by DarkenedTryst
First of all you need to keep it all in the same format; first person. Secondly, this is a sick ugly story. You sound like you are a very disturbed individual.
You need to fix some of the details to refine it. But other than that it's all good. Would like to see more posts from you! 😊
People that don't enjoy this probably shouldn't read it. It's not for the faint hearted. That's why there is so many other catagories on lit erotica. Find what you like. Don't read something that you don't
Wow...you hit on one of my rather specific kinks...loved it! Please write more like this. Pheww I'm exhausted ;-)
just go over your grammar and keep it in the same tense.
this was great though and totally made me cum. thanks!!! ;)
Not sure why people who don't like or want to read non consent stories do so anyway. And then act all upset and horrified. Then they feel the need to comment on it expressing their outrage that it was a non consent story. If you don't like it then don't read it and certainly don't make prudish comments about it. It isn't you kink or fantasy I get it. But remember some people might be just as horrified about your choice in fantasy. So grow up.
That being said. I loved this story, but it has been a fantasy of mine since I was about 14 and went in for my first pelvic exam. I agree with one of the commets though. The switching back and forth between first person and third is an issue as well as grammar. But it takes time to perfect these kind of things. But loved it keep up the stories and I will certainly keep reading them.
That was terrific, but surely incomplete... please write another chapter or two or three or more...
One thing needs fixed, I join those in saying keep it all in one tense, either first or third, but choose. Other then that, loved it. Someone wrote out one of my fantasies. Thank you
This story is amazing! It has always been a fantasy of mine and made me squirt for the first time ever when I read it- so thank you!!!!
Oh, so you meant to put this under rape. Non-consent implies pleasure; this was just boring torture.
Excellent story! Came twice before I even got to the second chapter. I'd read the hell out of a sequel...