful, piercing blue eyes she could ever remember seeing. He also had those long, sexy eyelashes she loved. That, along with a perfect smile and a face that was solidly attractive, made him a very desirable guy. Erin was pretty sure he was athletic and for a moment, at least, she thought she could even learn to like whatever he was into if it would improve her chances of ever dating him.

"It'll be about 20 minutes, Mrs. Mabry? Is that okay?" she heard the girl at the desk say.

"Oh, sure," she said realizing she'd gotten lost in her thoughts again. She hadn't made love with a man in so long it was hard to be around someone as attractive as Cole and not do a little daydreaming.

She also found herself waiting to catch a glimpse of his left hand just to make sure there was no wedding band. After making sure he was still single, she felt a little more comfortable with her fantasizing.

"I'll...um...just be outside for a few minutes," she told the girl who smiled understandingly.

Erin lit another cigarette and pulled deeply as she thought about life with smoking. Even the thought of a life with someone like Cole Braden didn't seem like an equitable trade. But experience had taught her that handsome, professional men like him rarely smoked, and she now knew how intolerant they were of women who did, so...what were her choices?

For the time being she enjoyed her cigarette and decided she'd give this quitting thing a real chance. She had to admit it was at least possible she could do it and find something else to take its place. Like...lots of hot, passionate lovemaking with some adorable guy like her favorite pharmacist.

She exhaled, crushed it out, then headed back inside. Cole saw her and smiled again as she sat down and smiled back.

"Smoke Free, huh? Looks you're making a big change in your life," he said still smiling and holding up her prescription.

"Yeah. Lucky me," she replied with a face that told him how unhappy she was about the whole thing.

"I'm sure your husband will be very supportive," he said as he filled the doctor's orders.

"What husband?" she said with the same sullen tone of voice as she showed him her ringless left hand.

Cole stopped smiling immediately and said, "I'm very sorry, Mrs. Mabry. I didn't know. Please...."

Erin shook her head and said, "Don't apologize, Cole. There's no way you could have known. It was a long time coming. Had I done this even a year ago...."

She nodded at the place where he'd held up the prescription letting him know that's what she was talking about, "Maybe we'd still be together."