The Holy Grail

Cole looked up at her but didn't speak. He really didn't know her beyond the times she came in to pick up her birth control pills every few months. He thought she was an incredibly attractive woman, and although he'd never seen her smoke, he just had a feeling she might. Being married, he'd have never even flirted with her let alone asked her out, but the fact that she smoked put her at the top of his list in terms of desirable traits in an attractive woman, something else he had no intention of sharing with her.

He'd had a huge fetish for good-looking women who smoked since he was a teenager, and it had only gotten stronger over time. Since his first year in college, he'd almost exclusively tried to date only girls or women who smoked. They were out there, but their numbers were dwindling by the day, and finding one who was smart, funny, sexy, and who loved to smoke had proven a very formidable challenge.

He hadn't given up, but the pickings had been very slim lately. It wasn't that he couldn't find a girl who smoked, it was just that he was at the point where hooking up wasn't enough. Cole was attractive enough to be able to pick up women nearly anytime he wanted to, and getting them into his bed was only slightly more difficult.

But at 30, he was sick and tired of mindless sex. It was always the same boring routine. Watch for the cute girl who went outside, then move in and work his charms. More often than not, she'd tell her friend or friends she came with she'd find her own way home before finding herself getting her brains fucked out. He'd only shared his fetish with a couple of the women he'd hooked up with as he saw no reason to get into it with someone who wouldn't be around the next day. That said, none of the girls he'd brought home who smoked had ever balked at his request to do so while sucking his cock or even during sex itself. A few had said something about it being 'kinky' but no one who smoked had ever told him 'no.'

The two he'd discussed this love of smoking with had seemed promising in terms of an actual date and maybe even a relationship. He'd pursued both of them for some length of time before finding them unacceptable as a future wife for one reason or another.

As a pharmacist, he was a well-educated professional, and he had no long-term interest in ditzy chicks who were either poorly educated or clueless about current events. They didn't need a college degree, they just needed to be able to carry on a conversation at a reasonable level of intelligence on most topics. There were other 'must haves', as well, and neither of them had them all or anything close to it. He didn't have a long laundry list of requirements, just a few (in addition to smoking) he considered essential. Finding a woman who had them was beginning to seem like Mission Impossible.

Erin Mabry had always been someone he thought might just have all of those qualities. Well, until today. Were she to quit smoking, he'd have no interest in her beyond that of a customer who dropped by a few times a year.

The irony was too much. This gorgeous woman he'd fantasized about was now single and yet were she to quit smoking he'd no longer be interested in her at all.

"You're all set, Mrs. Mabry," Cole announced when her script was ready.

His assistant took it from him and let Erin know what her co-pay would be.

"Good luck!" the girl said when Erin finished paying.

"Yeah. Thanks," she said almost sardonically. She waited for Cole to look her way then waved to him.

"Take care," he said barely smiling.

Erin felt crestfallen at his sudden change in attitude, and was positive it was due to him having learned she was a smoker.

"Okay, that does it," she said to herself. "I'm going to do this!"

A week later, Erin had her last cigarette, and because of the medicine didn't enjoy it nearly as much as she always did. However, that proved to be only one aspect of quitting, and the others turned out to be just as formidable. In a word she was white knuckling her way one day and one hour at a time for weeks.

"How goes the war?" her sister asked when Erin came over about six weeks after quitting.

"Don't ask," she said ruefully.

"Still a bear?"

"A bear? It's a fucking bitch! I think about it all day, every day. The physical cravings are gone, but I still want to smoke so bad I can't stand it," Erin admitted.

"Well, I'm sorry it's so hard, but I'm really proud of you," Mandy said. "So...are you ready to start dating yet?"

"Oh, that's the other issue. I am so unbelievably horny I'm about to come out of my skin!"

"There's a remedy for that, you know?" her sister teased. "It's called getting laid. Now that you're a non-smoker, it shouldn't be difficult. Not as pretty as you are."

"Thank you for saying that. My ego really needed the boost. It's just so hard, you know? Dating again? Yuck! And just between you and me, I've already put on five pounds. If I get any fatter, I'm going to have the same issue only due to another addiction!"

"Don't worry about a few pounds. You still look great! And you know you don't have to actually date, right? You can just...hook up. Maybe that's all you need until you get some kind of...balance...restored."

"Balance. That's funny. How many times do I have to get laid to restore this...balance?" Erin quipped.

Her sister laughed then told her, "I can't answer that, but I can agree to go out with you. Why don't we hit the bars tonight and see what we can see? Or maybe who we can find?"

Erin finally laughed and said, "Okay. I'm in. But alcohol is a serious trigger. If I drink, I'm really gonna want to smoke."

"Then have cranberry juice. Besides, staying sober is safer and maybe you'll enjoy sex even more. It's worth a try, right?"

"At this point, I'd almost let a gas pump do me," Erin told her sister.

"I'm pretty sure we can find someone slightly better looking than a gas pump," Mandy said. "Hey! Why don't we get ready and we'll head out about nine o'clock tonight and go trolling for hot guys! What do you say?"

"Okay. Let's do this!" Erin said before heading upstairs. She and her sister were still the same size and could wear each other's clothes so Erin was done in less than an hour and ready to rock and roll.

"Where are we going?" Erin finally asked when a taxi pulled up next to the apartment.

"There's a new night club in the University District."

"College kids? I don't want to hang out with college kids," Erin complained.

"Hey, you're not getting engaged tonight. You're getting laid. College guys are young, hot, and horny. This is just what the doctor ordered. Trust me on this, okay?" Mandy insisted.

Erin sighed deeply then said, "Yeah, okay. What could it hurt, right? Worst case I go home alone even more frustrated."

"Just don't give in and...you know what. Promise?"

"Oh, great. Thanks for bringing that up. I hadn't thought about smoking in nearly ten minutes. Well, maybe five."

They chatted away during the taxi ride before Mandy saw the club.

"That's it. Right up there," Mandy said pointing up ahead and to their right.

"The Blue Diamond?" Erin asked as they pulled up next to it.

"Yep. This is the place. Oh, look! Over there. All three of those guys are super cute! Maybe we'll both get lucky tonight!" Mandy said her attention now focused on the trio of hotties she'd just spotted.

Mandy paid the driver and tipped him generously then pushed her sister to get out.

"Come on! Let's get this party started!"

Mandy made a 'woot-woot' kind of sound as Erin opened the door. Her sister followed her then took her arm.

"Come on. Let's go make ourselves available, shall we?" she said pulling her younger sister toward gravitational field created by the Three Musketeers.

They got to within maybe ten feet when one of the guys kissed one of the other two.

"Fuck me!," Mandy said quietly. "I should've known they were gay. Talk about too good to be true! Look how well they're dressed for God's sake!"

As Mandy redirected them, Erin saw a woman about her age smoking a cigarette and suddenly, every cell in her body was screaming for a fix even though they hadn't been fed in weeks. Yes, the physical cravings were gone, but the emotional cravings were very much alive and well.

"Don't look," Mandy said when she noticed her checking the young woman out. "Let's just get inside and see if we can find any cute, straight guys."

Just as she expected the club was unbelievably loud and very crowded. She'd been out of college less than four years, but this kind of place already seemed way too loud and too young for her tastes. They twisted and turned their way to the bar then stood by it for a while in the hopes someone might offer to buy them a drink.

In less than two minutes, a rather nice-looking guy walked up and asked what they were drinking.

"Vodka martini for me and cranberry juice for my very available sister!" Mandy replied over the music.

In another two minutes, they were sipping their drinks and trying to make conversation.

"Do you wanna dance?" he hollered—to Mandy.

Without replying, the guy grabbed her hand and pulled her away. Mandy managed to hand her drink to Erin just before it spilled.

"Gee, thanks...sis," Erin said as she stood there holding both drinks.

Feeling very awkward and even out of place, she set the drinks down then walked back outside. She didn't have any cigarettes with her so she felt safe going out just to get away from the noise.

She hadn't been out long at all when she saw something that made her do a double take. It was Cole, and he was standing next to the same cute, younger woman she'd seen outside smoking on her way in. As surprised as she was to see him there, she was blown away when he leaned over and kissed her a little bit before she finished exhaling a very long drag.

"Bitch!" she said quietly. It was bad enough the girl was able to smoke. But here she was kissing one of the best-looking guys she knew. In fact, he'd kissed her!

Erin stood there and watched until the girl finished her cigarette and noticed that Cole was all over her while she was smoking. He not only didn't seem to mind she was smoking, he seemed to be enjoying it, and that made no sense whatsoever to her. Her only conclusion was that he must also be a smoker. She knew plenty of social smokers and even a couple of closet smokers who, in spite of being adults, still hid their secret habit from family members and most friends.

She stood there for a good five minutes just marveling at what she saw. Cole didn't light up, but then, she'd need to spend a lot of time with him to see that ever happen if he did turn out to be an occasional smoker. It seemed unlikely he was a regular, full-blown smoker or he'd have surely been having one himself by now.

This was all very puzzling and confusing and most of all it was disturbing and even hurtful as Erin found herself both jealous and envious of this cute, younger woman who was kissing 'her' guy.

"My guy. Yeah, right," she said to herself.

They'd never even talked beyond pharmacy chit chat, and then there'd been that whole being married thing. Maybe she was just jealous and envious of a girl who was still enjoying herself while Erin was dying inside for giving up the one thing she still loved in the hope it would help her meet someone nice and fall in love again. Someone like—Cole Braden.

She was about to go back inside when Cole not only glanced her way but did a double take. The girl he was with tried to keep him from walking away but he shook her off and headed toward Erin.

"Mrs. Mabry?" he said smiling pleasantly at her. "I thought that was you. What brings you out to the Diamond?"

"My sister? Naiveté? The thought I might meet someone decent and caring?" she rattled off as possible explanations.

"Did your sister abandon you?" he said looking around for someone who looked like Erin.

"That's very possible," she told him. "The whole idea was to um...well, find someone for me, and within minutes of going inside she was the one chatting up some cute guy."

"Sounds brutal," Cole told her. "You look really great, by the way. If finding a guy is your goal, I can promise you that won't be a problem."

The other girl called out his name. "Cole? Come on, baby. Let's get out of here."

"Looks like you're need elsewhere," Erin said nodding her way.

"Oh, right. I guess I should get back to her. After all, she was the cute girl I was looking for after swearing I was done with all that."

"With all...what?" Erin asked not sure what he meant.

"Oh, sorry. I'm so tired of the endless hook ups. I'd really like to meet someone special. Someone I could maybe even settle down with someday."

Erin laughed then said, "Honestly? I'm just barely out of my marriage. and I find myself wanting to get back into a serious, long-term relationship again. I thought I could do the hooking up thing, but I don't think that's for me."

"Trust me, it's a very lonely place. It's a lot of fun in high school and college, but at some point it just leaves you empty. I guess maybe I just got a little too lonely tonight and thought this would be better than being alone alone...again."

Erin smiled indicating she understood.

"Yeah, I hate being alone. I don't need to be around someone 24/7. That would be smothering. I'd just like to have someone who loves me the way I'd love him and...well, someone who doesn't demand I change to make him happy."

Erin looked right at Cole then said, "Is that too much to ask?"

"Sounds pretty reasonable to me," Cole told her sincerely.

The other girl was getting downright pouty now.

"I um...I gotta go, Mrs. Mabry. But if you'd maybe like to get together and have coffee or just talk or whatever...."

"Coffee. That's my worst trigger. For smoking. I love coffee, but it really makes it hard when I'm dying for a cigarette."

"The medication isn't doing the trick?" he asked.

"No, it's doing its part. I just don't like doing my part," she told him honestly.

"It's none of my business, but I'm going to ask anyway. Does the Smoke Free have any connection to your comment about people trying to change you?"

"Oh, yes," Erin told him. "I'd love to tell you about it, but your um...girlfriend is getting rather impatient."

"Yeah, right. This is terrible, but I wish I could get rid of her so you and I could go somewhere and talk."

"Maybe another time?" Erin said resigned to the fact he was committed.

"Listen. This is terribly bad of me, but would you mind if I called you sometime?"

"Um...no. That would actually be very nice, Cole. Do you have my number by any chance?"

"It's in the database at the pharmacy, but using it without your permission would be very unethical." He smiled then said, "Unless you don't mind me looking there for it."

Erin actually laughed politely and told him, "You have my permission."

"Great. Well, I'll um...call you, okay?"

"I'll look forward to it," Erin said. "Enjoy yourself tonight, okay?"

He saw the way she was smiling and knew she was teasing and yet she was also being sincere.

"I won't, knowing I could be spending time with you instead of Brand X over there, but thanks just the same."

Cole turned to walk away then asked, "Good night, Mrs. Mabry."

"Goodnight, Cole...and my name is Erin."

He smiled, waved then turned to face the music from Miss Pouty Face who was once again smoking another cigarette.

"I bet she doesn't even realize how lucky she is on either count," Erin muttered as she headed back inside to try and find her sister.

Erin eventually found her, and to make matters worse, she ended up going home alone. Mandy had apologized profusely and promised to make it up to her sister who'd also told her, "But he's just so cute and I'm sooo horny!"

"So much for taking care of my needs, right?" she said to herself. "But hey, my sister got laid so...at least I got that goin' for me."

She didn't actually expect Cole to call her, but a part of her remained hopeful as she forced herself to get out of bed at 8am the following morning. Like every morning, she now faced her toughest moment of the day when she went to pour herself a cup of coffee when it finished brewing.

As good as it tasted, it just wasn't the same without her old faithful friend named Virginia. She finished her coffee then went to take a shower and get dressed.

She tried not to be overly self critical as she looked at her figure in the mirror. Her body was still tight and firm and her full-B breasts were as perky as ever, but the extra weight really bothered her. She could see it in her hips and she knew if she gained much more she'd be looking at 'cottage cheese', a thought that nearly made her physically ill.

All in all, she was still mostly pleased with what she saw and finally gave herself permission to believe there might actually be some decent, good-looking guy out there who'd appreciate what she had to offer both physically and in terms of being a loving and supportive wife.

She threw on a pair of jeans and a blue blouse then blow-dried her hair. She thought about putting on some makeup, but she had no plans to go anywhere. Still, she decided a touch of mascara couldn't hurt and brushed it onto her lashes before calling it quits.

Pete was still supporting her financially, but that would end when the divorce was final and Erin knew it was time to start looking for work. She made a modest amount of money selling her stories, but it was nowhere near enough to live on let alone pay the hefty mortgage on her home.

On the upside, a job would give her the opportunity to not only be around people in general but to 'widen the net' when it came to meeting men. And although she still wasn't happy about it, not smoking meant being able to stay at a desk and be more productive. Then again, had Pete not gotten such a hair up his ass about something he knew when they met, she wouldn't be looking for work or still wanting to smoke. She'd still be happily married and happily smoking.

"Fuck!" she said out loud to no one when the frustration of it all hit her.

She had a bunch of errands to run and sat down to make a list so she wouldn't miss something important while she was out and have to run all the way back across town to take care of it. She finished the list then decided she'd head out and have something to eat while she making the rounds.

It was just after 11am when she realized she was getting hungry. Erin had never been a breakfast person and as a smoker she never needed to eat until around noon anyway. Lately, she found herself starving by 10 o'clock after having had breakfast, and she was now very hungry and ready for lunch.

As she tried to decide where to go, her phone rang. She hit the button on her steering column and said, "Hello?"

"Hi. Erin? It's Cole. From the pharmacy. And...last night."

Erin laughed politely and said, "Oh, right. Hello Cole from the pharmacy. How did things go—last night, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Yeah, um...don't ask, okay?"

"That bad, huh?" she said playfully.

"After you and I talked I lost all interest in what's her name."

"Wow. You really know how to romance a girl, don't you?" she teased.

"I do, actually," Cole told her. "But only if it's someone I'm interested in romancing. This might sound a little crass, but she was nothing but...a diversion."

"A diversion. I see," Erin said as she drove along. "She seemed pretty cute to me."

"Yeah, she was okay. She had that and something else I really value going for her, but let's face it. She's no Erin Mabry."

Erin laughed again then said, "No, I can safely say I'm a one of a kind. Oh, I've decided to go back to my maiden name, by the way. It's Mitchell."

Cole laughed, too, then said, "Okay...Ms. Mitchell. I um...I'd really like to get together sometime."