All Comments on 'The Job Pt. 07'

Was surprised by ending- a live by the sword die by the sword.

That will be the final Part.

I think that has to be the top five story endings on this site. Excellent

As Tim, the kind soul who has edited the story, said there will be a final Part 8 coming. It has been a fascinating story so far, so I guess the final part should top it all. looking forward to it.

Brilliant ending. I kind of hope for a part eight too.

Great story, I hope you can keep it going, if not, again a GREAT READ.

misread Tims comment and thought this was it was the end. Part of me's glad it's not, although obviously, I liked it as an ending.

Normally I wouldn't comment on minor errors and such, but it looks like you criss-crossed Susan and Sandra's names during the baby sitting negotiation scene briefly. I was a little confused when Susan was negotiating for her own care with Jayden. On the whole, though, very enjoyable story.

I quickly found four occurrences. I can't believe I missed so many! Now I understand why many authors select such varied character names.

More name issues, it appears. Otherwise, good story!

A couple of things you might want to watch out for in the future: In this story as well as another that you edited, I've seen the word "breath" used where it should have been "breathe", and "meet" where it should have been "met". Other than that and the character name transpositions mentioned by previous commenters, the editing has been nearly flawless. Good work!

is the wrong place to end this chapter.

When Jayden and Beverley negotiate with Sandra (around the middle of pg. 1), you call her Susan for a couple of paragraphs. Otherwise, this is another wonderful chapter in a strangely wonderful story.

And Victor and Vincent

that the mixing up of characters names is very bad form. Hard to believe any proof reader would miss that.

Think about it people. Vincent was undercover with the Cartel. He wouldn't use his own name, and the people who came to kill him would want to remind him of why they were there. Victor was probably his undercover alias.

Still have hope that our two lovebirds make it.

"I used a credit card at Molson Tire & Auto," – So he bought tires there. They don’t even know about Marissa, let alone her connection to him.

They're giving him Vincent, and all that gets them is a quick death?

He disobeyed their order to kill the mother and daughter. If you check back to that point in the story you should find a comment about them being nice enough to reply back with "run" indicating his life was over and they would be coming for him too, just like he was sent to kill beverley (who also refused the hit).

The use of his credit card let them find out about marissa and so they threatened that whole family with death unless he remained to face the music when they came to collect vincent. He tried to save beverley by sending her away and lying about her being there, but she wouldn't leave so they were both fated to die.

Decent story ,spoilt by the ending.

Was the Cartel's target Vincent or his captors? Since Jayden and Beverly got them Vincent, wasn't that enough? Was it worth losing two good hit man/woman just for some imagined "disobedience", which really didn't effect the Cartel? If the Cartel thinks of killing them, then they are brainless. I don't think they grew so big without brains. Maybe in the next part they'll let them go.