The Long Road to Understanding Ch. 08

My head was spinning. How could I be so right and so wrong at the same time? The situation was basically the same, Marsha had lied to me and manipulated me, but it was so she could be with Chilly instead of Leon. I found this twist interesting but no less upsetting.

I said, "So what now?"

Marsha looked at me and said, "I don't know. I never thought that this would happen."

I said, "Well it happened and I want to know what you are going to do. Are you going to stop seeing Chilly?"

"No. I love you but I can't give Chilly up. If you try to make me I will have to leave you."

I said, "You say you love me but you would leave me for Chilly?"

"Yes and if Chilly told me I would have to leave you to be with her I would not leave you. I want you both."

The thought of being with Marsha and Chilly intrigued me but when I asked if that is what she had in mind Marsha said, "No. My relationship with Chilly has to remain separate from my relationship with you. I just need time to be with Chilly."

I began to get angry again. I said, "You expect me to share you with Chilly. I don't see that as being any different than if you said you want me to share you with Leon. Why would I want to do that?"

"I would hope you would do it because you love me. Besides, you had your woman at the club, what difference dose it make that I was only with Chilly instead of several different men?"

I said, "There is a lot of difference. I wasn't in love with any of those women. I don't know what I am going to do. Asking me to accept this is a lot to ask. I need time to think about this and I think the two of you better figure out how you are going to explain all this to Leon."

Marsha said, "Why does Leon have to know."

I said, "Because I am not going to lie to him and pretend that I don't know what is going on. I am very tempted to call him tonight and tell him what the two of you have been up doing."

Chilly spoke for the first time since Marsha confessed to their affair. She said, "Please don't do that. Let me tell him. Just give me a few days to figure out how to do it."

I said, "I will wait a week. If you haven't told him by then I will."

Marsha said, "What about us?"

I said, "Before I can even think about us I have to know everything about your relationship with Chilly."

"I already told you everything."

I said, "No you didn't. I want to know everything. How you met, how you ended up in a sexual relationship with her, how many other women you've slept with. I want to know all the dirty details."

Marsha said, "I can't. That is private, it's just between Chilly and me."

I said, "Well it is not just between the two of you anymore. If there is any chance of saving our marriage you have to tell me everything. I don't want you keeping any secrets from me. This is not negotiable."

Marsha looked at Chilly then at me and said, "I'm sorry, I can't. I just can't."

I said, "In that case I think I would like the two of you to leave now."

Marsha began to cry and said, "Where would I go?"

"I don't care. Go to a hotel; go to Chilly's house, whatever. When you are ready to give me what I want come back and we'll talk."

Marsha turned to Chilly and said, "I think you better leave now. I'll call you later."

Chilly got up to leave and when she got to the door she asked Marsha, "Will you be all right?"

Marsha said, "I'll be okay."

When Chilly was gone Marsha said, "I'll just go upstairs and pack a bag. I'll be out in a few minutes."

Marsha disappeared upstairs and I sat down on the sofa. I held my face in my hands as I tried to find a way out of the mess we were in. I wondered if my demand for Marsha to reveal all was fair or did it even go far enough. I guessed that only time would tell.

I didn't look up when I heard Marsha come down the stairs and I sensed that she was looking at me but I kept my face in my hands. Marsha cleared her throat and said, "I'm am sorry that I hurt you, but I don't feel that I had any choice. I do love you and hope that you will be able to accept things as they are."

When I didn't respond, Marsha left the room and I heard her go into the garage. A couple of minutes later I heard her start her car and drive out of the garage.

It is difficult to explain how I felt. Finding out that the woman I love has been in love with someone else since before I met her and on top of that, it's another woman that she loves, how can I compete with that? I won't say that I cried but my eyes filled with tears.