All Comments on 'The Inheritance'

Wonderful story involving spoiled brats and scheming family members and a very loving relationship between Master and submissive.Very complex story kept me reading till the end and the sex scenes were tastefully written.If you have a second chapter in you please write it soon.

You're a great writer and I really enjoyed every page of this tale.

If I may I have one pet peeve that maybe you can keep in mind for future writing: Thru. While appropriate when referring to a Drive-Thru the word is actually through. You use "thru" quite a bit, as well as "altho" (should be "although",) and every time I saw that it made me wince.

But seriously, delightful story and well done.

As has been mentioned, you make liberal use of the incorrect spellings of certain words ("thru" instead of "through", "altho" instead of "although") as well as some surprising mistakes (a couple pages into the story, "Sherwin Wilson" becomes "Sherwin Williams", which is, to be fair, somewhat predictable given how close you made the name to something so recognizable) and other grammatical errors.

My other major qualm here is that you can't seem to make up your mind as to whether you want a first-person narrative story (telling the story from Ryan's perspective) and third-person omniscient (telling the story from the perspective of an all-knowing narrator who can describe a character's thoughts and feelings). At one point, you tell us what Audrey is thinking from Ryan's perspective ("Audrey lay curled in my arms, thinking," followed by what Audrey was thinking); this, to be blunt, is simply unacceptable in storytelling.

I have other issues, but I'll summarize with this: this is a story that resonates with me, and it's one with enormous potential to be better; the substance of the story is great, but what it lacks are in the fundamentals. And luckily, fundamentals are fixable. It's much better to have grammatical problems in a good story that a horrible story with perfect syntax. You have the former.

global warming,

overfishing,

environment,

desalination and raising water levels,

drought and farming,

Gays,

Lesbians,

You didn't cover the effect of solar cycles, sunspots, the earths warming core and the effect on oceanic water temperature.

Great story if you could have cut back on the liberal talking points.

What I nice story. Maybe if more erotica and pornography were put forth in the context of "being a good human being", we would not have the rape culture that seems to be so prevalent in today's society.

Good plot; well told.

ram

Much more but don`t rush the ending.

stories i've read this year! Thank you very much!

Was a good write, just got bogged down in your agenda. It's your right the have all of these beliefs, but should pontificate less about them and more about the relationships you create.

Well written, as I said. The story was smooth, the dialogue was spot on and the family members, aside from the dominate/submissive side notes, could have been at my last family reunion. And the aside is only because I don't know for sure about all of them.

this was a good story and would have made a good book out of it....

Some of your political commentaries could be a little much and you had one or two minor spelling errors. The spelling errors didn't detract from the story but it did disrupt its flow. The political commentary did come on a little thick and could annoy some people. Beyond that good story.

I stopped reading when I read the first THRU! Write the fucking word or can't you spell it? In case you can't it's THROUGH.

Decent dialogue and a good grasp of word usage, but two big problems:

First, the author can't seem to resist creating huge concrete blocks of exposition, so dense with often repetitive details the reader practically falls asleep while trying to absorb how brilliant, wonderful, kind, generous, etc. his protagonist is in the context of the scene.

Not to be too cynical, but a little less perfection from Ryan and a little less fawning and long, out-of-character declaiming speeches about his perfection from Audrey the submissive might keep the reader's blood sugar levels from spiking. Or at least the author could have stretched out their almost instantaneous "clicking" as soulmates.

Second, there are plot holes bigger than those kelp beds. Ryan's uncle Roger is obviously a gazillionare, something Ryan couldn't possibly not be aware of during his annual visits. Roger's wife has died and they had no children and obviously none of his cousins are "in the picture"; but somehow Ryan doesn't think he MIGHT be in line for a significant inheritance?

I know the objective is to make Ryan the epitome of the Boy Scout Handbook virtues, but that just comes off as unbelievable.

And somehow Audrey just inexplicably "knows" the bedroom is bugged? Is there a sexual submissive version of the "Spidey Sense"?

Lastly, while I won't get into the specifics of the overwhelming PC company subplot, I will say the whole thing had the depth of a Captain Planet cartoon, despite the misdirection of throwing in piles of place names and technical buzzwords essentially as filler.

Or perhaps another cartoon is appropriate. I almost expected the story to end with Sherwin saying: "And I'd have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for that meddling kid and his redhead sex slave!"

A little more subtlety might not go amiss.

but, by the end, I knew it was at best 2 stars.

The author should've spent more time flushing this story out. This would have benefited greatly from being broken into chapters. There were too many themes and subplots introduced for its actual length. Characters and scenes were riddled with holes, making them feel incomplete and rushed. Honestly, that is my synopsis of the story; incomplete and rushed.

Not only is your protagonist impossibly good, but your antagonists might as well be twirling their curled moustaches while shouting an evil "BWAHAHAAAAAA!!!". I've been in corporate-level meetings in several corporations where I have worked over the last thirty years, and I can say with confidence that NONE of those corporations would have tolerated the behavior, let alone the language, that your antagonists used in business settings.

It was a great story and flowed well. I read the whole story without closing and restarting it. Inheritance was very enjoyable. Keep it up.

I don't agree with a lot of the negative comments, but it becomes glaringly apparent that you need an editor when you can't use a consistent name for his boss in San Diego. Barns, Bates, etc. indicates that continuity as well as spelling and context issues would really make a great storyline into a great story.

that no one realized that this story has been told here before... with the good guy inheriting submissive mother and grandmother and then has his girlfriend join in and become the submissive trio. complete with the asshole ex-boss and dastardly corporation exploiter.

But I did so enjoy reading this version

TsF, this was an imaginative and fun faerie-tail to read. Even tho you left out nightclubbing with baby seals and preserving the the magical unicorns of Throy.

While reading the commentaries, I had a choice. I could through up at the whining about how you writingstyle is the cause of mass thrombi among the more delicate dears of your readers.

Or, I could just ridicule clueless prattle of the benighted worshipers at the altar-tomb of the dead religion of Academic English.

Oh, and of course I must knot forget to mock the ignorant serviles of rapacious pseudo=capitalism as they blame 'liberals' for causing their ingrown toenails and general lack of testosterone.

Even though all the empirical data indicate global cooling over the last two decades - completely belying the statistical models - thus negating the basic theme of the story, it was still as very good story.

Some things could be improved with a proof reader looking at the text. Names shifting within the same paragraph is very annoying and sloppy. Johan/Jonathon, Bates/Barnes, etc.

Ignore the knee jerk political reactions, those will follow regardless of which side you present.

One quibble I had was the financial timeline. The Board Meetings would never happen the way they were presented. And, an IPO could not happen in a months time.

Very enjoyable! I must say that the comments were as entertaining as your story!

I do agree that an editor would be of great help - preferably one who is a skilled English mechanic. Just like your storied protagonist- you brought us all together with your efforts. I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

But do we really have to read over and over all the things that ryan did for audrey? And then read them again a couple of times? Along with the uncanny personality resemblance of ryan to his uncle? That would have cut a few pages down the story without sacrificing the overall plot.

Also jerry doing the same thing twice and getting jailed again... I think once you've made clear the personality of the character you don't need to reinforce it with superfluous situations.

Also as others comments mention, it needs consistency on the names, specially when you have lots of characters.

jesus wept, I only got halfway through page two and had to stop. Thru is not a word. use a real word, please!!! Every time I saw "thru" it jerked me out of the story.

keep it coming, great read, hanging for more,

But you do need to a bit more editing and research. Finally the hero is too perfect.

I really enjoyed the content and the flow of the story. Well done and please write some more just like it.

As a Roger fanfiction 5/5, as a regular story: 2/5

nohavegoodname must be easily distracted if a single word spelling can throw him/her out of the story.What are you?An English professor.That is some serious over nit picking.I have a news flash for you, ALL words are made up.Who are you to decide what words and how they are spelled a writer uses? His spelling and word usage may be because of where he is from.Not every one uses the Kings English,Get over it and get over yourself,

Thoroughly enjoyable story. Just need to proofread more carefully, a few prepositions missing, some words having the the wrong tense. Other than that, nice balance of humour and tension, good characterisations and excellent moral to the story. I'll look out for more of your stories.

fairie tell

**

To anonymous, of course this is a fairy tale. There can't be more than 10% that are anything but. It's why they're enjoyable. Obviously you write much better stories. How about giving us your name so we can read them.

That being said, It's not often I sit down and read a story this long without interruption. This was one. I fell in love with the characters. I hated the bad guys and liked the good guys. I've been in the military and I've been in corporate environments, you captured the essence of a real leader. When told about the chain of command he replied something like you can't push a chain. There were some minor errors in grammar, but only one that distracted me.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

the cousins were annoying. the corporate intrigue was entertaining.

but

I am still looking for the "Romance".

It may just be a personal difference, but, a couple in a loving, romantic, relationship,

does not need,

a safe word as Dom/Master and Submissive/Slave.

Those are different categories and way different types of life styles.

interesting & engaging story ,

surprised by the D/s aspect of the tale

shocked by the two sisters incest aspect of the story.

however , all in all , a very well written & enjoyable story to read.

xxxhugsxxx.

re. recent comments.

i can live with the odd spelling mistake & grammatical errors not a big issue for me.

in both cases in the story when safe words in regards to D/s are mentioned it is in the initial stages of those relationships .. and where 3 of the 4 pple are total novices personaly i think that makes good sense ,

safe words ..or needing safe words are not mentioned again , so i really don't comprehend the previous commentators view.

A very, very well-told tale, full of love sex and passion.

Thank you.

Excellently done! Well thought out and sensitive to the needs of the characters. I especially enjoyed the way you let the results of one's own actions be the greatest punishment or reward. I will add you as a favorite and read more of your portfolio. Thanks again

...to a job extraordinarily well done. I really enjoyed reading this story; fine plot and nicely developed characters. Anything else worth mentioning has already been said. Thank you for writing it. 5 *

But this story was so amazing that I had to tel you how much I loved it, which is a fucking fish ton

Usually i'm not into the master/slave lifestyle but this is so well presented and well written that it came just naturally

Great story ,i gave it an easy 5 stars !

I didn't like the Alicia/Megan tangent but the rest was entertaining.

This really held me enthralled. It focussed on a good plot-line, and brought in sex where it was relevant, rather than focussing on the sex.

As one commentator has said there are similarities to scipioparkins story Inheritance, but there are also significant differences, which makes it worthwhile reading both of them.

As others have said, there are issues that a good editor would have picked up, but since so many of the stories on this site are in American rather than English I tend to gloss over spelling and grammatical issues.

I usually am very picky when reading erotic stories, and lazier than a sloth when it comes to commenting on them (despite being a regular reader of erotica). the fact that I left a comment indicates you've done a great job!

keep the good work up!!!

...and I still love it! Outstandeing!

In a public traded company, once you have control of 51% of the controlling company stock, you can kick everyone off the board of directors and place whoever you want on the board.

Giving Audrey 5 % or even 15% of the stock doesn't represent a controlling interest since there would still be 40% of the stock in other people's hand which you might be able to get to vote your way.

There is too much repetition about why Audrey is a slave. Also being subservient, she wouldn't discuss this with other people unless directed to do so by her master.

I enjoyed it. There were similarities to Inheritance, enough to make me feel flattered, but there were enough differences to make it worth reading. And there are always ways to tell a story differently.

If I was to say one thing it would be to take care to read, re-read and then re-read it again. It helps keep the critics off your back over name changes and the like.

the last comment just ruined my damn euphoric mood after reading such a grand story !!!

Pffft! fucker go die

5* and a gold medal to you TstormF1

oh! and a trophy

hah! not to forget a humanitarian award (don't ask me why)

...a wonderful story and surely one of the best I´ve read on this site so far.

Good to see that you are using your great talent. I am sorry that I can only rate 5* - should be a lot more. Please don´t stop writing.

One of the best stories I've read. Period. Thank you for sharing

Five stars.

One small point - most people wrongly use "your" when it should be "you're" but your (!) blind spot seems to be the other way around. As I said, a small - but intriguing - point!

This story is a good example of how erotica is not just full of idealize sex scenes but also political and economic idealization. I swear this was written by a recent UCSC or CSMB graduate from a failed green startup and a failed relationship. In a way, this story covers everything he desired but didn't gain. Mentioning San Diego and Montery literally names the company if you know how Green Mafia groups on the west coast works. The company name, individual names and the hair color of his lover were changed to protect the incompetent.

Desalination plants have enormous operations cost where it is still not profitable to this day in scale. Even this artificially created drought on the west coast is not making it a viable business plan. Also, many environmental groups have been profiting by shorting the stock of companies they publically attack for decades. Then comes in the "fellow travelers" of the above mentioned communities to make the world one diverse Shangra-La. Nice escapism but too much of a rhetorical big pill shoved on readers with the last two pages.

The public is waking up to the global warming fraud pushed to justify further industrial regulations and substidies to politically favored businesses. The whole scandal of government weather data altered going back decades to show false environmental trends are finally surfacing. You waved your colors way too hard.

Thin out you rhetoric, get more writing experience basics and a good publicists. This may turn into something.

enjoyed the characters, but the story was a crock of shit. global warming became global climate change since the models were PROVEN WRONG. it's been warming gradually since the last ice age and was much warmer than now before the little ice age...vineyards in England??????????? get a life and quit drinking the coolaid BLO!

An excellent story covering a lot of topics. The facts about the companies are irrelevant, if only because this is a work of fiction and you can suspend belief. Just as a footnote, there have been vineyards in Southern England since Roman times and also for the uninitiated; 'Champagne', or sparkling wine as it was originally, was also created in England. There you go and I'm from Yorkshire so it took a lot for me to admit certain 'South of England' facts!!

I have no idea how.... Scratch that, I know exactly how this has a high rating... But vote rigging doesn't mean a good story. Your other commenters are morons.

This is total drivel.

Characters that act that way and plots that make everything go just right for the hero are boring - as this one is. One dimensional villains who are all bad and no good are thin as paper.

I write here and have very high marks, so I know what makes for a good story. I take real care with my plot, my characters and I treat my readers with respect. You have done none of these things.

Please stop writing. You suck.

Go ahead and delete this now.

Apparently not everyone agrees with you insightful and thought provoking comment about this story or this author.

If you get such high marks on your works then please inform us of your name so that we might be entertained by your magnificence. Then we can send educated, constructive comments about your work such as you have here.

I too post stories on this site and receive good ratings: Never less than 4.20 and some as high as 4.80. I was going to sign my name but thought I would follow your shining example and hide as an Anonymous Andy and hate Nazi.

To TstormF1 Many people, from your ratings, like your work. Keep writing if for no other reason than to piss off jerks like this one.

a decent story line gets ruined by sophmoric writing combined with political BS (that includes the global warming mythology).

Barns (or was it Bates?) is supposed to be an IT professional?

Knows enough to set up all kinds of back-doors and what not.

And he was using Windows?

Sorry, no, the few IT professionals that don't use Linux are using Mac OS X (another Unix derivative)

it were labeled farie fantacy unrealistic bullbshit.

after 1st page i skimmed only for the parts where the family members got the shaft.

u left out the gay priest stuffing his tongue up Tony's ass hole.

1 star

doesn't quite fit. lots of SICK stuff. global warming....even the people know that is a crock of shit NOW! WE STILL haven't reached the temps before the "Little Ice Age" but odumba says it's the most important thing...what a dumb ASS!!!

....that I enjoyed 5* and anyone who doesn't like I can shove there bad reviews straight up there ass

You are a great writer, I love your writing style, it draws you and keeps you wanting to get to the next page, then when you finish you wish you hadn't read so fast.

You should write a book, I think you are good enough. Give it a try - I'll put my name down for the very first copy !

Best of luck !

Very well done! What more is there to say? The characters were all well defined and believable, whether you agree with their life choices or not.

In my rush to click 5 stars I accidentally clicked 4, and am now unable to change it :( Loved the story, one of my favorites

I wanted to go to bed an hour ago but just had to keep reading, thanks.

Very good story I hope you do more

lots of good stuff. But, is it Bates or Barns?

Yet so much in need of editing. You've been brought to task on how publicly traded companies run, and certain spellings, although how no one mentioned "ridged" should be "rigid" must reflect how exhausted we all were by page nine.

Another thing an editor does is keep track of plot points. Anthony was going to open a restaurant, yet nothing ever came of that.

And yes, many of us here on an erotic website do share liberal belief systems, so to those of you who have a problem with that, find another story to read.

A very nice story. I can see at least one if not more installments to bring closure to the stories. The outcome of the non environmental company. Does Ryan buy it out. Does Bates end up doing time. Did Anthony actually open a restaurant or did he invest his money? The baby?

Details matter. You cant contest a will unless you would take through intestacy. Bascially the only people who can challenge a will are people who would inherit if there was no will at all. So any family members of the same degree would inheret. Assuming the old guy had no siblings alive, all the nieces and nephews by blood would have an equal right to challenge the will. The CEO would have no standing to challege the will. Further, if this is a publically traded corp, or even an LLC, you cant put contingencies on corporate actions in your will. It doesnt work like that. At all. I know its not the meat of the story, but its the finer details that take stories from good to great, and great to amazing.

At the end of the reading of the the will the CFO is called Williams instead of Wilson. Also,in different places, Ryan's ex-boss is called Barnes, then Barns, and finally Bates. Please be consistent,

Also. there are numerous grammatical errors, such as omitting the word "the" before a noun; and using the present tense of a verb instead of the past tense.

Please get a good proof reader.

Really a very interesting story. Leaving aside some small mistakes, I liked the story in general.

However, I must admit that the role of Master and Submissive is not to my liking, I consider that the dignity of human beings is above any personal passion, although it is also true that Audrey mentions that Ryan advocates equality of men and women Regardless of their sexual orientation, which a Master of submission would not do, at least in what I know.

I hope the author will consider to writing a sequel to this story. I have interest in knowing how the life of Audrey and Ryan in their role of parents, as well as the life of their cousins, to know if Jerry enters reason and correct its form, to know the development of the company towards the future, What will happen with the original company of Roger, how many layoffs will the restructuring? Ryan and Audrey will absorb the original company? What about Megan and Alice's relationship? Finally, will Tony set up his own restaurant or will he stay with Ryan and Audrey?

I think all the characters in this story are important and have more to say to continue this story.

5* for you.

I apologize for my English, is not my native language.

There wasn't that much of a master slave relationship though. Ryan seemed more of a replacement or rebound for Audrey than her real owner, it makes me think she'd dump him really quick if he turned out not to be a clone of his dead uncle.

Like most people, I'm not fond of female pubic hair, but that's just a personal preference. Best solutiin would be not to mention it& let the reader imagine it according to its liking.

But the Dom/Sub FUCKING CRAP was a HUGE TURN OFF. it makes the romance just a command never real, there is no real love in domination just an order followed. The environmentalist crap was also shit. it's a religion for the left. so now since predictions DID NOT happen its climate change. well climate change happens over hundreds of years NOT 10. yeas the glaciers, they have been since the last ice age10,000 years ago, nothing strange. since the little ice age 2-3 hundred years ago we HAVE NOT reached the warm period before that. there was vineyards in England not possible today, it's not warm enough IDIOTS!!!

My poor old English teacher would've had a heart attack marking this. As previously pointed out by other readers this story should have been edited before being posted. Loved the storyline and characters though. Still, l gave you ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Reread this.Easily overlooked minor inconsistencies, story is excellent.Don't care for submitting woman, but overall it's a beautiful love story, loving relationships between uncle and nephew, uncle a, nd Audrey. and Audrey and Ryan.Loved environmental aspect, as global warming is real , not a leftist issue but a world issue.We' d better all get on board before it's too late.

Great story hope you do more

have so much in common in order to live and life, TK U MLJ LV NV

No complaints, I loved the story. Just.....5 Stars.

Hi their, I was moved by your story,It's one of the very best I've ever read , you have a real talent for writing, it moved me from one side of my emotions to the other side ,kind of like a train rocking side to side going down the tracks,first up one side then down another. I was looking for this story to go much farther than you took it. butt with that said you are the writer, I'm going to look at all of your other stores , and of course read them . I don't think I'll be disappointed at all, thank you for your stories,robert-walters@comcast.net in case you want to respond back

After reading some of these comments I can't fucking believe it. It's to political or it doesn't happen like that in the corporate world and this and that and so on. For fuck sake, you people forget it's a fictional fucking story and should be read as such. Now after saying that , I gave this story ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️...I'll say no more....

you have to overlook the technical/science and business silliness in this story the same way you overlook phasers and transporter beams working in Star Trek. Very fun read.

What a responsibility to have a submissive like Audrey but what a privilege.

it had a begging middle and an end, but the thing that impressed me, were all the loose ends were tied up, nothing to think about after the story ended, that works for me.

Enough said, except that the business policies Ryan put in place are what are essential for our future.

But it is surroumded by silly IT, business and environmental famtasies. Desalinization uses a massive amoumt of energy, and causes pollution through the brine returned to the sea that raises salinity. Not sure when this was written, but IT terminoligy used was relevant maybe ten years ago. They would never be able to sell climate models because they are inaccurate, and readily available for free. Oh, and wrong if they are out more than 5 days.

3 stars

It doesnt matter if it was real or fake it was a fenominal story too bad it had to stop there. It seems the sky is the limit. And remember the sun shines for everybody no matter how stupid jerry could be. I hope there is a chapter 2 or 3 or 50 ill read them all thank you. TstormF1

Liked the basic story with the environmentally base business model. That is what we need more of today.

To Xzy89c1

01/31/18

If you had bothered to look, the story was submitted 11/26/14

Also, it's a FICTIONAL story, fictional stories often include FANTASIES (not "famiasies") and IDEAS that have not come to full fruition. Remember yesterday's fantasies are tomorrow's facts (flying machines, submarines, space flight, etc). New technologies are coming to light constantly. An example of advances in desalinization is happening right now in Qatar where two test plants are operating with far less environmental impact than ever before.

This is a well written thoroughly enjoyable story. I have no idea whether the technical aspects are correct or just fantasy, but either way this is a fictional story and as such it works very well. A well deserved five stars from me.

It's the full Monty. A rabid environmentalist preaching woe and despair. I bet the silly bugger voted for O'Bummer and that mad bitch, Clinton, too!

This story is even more relevant now in 2018 in light of the lunacy that is currently in charge of the country. Disregard the skeptic comments. One of the things I have learned in life is that it is useless to argue with drunks and fools.

This story was well done. I enjoyed it a lot.

I am one of those who could be called a climate change denier. But I don't believe I am. The Earth has been around for a long time. It goes through cycles all the time. There have been hot and cold times. And it will continue until the Sun goes supernova.

What I have a hard time with is that man has caused global warming. With our SUV's and whatever else the tree huggers blame man for. I think it's the height of arrogance to try and blame us for natural cycles of a planet. Hell, in the 70's the scare was global cooling. I think these crackpot environmentalists are misguided fools. This scam has made Algore a very rich man.

Ignore idiots like tinfoilhat (he probable watches The Tick episodes several times over just to understand the written screenplay!, lol). Anyone with half a brain can actually observe the global warming effects. More rivers are flooding more often and at much higher levels than in the past year over year. The ice at the North Pole melts more every summer (note that it’s melting has no effect on the ocean levels since this ice floats on the Arctic Ocean). But this also means that the ice on Greenland is also melting more in the summer months than is freezing in the winter months which does result in an overall increase in ocean level. Also the ice on the Antarctic land mass is also melting more during its summer period than is freezing in the winter months. This is causing the average ocean levels to rise. Only a Trump supporter (I.e., low IQ and low RIQ) would not believe what their eyes tell them!

Note that a severe volcano eruption which spills out significant quantities of ash into the air over a long period can cause this to reverse for a limited period of time. For example the April 10, 1815 eruption of Mount Tambora resulted in the Year Without a Summer! The most severe cooling period in the last 2000 years was 535 to 535 AD. Again large volcanic eruptions are believed to be the cause.

It was a hard slow because of the repetition.

You can tell a better story if your hero has a character flaw that he needs to work hard and find help to make up for. I do see that he accepts help from Audrey, that's a character strength (which you go out of your way to tell us). The struggle to overcome the flaw should be a key point of interest in the story.

Come to think of it, you tell us many times about Ryan's strengths. Just show us instead, through his behaviour, and let that stand. We'll notice.

This was wel l written,

I agree with the previous comment a personal flaw for the main character to overcome would make him more realistic.

Make another series from this

This is the second of your stories that I have read. Well crafted. Well thought out and well researched. I grew up in Monterey. The story brought back lots of really great memories. Thank you.

I read it long ago ,and it's a fine, well written story....Thanks!

I have to agree with @netgnostic.

Our protagonist in this Story was pretty much perfect from the start.

Other than that he was working an IT cubicle in SD, went camping yearly with his uncle we didn't know anything about his life or him. How did he maybe look? How old is he? What was his life like? Girlfriend? Divorced?

Character development.

Showing flaws make the "Hero" more approachable, more like "us".

What I can think of as an example is; Being a Master (he said he's new), but mastered it perfectly immediately.

The first instances (let her sleep, feed her, tend for her) are okay to build the recognition/trust in Audrey. but then let him struggle with it.

That brings me to another point.

For a romance, it has very little "Romance" really.

The Personal/Intimate time between Audrey and Ryan was quite limited, not personal, and told from a "distance/detached".

WIshed there would've been more Story for them. Instead, you wrote A LOT about the Corporation in favor/trade of the Romance parts. Which disappointed me a bit, especially towards the end.

Anyways...I somehow still enjoyed the Story very much. Those were just "little flaws" I saw in the Story. I wished it was longer...I guess that's normal for a good Story?

5Stars

Just read it for the 1st time. Really enjoyed it.

A fun and very well written story! Great depth and research too. Thank you!

awesome story. kept me interested throughout. all the best..